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Emotional S&M? - 6/20/2008 10:52:46 AM

Aestus

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Joined: 9/2/2007
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Lately, over the last year, actually, I've been exploring my sadistic side, which has been very interesting. But since I have no real life experience under my belt, exploring my desires can only be done by observing my emotional reactions to fantasies, fictional situations, and well, porn. For the purposes of this thread, I will discuss one particular observation that has gradually become obvious to me: I enjoy seeing people in emotional pain much more than in physical pain. Somehow, a girl suffering for getting her heart broken seems much more appealing than a girl suffering from the whip-marks all over her body. I can't really put this observation into better words, so I'll have to let you figure out how emotionally sadistic desires work.

Now, it's easy enough to find a girl who wants to be whipped these days, but finding one who wants her heart to be broken might be something of a problem. Besides, I find it hard to imagine doing it when the victim is willing. I could always become emotionally abusive and stuff, starting to date random girls and break up with them in really nasty ways, but I don't see myself as evil enough for that.

What I'm wondering is basically if there's any way to fulfill emotionally sadistic desires inside of a healthy relationship?

Post #: 1

RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/20/2008 11:08:19 AM

Deliena

Posts: 623
Joined: 6/16/2007
From: Darlington, United Kingdom
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With good aftercare emotional sadism can work really, really well and is seriously hot.

I can think of a few regular posters on here who are likely to agree with me on this one.

However - the caveat always applies that this form of play can be dangerous when applied badly, flipping the wrong mental switch on the wrong person can have serious consequences and it's something you probably couldn't do effectively (for either party) with someone you didn't know well and who didn't trust you completely.

(in reply to Aestus)

Post #: 2

RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/20/2008 11:11:14 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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Yup, there is. Now, if you really only get your rocks off by the broken heart thing, then no it wouldn't really work out. But there's many forms of emotional pain and anguish and I'm betting you can explore and enjoy those and find they push your buttons quite well.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Deliena)

Post #: 3

RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/20/2008 11:18:23 AM

Aestus

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Joined: 9/2/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Yup, there is. Now, if you really only get your rocks off by the broken heart thing, then no it wouldn't really work out. But there's many forms of emotional pain and anguish and I'm betting you can explore and enjoy those and find they push your buttons quite well.

The broken heart thing was just an example. I'm not able to explain the whole concept that much, and I can't think of that many other examples. Oh, and thanks to you both, sounds encouraging so far

Well, I suppose I could throw in another example that does fit into a BDSM setting. I'm really into enforced chastity. Two reasons. Both of them are because of a specific emotion it gives the sub. The feeling of being controlled and helpless, and the feeling of frustration. None of them are directly painful, but they still work in their own way. However, this is less extreme and creative than the kind of stuff I want to try.

< Message edited by Aestus -- 6/20/2008 11:25:20 AM >

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 4

RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/20/2008 11:19:20 AM

devoutHeretic

Posts: 59
Joined: 3/26/2007
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As the ancient maps used to say:

Here There Be Monsters...

Its relatively easy to suss out boundaries, likes and dislikes, and no go areas with physical play.

Mind fucks, on the other hand, can be a bit of a hazard.

As an example, I was once playing with a girl who was very into verbal humiliation of the "you're a filthy whore" variety.

well, apparently pulling on a pair of black nitrile gloves and saying "you're such a filthy pig, I can't even stand to touch you" flipped a childhood switch that sent the poor girl into a tailspin that left her pretty much inconsolable.

It was the last time we played, and I still feel like a sack of shit for it.

Tread lightly

(in reply to Deliena)

Post #: 5

RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/20/2008 11:32:07 AM

LaTigresse

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Very lightly indeed.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to devoutHeretic)

Post #: 6

RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/20/2008 11:39:30 AM

MasterHermes

Posts: 136
Joined: 5/23/2008
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Your keywords here are : emotionally sadistic desires inside of a healthy relationship. Of course there is a way which would require you to understand human nature and mind very well. Then you could hurt their emotions and heal them without really breaking them just like some others can give physical pain without really harming.

You can find girls who enjoys being humiliated , degraded, emotionally hurt but of course you dont enjoy it much when they are willing and actively seeking. Only time and experience can help you in this. I can tell you, there are many submissive woman who can take emotional pain and even enjoy it if you are handling it right. Otherwise being emotionally abusive will only attract those few who is actively seeking it and it will never feel real to you.

