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Ever out yourself by accident cause the vanillas got on... - 6/20/2008 11:20:04 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

This happened to me last semester in grad school. Our professor decided he wanted to "introduce" us to communication in an online world, so he had us all get involved in Second Life. Well, I've never been a fan of the game myself (I apologize beforehand to those here who may be fans of it...just hear me out), and all I ever found in it when it first went online was a lot of wannabe bdsm stuff without any actual substance. Anyway, we had to produce an ethnography, so I found a furry community and did a huge ethnography on furries in Second Life. Let's just say that my knowledge of this subject seemed to freak the hell out of a lot of other grad students. I guess it had more to do with how comfortable I was with alternative lifestyles, and how I didn't start every briefing of my progress with nervous chuckles, like everyone of them did whenever they discovered something "sexual" in the game. Sometimes, I'd just give up on the whole walking on eggshells thing and just throw it all out there so I could get as much information out in the shortest amount of time. A lot of times this was caused by the fact that the others who were in the same class seemed to think anything "alternative" was fodder for humor, rather than an actual real thing.

At one point, one of the girls came up to me after class one day and said: "You know far more about this lifestyle than anyone should who has just discovered it for the first time." I don't even remember my answer. I have somewhat of a reputation as someone who's really into researching all sorts of really intriguing concepts (kind of the "go to" person if someone is looking for an idea of a thesis or dissertation area that needs to be innovative), so stuff like this usually gets chalked up to that. But this time, she was way over concerned about how quick I was to pick up on all of their habits and mannerisms, including lifestyle perspectives.

Now, I've never done any furry stuff myself, but I've known some people who do a lot of it, so I have learned a lot through osmosis and proximity.

So, anyone else got some stories to share?

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The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

Post #: 1

RE: Ever out yourself by accident cause the vanillas go... - 6/20/2008 11:33:41 PM

pinksugarsub

Posts: 1224
Status: offline

i have a great need for firm boundaries between myself and my family -- particularly my brother. If he ever found out i was a perv, Gawd only knows what he'd do -- but it'd be a massive clusterf**k.

i was with his best friend today and we were having one of those meandering convos, and the subject of writing came up.

Without thinking, i told him i write short stories and that they are up on the 'net.

He asked me if he could read them and i said 'Well, humm, yanno, they're erotic stories. In fact they're a little bit extreme, so probably be best i not give you the addy.'

He said okay and we continued talking.

But now i'm terrified he'll mention to my brother that i have erotic stories on the 'net and s'how my brother will find the site.

This is unlikely -- my brother has no real Google-Fu.

i'd give a lot to take back what i said -- i spoke without thinking first of the possibility of being 'outted'.

pinksugarsub

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RE: Ever out yourself by accident cause the vanillas go... - 6/20/2008 11:39:54 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

I did call James Daddy around one of the neighbors once, but fortunatly since it was also in the conservation about our dogs, Nobody noticed it. But then again I am out to any one important in my life, and I Really do not care who knows, except for his sake I do not call him daddy around his family or at his place of work.

< Message edited by YourhandMyAss -- 6/20/2008 11:41:36 PM >

(in reply to pinksugarsub)

Post #: 3

RE: Ever out yourself by accident cause the vanillas go... - 6/20/2008 11:40:11 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

Just tell him you were lying. You really didn't want him to see your web site about your terrorist training camp.

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http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to pinksugarsub)

Post #: 4

RE: Ever out yourself by accident cause the vanillas go... - 6/21/2008 4:01:34 AM

Owner4SexSlave

Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

I have countless small stories that have happened over the years. Here's one of the many more recent ones.

Late night Branding conversation at a Dinner
Me and the last girl I was seeing, went to a Dinner afterhours. I'm a freak and she's a freak. Anyways, we were sitting at the counter talking and both of us hitting on the waitresses.   The subject of tattoos came up, because we were getting the girls to show us their tats. Then we started talking about scares, which lead into the topic about branding. Now, amazing was the response and interest people around us took about the conversation. Tattoo's and intentional burning of the flesh. Next thing you know me and her are showing off our burn marks to people around us. Yes, cigerettee burns. Then talking about patterns.   Let's see. Her and Both went so far to basically pull up our shirts and show people scares, and talk about having some of our natural scares worked into designs with intentional branding.   Thus enters into how comfortable her and I are about Exhibitionism. She has one nipple that is peirced. People notice, so we talk about surface piercing for awhile. Some of the waitresses have had surface piercings.

