Are Labels Helpful to U/us? (Full Version)

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pinksugarsub -> Are Labels Helpful to U/us? (6/14/2008 7:41:50 AM)

When a new member first joins CollarMe, T/they are offered only a few choices: Any, Dominant, Switch, Submissive and Slave.
 
On the boards i see a wider variety of labels used, and on the other side, S/some P/pl attempt to amplify or clarify T/their 'role' in T/their profile.
 
IMO, W/we need/want to use labels to some degree...they offer some valuable communication 'shorthand'.
 
W/we seem to lack any generally-accepted definitions for O/our lables. 
 
For example, W/we do not all agree on the label 'Dominant' if applied to a Man who seeks only to find a partner with whom He can indulge a specific fetish, like spanking. 
 
(And i'm sure T/there will be T/those reading the Op W/who disagree with the example!)
 
So, my question is, do Y/you feel applying a label to Y/yrself or to S/someone else, either here or on the other side, has been useful to Y/you in better communicating? 
 
Or do Y/you instead feel that labels s'times hinder Y/your efforts to communicate -- or to understand the intended meaning of something Y/you've read?
 
Should W/we abandon labels?  Use T/them less?  Define them whenever W/we use T/them? (Seems tedious.)
 
Or are things working fine for Y/you, just as they are?
 
pinksugarsub



SageFemmexx -> RE: Are Labels Helpful to U/us? (6/14/2008 7:49:33 AM)

~ I think CM needs to broaden their horizons. There are no Gorean designations so I am stuck with only A, B or C. Their professions only include doctor for medical license-- showing a lack of imagination. Being obstinant by nature I run through and click what will annoy people the most and clarify to those who ask.

So no, labels don't work well for me--especially those of us that are round pegs in square holes.

Sage.



colouredin -> RE: Are Labels Helpful to U/us? (6/14/2008 8:04:47 AM)

Part of the human condition is to put things into boxes, judge and label its just the way that we are, even when people say they dislike labels they still apply them to themselves.

I think it depends, I think that because of our nature labels can be great ways of organising things, like i said on another post labels are used in all aspects of ourself daughter, mother, friend, lover etc etc there are loads, the problem often comes when we think that labels mean the same to everyone or that to call yourself something means that you always act a certain way, its impossible for that to be true. You are one person with all the aspects of yourself all the time, sometimes they are more prominant than others but they are always there. If you disregard someone because of the label that they choose to apply to themselves you may be missing out on something fantastic but at the same time it is you that misses out and therefore maybe your own labels can help to weed out the people you wouldnt want in your life anyways.

We can debate their merit till the cows come home but they are never going to vanish because its simply who we all are, we just have to make sure that we try not labelling other people because that can have very negative affects. As you said people clarify what their labels mean to them and surely thats the most important thing, of course we may not agree with their own assessment of themselves but to be honest who cares.



GreedyTop -> RE: Are Labels Helpful to U/us? (6/14/2008 8:06:55 AM)

well said, lovely girl :)



Viridana -> RE: Are Labels Helpful to U/us? (6/14/2008 8:21:46 AM)

Although I do feel CollarMe needs to add more labels that one can designate to oneself (like top, bottom, fetishist, sadist, masocist), I do think we all need to look at the labels that are now available as guidelines rather than a strict definition. 



kyraofMists -> RE: Are Labels Helpful to U/us? (6/14/2008 8:31:37 AM)

~ FR

A label, in this context, is nothing more than a word with an assigned definition.  So the question really boils down to "Are Words Helpful to US?"

Knight's Kyra



metalmiss -> RE: Are Labels Helpful to U/us? (6/14/2008 8:36:56 AM)

We all use labels.. How we choose to identify ourselves and others is a part of everyday life for everybody. The specific definition of every single label is as individual to that person using it as it is to whoever is listening.
Trying to create a standard definition for any label to apply to the way everybody uses it would be impossible, as would attempting to abandon them completely.. If we did that, we couldn't even begin to describe ourselves at all?

In answer to your first question, yes.. Applying a label to myself has been helpful to me. i labelled myself as "slave" and it caught the attention of my Master. He called Himself "Dominant" and it sparked my interest.
In my opinion, labels only hinder communication if we take them at face value and assume that the other person places the same meaning on them as we do.. For which there is a simple solution.. i ask. i basically ignore any such label, i don't make assumptions based on words, i open my eyes and take the person for their actions and who they are. So for me, problem solved.




lauren0221 -> RE: Are Labels Helpful to U/us? (6/14/2008 8:40:51 AM)

I agree with metalmiss. I see labels as a starting point. If someone labels themselves as submissive, I know they would probably not be a good Dominant for me.

