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RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 3:25:32 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

Iron ... pass the reeses pieces ... i haven't had any since getting back from my trip and they are the best thing ever

and blushes ... yeah ok .. but would you mind if I brought some marking?


huh? You mean someone wrote on you? bruises? shipping labels? *lol* I have no idea what you're asking. Just bring it. *lol*

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 3:25:35 PM   
ModeratorSixteen


Posts: 1275
Status: offline 		Lets stick to topic and leave off the provoking.There are too many of you to send individual mails to and you all know youre all able to behave like adults and follow the guidelines but if you end up unable to post for a few days if you continue then you will all know why.

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Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 3:25:37 PM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		edited

< Message edited by softness -- 6/24/2008 3:27:00 PM >

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 3:26:50 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp

quote:

  Eh, Softness, can't you tell I'm here for the entertainment?
she's not the ONLY one....


Hey you!! I'm still wondering what you said and edited in my banana thread! (see, I AM slow!)

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to lronitulstahp)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 3:29:16 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

quote:

'm just saying what I observed. Has nothing to do with paranoia since, your little spat didn't involve me.


Not my spat either, I'm not the one who has their laundry aired in here.

Pull up your granny panties, if you saw something *blink blink, what words did you see?

Imaginary words? Was I swearing in the supposed post? Did I fart? Send her kisses? What changed? Lets hear this supposed 'I saw it, but it was edited' version of my post.


number one; I'm not allowed to wear panties.
number two; I already told you I didn't remember exactly what you said. It was the tone I picked up on.
number three; What changed was the tone; it started off as argumentative and unreasonable, and was changed to seem otherwise.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to came4U)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 3:31:34 PM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

... Sir has told me again and again that I am secure in my position as long as I am pleasing.

... He will not seek to replace me as long as I am pleasing ...



Well, I'm not convinced this statement is aimed at reassurance. Assuming I read the other thread correctly, the man in question is a sadist. In effect, he's saying Softness's position is insecure by virtue of certain conditions being attached, and he's adding that the condition is "to please"; which is hardly tangible, measurable or realistic and is perhaps preying on Softness' insecurities with regard to pleasing (assuming they exist).

In the event the idea was to provide a solid base, perhaps a more appropriate line would have been:  "providing you put your heart and soul into this set up, you have my word that I'll always be honest with you". That seems to be a realistic guarantee and far easier for Softness to achieve.

'Difficult to know without knowing the context.

It's fair to say he's promising the earth, though.

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

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Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 3:34:05 PM   
SweetNika


Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

quote:

'm just saying what I observed. Has nothing to do with paranoia since, your little spat didn't involve me.


Not my spat either, I'm not the one who has their laundry aired in here.

Pull up your granny panties, if you saw something *blink blink, what words did you see?

Imaginary words? Was I swearing in the supposed post? Did I fart? Send her kisses? What changed? Lets hear this supposed 'I saw it, but it was edited' version of my post.


number one; I'm not allowed to wear panties.
number two; I already told you I didn't remember exactly what you said. It was the tone I picked up on.
number three; What changed was the tone; it started off as argumentative and unreasonable, and was changed to seem otherwise.


Christine,
Your such a tease! -laughs-

_____________________________

Blessed be,
Nika


(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 3:36:15 PM   
came4U


Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline 		some people are nice like that, innocently picking up on a 'tone' as I did from a rhetoric comment (which is not imaginary but quite real). 

some people aren't, and they pretend to have seen something they just cannot prove tangible.

what can I say, I am nice.


(in reply to NorthernGent)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 3:38:17 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		Hi Treasure,

This'll be pretty short; charlotte already expressed most of my views.

I can fully understand why people often equate D/s relationships with marriage; the problem is that this is one aspect of those relationships where there's simply no equation.  For some people, the promise of "till death do us part" is a vital component; yet this isn't true for all relationships.  In my relationship, I do need commitment; I need to feel it from my partner, and I need to feel I can share my commitment to her.  Yet, the collar isn't a symbol of my commitment; the collar is a symbol of her commitment.  The only commitment I have as a slave owner, is to treat her as a slave.  This may sound harsh, uncaring, and unfeeling, but this has more to do with the way the BDSM community has come to equate D/s with love.  I don't love my slave, because she is my slave; I love her, because of the fantastic person and relationship partner she is for me.  If she no longer served my needs as a slave, this doesn't mean I would toss her out in the street; on the other hand, I certainly wouldn't keep her as a slave, if she was a terrible slave.  I would acknowledge that our relationship had fundamentally changed, and adapt with it.

