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Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla Women? - 7/4/2008 2:48:44 AM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, I know -- some of the people reading this believe they have the support of many people, female and male, in D/s.  Some actually may have this support in real life.
 
Sometimes I think many women in D/s -- especially s-types -- have reverted to some high school in the 1950's where we all try and belong to the 'popular crowd'.  There also seems to be a heightened fear than another s-type will 'run off with your Dom'.
 
I haven't seen this attitude among my vanilla girlfriends, gay or straight, ever.  Most vanilla women I'm close to would never harm another woman -- even one they did not know -- just to get a man.
 
candystripper 
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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 3:03:37 AM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline 		greetings candystripper,

don't know what vanilla women YOU hang with then...because the ones i know are no more or less ruthless than submissive women. that is to say, if someone is going to be mean, nasty, or underhanded, that's who they are, kinky or not.

respectfully,
a'ishah.


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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 3:15:19 AM   
Domin8tingUrDrmz


Posts: 1269
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Portland Metro, Oregon
Status: offline 		I have a lot of vanilla friends and many acquaintances I would never call friend. 

The female acquaintances can be quite ruthless.  One who was friend lied to me about a guy - said she couldn't stand him.  When I finally told her I was falling for him it turned out that she was already doing him.  Couldn't stand him, right!  She is now an acquaintance and I wouldn't socialize with her at all if it weren't for the fact that I'm fond of her kids and they sometimes need me to take them out to escape from her.

So yeah, vanilla women can be brutal, deceptive, and down right catty.  It has nothing to do with vanilla or kink as mentioned above.  It has everything to do with character.

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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 3:19:33 AM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		Vanilla women are not differnet breeds to submissive women .. they just make differnet decisions about how their lives are put together.

Again with the assumption that friendships within Ds (online or realtime) are somehow faked ... that may well be true for you ... but I think people here have more than shown that there are many vital and hardy firnedships alive on this boards .. many of which are taken into the real world.

The "high school clique" thing ... or the "sisterhood" is a sad factor of being a submissive. I dont actually *like* other women all that much .. especially ones I see as weak, helpless, hopeless and ass hats. The type opf women who has a man to run her life because she can't run it for herself ... *shudders* ... me no likey. So therefore this expectation that all submissives are going to get on a in a big snuggly pile of loveliness and submission... is bollocks. Pure unadulterated bollocks. The only women who I am friends with (real world and online) are strong, intelligent, independent women who have decided to grab life by the balls and make it work for them ... some of those women also *HAPPEN* to be submissive.

With regard to what you said about "running off with your Dom" paranoia ... well ... I dont think that is any worse than in vanilla life. Thing is that pretty often (not all the time but pretty often) submissive women have some damage or insecurity around self worth, self image, personal value or attractiveness. It is because of that stuff going on inside their heads that they are paranoid about other women around their Dom. .. its not the other women .. its them... this is especially true of submissives whose Dominants have an interest in them remaining uncertain and insecure. I was *WILDLY* jealous of other women around DV until I became settled and secure in my own worth ... now ... am not bothered so much, if I can be that easily replaced .,.. then I should be



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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 3:21:27 AM   
softness


Posts: 2918
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From: Leeds, UK
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Domin8tingUrDrmz
The female acquaintances can be quite ruthless.  One who was friend lied to me about a guy - said she couldn't stand him.  When I finally told her I was falling for him it turned out that she was already doing him.  Couldn't stand him, right! 


I would ahve said something witty like ...

"Sure .. can't stand him ... but you have no problem laying him"

loves a pun in moments of emotional stress.

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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 3:22:08 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline
quote:

Yes, I know -- some of the people reading this believe they have the support of many people, female and male, in D/s.  Some actually may have this support in real life.

Groans, not this again. I don't believe i have the support of many people, i know i have the support of many people. Online and in real life, shock horror i know for you, but some of us truly know each other in r/l as proved by your thread in polls and....My friends have proved themselves time and again.
 
quote:

Sometimes I think many women in D/s -- especially s-types -- have reverted to some high school in the 1950's where we all try and belong to the 'popular crowd'.  There also seems to be a heightened fear than another s-type will 'run off with your Dom'

Where does this train of thought come from? I have seen no evidence in cm or elsewhere to support this. Not saying it doesn't happen.
 
quote:

I haven't seen this attitude among my vanilla girlfriends, gay or straight, ever.  Most vanilla women I'm close to would never harm another woman -- even one they did not know -- just to get a man.

Some of my vanilla friends have had g/f's steal their boyfriends more than once. I think it is a little on the unfair side to say this rarely goes on when we hear about it all the time.
 
I'm actually a little confused as the title of your thread does not equate to what your thread is about for me.
To answer the thread title i think women in general are quite hard on themselves so are probably harder on other women too. Just my thought.



