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Could you ever go back to vanilla... - 6/28/2008 1:32:43 PM   
ponyboyachilles


Posts: 27
Joined: 3/14/2008
Status: offline 		Could you ever go back to vanilla after experiencing what BDSM has to offer? I have found vanilla sex singularly unsatisfying after all the kinky play I've enjoyed.  But I still enjoy the time I spend with someone I love and sexual and sensual play with her, even if not kinky time or actively doing a scene.  How about you?

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lifestyle ponyboy in training to the wondrous Mistress Nicolette
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RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... - 6/28/2008 1:40:21 PM   
darchChylde


Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline 		Absolutely i could.  But i don't have to or want to.  i was away from the lifestyle for five years, it wasn't that hard to close off that part of myself; but would i want to do that again?  No, i don't think so.

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RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... - 6/28/2008 1:42:09 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		Yes I could, but no, I don't want to.

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Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

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RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... - 6/28/2008 1:48:19 PM   
Shadow-tiger


Posts: 1775
Joined: 6/8/2008
From: California
Status: offline 		Can and did. Now I need to recover from that trip through the desert on a horse with no name...

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RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... - 6/28/2008 1:48:20 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Yes, I could, and in the past I have.

Today, it's a matter of not wanting to.


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RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... - 6/28/2008 2:25:14 PM   
WarriorsGirl


Posts: 20
Joined: 3/22/2008
Status: offline 		Could I have vanilla sex?  Sure.  Could I have a relationship in which all was vanilla?  No.  It's our dynamic which makes any intimacy with each other, from vanilla to the darkest depths of depravity, so good. 

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RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... - 6/28/2008 2:26:10 PM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline 		no..i like my chocolate and strawberry ice creams too much....

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RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... - 6/28/2008 2:27:14 PM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WarriorsGirl

Could I have vanilla sex?  Sure.  Could I have a relationship in which all was vanilla?  No.  It's our dynamic which makes any intimacy with each other, from vanilla to the darkest depths of depravity, so good. 


You said that very well! 

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RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... - 6/28/2008 2:36:02 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		no.

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RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... - 6/28/2008 2:48:04 PM   
Daes


Posts: 246
Joined: 4/20/2007
From: Diamond Bar, SoCal
Status: offline 		I guess I could.

But I have no doubt that I wouldnt be as happy or fullfilled sexually & emotionally as I am now.

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~*Estrellita*~
I want to be in surrender of His strength, of His power. Alone, I am nothing, but in His arms I am all things...

~His puppy~

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RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... - 6/28/2008 3:01:48 PM   
wwwkevinww


Posts: 276
Joined: 7/15/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ponyboyachilles

Could you ever go back to vanilla after experiencing what BDSM has to offer? I have found vanilla sex singularly unsatisfying after all the kinky play I've enjoyed.  But I still enjoy the time I spend with someone I love and sexual and sensual play with her, even if not kinky time or actively doing a scene.  How about you?


Its easier to take a vanilla and make them kinky than take someone kinky and try to make them vanilla.....

usually people are fond of past memories in kink, and have built up fetishes, not everyone is into the same fetishes....

In starting with someone already kinky, you almost gotta figure out where their headspace is, and decide if its a good fit or not.  Often its alot of preconceived notions of what things should be based on past relationships that need to be tossed out.....alot of submissives like their preconceived notions.....hey, but I was taught X was always the case.....
I love pain, I'm a painslut, I'm a "true" slave, if you cannot give me the pain I crave, then obviously your not a "true" master.  Alot of preconceived notions.....

You know, alot of people who are supposedly Vanilla do all sorts of kinky stuff, they just don't advertise it......Lets look at acting for one, they get people to pretend to be all sorts of things....its vanilla, they are training their acting skills, but there you go, they are doing different versions of puppy play, etc......

I'm sorry, if someone tells you to be a rock and don't move, or play dead, and you do it, that seems pretty submissive to me......of course it serves the purpose of acting and you are directed, but the overtones of control slip into Vanilla life all the time.....

The word control has been around alot longer than BDSM.....

My pet fetishes are I don't like to have sex with dead fishes,  i want a woman to actually move a little, not just moan alot and lay there....call me sick.....

If she can crack jokes while having sex, like Ride me like I'm a pony....she's a keeper.....

I like to think of Vanilla people as kinky but not knowing it.....if you have done past kink and aren't now, that is a choice.....but your not Vanilla.....

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RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... - 6/28/2008 3:06:46 PM   
phoenixrising43


Posts: 51
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline 		Yes I probably could, and can.  There is something about the deepness even a very close friendship and connection provides, as much as I enjoy all the kink and fantasy.  I am tending toward realism these days I guess.  At least what is real for me anyway.

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RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... - 6/28/2008 3:10:31 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		It would depend on the person. If I found someone who wasnt into the kink but who I was very much in love with, I could easily put it away. The activities I enjoy depend greatly on the person I enjoy them with. If my partner didnt like them, I wouldnt either. I do not need to be a sadist, I was quite happy without it for a long time. I do, however, need to be the one in charge of the relationship. I can do that in a vanilla setting, usually. 

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I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

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RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... - 6/28/2008 3:11:28 PM   
lally3


Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline 		no.

its nice to have intimate sex without kink, but the dynamic is always still there and horny as hell.

frankly i just wouldnt get turned on by it.  i know a guy, single (recently divorced) really really lovely guy, a sweet, warm gentleman and i know if i asked him he'd go out with me, but i wouldnt, cos i know after a time id crave for him to be my Master and that would never happen and id end up screwing it all around and him too.

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RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... - 6/28/2008 3:13:34 PM   
blackbeard519


Posts: 19
Joined: 6/8/2008
Status: offline 		I entertained the idea once, not too long ago.  An attractive, enthusiastic partner.  Extremely talented in other areas.  For her I could've given up the Dominance.
It didn't work out for other reasons.
Now, I'm back to seeking my dark princess.

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RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... - 6/28/2008 3:15:06 PM   
Wolfandkitten


Posts: 1153
Joined: 4/4/2008
Status: offline 		It would have to be a really really good vanilla, you know, with really good beans.

Wolf

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RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... - 6/28/2008 3:29:19 PM   
SweetNika


Posts: 955
Joined: 4/19/2008
From: Forest Hills, Maryland
Status: offline 		I just had this conversation with my exowner yesterday. I did not fall in love with him because he was my owner and if he simply could not be my owner any longer but wanted to my partner, my lover, my top that I would give up the labels of Master and slave in a heart beat.
 
Nika

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Nika


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RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... - 6/28/2008 3:32:05 PM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Could you ever go back to vanilla after experiencing what BDSM has to offer? I have found vanilla sex singularly unsatisfying after all the kinky play I've enjoyed. But I still enjoy the time I spend with someone I love and sexual and sensual play with her, even if not kinky time or actively doing a scene. How about you?


I think you really need to start with a defination of Vanilla and what that means to you in order for me to even begin to say yes or no. Vanilla can mean very differant things to differant people.

PL


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RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... - 6/28/2008 3:44:31 PM   
krikket


Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline 		No matter what kind of personal adult relationship i have, i'm the submissive partner.  It's simply who i am and i can't imagine that would change.  My partner doesn't need to be a Dom or Master but he'd definitely be the dominant one. 

cheers,
jimini

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"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin



When your heart speaks take good notes.





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RE: Could you ever go back to vanilla... - 6/28/2008 4:05:09 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I wouldn't choose to live a life without kink or the possibility of an authority based relationship dynamic.  But my relationship with my partner evolved from Ds into vanilla and I wouldn't have it any other way.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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