Back into Exhibitionism again, she's sitting there bragging about how much she enjoys being with me because I love her showing off her body. She also loves the fact that I make her ask permission first before simply doing it.

The conversation just gets deeper and deeper, and people are smiling and listening.. and everybody is having a great time.   Basically, I'm a freak and she's a freak and we were entertaining people with out Freakdom.   Also getting off at the reactions of people too.

Seriously, we got into depth about a lot of twisted things.   What was cool about it, was that people had a sincere interest in this crazy shit and was not being all squicked out and judgemental about it. It's even more amazing when people show you their tattoos, scares, and well don't mind seeing some of your naked body. Mind you, no showing of private parts in public.

If somebody would have complained about her lifting up her shirt or me doing the same, ok. Simple apology is in order, and to refrain from it anymore.   What's funny is when you actually get other people sucked into doing the same damn thing! It's sort of wonderul feeling.   You'd be amazed at how some people enjoy natural freak engery at times.   They just can't help themselves...

Mind you there is a place and a time for everything. Too many stories over the years to share.   Where part of the freakdom was unleashed or exposed to the vanilla world.   I've always used being a Musican as part of my excuse! Crazy behavior is more acceptable at times by society if you are a musician.   I've been using that excuse less and less though.

At times, it's best to simply lighten up and make a joke out of all it.   It does not make it come off as being so abnormal, dark and twisted.   More like fun, abnormal and twisted.

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 5

RE: Ever out yourself by accident cause the vanillas go... - 6/21/2008 5:11:00 AM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

I was in an English class in college and we were in a discussion group...I have no idea why, but being bisexual and poly somehow came up and I spontaneously came out as both. It was a really positive experience, though, as the people I was talking with took it seriously and were very curious/polite/nice about it. I still get the warm fuzzies when I remember it.

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)

Post #: 6

RE: Ever out yourself by accident cause the vanillas go... - 6/21/2008 5:51:34 AM

LaTigresse

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Joined: 1/15/2006
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Well, I honestly do not believe we do these things by accident. I believe that we do these things with some level of conciousness. We want people to know whether we can admit it or not.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 7

RE: Ever out yourself by accident cause the vanillas go... - 6/21/2008 5:53:33 AM

kittinSol

Posts: 16926
Status: offline

Who are 'the vanillas'?

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Post #: 8

RE: Ever out yourself by accident cause the vanillas go... - 6/21/2008 6:10:06 AM

SingleRarity

Posts: 320
Joined: 9/13/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

I did call James Daddy around one of the neighbors once, but fortunatly since it was also in the conservation about our dogs, Nobody noticed it. But then again I am out to any one important in my life, and I Really do not care who knows, except for his sake I do not call him daddy around his family or at his place of work.

Daddy and I were on a plane, when we hit some fierce turbulance. I cried out "Daddy!" quite loudly. No one semmed to notice as many people were gasping with fear, but I did wonder if anyone caught it.

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

Post #: 9

RE: Ever out yourself by accident cause the vanillas go... - 6/21/2008 6:22:44 AM

starDF

Posts: 35
Joined: 3/4/2005
Status: offline

i went to my high school 10 year class reunion a few years back...there was a group of us sitting outside talking and smoking when i heard Master say "right girl?" and my immediate response was "Yes, Master" not even thinking twice. everyone left the area quickly giving me some weird looks...my family has never mentioned it so i'm hopeful that no one shared the information past there!

(in reply to SingleRarity)

Post #: 10

RE: Ever out yourself by accident cause the vanillas go... - 6/21/2008 6:25:21 AM

SweetNika

Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Well, I honestly do not believe we do these things by accident. I believe that we do these things with some level of conciousness. We want people to know whether we can admit it or not.

I tend to agree with this. I used to "slip" and call Phoenix my Master and people took it as being my sarcastic self but in truth I HATED hidding our dynamics.

blessed be,
Nika

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Blessed be,
Nika

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 11

RE: Ever out yourself by accident cause the vanillas go... - 6/21/2008 6:27:55 AM

bipolarber

Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline

It happens. Over the last 25 years in the scene, I've had plenty of incidents where things have come out. To family, to friends, to employers and clergy. Amazingly, their reactions seemed to mirror my own comfort level with it. That is, if I didn't seem to consider it "a deep, dark secret" they didn't freak out as much.

