StrangerThan
Posts: 1515
Joined: 4/25/2008
Status: offline
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I'm not sure where all the gangbang/sharing threads are coming from right now, but honestly, there is no pat answer for this type of question, whether it be gangbang related or sharing. It's not like rule number 431 in the Dom handbook that in order to be truly domly one must or must not. It's a people thing. It's a relationship thing. It's a knowing your submissive, knowing her buttons, knowing yourself, knowing which buttons to push and when and which to tease, and which to simply leave alone. As I wrote in another thread, I've shared my submissive before and will again. That doesn't mean that statement applies to every situation or every relationship I've ever had.
People are fragile at times in "normal" areas even though they may be one of the kinkiest people on earth in the right circumstance. Some are also stronger than you might expect in those same areas even though during every day life they may come across as completely different.
It boils down to a couple of things for me. Seeing her fucked is not why I do it. It's not a porn type thing, not a get-off kind of thing. It is also not something that HAS to be. If you truly care about your submissive, finding the hot button things is usually good. Knowing what to do with them however is where the caring comes in. Just because a person has a particular type of fantasy or responds to it in session when you play with the concept with her/him doesn't mean that specific action should ever be taken. And the first person you have to ask whether or not they can handle it, isn't your submissive, it's you. Regardless of what you're trying to establish or want her to feel, if you can't deal with it, it will be destructive and damaging. Knowing you can handle it doesn't mean the relationship can or she can though. There are really three sides to consider and three sides to address. The you, her and the us of who you are. After care takes on a whole new meaning as well. You have to show her, not just tell her, show her in actions and not just words that the us of who you are is still whole.
And even then, there are ways to play with the response that never reach the actual stage of sharing. Shrugging here. There are people who will do what they want regardless of how it makes a submissive feel. In the realm of many relationships, it works because both need that kind of dynamic. When I think of what I want her to learn and what I want her to feel however, it is wrapped in the knowledge that I want her afterward, that no matter what, she still belongs. That means sometimes inducing elements that play with that type of need, but not necessarily realizing it if I think she will ultimately be hurt by it. After all, while we may take great pleasure in whipping her ass, reducing her at times to our own personal slut, treating her in ways that we would never allow anyone else to treat her, the intent is never to truly hurt. I've always believed that the best submissive is one who knows her worth to you, knows her value, knows you need her as much as she needs you, and because of it, knows exactly what it is she gives you. There's an oftentimes over exagerated sense of submission as a gift. It is, but the true gift is the harmony that exists when it's right between the people, when both give what the other needs, take what they need, and do it within the boundaries of keeping the relationship strong and complete and growing. Whether or not there are ever gangbangs or anyone is shared, if you truly care about each other, your acvtions should always follow those lines.
These types of threads draw comment from both sides in strict terms sometimes, those who do and will, and those who don't or can't. There's nothing wrong with either side if it works for the people. There is everything wrong with either side if one simply does it for themselves and not within the scope of building the relationship.
When I do share a submissive, it's not my desire to see her used or fucked that brings it about. It is something I see in her that I know if done right will make the bond between us stronger. And with me, it means keeping the control strong, keeping the sense of her safety strong regardless of what is done, keeping these sense of her and myself strong through it. Sometimes that's nothing more than letting someone watch her. Sometimes it's just the hint or suggestion of it in play. Sometimes it happens. There is no pat answer. The answer lies within you and your submissive.
My mantra has been for a long time that it's not so much what, but how. That "how" should always be encircled by your relationship because if you break it, you've lost what you cared about and no fantasy, no hot moment, no lesson to be taught is worth that. Again, just my 2 cents.
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RE: Gangbang related - Emotionaly destructive sex. - 
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