There's honestly another issue here, though; the assumption that a ring or a promise will somehow make a relationship work.  It isn't a promise of forever that keeps my slave bound to me; it's the promise that I will only be with her, if we are happy, that makes any relationship work.  Promises don't make relationships work, people do; with their day to day choices, efforts, and genuine sharing of goals and needs.  I struggled with this, with my last slave; I felt that her commitment towards marriage was vital to the survival of our relationship.  In the end, I learned that being married to her wouldn't have made it work any better; if anything, it would be like trying to use scotch tape to hold a roof up.  Today, I firmly believe that marriage will be something that comes from acknowledging that a commitment already exists, that we are already inseperable, and it's clear that won't likely ever change. 

Regards,

Stephan


_____________________________

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"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 3:40:46 PM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

... Sir has told me again and again that I am secure in my position as long as I am pleasing.

... He will not seek to replace me as long as I am pleasing ...



Well, I'm not convinced this statement is aimed at reassurance. Assuming I read the other thread correctly, the man in question is a sadist. In effect, he's saying Softness's position is insecure by virtue of certain conditions being attached, and he's adding that the condition is "to please"; which is hardly tangible, measurable or realistic and is perhaps preying on Softness' insecurities with regard to pleasing (assuming they exist).

In the event the idea was to provide a solid base, perhaps a more appropriate line would have been:  "providing you put your heart and soul into this set up, you have my word that I'll always be honest with you". That seems to be a realistic guarantee and far easier for Softness to achieve.

'Difficult to know without knowing the context.

It's fair to say he's promising the earth, though.


Sir and I have carefully defined what pleasing means in the context of our relationship ... thousands and thousands of words back and forth between us in essays and discourse ... I know exactly what needs to be done to be pleasing to Him, and He has carefully arranged it so that I have all the equipment needed to succeed. Being pleasing for us .. in our context .. is not about being perfect - its about being loving, submissive, obedient and behaving with integrity. The particulars will change from day to day, week to week, as our relationship evolves ... but that core set of values for being pleasing doesn't change.

Yes He is a sadist, yes He is an emotional sadist. So yes from time to time He will use my desperate desire to please Him as fodder for foreplay or a scene just like others use "punishment" scenes to feed the mutal need for a correction based relationship when actually no "crime" was committed.





_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





(in reply to NorthernGent)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 3:42:46 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

... In our HEALTHY relationship those ultimatums sit quietly in the background. In an UNHEALTHY relationship we would be constantly aiming them at each other .. using them as  sticks to beat each other with ...


An excellent distinction and one that evidences a healthy relationship.

quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsygrl

... When I read this it gave me pause.  I have deep abandonment issues that can be triggered by the most subltlist thing, and I was like, 'ya see! theres another d-type looking for an excuse to get rid of his s!' ...


I can understand how you might feel this way, but as I said in my op, the idea that you would continue a relationship only for as long as you are pleased with your partner is a pretty common sentiment... just not always voiced.   But it would seem that how the ultimatum is voiced, as well as presented within the context of the relationship is going to make the difference... along with the mind set of the individuals involved.  

Considering my own relationship with FirmhandKY, we have a similar understanding.  In fact, if asked what my role in our relationship is, my response would be to please and pleasure Firm.  With us, though, it is presented not so much as an ultimatum... probably more in line with DominantJenny's observation that it can be hot:

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominantJenny

quote:

ORIGINAL: TreasureKY

Since it seems to be a common ultimatum, is there some other purpose for this that I am missing?


I'm gonna go with the ol' reliable "'cause it's hot" reason. Seriously, I think in most (or at least many) cases where this ultimatum is used, it's to suggest that the dominant has more power than the submissive; that the submissive is dependent on his/her goodwill, thus making the submissive feel vulnerable and giving the illusion that the dominant is not.
In reality, of course, a submissive (of healthy mind) isn't going to stay with a crappy, unsatisfying dominant anymore than a dominant is going to stay with a crappy, unsatisfying submissive. It may be a reality that a submissive may try a bit harder/longer than the dominant, but it may not...depends on the individual.


