quote:

ORIGINAL: OTKkindaGirl

i cannot claim to be all that new to the lifestyle but still there are things that i am having a difficult time discerning.  as a submissive with slave tendencies, when i give of myself it is completely.  this has caused various and sometimes strange reactions from the Doms that i have met in real time. 

i have been told that i am a good girl for being so receptive and eager to please.  i have been told that i am truly a treasure and deserve only the best.  i have been told that my feelings don't matter as long as i am being pleasing. i have also taken my fair share of misuse, and i have been called strange for accepting all the things above so easily and readily. 

i am thankful for each person that i have met because i have learned many things about myself but there is one thing that i don't quite understand.  why is submission viewed as a right by some dominants and why is it view as a gift by others? 

my motives here are to get different viewpoints and hopefully gain a little more understanding on the value of submission from Dominants.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Thadius

Greetings hope,

When you "give" yourself completely to a Dom, is it because of an inner reaction to their dominance?  What I mean, is it their charisma, character, presence, will, that is bringing that out in you? 

I have never heard of submission being viewed as a right, well at least not in these terms.  I have heard of it being a right for a submissive/slave to choose whom they will submit to.  I hope that makes sense, if not just ask, I don't mind clarifying.

I guess my point is that you submitting and giving all of yourself in that submission, is just a reaction between you and the person that brings it out in you.  On the other hand, if you are conciously having to make the decision to submit or act deferential, is it worth the same as that which is brought out in you naturally?

I wish you well,
Thadius

quote:

ORIGINAL: OTKkindaGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Thadius

Greetings hope,

When you "give" yourself completely to a Dom, is it because of an inner reaction to their dominance?  What I mean, is it their charisma, character, presence, will, that is bringing that out in you? 

I have never heard of submission being viewed as a right, well at least not in these terms.  I have heard of it being a right for a submissive/slave to choose whom they will submit to.  I hope that makes sense, if not just ask, I don't mind clarifying.

I guess my point is that you submitting and giving all of yourself in that submission, is just a reaction between you and the person that brings it out in you.  On the other hand, if you are conciously having to make the decision to submit or act deferential, is it worth the same as that which is brought out in you naturally?

I wish you well,
Thadius

Greetings to you Thadius,

All fair questions that you ask.  i will answer them in order as best i can.
1.  my submission is a natural thing for me and i don't find it difficult to want to serve, in fact i find it more difficult holding myself in check when in the presence of an obvious charismatic dominating personality.  i have a very deep appreciation, hunger and need for dominance.

2.  i have served somebody once, where it became difficult to be able to submit to them because they had lost my respect and trust, and yes, it puts a whole new spin on things when that happens.  i had to really work through some of my own self doubts and my submissiveness to be strong enough, in order to get through that ordeal without it being detrimental not only to him but to the both of us.   

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

When I asked him to own me and be my Master, and when I promised my submission to him in every way I could, it then became his right to expect that submission from me.  I did not offer or present him with the gift of me.  I was drawn to him as a dominant man and wanted to give him all I could.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Thadius

Evening,

So with your answers, would you consider filling a need in yourself by serving, to be a gift?  I am not making light of it, I am actually pointing to the natural being that is you, in that you are doing what you would do naturally for a person that had earned your respect and trust.  Being able to explore that side of yourself is an important thing. Being able to express it by serving and at the same time receive that which you need, crave and desire, is what makes the entire equation beautiful.  Both being able to fill their needs and desires, is that not what we describe as a balanced and happy relationship?  Does somebody in a vanilla relationship see being with the person they care about as giving their partner a gift?

I think you know the answer deep inside you.

