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ORIGINAL: KneelingSilently

Wow. All I have to add is that you should be sure to communicate just how hurt you are by this. 

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ORIGINAL: gentleslaveheart

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ORIGINAL: KneelingSilently

Wow. All I have to add is that you should be sure to communicate just how hurt you are by this. 

Oddly enough, that is the hardest thing to think about doing.  While I know it isn't the right thing to do, and I will do my best to be open and tell him how I feel about this, it is my natural tendency to hide my pain when someone hurts me like this.  Kind of like, I'm not going to give them that much more power over me.  :(

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ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I'd go with he is playing you.  This looks like a shell game to me.  Keep them confused so you don't know what the issue really is.

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ORIGINAL: gentleslaveheart

Okay, here's an update.  I was just able to get a hold of him and I asked him "why did you change your profile yesterday?"  Well... I'm thoroughly confused after listening to his reasons, and something really doesn't feel right now.  He got real quiet after I asked and then says he is trying to find a way to tell me.  Okay.  I'm getting ready to hear that he wants to end the relationship.  Instead, he procedes, in rapid succession, to tell me 1) he was really bored yesterday and today, 2) that he changed it to try to get people to look at his profile, 3) that he changed it because people were saying he needed to because it had been the same for so long, 4) that he was looking for someone online, and 5) that he was chatting online.  Huh?????  My head was spinning by that point.  He even said without me saying anything about what it was he had changed, that he "could have changed anything on the profile, but he had chose that, and it was stupid.

Is it just me, or is he playing me for a fool?? 

quote:

ORIGINAL: gentleslaveheart

Okay, here's an update.  I was just able to get a hold of him and I asked him "why did you change your profile yesterday?"  Well... I'm thoroughly confused after listening to his reasons, and something really doesn't feel right now.  He got real quiet after I asked and then says he is trying to find a way to tell me.  Okay.  I'm getting ready to hear that he wants to end the relationship.  Instead, he procedes, in rapid succession, to tell me 1) he was really bored yesterday and today, 2) that he changed it to try to get people to look at his profile, 3) that he changed it because people were saying he needed to because it had been the same for so long, 4) that he was looking for someone online, and 5) that he was chatting online.  Huh?????  My head was spinning by that point.  He even said without me saying anything about what it was he had changed, that he "could have changed anything on the profile, but he had chose that, and it was stupid.

Is it just me, or is he playing me for a fool?? 

quote:

ORIGINAL: gentleslaveheart

Is it just me, or is he playing me for a fool?? 

quote:

ORIGINAL: gentleslaveheart

Okay, here's an update.  I was just able to get a hold of him and I asked him "why did you change your profile yesterday?"  Well... I'm thoroughly confused after listening to his reasons, and something really doesn't feel right now.  He got real quiet after I asked and then says he is trying to find a way to tell me.  Okay.  I'm getting ready to hear that he wants to end the relationship.  Instead, he procedes, in rapid succession, to tell me 1) he was really bored yesterday and today, 2) that he changed it to try to get people to look at his profile, 3) that he changed it because people were saying he needed to because it had been the same for so long, 4) that he was looking for someone online, and 5) that he was chatting online.  Huh?????  My head was spinning by that point.  He even said without me saying anything about what it was he had changed, that he "could have changed anything on the profile, but he had chose that, and it was stupid.

Is it just me, or is he playing me for a fool?? 

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ORIGINAL: NeedingMore220

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ORIGINAL: gentleslaveheart

Is it just me, or is he playing me for a fool?? 

Oh, gentle .. You don't really need to ask, do you?   The real question here is what you are going to do about it. 

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ORIGINAL: Lockit

... I would like to take a poll and ask everyone who gave someone a second chance... if it was worth it.

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ORIGINAL: gentleslaveheart

... If he lied because there is some need I am not fulfilling and he feels the only way to meet that need is by bringing in someone else, then there is a potential for renegotiation and finding a workable solution that allows the relationship to continue.  Then again, I may well find out that he is tired of me and wants out and chose this way to accomplish his goal. 

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ORIGINAL: Lockit

Please listen and listen well...  I am not yelling this... but whispering in hopes you will hear some tough love.

