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RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 2:14:37 PM

DominantJenny

Posts: 645
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

actually cali i struggled to post calmly. I was shocked to find my name peppered across an OP and had to pause to compose myself.

Personally I would have appreciated Treasure's concerns with regard to me and Dv to be asked in private, and a more general - non specific post put up on the boards.

at no point did I put my security up for deabte on the boards ... if someone had concerns about it they should have contcted me directly .. not used it as fodder for the boards

For the record, I really believe Treasure wasn't actually concerned about you and DV and tried to convey that and address the issue in broader terms. That's how I read the OP, with no investment in either of you other than general awareness that both of you come across as intelligent people. I could be wrong, of course, but I suspect Treasure is going to be very upset that she offended you (and others on your behalf.)

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 41

RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 2:14:44 PM

fairerthanshe

Posts: 3035
Joined: 1/18/2007
Status: offline

~FR~

Be pleasing is certainly what I would consider a basic tenant of all servitude. Is it really so far fetched to believe that a relationship with power exchange would have this as one of its guidelines?

The prime directive in my service to SJ is "Suffer for me". Anybody got a problem with that? Probably not since we openly talk about pain and the giving and receiving of it all the time. Don't we? So why is it that being pleasing in service is suddenly looked down upon?

It's a power exchange relationship.

well wishes ~ fairer than she

_____________________________

The Nuclear Bomb of Awesome, rockin' the MoFo Hawk, still a bad-ass with a bouncy attitude, and spreading joy as a predator in Hello Kitty panties

Recently honored with membership in the West Coast Assholes

(in reply to phoenixrising43)

Post #: 42

RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 2:15:03 PM

TreasureKY

Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

... Other people (like the OP) have raised doubts on my behalf, without asking me first if I minded being used as an example...

... I get the idea someone might be questioning me .. so colour me human for defending myself and the things I value

Forgive me, softness... I intended in no way to question you or your values. I completely understood your meaning and agree that it is a usual understanding in relationships... and rightly so. Who, indeed, would stay with someone they did not find pleasing?

What I attempted to convey was the uneasy feeling that was generated by the comment I quoted you on. I've seen that same comment made before by other dominants and fairly frequently... your example just provoked my current train of thought and provided a specific instance so that I didn't have to resort to a generic "I've heard dominants say..." Too often that kind of beginning leads to accusations of generalizing and a blurs the whole point of the post.

As for the point of the post, it was not to question you or your relationship, at all... rather it was to question the use of vague ultimatums, especially ones that expound upon requirements that appear to be a given in most types of personal relationships. I cannot imagine someone not caring if their relationship partner pleased them or not. And while we all seem to have the same general understanding as to what the ultimatum means, it does leave much open to interpretation and misunderstanding... as well as putting a dominant in the position of having made a demand that is generally understood to be not what it sounds like.

Again, I do apologize if this came off as insulting to you and DV.

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

Firstly i am absolutely disgusted that treasure ky would post such a derogative thread about someone. I used to respect you ......

MissT... I do applaud your defense of softness and indignation on her behalf, but I believe you've misjudged me badly.

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 43

RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 2:16:48 PM

TheGaggingWh0re

Posts: 222
Joined: 1/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

what charlotte said ... with bells on

thanks hun .. *kisses* ... always there when I need you

Yeah, I gotta agree.
In a way I think it's a wee bit unfair that your personal life is being dissected by people. But...really, if it makes you both work and you're not bothered by it, then kudos!

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 44

RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 2:22:29 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

quote:

As for the point of the post, it was not to question you or your relationship, at all... rather it was to question the use of vague ultimatums, especially ones that expound upon requirements that appear to be a given in most types of personal relationships.

By using softness as an example you made her quote that you used sound like one of these vague ultimatums you speak of. I just think it would have been polite to approach her before using her in this way.

quote:

MissT... I do applaud your defense of softness and indignation on her behalf, but I believe you've misjudged me badly.

