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RE: Where are all the young people at? - 7/13/2008 7:44:50 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Fox and I have discussed this. The majority of munchs and the ike in the area are run by and attended by older people with a lot of experience. I think the problem with the newer younger crowd joining them is simply intimidation.
Fox is 21, Angel is 23. I am older than both at 31, but I prefer the company of younger people to the older ones. We are considering creating our own TNG type munch out here (assuming we have the time to plan it) to give some of the newcomers a bit less intimidating venue. Coming in and knowing you know less than everyone can be harroeing. You dont want to ask questions and you are worried that if you join a discussion you might make yourself look stupid. If everyone is around your own age and possibly closer to your own experience level it might be a little easier to break the ice and get some answers without worrying that someone with 15 years of experience is going to look at you with you 6 months and laugh.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Real_Trouble)

Post #: 41

RE: Where are all the young people at? - 7/13/2008 9:23:14 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisterBeast

quote:

sire

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

Younger people, much like older people, get told "shut up" or "you can't possibly know anything" or "you just are too X" constantly in the BDSM world.... I've seen it over and over and over again.

When that happens often enough, folks withdraw or found their own communities.

Then everyone will lose because we have less experiences to share and less knowledge to circulate.

Age does not equal knowledge or desire and it may or may not reflect experience in BDSM.

Now now now, that would kind of insinuate that BDSM in some ways is a pissong contest between a bunch of Dominant men fighting over the submissive females. And we know that never happens... Ever. right?

Wow, that's a huge leap from what I said.

Actually in the local communities I've been in, both older men and women (40+ usually 50+) talked down about anyone under 30 and those in their 20s talked down about too many old people.

I thought and still think both groups are full of crap and need to get over their own problems with age and open themselves up to more growth.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to MisterBeast)

Post #: 42

RE: Where are all the young people at? - 7/13/2008 9:25:42 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth

A question I have - what do you do when there is a TNG group, but you don't have much in common with them?

What do you do when you're about to transition out of the TNG range, but you have even less in common with the 40-somethings to 60-somethings?

Welcome to my life.

I was around in the local communities in NYC when the TNG thing started. I thought it was a sad reflection on the ageism in the Scene then and I think it's only added to it as the years have gone by.

Now folks can just say "Go find TNG don't bother us youngun" and the younger folks can say "Screw old people, what the heck can they know?"

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)

Post #: 43

RE: Where are all the young people at? - 7/13/2008 9:26:27 AM

Shammon5

Posts: 38
Joined: 7/17/2007
From: Ohio
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

Younger people, much like older people, get told "shut up" or "you can't possibly know anything" or "you just are too X" constantly in the BDSM world.... I've seen it over and over and over again.

When that happens often enough, folks withdraw or found their own communities.

Then everyone will lose because we have less experiences to share and less knowledge to circulate.

Age does not equal knowledge or desire and it may or may not reflect experience in BDSM.

I'd definately have to agree with this. I don't know how many times we've talked to people who berate me for choosing a Dom that's not over 30. Even though my Sama is extremely mature for his age and I am completely happy in his care and serving him, the fact that he is 23 makes it hard for us to get any serious consideration from others. Sometimes I think people at parties just watch us play to see if he'll "mess up" or something. We tend to avoid places like that. Generally, young women seem to be better accepted than men, imo.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 44

RE: Where are all the young people at? - 7/13/2008 9:31:58 AM

goodgirl08

Posts: 145
Joined: 6/11/2007
Status: offline

I think that despite having better access to the internet, etc, it still takes people a long time to get to the level of self-awareness that they might be seriously interested in kink. Not saying that I am Enlightened for being aware of my interest, but just that there are still a lot of social taboos around kink that are hard to surpass. For example, it seems like it's a lot more acceptable to have a passing sexual interest than to have such a strong inclination that you would join a site like this. I think there is still a lot of shame surrounding the idea of having more than just a passing interest, so that might indirectly or directly discourage people from coming to a place where they would feel okay about getting involved with internet or local communities.