The only time I've been made to feel uncomfortable was by my brother-in-law. This guy seems to revel in the mentally fucking over of others, so it was no surprise to me. He had apparently Googled my name, and found one of the several names I use for my kinky community communications. He put two and two together, and began reading all of my posts around the net. (No big deal to me, I don't share info online that I wouldn't be willing to talk about in a room full of strangers. Besides, maybe the screwed up, semi-abusive prick learned a thing or two.) But, he tried to embarass me in front of the rest of my family with it. (At the occasion of my father's funeral, no less. Yes, he's a real winner.) Specifically, he started hinting heavily about it in front of my sisters 12 and 14 year old daughters.

Really uncool.

When this sort of thing happens, it's just best to think back, and remember Pat Califa's advice. "When you freely admit who and what you are, you immediately disarm your enemy. I mean, if you already admit that you are a sick and twisted pervert, what do they have left?" (paraphrased)

I just told him, "I long ago decided that I will not be blackmailed, or embarassed by who I am, or something that I find deeply satisfying. We can talk about this later, if you like. But if you continue, here and now, I'll be sure to inform (my sister) that YOU are the one insisting on talking about such intimate, sexual subjects in front of her kids... not me."

It seemed to shut him up.

< Message edited by bipolarber -- 6/21/2008 6:33:22 AM >

(in reply to kittinSol)

Post #: 12

RE: Ever out yourself by accident cause the vanillas go... - 6/21/2008 6:58:15 AM

came4U

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline

I agree that there are no accidents.

Some people might spill it (exhibitionist behavior) in places it is uncalled for. Some can't even handle the backlash of the stress and tension that could arise because of that.

The topic of bdsm is as private as my tax information to the average person in my life. I have yet to 'whooops, and let the cat out of the bag'.

(in reply to bipolarber)

Post #: 13

RE: Ever out yourself by accident cause the vanillas go... - 6/21/2008 7:42:05 AM

Evility

Posts: 915
Joined: 12/19/2007
Status: offline

I've never accidentally or intentionally outed myself and can't really imagine a situation where it might happen accidentally these days. Count me with the folks who feel that this is not accidental in nature.

Having said that it's possible that some of the folks I worked with years ago at another employer may be hip to some of my kinky disposition. About 12 years ago I got into all of this in a much deeper fashion than I was previously into - the specifics of which I tend not to share with 'outsiders'. People tend to respond in peculiar ways when you allude to needles, cattle prods and gas masks.

In the several decades or so before that my deviant side manifested itself only in bondage, gags and blindfolds. On occasion I found myself in the intimate company of someone I worked with (or someone who knew people I worked with) who was willing to explore some of these activities. If word ever got around I never heard about it.

Maybe I have an innate ability to choose discrete female partners. I know at least one who agreed to play and seemed to enjoy it while it was happening but made it clear after we parted ways that she was rather embarrassed about it and did not wish others to know about it. I guess I was safe there.

I don't allow my worlds to overlap in that fashion anymore.

(in reply to came4U)

Post #: 14

RE: Ever out yourself by accident cause the vanillas go... - 6/21/2008 7:56:13 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Because I don't give a damn if people know I am into kink and especially BDSM and slave ownership, I "out myself unintentionally" often. Usually it happens in one of two ways:

I'm out at a shopping center (mall for the US members ), and someone get up my nose like some idiot who obviously knows bugger all and just walks up, interupting a conversation when I have both my male Malamuts and female malamute/Hustky cross and who are both didsability dogs, and proceeds to lecture me thet my two huskies are part of thre most iunintelligent breed on earth. usually I will explain what breed the dogs are and their intelligence as breeds but when that fails and the intruder (male or female) is phystically in my faceI have been known to grab a hand full of hair and force them to their knees and proceed to explain how they are not even good slave material and if they repeatg their rudeness I will slap a slave collar on them and beat thyem sensless.. (Actually, is that is all I do I am within my legal rights to defend myself and property as lonk as I don't carry out my threat). I've also been known to tell some female who is behaving like a princess bitch in my presence, to get on her knees befor her natural masters. (if hubby/boy friend object thery get the same treatment). Locals k now me and know that I don't take shit even if faced with a few agressive malwsa looking for a fight. When people aee polite and not standing over others I'm a better at calming things down in a friendly no blaim manner and often making friends too..
Often enough in various casual conversations with people some one comments something inaccurate about BDSM or related subjects which may choose to correct. This often turns the conversation onto the subject of bondage etc and when asked about my information sources I'll just tell then what i am involved in and if they want to contact me I'll linik them with some good sites and one of the local groups..