YOU are not the reason he is doing anything!  HE is the reason!  He promised to talk and now isn't answering the phone.  He knows he is busted and doesn't want to deal with it.  Why would any innocent person hide from doing nothing wrong or when the other party is at fault?  And if he has finally talked to you... I wonder what he said.

As for forgiveness and second chances... I would like to take a poll and ask everyone who gave someone a second chance... if it was worth it.  You can play nice and fair until you ruin your life.  I dare say... when someone lies and does or wants to play dishonestly or unfairly... they rarely change.  BUT... as I see it... these aren't even the issues YOU need to address!

First of all... he has used your own insecurity to build his own security and secure you as a submissive who will not challenge him or his creed.  He has made protocol use to enhance his ability to lie, cheat maybe and control you.  That is not a dominant; this is an insecure man who manipulates to do harm rather than maybe a wonderful mind fuck.  Instead of a wonderful mind fuck... you are simply being fucked.  How you take that fucking is up to you... but I would no more bend over for that fucking by giving him a second chance than I would say... burn a cross on my ass and show up for church.

Unless you have projected your role as submissive and not able to speak to him and how you must approach him the way you have said in the thread, he has found ways to condition you so that you do not question him, check up on him, etc.  That is a con if I ever saw a con and I have.

Darlin, I don't mean to be crass or cruel, but you are taking party to this fucking you are getting and if you don't stand up to his form of dominance, you will get a fucking till you can't handle a fucking.  Please... realize that he is not only lying and covering up, but he isn't playing fair as a dominant or a romantic partner. 

I know you love him and can't picture life without him.. Hell maybe you feel you can't even breath if he is not there.  You don't like what he is doing and yet you are going to allow him to do it and forgive and accept and in doing so you will allow him to beat you down more and do it again.  If he gets away with it, do you think, honestly he is going to not do it again?  If you don't see a change BEFORE you forgive, you are placing yourself in front of his boot. Now is not the time for proving how fair and forgiving and reasonable you can be... but for him to prove himself.

It is hell to lose someone you love and have committed to so much that you would submit to him, but he isn't worthy of your submission.  Take it from those of us that have said what we have said.  Those lessons came by way of great pain and we made it out and you can too.  It may seem harder to stand firm right now because it hurts, but if you don't... I can almost promise you... down the road... it will be harder.

Take what I have said as mean or jaded or judgmental or unfair if you like... but tell me two years from now I was wrong.  Stand up for yourself because next time round you will be kicking your own ass for not doing so and I am pretty sure there will be a next time.  With an insecure man who uses methods such as you have mentioned on this thread... there is always a next time for as many next-time-forgivenesses we give.

Get some support systems going... you have a good start with the people on this thread.  Be your own advocate... because if you don't... no one will. 

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ORIGINAL: Lockit

I hate to go tough and maybe even wrong... but I have seen it over and over again.  Most the women at the shelter were there because of a broken relationship where lies and forgiveness was an issue.  My heart does feel for your pain and I wish I could sooth it.  You knew all along what was best I am sure.  It is just sooooooooo hard to do.  Even some of us dominant chickies have been through it! lol  Try to stay strong and stay gone and find someone worth all you are giving.  It is hard to give up on so much... but in the long run, so much better.  I would love to give you a hug and a few laughs!  You will laugh again and you will love again.  Believe it. 

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ORIGINAL: TreasureKY

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ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I'd go with he is playing you.  This looks like a shell game to me.  Keep them confused so you don't know what the issue really is.

lol... I think you're giving him too much credit, Missokyst.  Some people are just really bad liars under pressure.

Sounds like the guy got caught with his hand in the cookie jar and flailed about for any ol' excuse that might stick.  It's amazing what someone panicked thinks might be believed.  Sometimes they can even convince themselves afterward that what they said made perfect sense.

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ORIGINAL: Lockit

Hello gentleslaveheart,

You have your profile hidden or something and I couldn't contact you on the other side, so I will try here.  I just wanted to see how you were doing today and let you know I was thinking of you and wishing you the best.  Let me know if there is anything I can do.  A talk, vent, whatever... I would like to be there if you have need of someone there.  Sometimes it isn't words you need, just simply knowing someone is there and a few hugs or laughs... so here's a big hug for you!  I know it's hell... but you can get through this, however things go and I think many of us are rooting for you!  Hang in there! Hugs!