I found my first Yahoo dungeon chat room approximately 0.5 minutes after we got the internet at age 12, and I was hooked since then. Still, it took me until age 19 to openly acknowledge my interest, and a few months away from 21 to actively pursue what I wanted. I found that there was a big taboo (partially self-enforced) on being interested in a power exchange relationship, as opposed to a 'normal' relationship with kinky sex (and there is still a taboo on that). Whereas most of my friends know I'm kinky on a sexual level, the concept of a power-based relationship is still something I will only disclose to friends if I really think they can handle it (so that's only a couple of people). So, because of that taboo I avoided the idea of power-based relationships for even longer, even though it was what I had always wanted.

Young people are unsure about a lot of things and taking the plunge into the world of kink can take a lot of self-assessment, independence, and courage, all things that are hard to dredge up when you're trying to figure out so much other shit.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 45

RE: Where are all the young people at? - 7/13/2008 9:52:28 AM

Daddystouch

Posts: 162
Joined: 10/20/2006
From: South East England
Status: offline

In my (limited, lol!) experience, age is much more of an issue in BDSM than in many other areas. Nobody tells me "you can't take this job, you're too young to know what you're talking about" or "you can't be any good at this sport, you're too young" or "your opinions on politics are worthless due to your age", in these areas of life I've found that people can see past the date on my birth certificate and judge me on the skills and knowledge that I have and on the content of my character. Yet in the BDSM world I've been talked down to by subs and doms alike because of my age. Most people are open and friendly, some subs are just looking for older men and are polite about it and I have no issue with that, but some people seem to think you're sub-human or something because you've not hit your second divorce yet.

_____________________________

What men in all the world have shown such daring?

(in reply to goodgirl08)

Post #: 46

RE: Where are all the young people at? - 7/13/2008 11:53:22 AM

slayergirl6985

Posts: 9
Joined: 6/8/2008
Status: offline

I'm 23 and honestly never really knew anything about this type of lifestyle until recently. The guy I was dating introduced me to it (unfortunately for me he had to move away and so we never got a chance to start trying anything) and he told me about this website. Now I've always had a secret desire to experience bondage and other kinky types of sexual play, but all the other guys I had dated before were never really interested in that. Now I enjoy coming on here and learning about this lifestyle. I've also come to realize that my desire to please my significant other (when I'm involved) will aid me when I'm finally ready to be someones sub. I still have much to learn and I look forward to this new journey of self realization.

(in reply to Gorgias)

Post #: 47

RE: Where are all the young people at? - 7/13/2008 12:10:20 PM

Sandyshores29718

Posts: 343
Joined: 4/8/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Real_Trouble

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sandyshores29718
Find a group that works for you. I normally do not have a lot in common with people my own age, so going to the munch I do works. Just would like to meet someone closer to my age thats mature enough for me to get along.

I disagree here; my primary area of discrimination is intelligence, so unless we have a BDSM gathering where the M stands for Mensa, I'm not likely to find a group I want to deal with in this context. Even then, book smart and street smart are two different things, but I'll leave that for another thread...

Point being, I haven't found any sort of BDSM "group" I'm really interested in being part of, and I'm in freaking NYC. If you are in, say, Tempe, I can't imagine your odds are going to be better than mine.

Some people just aren't going to fit with the established social norm. I also know that the vast majority of my friends who are into BDSM have a similar revulsion towards the formal BDSM community; most of us want nothing to do with being publicly "out", and don't really like the "scene". Sometimes you have to just quit worrying about groups and find your own path.

Thats true, you dont have to find a group, but if thats what your wanting then all I can tell someone is keep going till you find a group that works. The munch I go to is very "vanilla" with some kink thrown in there and well I like that. If I have questions there are people close to me that I may ask or I'll hop on here. Whatever floats a persons boat. :)

(in reply to Real_Trouble)

Post #: 48

RE: Where are all the young people at? - 7/13/2008 7:22:51 PM

Skully7000

Posts: 377
Joined: 7/22/2007
Status: offline

When you tell someone about this site what do you say?

