Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex.


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 3:33:13 PM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: jesiul

How does the Dom then think, is this friend saying this because he wants a repeat session or only because he admires her submissiveness, beauty or talents?

Then there is the moment that you see your girl hugging one of those friends, talking quietly to them or she points out that they have arrived. Is this because she thinks of them only as friends and enjoys their company?

Then there is the opposite side, one of those Friends says something, it unflattering about your girl. Is it because he no longer values her as a person?  Feels she is nothing more than meat to be used?


At the risk of dipping into the stereotype pool... this sounds like classic "female" overthinking to me.  I'd be interested to know from guys if any of those thoughts would occur to them (for a second dip into the stereotype pool).

Cali



Count me in as an overthinker because those thoughts crossed my mind as well. 

I know everyone is different, as are their circle of friends, but I've always wondered about how sharing ones woman with another man or men would play out later, particularly when it involves social interactions. 

I could probably add to the overthinking list of questions with some of my own!


(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 3:36:58 PM   
Wickad


Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline 		(fast reply)

Greetings,

I think the real differences between the way men view a GB and the way women view one has a lot to do with their role and their expectations and demands of the sexual interaction.

I participated in a GB years ago when I was single.  The people who were involved were not into BDSM and there were no D/s overtones.  The experience taught me that I really wasn't interested in doing it again.  Because I entered into the dynamic of my own free will, I had no one to 'blame' but myself.  It did not ruin my relationship because I was not in one.

The reason that I was really unsatisfied by the GB was because it was all about the guys involved.  In my fantasies I sat back and everyone pleased me.  In reality, I spent a great deal of time coordinating the effort and keeping the rhythms right, and ... basically, exerting myself to ensure that the other people involved enjoyed themselves.  I did not take the time to concentrate on my own pleasure.  I've noticed that as a woman (and other women's experiences may vary) I have to 'look' inward to find the place that allows me to have my greatest pleasure.  If I'm concentrating on logistics I don't have the time to do this and therefore the experience, though enjoyable, is also rather hollow.

How does this relate to D/s??

If a Dominant woman is involved in a GB, then she is calling the shots and she can lay back and decide what she wants, how she wants, and when she wants.  This will give her the time to fully experience the pleasure that she is looking for.  If a member of the GB does not conform to her pleasure then she is in a position to exclude him.  This being said, I don't know of many Dominant women (okay, I don't know of any, actually) who engage in this dynamic.  They may have a threesome but I have yet to hear of a Mistress and her harem of fuck toys.

As a submissive woman (and of course not all submissive women are the same),  I don't think they would have the authority to tell a participant to 'back off' or even to direct them in her pleasure.  Most submissive women are very into 'giving' and 'pleasing'.  Because of this natural inclination, and the overt D/s tones brought to the dynamic, I think a submissive woman would harbour some resentment towards her Dominant.  There would be a feeling that her feelings and her pleasure had not been taken into consideration.

As for a female slave ... well, this might be an entirely different matter.  I've never been a slave so I don't have a lot of insight into that mentality.

I hope my thoughts have added to the discussion and I would like to reiterate that these are only 'my thoughts', yours may vary.

Wickad

(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 3:38:30 PM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		The damage done to the self esteem and emotional balance of some women involved in sexual practices that are designed only for the pleasure of men is totally unmeaurable but we see lots of evidence of it on this site.
Sexual and emotional abuse has ruined my life.
I came into the lifestyle for the thereputical aspect of pain and found that 'using' a man I loved who loved me for my sexual pleasure also had a thereputical affect.
Without love on both sides sex of any kind is emotionally damaging for me.
I'm sure there are others both men and women who would be damaged perhaps beyond repair by a gang bang experience. As has been pointed out being in control is very different than doing something for someone else's pleasure.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 3:41:23 PM   
brat4fun


Posts: 47
Joined: 4/27/2008
Status: offline 		I spent over four years happily hanging out at a swinger's club as a single woman. (This is not the right venue for a discussion about singles being swingers... Cmail me if you wanna talk about that.)  I started attending the club when I belonged to my former Master.  It was a long-distance relationship and he wanted a "safe" venue where I could be used by as many as possible.

Check that.... he wanted me to be used by as many as possible... I wanted the safe venue for that.  According to him, I was not allowed to say no to any man that wanted me.  He was very into humiliation and mind-f***s... he would often tell me that I was nothing more that a walking set of f***holes and tits.

I really did have a lot of fun at the club, and I met some great people, and had a lot of good sex.  Had  a lot of not so good sex, too, but for the most part enjoyed myself.

