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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/13/2008 12:36:44 PM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		whys it have to be a kink? why cant it be that they like spooning in bed or the way that they kiss matches or that they both enjoy having someone squeeze spots, thats MY point. Yes having things in common causes chemistry, isnt that obvious?

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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/13/2008 9:04:43 PM   
denika


Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline 		Mainstream or D/s the chemistry of being in love is pretty much the same. It's alot like a plant, it has to be fed  and watered, both(or more) people have to grow in their intrests and  feed the connection with spending time  together, doing things, and not always life style either.
Sometimes tho you can feed it all you want but if one person stops it's not going to get any further. Rob and I were married for 18 years, we stopped growing and the chemistry faded. Luckily we both saw it. It was to late to fix what was 'broken' but still soon enough to save the friendship and keep talking and  going from there. That feeling of when it ends is pretty noticble.   The best thing you can do when the chemistry fades is  understand why and hopefully either rekindle it or do your best to learn from the experience.

Wolf's denika

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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/14/2008 1:30:28 PM   
CelticPrince


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quote:

why cant it be that they like spooning in bed or the way that they kiss matches or that they both enjoy having someone squeeze spots, t


colouredin,

well this that chemistry, the dating channel works just fine. I does not have to be about kink, but it normally is about power.

CP

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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/14/2008 1:33:28 PM   
CelticPrince


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quote:

The best thing you can do when the chemistry fades is understand why and hopefully either rekindle it or do your best to learn from the experience.


denika,

the above says it all / great nick! I used to date a denica decades ago.

CP

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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/15/2008 2:39:43 PM   
bbwmichigan


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Once it fades there is no going back..

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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/15/2008 3:03:04 PM   
jstmi


Posts: 85
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline 		i feel communication is key to any relationship, if one cannot ask for an explanation without fear then that relationship is over ,, i have found this to be true on more than one occasion. i feel it is necessary to know always where things stand good or bad.. i hate not knowing ,, then all of a sudden She is gone from you

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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/15/2008 3:22:28 PM   
kessbm45lilgirl


Posts: 8
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline 		The foundation of any relationship is the same be it nilla or D/s. If the foundation is not solid the relationship does not work for long.  It is important to have things in common that are not  D/s related. Chemistry is like a wave it can start out strong wane a bit and build again. in the wane period you discuss things that either make the relationship stronger or shows that you have nothing in common. We sometimes want something so badly we see it the way we want it to be and not the way it is.

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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/23/2008 3:35:04 AM   
CelticPrince


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quote:

i feel communication is key to any relationship, if one cannot ask for an explanation without fear then that relationship is over ,, i have found this to be true on more than one occasion. i feel it is necessary to know always where things stand good or bad.. i hate not knowing ,, then all of a sudden She is gone from you


jstmi,

The point of communications cannot be rejected, but you would be surprised how often it is ignored.

CP

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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/23/2008 3:37:44 AM   
CelticPrince


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quote:

The foundation of any relationship is the same be it nilla or D/s. If the foundation is not solid the relationship does not work for long. It is important to have things in common that are not D/s related. Chemistry is like a wave it can start out strong wane a bit and build again. in the wane period you discuss things that either make the relationship stronger or shows that you have nothing in common. We sometimes want something so badly we see it the way we want it to be and not the way it is.

(in reply to jstmi


lilgirl,

You speak wise words indeed; blindfolds seem to be a normal part of relationships. Thanks for sharing that.

CP

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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/23/2008 5:12:09 AM   
WolfsbaneX


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From: The Twilight Zone, formerly of The Dark Carnival
Status: offline 		I agree. This is my perspective. All emotions are like a plant or even more so like an animal. The more you feed them the stronger they will be, the more you ignore them and hope they will get better the worse they get.

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

I personally would be in the camp of discussing it, seeing what could be done. Is there a way to spice that chemistry back up or not?
Problem is things you ignore don't go away. So to not say anything in my experience would only lead to things getting worse.


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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/24/2008 10:47:36 AM   
CelticPrince


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quote:

I agree. This is my perspective. All emotions are like a plant or even more so like an animal. The more you feed them the stronger they will be, the more you ignore them and hope they will get better the worse they get.

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

I personally would be in the camp of discussing it, seeing what could be done. Is there a way to spice that chemistry back up or not?
Problem is things you ignore don't go away. So to not say anything in my experience would only lead to things getting worse.




Wolf,

But have you ever been in the position and discussion worked for the long term?

CP

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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/24/2008 10:59:05 AM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		"Chemistry" to me is that thing that just jumpstarts the relationship. It's like icing on the cake, pretty, but not enough to live on. Once you come back down to earth, you find you have to deal with the more mundane aspects of eachother, and sometimes it's just too much for the two to deal with.