I was told about the site "collarME" its a personals/Dating site for kinky people.

were you told about CollarMe or Collar Chat?

whenever I talk to anyone I tell them about the message boards, I say"go to Collarme.com and click on the message boards button"

if they make a profile and find someone yay for them...if they learn something and/or contribute something to the boards hurray for everyone.

cheers
Skully

(in reply to Real_Trouble)

Post #: 49

RE: Where are all the young people at? - 7/14/2008 10:19:24 AM

slavefran

Posts: 1
Joined: 5/17/2008
Status: offline

20 here im young

(in reply to Sandyshores29718)

Post #: 50

RE: Where are all the young people at? - 7/14/2008 11:37:12 AM

Coupleofwhats

Posts: 280
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline

I don't know if I agree.
The times that I've dropped in on TES gatherings that weren't TNG, I was always the youngest one there (and I'm coming up on 25, so I'm not exactly a spring chicken.) If I had been looking to meet a submissive guy, I would've been out of luck.

TNG makes things less... creepy.
Being youngest also tends to make you the most conventionally attractive, and if you arrive too early or linger too late, you're likely to be gawked at/hit on at every opportune moment.

When everyone is within my age range, I find that it's a more relaxed atmosphere. Submissives around my age don't generally feel the need to bum rush younger women... because they're used to us.

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
Welcome to my life.

I was around in the local communities in NYC when the TNG thing started. I thought it was a sad reflection on the ageism in the Scene then and I think it's only added to it as the years have gone by.

Now folks can just say "Go find TNG don't bother us youngun" and the younger folks can say "Screw old people, what the heck can they know?"

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 51

RE: Where are all the young people at? - 7/14/2008 11:49:52 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gorgias

So why isn't it happening here?

Due to the current laws, BDSM is a 18+ thing. That doesn't mean those under that age aren't interested. It means they aren't out in the open yet, hopefully because they realize their being so could get others in trouble. Regardling the 18-whatever-age-you-consider-to-be-not-young group, I'm more familiar with the rant about how there are too many of us, we don't listen to the rules and back in their day you had to kill and skin your own cow to make your floggers and you liked it!

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Gorgias)

Post #: 52

RE: Where are all the young people at? - 7/14/2008 11:55:19 AM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Coupleofwhats

I don't know if I agree.
The times that I've dropped in on TES gatherings that weren't TNG, I was always the youngest one there (and I'm coming up on 25, so I'm not exactly a spring chicken.) If I had been looking to meet a submissive guy, I would've been out of luck.

TNG makes things less... creepy.
Being youngest also tends to make you the most conventionally attractive, and if you arrive too early or linger too late, you're likely to be gawked at/hit on at every opportune moment.

When everyone is within my age range, I find that it's a more relaxed atmosphere. Submissives around my age don't generally feel the need to bum rush younger women... because they're used to us.

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
Welcome to my life.

I was around in the local communities in NYC when the TNG thing started. I thought it was a sad reflection on the ageism in the Scene then and I think it's only added to it as the years have gone by.

Now folks can just say "Go find TNG don't bother us youngun" and the younger folks can say "Screw old people, what the heck can they know?"

Well Said

_____________________________

HBIC

(in reply to Coupleofwhats)

Post #: 53

RE: Where are all the young people at? - 7/14/2008 12:08:27 PM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

{Erased by author, because redundancy only serves a purpose in electronics and space-ships}

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 7/14/2008 12:10:06 PM >

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Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

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(in reply to Gorgias)

Post #: 54

RE: Where are all the young people at? - 7/14/2008 12:27:39 PM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

instead of running to TNG groups or creating new groups or hiding out and talking down about all those old people or all those youngun's has anyone ever tried doing what i have done...sticking around until age has become irrelivant?? if you ask many of the people in my local community how old i am there response would be..."young..20s i think" because it doesn't matter...i turned 25 this past june, i have been in the local community for 5 years...there was one or two groups i could go to before i was 21 and i went there till i could go to the rest...and by now, yes...i may be getting a little bit older, but i am a voice for the young people that want to get involved because i was a young person who got involved...