If i have i apologise but Softness is very very special to me and i am fiercely defensive of those people who are.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to TreasureKY)

Post #: 45

RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 2:23:08 PM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

Thank you for you apology Treasure .. I did take it as personal, perhaps I can be accused as being over sensitive, thank you for making it more clear what you meant.

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to TheGaggingWh0re)

Post #: 46

RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 2:23:37 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Honey Master told me in the beginning all I have to do is S.H.O.P.

Serve
Honor
Obey
Please

It's a lot like what was brought up in that question. Have I always done those things? Absolutely not.
But I strive to.
As long as I attempt to, and He sees me trying, my position is secure.
I suspect the same is true in Softness' case.

yes ... Sir's needs are simple, and He has made it clear how to get there ... I don't feel insecure in my position at all .. I doubt anyone would either if they were in the position Christina and I are in.

Well...sometimes He puts me in some very insecure positions...

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 47

RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 2:26:00 PM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Honey Master told me in the beginning all I have to do is S.H.O.P.

Serve
Honor
Obey
Please

It's a lot like what was brought up in that question. Have I always done those things? Absolutely not.
But I strive to.
As long as I attempt to, and He sees me trying, my position is secure.
I suspect the same is true in Softness' case.

yes ... Sir's needs are simple, and He has made it clear how to get there ... I don't feel insecure in my position at all .. I doubt anyone would either if they were in the position Christina and I are in.

Well...sometimes He puts me in some very insecure positions...

yah .. and you just *hate* it dontcha?

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 48

RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 2:27:14 PM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

I'll admit, I find it tiresome that you have to continue to defend your relationship...

you're good to do that... it must be tedious...

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

Thank you for you apology Treasure .. I did take it as personal, perhaps I can be accused as being over sensitive, thank you for making it more clear what you meant.

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 49

RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 2:27:34 PM

came4U

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline

quote:

I have no idea if you read that thread. To be honest you are irrevelant to me and not a poster i look out for. Did i even mention the other thread? I said you had twisted what was put here. An obvious rhetorical question was not obvious to you? Well if not, my bad.
As for going by the info at hand, all well and good except even the op of this thread does not know for definite what softness meant by the opening quote. Second hand info is not often correct or quoted in the same context as first hand info. And even then there is a lot of misunderstanding here.

exactly what explains my reply on the subject doesn't it (before this girl/subject of the top even arrived).

My reply was...generic, that anyone who is unsure of what the 'topic' implies should get an answer from the Master involved.

Don't claim I did this all to be petty and take her/softness's assumed problem to find enjoyment from it.

Read.

If I thought she really was wondering/worried if she is going to be tossed if displeasing (or other wording on the topic) once she DID post later on, Not up to me to decide if she is joking/being rhetorical or not. Maybe because you know her better you KNOW she is??

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 50

RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 2:30:08 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Honey Master told me in the beginning all I have to do is S.H.O.P.

Serve
Honor
Obey
Please

It's a lot like what was brought up in that question. Have I always done those things? Absolutely not.
But I strive to.
As long as I attempt to, and He sees me trying, my position is secure.
I suspect the same is true in Softness' case.

yes ... Sir's needs are simple, and He has made it clear how to get there ... I don't feel insecure in my position at all .. I doubt anyone would either if they were in the position Christina and I are in.

Well...sometimes He puts me in some very insecure positions...

yah .. and you just *hate* it dontcha?

*nods* yep...

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 51

RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 2:31:38 PM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

ok Da Boss Man has spoken .. and now I paraphrase

We carefully negotiated 2 ultimatums. Softness is secure for as long as she is pleasing, and Dark Victory is secure as long as He is responsible. In our HEALTHY relationship those ultimatums sit quietly in the background. In an UNHEALTHY relationship we would be constantly aiming them at each other .. using them as sticks to beat each other with,

DV and I are both people who deal with firm foundations .. and bottom lines. That pair of ultimatums are the foundation of our relationship ... and we are building upon them. For us they are healthy .. for others they are unhealthy.