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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 3:30:02 AM   
Domin8tingUrDrmz


Posts: 1269
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Portland Metro, Oregon
Status: offline 		LOL.  She is a piece of work.  She was cheating on her then fiance while doing the guy I was interested in...I figured if she needed that much attention from men she did me a favor.  She showed me that the guy I liked had no issues of dating a woman behind another man's back.  I don't really want to be with someone like that. 

But, you are right, had I been thinking straight at the moment, a witty reply would have been appropriate, instead, she got a piece of my mind that wasn't pretty, nor witty ...lol.

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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 3:36:41 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Every work environment I've been in that had more than one woman in it was a catty backstabbing bit of paradise. Which is why I prefer working with my guys. There is no way women here are any worse (even though they are quite impressive in their abilities) than some of the office twits I've seen in action.

I've never had many close female friends because of the bullshit games they enjoy playing. Add to that, my hatred of "going to the mall shopping" orrrrrr, sharing recipes and household tips (give me a break ) and you've pretty much shut the door on most female type friendships.

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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 3:48:16 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		You sure do make a lot of posts that seem to suggest that you view the submissive population as being made up of immature, jealous, clique-ish women who most likely are living a fantasy life as opposed to a real life. If that is how you feel why is it that you want to identify as one?

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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 3:54:00 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

Sometimes I think many women in D/s -- especially s-types -- have reverted to some high school in the 1950's where we all try and belong to the 'popular crowd'.  There also seems to be a heightened fear than another s-type will 'run off with your Dom'.
 
I haven't seen this attitude among my vanilla girlfriends, gay or straight, ever.  Most vanilla women I'm close to would never harm another woman -- even one they did not know -- just to get a man.



Firstly candy I don't know who you have been mixing with because I find My experience runs contrary to BOTH those statements.

Maybe in a small community a clique can be a problem. Where I live the scene is huge and cliques tend to get laughed at and ignored, there is no "popular crowd" Also what is this utter crud about "being afraid another 's' type will run off with their Dom"???? Is their Dom small and wimpy, likely to be picked up and run off with against His will? He is a Dominant FFS you either trust Him to stick by His commitments or you don't ... enough of the insecure bullshit already.. oy vey! I find subfems displaying far far less of that sort of crap because they are given far more reason to trust, they have far more security (In general) and there is (Amongst those relationships I see on the London scene) much more honest open communication.

Those I know who deal with vanillas around here are full of tails of one fucking over another just to get in some guys jockstrap!


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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 3:59:03 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse
FFS


Please tell me that means what I think it means.

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There are no victims here...only volunteers.

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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 4:04:21 AM   
Domin8tingUrDrmz


Posts: 1269
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Portland Metro, Oregon
Status: offline 		FFS = For F***'s Sake

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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 4:21:23 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

Yes, I know -- some of the people reading this believe they have the support of many people, female and male, in D/s.  Some actually may have this support in real life.


i cannot help but wonder what motivates you to post this questions in various styles again and again.

Yes...friendships happen, and what may appear to be "cliques" are formed. Friends support each other, be they in the BDSM lifestyle or in the vanilla world. They trust each other, do not judge each other and often apply the rule that TWO ears and ONE mouth means you listen twice as much as you speak. They respect and honor each others relationships and would in no way attempt to "run off" with anothers partner.

The fact that you keep refering to "high school behavior" suggests you feel you are on the outside looking in and speaks of a great deal of jealousy.




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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 4:25:52 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Domin8tingUrDrmz

FFS = For F***'s Sake


Yeah, that's what I thought.

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~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 4:26:23 AM   
pettingdragons


Posts: 421
Joined: 8/16/2005
Status: offline 		Women are women.....kind hearted, caring or back stabbing bitches...most women who are "catty", "run only in the or with the popular crowd" or "run off with your Dom types" are insecure, have low self esteem, young/new or just plan mean. This girl has found less of that in the BDSM groups she attends in RL then with say women at work or other non BDSM events. Location and what the group type is may have allot to do with what you are experiencing. O/our local groups have its own drama, as with any group large or small of people, humans are humans and they all have emotions. But this girl has never found them to be anything but accepting and if there are one or two "mean spirited or catty" women she just ignores them. They do not effect her univerise nor her Masters.
There are a few forums in CM about this topic.
Just this girls two cents

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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 4:46:57 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		People are more likely that which they can't relate to or understand - which is why you come in for many an attack.
Are there a select group of people who run post around and act like they know everyone? Absolutely.
But that is no different to life in general.  Itsjust more exaggerated here because people don't have to show their face.
And the people I know and the experience I have is that s-types tend to be more secure than those who are not with their partners.
 
the.dark.