Now knowing its possible, time and experience will be your friend

Good Luck
Hermes

(in reply to Deliena)

Post #: 7

RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/20/2008 12:23:28 PM

charlotteS

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Joined: 3/9/2008
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I'm defintely an emotional masochist (and know of a few others on the boards.) Sure mind fucks can be dangerous. But they can be oooooh so worth it. In my opinion it takes the desire to get to know your partner inside and out and embrace the good and the slightly darker parts. Master does things sometimes that make me freak out, bring up feelings from childhood etc. But it hasn't damaged me yet. We always talk about what happened, what was good and what was bad, etc. I personally love dancing around the edge of a cliff...and instead of peeking over the edge and wishing you could feel the sensation of flight without the rocks at the bottom you get to fall.....feel the fear and thrill....and know that you won't fall all the way because you've got someone to catch you if you scream stop.

charlotte

_____________________________

"When you are your freest self, who are you?" Jack Rinella

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 8

RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/20/2008 12:25:15 PM

Deliena

Posts: 623
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From: Darlington, United Kingdom
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quote:

ORIGINAL: charlotteS
I personally love dancing around the edge of a cliff...and instead of peeking over the edge and wishing you could feel the sensation of flight without the rocks at the bottom you get to fall.....feel the fear and thrill....and know that you won't fall all the way because you've got someone to catch you if you scream stop.

That's a fabulous way to put it charlotteS!

(in reply to charlotteS)

Post #: 9

RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/20/2008 12:25:31 PM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
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And by slightly darker, she's referring to deepest darkest pit within the bosom of the center of this earth, where things crawl and slink and slither in wicked delight and glee.

Stephan Poe

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to charlotteS)

Post #: 10

RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/20/2008 12:38:45 PM

SltlyBrokenAngel

Posts: 38
Joined: 3/24/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Deliena

quote:

ORIGINAL: charlotteS
I personally love dancing around the edge of a cliff...and instead of peeking over the edge and wishing you could feel the sensation of flight without the rocks at the bottom you get to fall.....feel the fear and thrill....and know that you won't fall all the way because you've got someone to catch you if you scream stop.

That's a fabulous way to put it charlotteS!

perfect absolutely perfect

(in reply to Deliena)

Post #: 11

RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/20/2008 2:17:52 PM

TheGaggingWh0re

Posts: 222
Joined: 1/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: devoutHeretic

well, apparently pulling on a pair of black nitrile gloves and saying "you're such a filthy pig, I can't even stand to touch you" flipped a childhood switch that sent the poor girl into a tailspin that left her pretty much inconsolable.

It was the last time we played, and I still feel like a sack of shit for it

Now I'm feeling somewhat like a monster because this made me snicker a little (dark humor). Poor you! This happened to my owner as well with the other girl we were with before she was let go. It's funny because sometimes I'm a little emotionally disturbed when I'm told things, but it was a real break-through-the-ice when I saw her flip out over little things, so I always keep in mind that though the things are hurtful, they are done so in a loving fashion.

SO...when my owner smacks between my legs and says I have a disgusting girl-hole he never wants to touch, I giggle a little inside.

So for the OP, good luck in your search! It's not always easy finding someone who matches up with your rationalities.

(in reply to devoutHeretic)

Post #: 12

RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/20/2008 2:22:18 PM

came4U

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline

The Op's scenereo is hottt as hell to me, but I'm a lil sick like that.

I kinda dig a sweet callous bastard myself.

(in reply to TheGaggingWh0re)

Post #: 13

RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/20/2008 2:39:20 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

Now, it's easy enough to find a girl who wants to be whipped these days, but finding one who wants her heart to be broken might be something of a problem. Besides, I find it hard to imagine doing it when the victim is willing. I could always become emotionally abusive and stuff, starting to date random girls and break up with them in really nasty ways, but I don't see myself as evil enough for that.

What I'm wondering is basically if there's any way to fulfill emotionally sadistic desires inside of a healthy relationship?

As you state, any clod can break a heart, most guys could make a woman tremble in fear, that IS the easy part. The hard part is bringing it full circle and bringing her BACK from that stronger, happier, more secure than when you started. The biggest hurdle is grasping that concept. The difference between A slut and MY slut. The difference between cuckolding someone you have no respect for and cuckolding someone who at the end of the day is the only one you truly desire to wake up to. To molesting the "inner child" of a mature woman and having her wake up next to the Knight In Shining Armour who would slay anyone who attempted to harm her.

It is the duality of the process that tricks people up. Breaking someone is simple and fairly universal, knowing how to bring them back safely requires an intimate understanding of their psyche and a fair bit of hard won (read: mistakes) experience and skill. For me, I won't do it unless I know my partner has the ability to work with me and communicate with me if I fuckup and we have to work together to find a way out of the abyss I pushed her into.