My former Master was, when all was said and done, not the right man for me.  I ended that relationship about three years ago.  I took a much-needed break from the BDSM side of my life, but stayed very active in the swing club.  For quite a while that's how I identified myself.  I was a slut and pretty much all I was good for was sex.  Even though the gentlemen (and ladies) at the swing club were obviously appreciative of me as a playmate, and genuinely liked me as a person, I felt pretty hollow.  As if my welcome at the club would have been worn out if I didn't put out.  That wasn't the case, but it's what it felt like.

I took about a year off from the club as well.... I've only recently started going back.  Since my return I've noticed that my pattern of behavior has shifted.  I spend a lot more time downstairs socializing and only play with one or two gentleman/couples that I like.  I no longer make myself available to just anyone.

I was invited to a swinger's house party with a friend of mine.  I pretty much ended up being "fresh meat" that night.  Just sort of tossed to the wolves.  I wasn't hurt at all, and I'm fairly certain that if I'd said no, they would have stopped, but I ended up being the center of attention for about 10 guys.  I lost track of who was where and when.... the guy that brought me was watching the whole time.  Physically, the sensations were not unpleasant.  Emotionally, I was detached enough at the time to not be bothered all that much.  It's not an experience that I'd care to repeat, though.

It might be different if it were a situation set up by a man that I loved and trusted, rather that just a casual f***-buddy, but somehow I doubt it.  I'm a slut.  I'm happy with that.  It's part of who I am.  It is, however, only a part of me.  I am not a piece of meat.  I am also not some sexual predator, seeking out cock left, right and center.

At this point in my life, I want a man who wants me all to himself.  Perhaps one day I'd be ok with being shared with one or two of my Master's close friends for sex.  Perhaps not.  I don't think I could ever be part of a gang-bang again, though.

Anne

(in reply to rulemylife)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 3:46:49 PM   
Isabelah


Posts: 25
Joined: 4/7/2008
Status: offline 		I can see GBs as highly emotionally and mentally destructive even if the person initially consents. I once watched a HBO real sex or something on sex, and a woman was a new pornstar and she was doing all of these different adult films one of them was a GB. While doing the GB the woman didn't realize the physically and mental implications of the GB. She pleaded for them to stop, started crying, and had to leave the set.  She later stated that she would never do it again. She was severely sore & red physically from it and mentally/emotionally she felt she had been raped. It also made her feel vulnerable and out of control.

I just don't think it is healthy.

< Message edited by Isabelah -- 6/26/2008 3:47:36 PM >

(in reply to lateralist1)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 3:57:55 PM   
FRSguy


Posts: 653
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick


At the risk of dipping into the stereotype pool... this sounds like classic "female" overthinking to me.  I'd be interested to know from guys if any of those thoughts would occur to them (for a second dip into the stereotype pool).

Cali



I have had group sex with ex girlfriends and to be honest I have never felt that way.  Somehow there is a sense of power in a woman that is very sexual and the thought of my girl being that powerful and at the same time me being over her is a good thought.  I allways carefully plan things out and if I were to do such a thing with her it would be very carefully planned and the bulls would be watched carefully and instructed on what can and cant be said durring the scene and what can and can not be done. I think a GB would serve a lot of perposes but only if carefully controled... it wouldnt be at all about the mens pleasure but about the girls experience.

As it stands now I can think of things that I would like to do but would never ask because I would have bad thoughts of her... those thoughts stay with me and I never ask her to do those things nor would I.

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 4:03:03 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

Hiya amy....

i honestly think i could get up from the pile and know for a fact that im more than a servicehole....altho that is my favorite nic in the right company.
my question is more along the lines of what happens if the girl thinks shes not?


My thought on this lifestyle is the following: It is not for the faint of heart.

beyond that i think that we can take any situation, be it, rape, murder, fire, loss of a job, anything at all that is disasterous, and choose how we want to have it effect us...

If she chooses to allow it to damage herself worth, then that is a choice, the act itself did not do that to her, she did that to her, she made that choice. i know that sounds harsh, but i am not judging her for the choice she is making, but i too will not buy into the illusion that she is a victim....i dont believe in victims, bad things happen of that i have no doubt, but being a victim is a mindset that we choose to my mind.

What i like about creating a scene, orchestrating an enviroment that there is some control over, is that one gets to play with the psyche, in a lot of ways, and what i have said before it is that i look at the bdsm scene enviroment as an emotional, spiritual dojo, where one can practice the skills of life in a controlled enviroment....but like i said this journey is not for the faint of heart....or at least that is not what my journey is for me.






