Honor Amoung Friends

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pinkpleasures -> Honor Amoung Friends (10/31/2005 6:53:02 PM)
i sadly feel let down by someone i trusted/respected/gave my friendship to. i asked for a favor, and he refused me on grounds that strike me as silly and self-important. It is always hard to seek and find and lose; i wonder if others believe honor plays a role in friendships? pinkpleasures

perverseangelic -> RE: Honor Amoung Friends (10/31/2005 6:57:39 PM)
I'm not entirely sure what you're asking, nor the situation that you are in, but I do have some thoughts here (like I usually do :) ) my thoughts are probably totally off base, because it's about selfishness more than honor, but they are joined, some, to me. Sometimes, there are self absorbed reasons that are totally valid. Sometimes, one pours a lot of effort into one's friends, and it gets to the point that one is totally drained, and needs to pull away. Occationally, the best thing to do is be selfish, so that one can recharge one's ability to be a good friend. I try very hard to be a good friend and confidant for the people I know, on occation, though, the sheer empathy that I pour into friendships gets to be too much, and I have to back off for my own sanity. I hate doing it, because it -is- selfish, but I'm trying to remember that sometimes you have to be selfish too.

mnottertail -> RE: Honor Amoung Friends (10/31/2005 8:22:10 PM)
Hell no, and no I ain't fuckin with you on this PP...... You know the old saying..... Friends will fuck you every time........and you pretty much have to give them a pass......... That ain't the old saying by the way........ Ron nobody in their right mind murders someone they never saw before, except in texas Lassieze Faire, Ron

FangsNfeet -> RE: Honor Amoung Friends (10/31/2005 9:56:03 PM)
Be it friend, spouse, lover, or kin, you are going to have disagreements now and then. All you can really do is decide to either respect there oppinions or have nothing to do with them again. With each person you know you have to decide how trusting and dependable they are and think who trusting and dependable you are on yourself. I know all my friends and I have them on various list on who will carry out what they say. Atleast your friend had the decentcy to say that he/she couldn't help you. From what you have posted, I will only say that you can't let your relationship go down the drain due to one minor incident or difference in oppinion.

QuietMaster4u -> RE: Honor Amoung Friends (10/31/2005 10:02:30 PM)
Otter - I believe that is also true of Georgia, I have been warned if I step foot in that state. I won't be found. Getting back to Pink's question. Yes there should be some degree of honor & trust between friends. But without knowing the details of the favor, and the reason for asking for it. I couldn't tell you... I've asked friends to introduce me, and they have asked me to introduce them. So it is likely some give and take is required also... Just something to think about

KatyLied -> RE: Honor Amoung Friends (11/1/2005 4:16:44 AM)
There should be honor, sometimes you think it's there and perhaps it isn't. You should be able to take someone at his/her word. A dilemma.

pinkpleasures -> RE: Honor Amoung Friends (11/1/2005 7:02:32 AM)
i cannot give details because that would help identify the individual, and i have no desire to hold him up to public scrutiny. i needed something from him for a rather important reason (to me) and he refused me because it would have (evidentially) detracted from his self-importance. it may seem like a small thiing -- which it is not to me -- but it is revealing and to me, this is akin to being lied to. i thought we were friends, which to me implies mutual respect and support. His support was withheld when i needed it, and he insulted me by calling me "melodramatic". The friendship is over; and i am sad. However, my Op is not about "what happened to me" but rather, having given/acepted a friendship, do you feel honor has a place in how you interact with your friend? (Personally, i find what he did dishonorable.) pinkpleasures

sub4hire -> RE: Honor Amoung Friends (11/1/2005 11:18:42 AM)
For me to consider you a friend there must be honor and integrity there. However, I have quite a few acquaintances that have none. I have four people who participate on these boards on a regular basis I know well enough to call them friends. To me a friend usually ends up more important than family. Friends stick by you a bit more. I'm sorry you were hurt. Yet, you do seem quite a bit gullible to everyone here. There are people on these board's who have told me in the past it is nothing but fun and games here. How much can you get over on people? These are people whom speak and I see people gloating about them in posts. If you read, you know who they all are and to avoid them. If you choose not to, then you end up in positions you are probably in right now. I know what I have to say probably isn't helping your hurt right about now, but I do speak the truth.

