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ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

This happened to me last semester in grad school. Our professor decided he wanted to "introduce" us to communication in an online world, so he had us all get involved in Second Life. Well, I've never been a fan of the game myself (I apologize beforehand to those here who may be fans of it...just hear me out), and all I ever found in it when it first went online was a lot of wannabe bdsm stuff without any actual substance. Anyway, we had to produce an ethnography, so I found a furry community and did a huge ethnography on furries in Second Life. Let's just say that my knowledge of this subject seemed to freak the hell out of a lot of other grad students. I guess it had more to do with how comfortable I was with alternative lifestyles, and how I didn't start every briefing of my progress with nervous chuckles, like everyone of them did whenever they discovered something "sexual" in the game. Sometimes, I'd just give up on the whole walking on eggshells thing and just throw it all out there so I could get as much information out in the shortest amount of time. A lot of times this was caused by the fact that the others who were in the same class seemed to think anything "alternative" was fodder for humor, rather than an actual real thing.

At one point, one of the girls came up to me after class one day and said: "You know far more about this lifestyle than anyone should who has just discovered it for the first time." I don't even remember my answer. I have somewhat of a reputation as someone who's really into researching all sorts of really intriguing concepts (kind of the "go to" person if someone is looking for an idea of a thesis or dissertation area that needs to be innovative), so stuff like this usually gets chalked up to that. But this time, she was way over concerned about how quick I was to pick up on all of their habits and mannerisms, including lifestyle perspectives.

Now, I've never done any furry stuff myself, but I've known some people who do a lot of it, so I have learned a lot through osmosis and proximity.

So, anyone else got some stories to share?

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ORIGINAL: came4U

Bursting out about one's sexual preferences in a setting that it is unnecessary is just plain flamboyant behavior, selfish, rude and uncalled for.

It is akin to announcing you are homosexual at a PTA meeting.  No one needs to really know.

Save the shock-value for when it matters, tell the PTA you actually don't bake your own cookies, they are actually from a box. 

All a matter of knowing what is appropriate and as stated above...controlling what comes out of your mouth.

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I outed myself half on accident, half on purpose. I worked with a domineering colleague at my previous job and he was very, very, very, very nosy. However, he was also the only one who talked to me my first days there, so in some small sense I felt obligated to hang out with him out of my gratitude. Well...he started pestering me about my 'submissive' tendencies and how I always do things when someone asks, apologize if they're not good enough, and sometimes even beat myself up for it  

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In a way I don't care, in another way, when shit went down and everyone had their heads up their asses and were being really cruel to me, I wish they hadn't known. I don't like sharing a part of myself to people who can just go fuck off, to be honest. 

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ORIGINAL: came4U


I honestly think that lifestyle-blurters only embarass those who choose to be contained in private sexual discourse with others of the same taste. It is the classy thing to do. 

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but at the same time i'm not concerned with being 'tasteful' or 'classy' either.

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ORIGINAL: came4U

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but at the same time i'm not concerned with being 'tasteful' or 'classy' either.

Your choice.

But if I had to associate with you, then it is obvious you are oblivious to consequences to your lack of or poor judgement skills.  I would tend to avoid such people.  Just as if I had a vanilla marriage, I would have no need discussing my sex life to friends or even co-workers or strangers.   It is common sense.

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ORIGINAL: HeidiAnn

And as someone said it very well, being open is one of the best defences. For me outing is usually related to GLBTi stuff. i do not hide the fact that i am active in the community, that i date a woman and have a family with Her. But that is usually where i draw the line. If someone asks something extra (about my trans-side or lifestyle-related questions) i do my best to answer what was asked, but i do not start discussions about those subjects. As someone said it, the more comfortable i have become about my own life and myself, the better people take the coming out situations.

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like i said i don't go around telling everyone i know, nor do i tell everyone about my sex life, nor did i say that i have a 'need'. it's a preference. i'm well aware that there are some things best unsaid. however, i'm not sure how one post makes anything 'obvious' about anyone's judgement skills, poor or otherwise.

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but at the same time i'm not concerned with being 'tasteful' or 'classy' either.

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ORIGINAL: came4U

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like i said i don't go around telling everyone i know, nor do i tell everyone about my sex life, nor did i say that i have a 'need'. it's a preference. i'm well aware that there are some things best unsaid. however, i'm not sure how one post makes anything 'obvious' about anyone's judgement skills, poor or otherwise.

I don't care what you do personally.

But you did say...

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but at the same time i'm not concerned with being 'tasteful' or 'classy' either.

that is one post enough to know that you are not the type of person that I would associate with. I don't tolerate those without taste or class.  Bad judgement is less of an issue in this case.
li
If i had to describe that any clearer, I would think this were a class for ESL. 