Words have different meanings and interpretations for everyone. Other than a very broad stroke, I don't see labels as being particularly useful in determining compatibility and shared needs. You still have to communicate and do your due diligence - there isn't a magical label shortcut that guarantees you are both referencing the same things, that I have found anyway.



MadRabbit -> RE: Are Labels Helpful to U/us? (6/14/2008 8:43:40 AM)

Well, they certainly do provide us ways to debate their usefulness or meaningless that never ever seem to get boring to the BDSM world as a whole



Lynnxz -> RE: Are Labels Helpful to U/us? (6/14/2008 8:47:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

Well, they certainly do provide us ways to debate their usefulness or meaningless that never ever seem to get boring to the BDSM world as a whole


Well said.



Leatherist -> RE: Are Labels Helpful to U/us? (6/14/2008 8:50:57 AM)

We don't need lables at all.
 
I indentify as a "Tasmanian left-handed flibbertygibbet"
 
You know exactly what that means-right? [;)]



bipolarber -> RE: Are Labels Helpful to U/us? (6/14/2008 8:56:29 AM)

To paraphrase Geoffery Rush in "Pirates of the Caribbean"... "(Labels) be more like guidelines, than actual rules."

They can be helpful, initially, it getting a handle on who someone is, and what they themselves are into, but they certainly shouldn't be thought of as being cast in concrete. More to the point, the labels are only really helpful if self-applied.




MadRabbit -> RE: Are Labels Helpful to U/us? (6/14/2008 9:10:48 AM)

I prefer the word "identity" as opposed to "label", because the problem is when people insist on "labeling" other people, then that is when they become an issue.

The words become our own and they are used to express parts of ourselves, not to have ourselves conformed to fit the word. As such, the words become part of us and when people attempt to tell us that we are not what we claim to be, they are not merely defining a category for communication, but negating a part of the self which people respond negatively to. (If you don't understand that, then your probably vanilla.)

If people could think more in terms of "What does this word mean to you?", the kink world might actually lose 25% of it's drama. Nihilism is a bit scary for some people though and I am sure it's only a matter of time before another pontificating pompous pinhead comes forth with the big answer of BDSM metaphysics for all of us to adhere to.







kiwisub12 -> RE: Are Labels Helpful to U/us? (6/14/2008 9:11:36 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

We don't need lables at all.
 
I indentify as a "Tasmanian left-handed flibbertygibbet"
 
You know exactly what that means-right? [;)]



Why yes - you are a southpawed Australian flighty female.



kiwisub12 -> RE: Are Labels Helpful to U/us? (6/14/2008 9:13:40 AM)

. Nihilism is a bit scary for some people though and I am sure it's only a matter of time before another pontificating pompous pinhead comes forth with the big answer of BDSM metaphysics for all of us to adhere to.


[/quote]


I am  not pompous!!!!   ...   and just for that, i am not going to tell you the answer!!!!!!! [>:]



pinksugarsub -> RE: Are Labels Helpful to U/us? (6/14/2008 9:14:05 AM)

Just out of curiosity, can Somone explain to me the phenom of posting to a thread merely to say 'the Op was boring"?
 
pinksugarsub



kiwisub12 -> RE: Are Labels Helpful to U/us? (6/14/2008 9:15:23 AM)

Maybe its something to do with seeing your  name in lights      ....    or  on the puter.[:)]



colouredin -> RE: Are Labels Helpful to U/us? (6/14/2008 9:15:51 AM)

Each thread is about opinion and the opinion that the topic is dull or has been done to death is as valid as any other even if it may not contribute to the discussion in terms of progressing it. Its a public forum with many people and similar themes popping up all the time and people express how they dislike it because thats the emotion they get when reading it. I hope that explains some.



Missokyst -> RE: Are Labels Helpful to U/us? (6/14/2008 9:17:28 AM)

I don't talk to labels.  I talk to people.  I would be just as unlikely to converse with someone who uses annoying online protocal as I would someone who identified by one aspect of their personality.  It doesn't matter to me if someone calls themselves dom or slave.  Who they are is beyond the game, it is the sum of their life and I base my opinion on what value I place on their ideas.
Kyst



pinksugarsub -> RE: Are Labels Helpful to U/us? (6/14/2008 9:18:01 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

We don't need lables at all.
 
I indentify as a "Tasmanian left-handed flibbertygibbet"
 
You know exactly what that means-right? [;)]


Laffs.  You've already sent me on one dictionary snipe hunt today, Leatherist Sir. 
 
i'm not falling for a second!
 
He he.
 
pinksugarsub
 
P.S. Did You mean to say You find the use of labels does not aid You in communication at all? (Or were You just poking fun!)



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