Never been my style to sit and listen to a load of crap, I either just walk away or I wade in. No half measures...

Iron Bear
(Incorrigible, irrepressible and irreverent)
Master of Bruin Cottage
(A Victorian Lifestyle poly home)

The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all your Tears wash out a Word of it.

Omar Khayyam 1048 CE to 1123 CE (Persian Mathematician, Scientist, Astronomer, Philosopher & Poet).

(in reply to came4U)

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RE: Ever out yourself by accident cause the vanillas go... - 6/21/2008 8:10:17 AM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

I project a persona of tight assed virginity at work .. or should I say did ... Sir is determined for me to be "a danger to the male population" .. I have no idea why but I think He just enjoys watching me squirm as I get hit on
anyway
The male staff at work have recently been paying more attention, but, they have asked around ... know I am single, know I have never "had a boyfriend" and know I never go out on the pull with the other female staff ... so they all assume I am just a more sexily dressed tight assed virgin.
Yesterday Mr X and I sat in the staff lounge enjoying a coffee, and I got a text from someone I have in my phone book as "fuck slut" .. Mr X saw this and commented saying "I always thought you must have something shadey in your private life, nothing can be that pure" .. Mr Y (sitting on the other side of me) joined the conversation saying "You really have something about you, I thought you might be a porn star or something" ... Now they were doing this because obviously Miss Soft isn't a porn star and obviously has nothing shadey in her back ground .. they just wanted to see if they could make me blush. So I though fuck it.
I put one hand on a thigh of each ... looked from one to other and said
"Gentlemen, you have *no* ieda ... but lets put it this way ... you have to pay a pron star thousands of pounds to do what I will do just for the fun of it"
I was actually thinking about ironing at the time ... but their fevered imaginations will enver think of that
With that I finished my coffee and left for lesson 3 ...
"Virgin" school mistress 1 - Letching school master 0

< Message edited by softness -- 6/21/2008 8:34:09 AM >

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RE: Ever out yourself by accident cause the vanillas go... - 6/21/2008 8:12:02 AM

lusciouslips19

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There is no such thing as outing yourself by accident. Thats like saying you have no control over what comes out of your mouth.

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Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

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Post #: 17

RE: Ever out yourself by accident cause the vanillas go... - 6/21/2008 8:26:00 AM

came4U

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline

Bursting out about one's sexual preferences in a setting that it is unnecessary is just plain flamboyant behavior, selfish, rude and uncalled for.

It is akin to announcing you are homosexual at a PTA meeting. No one needs to really know.

Save the shock-value for when it matters, tell the PTA you actually don't bake your own cookies, they are actually from a box.

All a matter of knowing what is appropriate and as stated above...controlling what comes out of your mouth.

(in reply to lusciouslips19)

Post #: 18

RE: Ever out yourself by accident cause the vanillas go... - 6/21/2008 8:34:47 AM

Racquelle

Posts: 600
Joined: 4/21/2008
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It seems to me that BDSM is enough a part of the popular vernacular, that subtle slips like saying "yes master" would simply be regarded as humor. No one is ever shocked or surprised to find out I am a kinkster. I try to be polite about sharing the "gory details" with people, but if I joke that I have a whip in my car, pretty much everyone believes it.

My church prides itself on being an open and progressive congregation, so when we actually started having an open Lesbian couple attend services, a bit of a buzz went around. The Moderator and I were discussing it, and he "confessed" that he's into swinging and polyamory. From the way he said it, I could tell he was really feeling me out for a reaction, and was very relieved when it didn't even register as a blip on my radar. Since then, he and I and his girlfriend have gone to the nude beach together, and spoken more openly about such things. But, I am not sure he has quite figured out my kinks yet, and since I haven't put them all out on the table, it has been fun watching him try to piece together a picture of what I am about. Plus, he has been very supportive of my being a youth group leader - with his own adolesent sons in my group. I appreciate that what he says he believes and how he acts are pretty much in agreement. Lots of people can say "I am tolerant of alternative lifestyles...but I still don't want you freaks around my kids."

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 19

RE: Ever out yourself by accident cause the vanillas go... - 6/21/2008 8:35:45 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I can say anything and it's all chalked up to growing up in a Fire Island gay community. The 18 y. o. asked me why leather is associated with an alternative lifestyle and I went into the background of gay males just out of WWII, plus suggested she google Pat Califia. But the truth is I really don't know and am just assuming that many of the old leathermen were also bikers so it devolved into that

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to came4U)

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