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ORIGINAL: came4U

I never mentioned this Iron guy as fodder for my opinion, and further the PTA situation is a perfect example of inappropriate.

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As you said, it was purposeful that you obliged information (deep personal information) about yourself.

If someone on a jobsite were pestering me, I would push them towards the sexual harassment isle of the
corporation legal department.

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By then, your options were likely closed to any legal standing, not to mention your reputation as vanillas call it as a 'human being' went out the window. After that, they probably assumed something creepy and different about you.

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You knew that Mr. nosey was actually Mr. creepy and you chose to take the chance of being caught on the phone as such.

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Again, it goes back to 'who attracted the negative attention to begin with'.

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Wow. PTA meeting = bad example. I don't see anyone, aside from IronBear, who has said anything at a time where it has been inappropriate to a fault. I highly doubt any of us would be stupid enough to, at a PTA meeting, suddenly go, "Yeah, so I'm into hardcore bondage where I'm choked so hard I pass out, but I just wanted to say..."

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How is asking why you said, "I love you too, Sir" sexual harassment?
And my reputation went out the window? My reputation as...what?

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I did not intend for him to hear "I love you, Sir", so it was not intentional that he overheard that side of me. 

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How is saying, "I love you, sir" attracting negative attention when I think I'm alone?

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I outed myself half on accident, half on purpose. I worked with a domineering colleague at my previous job and he was very, very, very, very nosy. However, he was also the only one who talked to me my first days there, so in some small sense I felt obligated to hang out with him out of my gratitude. Well...he started pestering me about my 'submissive' tendencies and how I always do things when someone asks, apologize if they're not good enough, and sometimes even beat myself up for it (I'm actually stronger now in the workplace so I don't do that so much anymore). Well, my owner had called me while I was getting my stuff one night, and I THOUGHT I was alone, but Mr. Nosey was actually around the corner and so when I whispered, "I love you too, Sir." and hung up, he popped around and began the questioning. 

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you mentioned him, I didn't even notice his post.

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I don't see anyone, aside from IronBear, who has said anything at a time where it has been inappropriate to a fault.

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Who do I have to remind people of what they say? I don't make mistakes like this and I find it quite moronic to explain someone's own words to them.

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You posted that Mr. nosey at work was questioning your submission, aka your orientation.

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You allowed it to continue instead of confronting someone of seniority to have them deal with it.

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THAT is what I am talking about.  Don't change MY words around or are you not pretending and are that forgetful or dense to what you posted 30 mins previous?

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You admited in this thread that more or less you let things slip intentionally.

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so did that also slip? Knowing Mr. Nosey was hangin' about?

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I don't know exactly.  Why don't you re-read your own statement and tell us how it went from Mr. Nosey at work to the entire office thinking less of you that you left??

am I psychic?

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I outed myself half on accident, half on purpose.

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Well...he started pestering me about my 'submissive' tendencies and how I always do things when someone asks, apologize if they're not good enough, and sometimes even beat myself up for it (I'm actually stronger now in the workplace so I don't do that so much anymore).

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Well, my owner had called me while I was getting my stuff one night, and I THOUGHT I was alone, but Mr. Nosey was actually around the corner and so when I whispered, "I love you too, Sir." and hung up, he popped around and began the questioning.

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So...I just fuckin' told him.

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And, when I thought one of my coworkers was a friend, we both shared stories of our kinky sides (she was equally as kinky, just not in the same way). I don't know which one it was, but everyone knew about it by the second week.

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Your problem, since you think that disclosing is so great, why do you even complain about it?

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In case you did forget, and/or are too lazy to even find your own comment...here it is:

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I outed myself half on accident, half on purpose. I worked with a domineering colleague at my previous job and he was very, very, very, very nosy. However, he was also the only one who talked to me my first days there, so in some small sense I felt obligated to hang out with him out of my gratitude. Well...he started pestering me about my 'submissive' tendencies and how I always do things when someone asks, apologize if they're not good enough, and sometimes even beat myself up for it (I'm actually stronger now in the workplace so I don't do that so much anymore). Well, my owner had called me while I was getting my stuff one night, and I THOUGHT I was alone, but Mr. Nosey was actually around the corner and so when I whispered, "I love you too, Sir." and hung up, he popped around and began the questioning. 

so, read.

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a man at work 'pesters' about your sexual orientation.  How is that NOT clear that THIS is sexual harassment?

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You allowed it, you let it slip, so YOU deal with the consequences of your openess at the workplace (on the phone or not), it is a workplace..or did you forget?