Nevertheless, it's a part of our relationship and I can assure you that Firm would end things in a heartbeat if I no longer pleased him, and I would do likewise.   But like you, I'm not so certain that I would feel as secure if it were couched in the "be pleasing, or else" fashion.

quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

some people are nice like that, innocently picking up on a 'tone' as I did from a rhetoric comment (which is not imaginary but quite real). 

some people aren't, and they pretend to have seen something they just cannot prove tangible.

what can I say, I am nice.



Please stop.

(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 3:51:47 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline
quote:

Yes He is a sadist, yes He is an emotional sadist. So yes from time to time He will use my desperate desire to please Him as fodder for foreplay or a scene just like others use "punishment" scenes to feed the mutal need for a correction based relationship when actually no "crime" was committed.


Is it me or did it suddenly get warm in here?


_____________________________

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If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 3:54:18 PM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

quote:

Yes He is a sadist, yes He is an emotional sadist. So yes from time to time He will use my desperate desire to please Him as fodder for foreplay or a scene just like others use "punishment" scenes to feed the mutual need for a correction based relationship when actually no "crime" was committed.


Is it me or did it suddenly get warm in here?



slut ...



_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 3:55:16 PM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

Being pleasing for us .. in our context .. is not about being perfect - its about being loving, submissive, obedient and behaving with integrity. The particulars will change from day to day, week to week, as our relationship evolves ... but that core set of values for being pleasing doesn't change.



'Makes sense.......but, the four components you mention could be provided by many a woman, so how can he be certain you will always be "secure" when there are others out there who can provide that service?

I can relate to your definition of pleasing, but I'm struggling to see the leap into "your place will always be secure".

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 3:56:16 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		Wow, 5 pages of online drama I kind of skimmed over, but didn't really read.

Image this could have been an interesting discussion on ultimatums and how we structure our dynamics.



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Advice for New Dominants
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Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 4:09:10 PM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

Being pleasing for us .. in our context .. is not about being perfect - its about being loving, submissive, obedient and behaving with integrity. The particulars will change from day to day, week to week, as our relationship evolves ... but that core set of values for being pleasing doesn't change.



'Makes sense.......but, the four components you mention could be provided by many a woman, so how can he be certain you will always be "secure" when there are others out there who can provide that service?

I can relate to your definition of pleasing, but I'm struggling to see the leap into "your place will always be secure".


sure .. but can those 4 things be given by women who meet all the other criteria Sir is looking for? Do they share the same values as Him? Are they good house keepers? Does He find them physically attractive? Can He have intelligent discussion with them? Are they looking for TPE? Are they looking to be property? Do they get turned on by ironing?

When 100 people go for a plum job ... only one of them is getting the job in the end right? .. Given that maybe the final 15 all could do the job, there was something about the person who was selected that the panel decided was what they wanted. So unless the new employee begins to actively fuck up ... like taking 3 hours lunches or not meeting deadlines - they aren't going to get replaced unless they work for an unethical company.

We have a contract .. I keep to my side of it .. He keeps to His ... I don't get released against my will.

that help any?

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





(in reply to NorthernGent)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 4:11:20 PM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		MR,

I tried?

Actually, charlotte and I went through this on the cruise.  She was having a tough time balancing between being my slave, and being the girl her family has known for years.  It was the first time I'd met her grandmother, her uncle, her aunt, her two cousins and their husbands.  A point came halfway through, when she broke down, and sobbed that she didn't know if she could remain my slave.  I took off her collar, on the spot.  She sobbed more, and finally slept.  In the morning, we talked about it; that I love her, and want her in my life.  If she can't be my slave, then we can explore her being my submissive, or just my girlfriend.  The issue of love does not hinge on her slavery; the issue of her slavery hinges on her positive desire to be my slave (and my desire to keep her as one.)  I don't want to keep a slave, who doesn't know for certain that she wants to be my slave.  She begged my collar again, later that day; her 12 hours of freedom were enough to realize that she's happiest when she is my slave, and that person is the one her family needs to learn to love.  These aren't changes I've made in her; it's a person she's always been, and always wanted to be. 