Mercnbeth -> RE: Honor Amoung Friends (11/1/2005 12:38:10 PM)
quote: i trusted/respected/gave my friendship to. i asked for a favor, and he refused me on grounds that strike me as silly and self-important. Pink, Trust and respect sometimes comes from confrontation and disappointment. Would you rather have someone represent themselves as friend and confidant to your face and then attack you from a distance or misrepresent you? The reasons and grounds seems silly to you, but it could be a matter of not seeing it from his/her perspective. Or it could be more serious to you than it is/was to the other person. For whatever reason the other person's integrity should be appreciated by you. A friend and confidant sometimes exhibits the fact that he/she is a friend by saying no to you. You should prefer that to having to deal with a fraud with a personal agenda.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Honor Amoung Friends (11/1/2005 12:55:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pinkpleasures His support was withheld when i needed it, and he insulted me by calling me "melodramatic". Well frankly Pink you do often become melodramatic. How often have you rushed in to help someone with guns blazing only to turn and realize things weren't as they seemed? How often have you railed about being flamed only to apologize a day later for over reacting? How often do you get passionate about an idea all over the place and then forget it? How often to you have to soften and re-write posts that were written in an overly excited emotional state? It's a pattern of behavior with you that you react on immediate emotions, often times making someone else the "wrong" person, which require you to backtrack, and wonder why this keeps happening to you. Take a look at this situation: You asked for a favor. The person said no. You didn't think the reasons were justified and ended the entire relationship over it. Does that seem totally rational to you? Given that we know this was an entirely cyber/phone exchange I can't imagine what issue would have been so vital, or why YOU perhaps didn't respect your friend for making their own priority choices?

NakedOnMyChain -> RE: Honor Amoung Friends (11/1/2005 1:58:50 PM)
Honor should be key in any intimate relationship. (I don't mean intimate sexually.) If you can't trust your friends and loved ones, who can you trust? Then again, I have two sets of "friends". My true friends, who I know would take a bullet for me if need be, and a set of acquaintance friends who I know fairly well and might spend time with because I can't avoid them, but wouldn't trust as far as I could spit. I try to treat people with honor in my relationships, but I slip up. My trustworthy friends, that I truly respect, slip up as well. Honor should be a key element, but so should forgiveness. If you evaluate that particular friendship to be mutually valuable and respectful, exercise compassion and tell your friend how their actions made you feel. Good luck, and if there's anything I can do to help, let me know.

darkinshadows -> RE: Honor Amoung Friends (11/1/2005 3:08:23 PM)
Honour respects truth. A friend whom is your friend will tell you the truth as they see it. A friend whom is your enemy will tell you the truth as you see it. Honesty does not show dishonour. Just because it is not your honesty, does not make it dishonourable. One honours themself first. If they feel something is wrong and voices it so they do not cover up their feelings with lies, then they are indeed honourable. A person who wishes to take, will not honour anyone, not even themselves. There is no honour amongst thieves. Peace and Love

domtimothy46176 -> RE: Honor Amoung Friends (11/1/2005 6:27:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pinkpleasures i sadly feel let down by someone i trusted/respected/gave my friendship to. i asked for a favor, and he refused me on grounds that strike me as silly and self-important. It is always hard to seek and find and lose; i wonder if others believe honor plays a role in friendships? pinkpleasures I think that honor and respect should play a part in how I choose those I consider to be a friend. That's one reason I feel that while I have many acquaintances and associates, I have few whom I know well enough to call friend. Part of this is due to the fact that many have different values and part is due to the fact that I don't get out enough to meet a lot of new people. Of the friends I have, I really value their integrity, unfailing honesty and their willingness to tell me when I'm full of crap. For myself, someone who doesn't care enough about me to let me know when I'm stepping in it really isn't my friend. I would much rather someone tell me when I'm screwing up that to allow me to be blissfully ignorant of the fact. I also never expect my friends to automatically grant me favors. I know they have their own lives and goals and I try to never presume that mine are more important simply because they're important to me. A favor is, afterall, a boon someone grants me, not something I'm owed. Whatever is at the root of your disagreement, a real friendship will weather differences of opinion so long as both parties find the friendship to be of sufficient value to make the effort. If he's your friend, the two of you should be able to work it out. If you can't get past this bump in the road, then maybe it wasn't truly a friendship at all. Best wishes, Timothy

candystripper -> RE: Honor Amoung Friends (11/1/2005 6:43:21 PM)
quote: I'm sorry you were hurt. Yet, you do seem quite a bit gullible to everyone here. There are people on these board's who have told me in the past it is nothing but fun and games here. How much can you get over on people? These are people whom speak and I see people gloating about them in posts. If you read, you know who they all are and to avoid them. If you choose not to, then you end up in positions you are probably in right now. I know what I have to say probably isn't helping your hurt right about now, but I do speak the truth. sub4hire Well, it's quite a comeuppance to see someone post "everyone finds you quite a bit gullible." Hummm.....wonder why i have the friends i do? And if the implication is, i am not reading others' posts? Frankly, i do not ever remember seeing someone come here and post how gleeful they were at playing with another's emotions, etc. However, i agree with Your answer; i suppose that must have been implied by my question. Friendship is truely important to me, and Honor is a quality i "must have" in a friend. This is not the 1st friendship to wither when a lack of Honor was exposed, but it is one of a few; i have been blessed with good friends as a rule. candystripper