I read a book a long time ago that completely changed my viewpoint on keeping a relationship going.
The authors viewpoint was that there are 5 different "love languages" that people relate to:
-Quality Time
-Words of Affirmation
-Gifts
-Service
-Physical touch

Now granted there's a million and a half other ways to show your love for someone, but they can generally all be fit into the above catagories. He feels that couples (Yes, it's a vanilla christian book, don't get your twue way panties in a wad, it still applies)  tend to express love in a way that their spouses don't understand... so it goes unnoticed. For example, the wife could notice that her husband is feeling run down, and cook him an amazing meal... but all HE wanted was some encouraging words.
It's a very thought provoking book... this coming from someone who doesn't typically read serious books, or put a whole lot of effort into relationships.  "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman




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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 6/24/2008 11:07:35 AM   
CelticPrince


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quote:

"Chemistry" to me is that thing that just jumpstarts the relationship. It's like icing on the cake, pretty, but not enough to live on. Once you come back down to earth, you find you have to deal with the more mundane aspects of eachother, and sometimes it's just too much for the two to deal with.

I read a book a long time ago that completely changed my viewpoint on keeping a relationship going.
The authors viewpoint was that there are 5 different "love languages" that people relate to:
-Quality Time
-Words of Affirmation
-Gifts
-Service
-Physical touch


Lynnxz,

I have read parts of that book also along time ago, and yes it could also be applied the the path walkers.

Thanks for sharing.

CP

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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 12/20/2008 2:30:28 PM   
GoddessTeaze


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From: The Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jstmi

i feel communication is key to any relationship, if one cannot ask for an explanation without fear then that relationship is over ,, i have found this to be true on more than one occasion. i feel it is necessary to know always where things stand good or bad.. i hate not knowing ,, then all of a sudden She is gone from you

Fear is a Red flag, when you feel that
and don't feel safe enough in the relationship girl,
it's simply time to leave.

Bdsm is based upon Trust & Respect,
that goes both ways.

Take your time to check Her out,
to make sure She is the rightone for you girl !

I wish you enough,

smooch

GoddezzT`


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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 12/20/2008 7:28:27 PM   
centexsub


Posts: 14
Joined: 12/12/2008
Status: offline 		If the relationship was meant to be, the chemistry won't fade.  Otherwise, it will.

Trust me...I'm a chemist.

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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 12/21/2008 3:55:35 AM   
boytoyinatlanta


Posts: 75
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline 		swim on or drown

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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 12/21/2008 9:31:02 AM   
CatdeMedici


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Joined: 10/20/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

Ah yes, that word that has launched a thounsand relationships!

But what does one do when thr feeling of fading interest begins to control the thoughts of the day?
many will say to discuss it, but in reality does that ever get done for fear of making it worse. How do you, whether "D" or "s" handle the issue.

CP


The same way I would in a long term relationship, work it out, work through it, chemistry is something that I see in most long relationships replaced by deep love, respect, friendship and intimacy and for others the spark is the same as it was in the beginning, it just needs to be rekindled.
 
(these are My opinions only, not generalizations)

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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 12/21/2008 9:35:43 AM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Yes, I really would discuss why the sparks are going out of our relationship.  And I really have told my partner his actions were making me regret being with him and i was close to asking him to leave.


And if I won't then privately when I have time for such reflection,  I will have a good hard look at myself, and my relationship and I will assess weather or not anything is worth saving or I will leave.
quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

Ah yes, that word that has launched a thounsand relationships!

But what does one do when thr feeling of fading interest begins to control the thoughts of the day?
many will say to discuss it, but in reality does that ever get done for fear of making it worse. How do you, whether "D" or "s" handle the issue.

CP

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Profile   Post #: 78
RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 12/21/2008 4:55:33 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I talk to him..honest to god truth.

I tell the person we need to talk and I tell them the problems I'm having, my concerns, fears, etc..and we take it from there.

Many times the relationship has ended from there because we've both realized that it just wasn't something that was meant to be long term.

Other times we tried to make things last longer.

Other times he refused to listen and I ended it.

But in the end it was all about talking and listening to each other and opening up the channels of communication.


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RE: When the Chemistry Fades - 12/22/2008 5:03:26 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		It often doesn't get discussed until one person already has a foot outside the door. They are already looking beyond their present horizon, even if they can't admit it.

It's difficult to pinpoint why a deep and longheld relationship works. The formula can look very much like all the ones that end.

One thing that is often different is that both people consistantly WANT to be in it and are genuinely interested in staying there. They tend to find the other half fascinating and interesting for no obvious reason to the outside world.

It can't be bottled and it can't be manufactured.

agirl

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