Stephan

< Message edited by Stephann -- 6/24/2008 4:16:45 PM >

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 4:15:20 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

MR,

I tried?

Actually, charlotte and I went through this on the cruise.  She was having a tough time balancing between being my slave, and being the girl her family has known for years.  It was the first time I'd met her grandmother, her uncle, her aunt, her two cousins and their husbands.  A point came halfway through, when she broke down, and sobbed that she didn't know if she could remain my slave.  I took off her collar, on the spot.  She sobbed more, and finally slept.  In the morning, we talked about it; that I love her, and want her in my life.  If she can't be my slave, then we can explore her being my submissive, or just my girlfriend.  The issue of love does not hinge on her slavery; the issue of her slavery hinges on her positive desire to be my slave (and my desire to keep her as one.)  I don't want to keep a slave, who doesn't know for certain that she wants to be my slave.  She begged my collar again, later that day; her 12 hours of freedom were enough to realize that she's happiest when she is my slave, and that person is the one her family needs to learn to love.  These are changes I've made in her; it's a person she's always been, and always wanted to be. 

Stephan


 
I enjoyed your post and Charlotte's. It's just a shame they got lost in 4 pages of clutter.
 
That's a very poignant story, Stephann. I have not had that experience yet, but I imagine I will eventually if things continue the way they are and I eventually spend time with my girl's parents.
 
I do know it can be a bit difficult to find that happy medium between our different identities. I've had to put my own share of thought into how to handle certain things to find the balance.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 4:40:27 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

Being pleasing for us .. in our context .. is not about being perfect - its about being loving, submissive, obedient and behaving with integrity. The particulars will change from day to day, week to week, as our relationship evolves ... but that core set of values for being pleasing doesn't change.



'Makes sense.......but, the four components you mention could be provided by many a woman, so how can he be certain you will always be "secure" when there are others out there who can provide that service?

I can relate to your definition of pleasing, but I'm struggling to see the leap into "your place will always be secure".


sure .. but can those 4 things be given by women who meet all the other criteria Sir is looking for? Do they share the same values as Him? Are they good house keepers? Does He find them physically attractive? Can He have intelligent discussion with them? Are they looking for TPE? Are they looking to be property? Do they get turned on by ironing?

When 100 people go for a plum job ... only one of them is getting the job in the end right? .. Given that maybe the final 15 all could do the job, there was something about the person who was selected that the panel decided was what they wanted. So unless the new employee begins to actively fuck up ... like taking 3 hours lunches or not meeting deadlines - they aren't going to get replaced unless they work for an unethical company.

We have a contract .. I keep to my side of it .. He keeps to His ... I don't get released against my will.

that help any?


Those are the reasons I am secure.
HM could find many people willing to do what He wants...but, some of them do not have the same intellect, turn on ability (for Him), and personality that I do.
I feel pretty confident; even if my role is to be His pleasure slave.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 6:31:30 PM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

MR,

I tried?

Actually, charlotte and I went through this on the cruise.  She was having a tough time balancing between being my slave, and being the girl her family has known for years.  It was the first time I'd met her grandmother, her uncle, her aunt, her two cousins and their husbands.  A point came halfway through, when she broke down, and sobbed that she didn't know if she could remain my slave.  I took off her collar, on the spot.  She sobbed more, and finally slept.  In the morning, we talked about it; that I love her, and want her in my life.  If she can't be my slave, then we can explore her being my submissive, or just my girlfriend.  The issue of love does not hinge on her slavery; the issue of her slavery hinges on her positive desire to be my slave (and my desire to keep her as one.)  I don't want to keep a slave, who doesn't know for certain that she wants to be my slave.  She begged my collar again, later that day; her 12 hours of freedom were enough to realize that she's happiest when she is my slave, and that person is the one her family needs to learn to love.  These aren't changes I've made in her; it's a person she's always been, and always wanted to be. 

Stephan
Thanks for sharing that....it made me have an actually throat tightening moment...a bunch of "what if?"scenarios started flashing in my mind.  Touching. 

Sure...it's all fun and games until Somebody meets my Nana....

_____________________________

Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 100
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