_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 4:04:55 PM   
NormalOutside


Posts: 622
Joined: 1/8/2008
Status: offline 		great post, crouchingtigress.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 4:16:55 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		Aloha Normaloutside,

Thank you for the kindwords, and please call me amy, i too have enjoyed the entire 6 post exchange with persphone, what a delicious mind she has.

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to NormalOutside)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 4:24:22 PM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		you stop that.....teehee

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 4:24:52 PM   
NormalOutside


Posts: 622
Joined: 1/8/2008
Status: offline 		Well amy, you seem to be an extremely intelligent person with a lot of knowledge, including about yourself.  Lee is lucky to have you!  Just reading your journal, profile, and several of your posts, it's quite obvious that I'm going to be paying particular attention to any others of yours I run across.  I'll refrain from using the word "enlightened" lest it affect you ego too much ;)  I'd love to hear about your experience with "peeling back the layers", if you ever go for it.  That sounds amazing, and it makes me wish I had more knowledge about it.

I hope everyone in this thread reads the posts you made here.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 4:26:33 PM   
NormalOutside


Posts: 622
Joined: 1/8/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

you stop that.....teehee

Come now.... I'm pretty sure amy has it right.  You've got your head screwed on properly, too.  :)

(in reply to persephonee)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 4:29:06 PM   
NormalOutside


Posts: 622
Joined: 1/8/2008
Status: offline 		Sorry for the sidetrack, OP.  My limited experience:

My girl would LOVE a gangbang situation.  She's very young but it's been a fantasy of hers since she was, well, little.  Some of her first sexual thoughts included humiliation, rough use, multiple males, etc.  For myself, I'm possessive, and would have a lot of trouble allowing her to be used by other males.  However, I see it as something that SHOULDN'T freak me out as much as it does, so I'm on a slow mission to find out why it bothers me so much, and if there's a way to "think around it".  Part of me knows how hot and rewarding it could be.  I may not be ready for it right now, but the time may come.  I'm keeping an open mind.

(in reply to variation30)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 4:32:48 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FRSguy

It was discussed a little in the Gangbang thread and in its offshoot however a statement made by the madrabbit really kind of got me wondering.  This concept of a woman being emotionally damaged by sexual acts even though all the people involved in the sexual act are supportive of it.  My question is why?  I don’t really get it.  I’m sure its just because I am a guy and the thought of having seven or eight woman at a time and having sex to my physical max potential is rather hot. So why isn’t the thought of such activities for woman so unpleasant?  Where does this feeling come from?  For those that do engage in activities that most woman would have problems with how do you work around it? 

In my mind a submissive it totally not responsible for doing anything she is asked to do and the people involved should not be involved if they are not truly 100% supportive of the submissive efforts  in offering herself as meat for her dominant and whatever he chooses to do with it.  If its something that could end up placing the sub in jail or cause medical risks then I can defiantly see where she might say no however the thought of a woman who relishes the idea of being used to her potential by her Dom in any way he sees fit being emotionally damaged from such acts just doesn’t completely add up with me and I know my attitude id naïve or stupid but its something that derails me.

Just so you know I am one of those Doms that would adore seeing his girl in a Gangbang but I know that she could never do it.  I don’t understand why because I am of the type that would just plain be really supportive of it and she know this…. However, it’s a hard limit and a topic I will never bring up with her and I am totally okay with that.



This is all so gender biased and most of the responses that I cannot get my head around any of it to answer.
Anyway for those coming at the question and the answers from a gander specific perspectuve it is mostly to do with sociobiology. (Simply put it takes one man and only one of his few billion sperm to impregnate her. Sociobiological basis of sex: job done). Straights have a hard time fighting against their atavistic instincts.
Gimme some metrosexual fun anyday. Oh alright pomosexual fun....anyway I'm gonna stay off these ubersex threads they do my head in.

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 6/26/2008 4:43:19 PM >

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to FRSguy)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 5:42:31 PM   
jesiul


Posts: 111
Joined: 7/16/2005
Status: offline 		t
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: jesiul

How does the Dom then think, is this friend saying this because he wants a repeat session or only because he admires her submissiveness, beauty or talents?

Then there is the moment that you see your girl hugging one of those friends, talking quietly to them or she points out that they have arrived. Is this because she thinks of them only as friends and enjoys their company?