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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 4:53:10 AM   
pinkwind


Posts: 367
Joined: 1/9/2005
Status: offline 		From bitter and very real experience i can categorically say that i would trust a sister sub/slave over some of my erstwhile "vanilla" women friends. And i use friend in it's loosest sense here, as most were just the ever present accompaniment in couples nights out, and friendly only when it suited them to be.

Having watched with mild amusement my ex and my best friend become more than just good friends, and taken all the BS that ensued with the same amusement i was never so glad as when the day came to move away from most of them and start a new life without them, and that includes my ex.

i know who Andy comes home to, know our poly core relationship is built solidly and transparently, and have had more fellow feeling and empathy shown from my sister sub/slaves than i ever did the "vanilla" friends. These are the most relaxing and enjoyable times i have ever had with women, and long may it remain so.





< Message edited by pinkwind -- 7/4/2008 4:54:09 AM >

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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 5:03:12 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

i cannot help but wonder what motivates you to post this questions in various styles again and again.


And I often read this persons posts and cannot help but wonder what motivates others to answer as they do.  But they do.

quote:

Yes...friendships happen, and what may appear to be "cliques" are formed. Friends support each other, be they in the BDSM lifestyle or in the vanilla world. They trust each other, do not judge each other and often apply the rule that TWO ears and ONE mouth means you listen twice as much as you speak. They respect and honor each others relationships and would in no way attempt to "run off" with anothers partner.

In my world, which may be obviously different to yours, as a friend, I would NOT support another friend if I disagreedwith them or felt their actions to be unhealthy.  I don't believe in blanket statements of 'friends support friends' - because friends don't do that blindly and lie - because that way they aren't a friend.  Erin and I frequently disagree, frequently don't support each others ideas - but she is the most wonderful friend to me(using her as an example that I know she doesn't mind) - because her actions are never about the intent of the person, but her own observations.  Something that lacks in so-called cliques because they do focus on an individual, rather than the content.
And yes judgments do occur all the time even in your world - maybe they are biased (obviously) - but they do occur.

quote:

The fact that you keep refering to "high school behavior" suggests you feel you are on the outside looking in and speaks of a great deal of jealousy.
Not really.  It's an observation that many people make, but that not many people feel is relevant to mention like CS has, because it would be a waste of time on those involved in the high school behaviour because they wouldn't have the ability to comprehend it.  It does happen, and the cliques are here.  I would have thought it much more in CS favour to not be a part and to be outside of it looking in, quite frankly.  And if jealousy is a part of it, it's not necessarily a bad thing anyway.
 
the.dark.

< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 7/4/2008 5:05:28 AM >

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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 5:12:34 AM   
ServingGirrl


Posts: 115
Joined: 10/10/2007
From: Melbourne, Australia
Status: offline 		i really can't understand the question - call me dense i suppose, but to me our kink does not define us; women are women whether or not they are in the kink scene and i couldn't say that the women i associate within the kink scene are any better or any worse than any other group of women i associate with.   Some are friends and some are not.   Some i get along with well and some i don't, but in neither case do i consider myself to be part of some clique just because i happen to have the requisite number of boobs.   i feel it is when we start trying to categorise people because of their kink, and not for the individuals we all are, that we strike problems.   If you have a problem with a woman i doubt it is solely because of her kink any more than it is due to her hair colour or her favourite shade of lipstick.   If you try and get along with everyone by accepting them as people with their own beliefs, strengths and faults, life generally goes pretty smoothly.

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RE: Are Women in D/s Harder on Each Other Than Vanilla ... - 7/4/2008 5:27:33 AM   
HeavansKeeper


Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

Yes, I know -- some of the people reading this believe they have the support of many people, female and male, in D/s.  Some actually may have this support in real life.
 
Sometimes I think many women in D/s -- especially s-types -- have reverted to some high school in the 1950's where we all try and belong to the 'popular crowd'.  There also seems to be a heightened fear than another s-type will 'run off with your Dom'.
 
I haven't seen this attitude among my vanilla girlfriends, gay or straight, ever.  Most vanilla women I'm close to would never harm another woman -- even one they did not know -- just to get a man.
 
candystripper 


The sickest, most unexusable, perverse, twisted, homewrecking acts I've ever heard of happened because of vanilla chick's scorn and jealousy.  I simply have less time in the D/s world, but the "average" drama seems much more tame. 

I attribute this to extra option D/s relationships have.  D/s relationships have the option of avoiding the whole "dance".    While any couple can have a pow-wow and discuss things, I have found it extremely rare.  It just seems to me that D/s couples have stronger communication, because they must.

Other than power exchange and PERHAPS superior conversation skills for the average couple, D/s and otherwise are identical.  Same world, same bills, same traffic on the way to the same malls.  Same kids, same dog.  Same missing socks.

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