< Message edited by softness -- 6/24/2008 2:32:27 PM >

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 52

RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 2:32:00 PM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

fast reply

going back to the original post, i personally would see "be pleasing or else..." as an ultimatum and it wouldn't certainly work for me.

i have respect that it works for softness and hers.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 53

RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 2:42:39 PM

gypsygrl

Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline

quote:

.. He will not seek to replace me as long as I am pleasing ...

quote:

Which brings me to the crux of why softness’ statement “bothered” me… because it is voiced, it is an ultimatum. Please me or you will be replaced.

When I read this it gave me pause. I have deep abandonment issues that can be triggered by the most subltlist thing, and I was like, 'ya see! theres another d-type looking for an excuse to get rid of his s!'

I don't think that kind of ultimatum is good for a relationship but I'm sure that opinion is informed by my internal intimacy model. An ultimatum might work for someone else. In any case, it bears to keep in mind that if someone has the sort of deep abandonment anxiety that I do, there's no way to really make them feel secure. There are ways of minimizing insecurity, and that might include avoiding ultimatums, but thats not the real issue.

_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin

(in reply to TreasureKY)

Post #: 54

RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 2:46:57 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

"If you do X Y Z, your place with me will always be secure."

My problem with this type of statement is that it's utter non-sense. The reason being, that people evolve and change as months and years go by.

There is no possible way that any human being can be sure that they will always and forever want to remain with another. I know we like to believe otherwise, but I don't think it's realistic. Just look at how many marriages end. "I promise to love and obey, cherish and be faithful till death do us part" Of course when people say that it's the truth, on that day, but years, or even months later, that 'truth' can and often does change.

I have come to realize that words mean almost nothing and that no one can ever really be secure in any kind of real way, other than in their reality that exists today. Tomorrow it could change in what seems to be a heartbeat. I would like to believe there is such a thing as feeling relatively secure for a period of time, but to believe in an absolute like "As long as I do xyz this person will always keep me" is, quite frankly, foolish.

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to TreasureKY)

Post #: 55

RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 2:51:15 PM

came4U

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline

two more postings that interpret her/this situation personally as fodder.

Will it continue that someone else gets bashed for entertaining thoughts of her and her relationship having some sort of flaw or just towards those that some decide to attack some and not others?

< Message edited by came4U -- 6/24/2008 2:53:09 PM >

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 56

RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 2:57:33 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

two more postings that interpret her/this situation personally as fodder.

Will it continue that someone else gets bashed for entertaining thoughts of her and her relationship having some sort of flaw or just towards those that some decide to attack some and not others?

If this was to me, I am not "bashing", "attacking" or "interpreting" anyone's particular "situation". I made a general statement as to my beliefs on absolute statements such as "I'll always keep you as long as..."

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to came4U)

Post #: 57

RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 2:58:52 PM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

quote:

ORIGINAL: came4U

two more postings that interpret her/this situation personally as fodder.

Will it continue that someone else gets bashed for entertaining thoughts of her and her relationship having some sort of flaw or just towards those that some decide to attack some and not others?

If this was to me, I am not "bashing", "attacking" or "interpreting" anyone's particular "situation". I made a general statement as to my beliefs on absolute statements such as "I'll always keep you as long as..."

marie .. came4u is not directing this at you .. dont worry .. I found your post interesting by the way .. not in agreement with it .. but interesting perspective

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 58

RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 3:00:03 PM

came4U

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline

quote:

If this was to me, I am not "bashing", "attacking" or "interpreting" anyone's particular "situation". I made a general statement as to my beliefs on absolute statements such as "I'll always keep you as long as..."

no no, sorry, did fast reply. I meant the two above ya.

btw. I don't think softness anticipated this much work today (on a forum) lol.

What a mess.

< Message edited by came4U -- 6/24/2008 3:01:47 PM >

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 59

RE: Be Pleasing, Or Else... - 6/24/2008 3:01:28 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

ah ok. Thanks for clarifying. :)

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to came4U)

Post #: 60

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