Then there is the opposite side, one of those Friends says something, it unflattering about your girl. Is it because he no longer values her as a person?  Feels she is nothing more than meat to be used?


At the risk of dipping into the stereotype pool... this sounds like classic "female" overthinking to me.  I'd be interested to know from guys if any of those thoughts would occur to them (for a second dip into the stereotype pool).

Cali



Stereotype thinking or (group thinking) is the reason I have those questions, few of us are capable of thinking outside of the box. A generalized or social standard is common and is broadly the accepted way of thinking.  A collectively held belief by the masses doesn’t make it right or wrong, just makes it the standard by which most hold things for judgments.

Of course all things considered there are some who do not fall into such a category; however most do that’s why it’s called stereotype thinking.

The questions are all things that happen after and beyond the scene, does anyone really plan for what happens much later. It makes me think of a quote; “They all plan up to the perfect murder, few plan what to do after it.”

~jesi~


_____________________________

*When others asked the truth of me, I was convinced it was not the truth they wanted, but an illusion they could bear to live with.*

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 6:00:13 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

There was no "Wow hot girl" mentality that some people are trying to pass off.


And who's trying to pass that off as being the standard of gangbangs?

Certainly not me unless you wanted to make some gross misinterruptation of my speculation on the subject...

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to Lynnxz)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 6:23:23 PM   
DarkVictory


Posts: 247
Joined: 8/7/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lateralist1
Sexual and emotional abuse has ruined my life.
[snip]
Without love on both sides sex of any kind is emotionally damaging for me.
[snip]


Wow.  Just wow.  My dad was an emotionally and physically abusive alcoholic.  On at least one occasion, the neighbors got to see him chasing me with a 2x4.  I'm a light skinned red-head - On another occasion, my dad had me digging a hole in the back yard with a pick-axe and no shirt during the height of a central california august, all the while drunkenly berating me with every name in the book.  I'm very familiar with physical and emotional abuse.

It didn't ruin my life.  Only I can ruin my life.  My dad is dead and gone, but it would be easy to have the abuse live well past the abuser.

I can relate to the situation, but your sentiment is utterly alien.

(in reply to lateralist1)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 6:47:07 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I am not so tied into being in an mutual love relationship before having sex.  I like sex.  I do however find I like it so much more when I enjoy the man I am with.  Sex is nice but there is nothing memorable for me when it is sex for sex' sake.  Heck, I can do it better on my own, I like me.  Casual encounters don't do a lot for me so I don't engage in them because it is more trouble than masturbating.
I want to want the man I am with, even after his dick goes soft.  I want him to want to be seen with me, to take me out, to show the world that I am not a backroom relationship.
And that is the crux.  For some people, myself included, just being a hole is not special.
It leaves me empty and empty is a void where I dwell on the negative.  "Not good enough" 
Gang bangs, or sharing, are fine for people who can.  But for many of us it is not a hot fantasy which makes us feel desired.  It only makes me feel like a hole, a void, not good enough.
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: lateralist1
Without love on both sides sex of any kind is emotionally damaging for me.
I'm sure there are others both men and women who would be damaged perhaps beyond repair by a gang bang experience. As has been pointed out being in control is very different than doing something for someone else's pleasure.


_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to lateralist1)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 6:57:19 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline 		I’m just going to toss out some thoughts here.
 
What a man sees as “conquest” with fucking 7 females.. the women would see it as a game with a subtle good natured competition among them. The male participant would simply be a dick with feet.
 
The scenario where a female that submits to this situation of a GB is doing it because she wants to please her master, seems like a great idea at first.
 
She can zone out and feel nothing during the charade.  Or if she enjoys it, her dom sees her in a different light.  She may be his possession, but she has crossed over.  She is playing the part way too well and is no longer HIS private slut. 
 
A friend of mine did a fantasy she always wanted involving 3 guys at once that was set up by her dominant.  I always thought 5 at once  (3 holes, 2 hands, no waiting) would be fun and asked her how it was.  She said they all went at different speeds- totally engrossed in themselves and she couldn’t get a rhythm going thus basically being a vessel.
 
The bottom line was “some things are best left as fantasies”.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to FRSguy)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. - 6/26/2008 7:13:58 PM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

There was no "Wow hot girl" mentality that some people are trying to pass off.


And who's trying to pass that off as being the standard of gangbangs?

Certainly not me unless you wanted to make some gross misinterruptation of my speculation on the subject...


Nooo not you! Actually my rant wasn't directed at anyone in particular, I'm sorry if it came off that way.


_____________________________

HBIC



(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 60
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109