(in reply to Aestus)

Post #: 14

RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/20/2008 2:44:40 PM

subtee

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aestus
Somehow, a girl suffering for getting her heart broken seems much more appealing than a girl suffering from the whip-marks all over her body.
Now, it's easy enough to find a girl who wants to be whipped these days, but finding one who wants her heart to be broken might be something of a problem. Besides, I find it hard to imagine doing it when the victim is willing. I could always become emotionally abusive and stuff, starting to date random girls and break up with them in really nasty ways, but I don't see myself as evil enough for that.

I'm wondering about the "breaking her heart" part. It seems to me that would be a particular kind of mind fuck. How would that manifest?

_____________________________

Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to Aestus)

Post #: 15

RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/20/2008 3:07:12 PM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: charlotteS

I'm defintely an emotional masochist (and know of a few others on the boards.)

yeah .. we are all over the place *grins*
I need the emotional torture and anguish .. I can't really escape that realisation.

Its not something that I would do with many ... and only actually really works with some. Some random dude in a club wont get me into the headspace where my mind can be fucked with.

I am saying this a lot at the moment ... but what the hell. Any idiot can beat me, hold me down and fuck me, but only One can get so far in my head, that I hold myself down while He fucks my soul.

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to charlotteS)

Post #: 16

RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/20/2008 3:07:17 PM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

As you state, any clod can break a heart, most guys could make a woman tremble in fear, that IS the easy part. The hard part is bringing it full circle and bringing her BACK from that stronger, happier, more secure than when you started. The biggest hurdle is grasping that concept. The difference between A slut and MY slut. The difference between cuckolding someone you have no respect for and cuckolding someone who at the end of the day is the only one you truly desire to wake up to. To molesting the "inner child" of a mature woman and having her wake up next to the Knight In Shining Armour who would slay anyone who attempted to harm her.

It is the duality of the process that tricks people up. Breaking someone is simple and fairly universal, knowing how to bring them back safely requires an intimate understanding of their psyche and a fair bit of hard won (read: mistakes) experience and skill. For me, I won't do it unless I know my partner has the ability to work with me and communicate with me if I fuckup and we have to work together to find a way out of the abyss I pushed her into.

Michael,

Simply a fantastic post. In fact, a lot of your posts have been really impressive lately. Thank you, and I look forward to meeting you & BSB next weekend!

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 17

RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/20/2008 3:08:56 PM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

I don’t consider myself so infallible that I can make any woman have a broken heart when I leave her. Some of them have probably said, good riddance. Starting in the 10th grade, a few have broken my heart and I suppose I have hurt one or two women. So I suspect there are as many submissives breaking hearts as there are Doms. Don’t fool yourself that it is always up to you.

So how can I be emotionally sadistic while not making someone feel rejected and disheartened? I have an on and off button. The button is very visible and she knows when I hit it. She is turned on when she knows I’m on. When I am playing with the button on, I can be a sadistic, teasing, mean son of a bitch if the mood strikes me, but it is more or less in a scene context and she knows that. I’ll always be fun, polite, civil and show respect when not in concert.

< Message edited by ExSteelAgain -- 6/20/2008 3:09:14 PM >

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to Aestus)

Post #: 18

RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/20/2008 3:14:19 PM

charlotteS

Posts: 203
Joined: 3/9/2008
Status: offline

Softness, I definitely was NOT thinking of you when I said that. I know your idea of a sadist is someone who ties you down with scarves and makes you drink tea and pet bunny rabbits all day.

Actually that probably WOULD be the worst thing someone could do to you because you wouldn't be being hurt enough. Oh the tortured and confused life of masochists!

And don't worry about repeating that quote over and over. I love it.

charlotte

*edited for grammer because somehow when softness is around I find myself watching grammer even more and can't just leave a "your" as "you're."

< Message edited by charlotteS -- 6/20/2008 3:15:46 PM >

_____________________________

"When you are your freest self, who are you?" Jack Rinella

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 19

RE: Emotional S&M? - 6/20/2008 3:22:14 PM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: charlotteS

Softness, I definitely was NOT thinking of you when I said that. I know your idea of a sadist is someone who ties you down with scarves and makes you drink tea and pet bunny rabbits all day.

Actually that probably WOULD be the worst thing someone could do to you because you wouldn't be being hurt enough. Oh the tortured and confused life of masochists!

And don't worry about repeating that quote over and over. I love it.

charlotte

*edited for grammer because somehow when softness is around I find myself watching grammer even more and can't just leave a "your" as "you're."

cannot believe you left that bunny rabbit and scarves scene idea laying around where DV might find it .... damn you!

and at some point you know you are going to feel the lick of Miss Softness' Red Pen ... and love every second!

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to charlotteS)

Post #: 20

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