I wish you well,
Thadius

quote:

ORIGINAL: OTKkindaGirl

i know what is natural within me isn't easy for a lot of people to do themselves and very few understand why i am capable of handling as much as i am capable of.  my submission isn't what i am questioning at all, the balance of dominance and submission isn't what i am questioning at all and yes, i do know how beautiful it can be and also how difficult it is to hold onto when there is no value placed upon it and completely taken for granted.  There is such a thing as imbalance in relationships.

i believe that people in a vanilla relationship should in fact view their relationships as a gift.  Vanilla or not, nobody is "entitled" to anything.  If somebody is giving of themselves and getting desired benefits from it in return should it really just be looked at as something casual and as something "deserved" or "owed" to them?  Seems a bit cynical don't you think?  Maybe if more people placed a bit more value on what they have right under their nose, they wont be wondering how they lost it later down the road.  i'm just saying. 

just because one person can be giving in a more natural way than somebody wired differently, doesn't make them any more or any less submissive than that person who works at it harder?  Does it?  hmmmm...... 

Here is a new spin just for you.... do i view Domination as a gift?  Yes, i really do, anyone can be domineering but it takes somebody very special to be a Dominant in my opinion.  *grin*   and i mean no disrespect.

be well and sweetness to you

quote:

ORIGINAL: OTKkindaGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

When I asked him to own me and be my Master, and when I promised my submission to him in every way I could, it then became his right to expect that submission from me.  I did not offer or present him with the gift of me.  I was drawn to him as a dominant man and wanted to give him all I could.

i understand and relate to this completely.   you don't consider yourself a gift to him but you consider your submission to him as his right because you gave yourself completely. i totally get this.  that is how i feel when i submit.

How does he see it though? Have you asked him or has he ever made mention of it? 

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Does it matter that i think you are a gift and a beautiful reflection of him?  *smile* 

quote:

ORIGINAL: OTKkindaGirl

i cannot claim to be all that new to the lifestyle but still there are things that i am having a difficult time discerning.  as a submissive with slave tendencies, when i give of myself it is completely.  this has caused various and sometimes strange reactions from the Doms that i have met in real time. 

i have been told that i am a good girl for being so receptive and eager to please.  i have been told that i am truly a treasure and deserve only the best.  i have been told that my feelings don't matter as long as i am being pleasing. i have also taken my fair share of misuse, and i have been called strange for accepting all the things above so easily and readily. 

i am thankful for each person that i have met because i have learned many things about myself but there is one thing that i don't quite understand.  why is submission viewed as a right by some dominants and why is it view as a gift by others? 

my motives here are to get different viewpoints and hopefully gain a little more understanding on the value of submission from Dominants.

quote:

ORIGINAL: OTKkindaGirl

Wrong thread !!!  I didn't call it "what makes a dominant worth submitting to"

somehow this is how it read to me.

"yeppers.... caint have a submissive havin' any power over decidin' which I/idget is the one fer her, no sir i tells it like it is cuz this 'ere thread wuz just chalked full of the afore mentioned S/slashy angry S/speak and all kines of folks thinkin they're all high n mighty and good gawd forbid.... special!"

LA..... you hit it right on the head about the Maturity thing you stated earlier! 



*gigglez* 

quote:

ORIGINAL: OTKkindaGirl

"yeppers.... caint have a submissive havin' any power over decidin' which I/idget is the one fer her, no sir i tells it like it is cuz this 'ere thread wuz just chalked full of the afore mentioned S/slashy angry S/speak and all kines of folks thinkin they're all high n mighty and good gawd forbid.... special!"

LA..... you hit it right on the head about the Maturity thing you stated earlier! 



*gigglez* 

quote:

ORIGINAL: Maxwell67

quote:

ORIGINAL: OTKkindaGirl

"yeppers.... caint have a submissive havin' any power over decidin' which I/idget is the one fer her, no sir i tells it like it is cuz this 'ere thread wuz just chalked full of the afore mentioned S/slashy angry S/speak and all kines of folks thinkin they're all high n mighty and good gawd forbid.... special!"

LA..... you hit it right on the head about the Maturity thing you stated earlier! 



*gigglez* 

I agree, but do remember this IS the "Ask a Master" forum you posted in, and if you wanted the opinions only of subs it might have been more helpful to post...
well.. anywhere but here really.

That being said, I went all mushy for a whil eover the 'gift of submission' thing.  It's romantical and all, and I appreciate that, but really when you look at it you do not gift someone with your submission.. you submit.  You can give your trust, your respect, your obediance, your loyalty, your devotion, and your love.  But you cannot give submission, you can only submit.