sub4hire -> RE: Honor Amoung Friends (11/1/2005 7:22:25 PM)
quote: Well, it's quite a comeuppance to see someone post "everyone finds you quite a bit gullible." Hummm.....wonder why i have the friends i do? And if the implication is, i am not reading others' posts? Frankly, i do not ever remember seeing someone come here and post how gleeful they were at playing with another's emotions, etc. Just being honest the same way Emerald was. Everyone has friends here. I do talk to several on the board's on a regular basis. Yep, just telling you what I've heard. Of course, I also have seen e-mails to other's about me. Its a game feeble minds play. People are childish...and some will never grow up. I would'nt give it a second thought if I were you. I certainly do not.

candystripper -> RE: Honor Amoung Friends (11/1/2005 7:34:37 PM)
quote: Well frankly Pink you do often become melodramatic. How often have you rushed in to help someone with guns blazing only to turn and realize things weren't as they seemed? How often have you railed about being flamed only to apologize a day later for over reacting? How often do you get passionate about an idea all over the place and then forget it? How often to you have to soften and re-write posts that were written in an overly excited emotional state? It's a pattern of behavior with you that you react on immediate emotions, often times making someone else the "wrong" person, which require you to backtrack, and wonder why this keeps happening to you. Take a look at this situation: You asked for a favor. The person said no. You didn't think the reasons were justified and ended the entire relationship over it. Does that seem totally rational to you? Given that we know this was an entirely cyber/phone exchange I can't imagine what issue would have been so vital, or why YOU perhaps didn't respect your friend for making their own priority choices? LuckyAlbatross It seems the old enmity between us has reared its head again. Care must be taken not to annoy the Mods with flame wars...so let me say this: it has long been a mystery to me why you feel the need to post anything when all you have to offer is cruelty? candystripper

MsIncognito -> RE: Honor Amoung Friends (11/1/2005 7:38:27 PM)
I think I would wonder about a "friend" who would end a friendship because I made a decision I felt was best for myself. I'd probably consider it good riddance to bad company. Actually, I had a "friend" like this once and frankly she was the biggest emotional vampire I've met since a guy I dated about 15 years ago. The world revolved around her as fas she was concerned and part of the expectation of being her "friend" was that you were supposed to think of her first and foremost. You were supposed to just know what would upset her and avoid that. You were supposed to be her support system when she needed one (and she needed one often since she was quite the drama queen and created new dramas once a week at least). It was a very one-sided "friendship." None of these rules were ever explicitly stated but woe is you if any of them were ever breached. Friendship involves mutual respect and realizing that the other person is under no obligation to do/give you eveyrthing you want....even if you don't think it's a valid reason. A good friend accepts that you have to make decisions that are in your own best interest.

candystripper -> RE: Honor Amoung Friends (11/1/2005 7:43:20 PM)
quote: Just being honest the same way Emerald was. Everyone has friends here. I do talk to several on the board's on a regular basis. Yep, just telling you what I've heard. Of course, I also have seen e-mails to other's about me. Its a game feeble minds play. People are childish...and some will never grow up. I would'nt give it a second thought if I were you. I certainly do not. sub4hire i appreciate your kindness, sub4hire, but frankly as much as i respect your opinion -- as i do dark angel's -- i cannot imagine basing my choices on someone else's judgment. i will say this: a friendship that withers away leaves behind a lesson. In this case, i think i gave my hand in friendship without a solid basis, and that part of its demise is no one's fault but mine. candystripper

MsIncognito -> RE: Honor Amoung Friends (11/1/2005 7:45:17 PM)
Then I hope you're not actually serious about this whole submission thing. quote: ORIGINAL: candystripper i cannot imagine basing my choices on someone else's judgment

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Honor Amoung Friends (11/1/2005 7:53:00 PM)
Can I just point out that when I made the decision to change names here that I was very careful to a) Post the same profile pic to make sure people connected the two b) Posted references to the other profile in each profile c) Didn't change font style or anything else to make the transition as smooth as possible I wanted it to be a "non-noticeable change" as much as possible.

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