but you know what else..i was a young person who fucked some shit up because of my immaturity, so don't do yourself a dissfavor by whining about shit that is the way it is because it is.instead, change it, with maturity and advocates who are already in the community, people like me..we are out there, but we don't know you need our help until you speak up...i can't help somone in new york or georgia or even dallas or houston, but i can help someone in austin (they are more liberal) and possibly even san antonio - where i know people and people know me - get involved in the scene if thats what you want to do...because those old people have stuff to teach you, and they can whip a girl really well...and those young people are around too - immersed with all ages of people, just not as blaring with the "i'm a youngun" sign...

chelle

_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)

Post #: 55

RE: Where are all the young people at? - 7/14/2008 12:33:58 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gorgias

Not that I mind older doms; I'm 19 and my current one is 41. Something sexy about that imbalance, in fact. But I'm still scratching my head. This is the time we should have more people entering the community than ever.

My generation was the first to have access to the internet when we hit puberty, hence an availability of pornography. Now, I'm not saying that looking at this sort of porn will turn you into a dom or a sub, but it will certainly make you aware of your own desires, and probably stoke them so you're more likely to pursue them. I can say for sure that I wouldn't be in the lifestyle if it wasn't for collarme. Moreover, I'd expect an influx of young people hitting puberty, wondering WTF is going on with their sexuality, and joining forums like this one for advice; lord knows the gay forums are full of teenagers coming to grips with their sexuality.

So why isn't it happening here?

It could be trying to master not giggiling while talking about it

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to Gorgias)

Post #: 56

RE: Where are all the young people at? - 7/14/2008 12:40:27 PM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

logistically speaking ....

until people pay for their own broadband, in their own home, on their own computer ... they aren't that keen on surfing sites like this ... a quick peek at some porn is normal for a teen ... long stretches of time on a web-forum ... harder to explain

I was being a dirty kinky twisted little bitch long before I discovered the joys of the internet. Some people do real time first ... then online when they get round to it.

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 57

RE: Where are all the young people at? - 7/15/2008 3:36:39 PM

ftmboyfag

Posts: 23
Joined: 7/6/2008
Status: offline

I've just turned 21(last week, finally!) and D is 23. He was always aware of his inclinations but didn't feel the need to join a community and just did some information-gathering. I also know a lot of young BDSMers who aren't part of any larger scene or community. I have always been the type to join a group and connect, and was actually here on another name(just lurking) before I transitioned.

I'm actually really excited because I'm planning to go to my first TNG munch next week! Yay!

_____________________________

Happy novice top to D! :3

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 58

RE: Where are all the young people at? - 7/15/2008 4:38:41 PM

raveonette

Posts: 34
Joined: 7/13/2008
Status: offline

I'm 24 (though most assume I'm much younger.. our waitress at a resturant yesterday told me I could pass for 16! Sigh.) I was very surprised that all of the first people that hit my profile and sent me messages were as old or older than my parents. i have nothing against legal older/younger couplings but it was such a huge gap, I wondered what they think we would even have in common. I've talked to a few men in their 20's and early 30's, but so far they're the minority.

(in reply to ftmboyfag)

Post #: 59

RE: Where are all the young people at? - 7/15/2008 4:59:06 PM

MissAidan

Posts: 208
Joined: 7/23/2007
Status: offline

I'm 23, 24 in the fall, and I have been attending local munches since just after I turned 21. I agree that the TNG groups, which we didn't have here when I started going, are often more comfortable. The largest local one I go to I am fine at as long as it is known that I am taken. The minute it is discovered that I am single, I suddenly feel like a piece of meat. At our TNG group Early Bloomers, when they found out, I felt genuine concern from everyone in the room...granted it's a small group, so I know all of them. The other large one isn't as bad on feeling like meat, probably because it is a structured discussion group. It can be tough being one of the younger crowd, and for me the best thing I have found to do is just let what the judgemental ass-hats that say you know nothing just because of your age roll off your shoulders.

(in reply to raveonette)

Post #: 60

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