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RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/14/2008 5:01:53 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jade01

. . . All excited about meeting the first time in R/T, which now I feel extreamly foolish about...I repainted the inside of my home, had the carpets cleaned...ect . . . .

Only problem is, it has turned out not so good.



Look at the bright side of things: at least the house looks nice now.

(in reply to jade01)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/14/2008 5:03:06 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

With both my past and current submissive ladies, we had established expectations and boundaries before we met R/T, and we both had a reasonably good idea what was going to happen. It's the ole "6 Ps": Proper Prior Planning Prevents Pisspoor Performance.

Work thing out as much as possible ahead of time, but you can still have some surprises within the established framework.


SirJohn,

It appears that you have a set routine that works for you, I agree with the "P" analogy.

CP

(in reply to SirJohnMandevill)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/14/2008 5:10:37 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Sometimes, my companion SR will join us as well, and she will often ask questions, and I expect that her questions will be answered courteously, just as I expect that mine will be.


Calla,

You make some good points, but if it were me, I would politely excuse myself and hit the road. I would gone not to be quizzed.

CP

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/14/2008 5:24:43 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince
Indeed networking is a valuable tool that work is a closer nit group, but how does a sub in Nebraska get to network??
CP


Hello CP,

Thank you for asking.  Networking is a valuable tool, provided you know the person well and respect their experience.  Not everyone advising another agaisnt someone, has the best of intenions for doing so!   And, not everyone being blackballed is as guilty as they are painted.  Knowing how to differentiate, isn't anything you can do over night, and it just comes with having been there and done that. I wanted to insert that little disclaimer.

The only way anyone, in Nebraska or elsewhere, is going to make connections offline, is to get out there and meet people.   I know that this is hard to do, in many locations.  We aren't all blessed with large cities nearby or a pool of active events to swim in. 

I have the decidedly unique experience of having been a part of a Poly household that was set up as a safe-house for individuals who were in need of a safe place to go, or transition through, after a bad D/s, M/s , BDSM relationship. Because of its rather unique circumstance, many submissives/slaves and yes even Dominants, came in and out of my life (not necessarily a good thing), and I have a broader network of experiences to draw upon than many. 

Putting my unusual experience aside, the best way to network is to simply make friends.  Get to really know people, talk to them, and be open to sharing and listening.

Respectfully,
Winsome

Edited to add this little P.S.
Please do not let me give the impression that it is easy.  I'm a rather reserved, (dare I say shy) homebody who would rather stay home and read, than go out to a munch or party.  Being who I am, I know it is hard to put yourself out there and make the connections I have.  I was just luckier than most, to have had many of them come to me. 

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 7/14/2008 5:36:15 PM >

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/15/2008 3:39:35 AM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Putting my unusual experience aside, the best way to network is to simply make friends. Get to really know people, talk to them, and be open to sharing and listening.


WD,

You are so right in the above comment. Thanks for your insightful follow up.

CP

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/15/2008 5:28:01 AM   
JoePNY707


Posts: 293
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

quote:

ORIGINAL: jade01

. . . All excited about meeting the first time in R/T, which now I feel extreamly foolish about...I repainted the inside of my home, had the carpets cleaned...ect . . . .

Only problem is, it has turned out not so good.



Look at the bright side of things: at least the house looks nice now.


*Grin* Venatrix, I was just thinking the same thing! I never went to QUITE that extreme, but my apartment was always spiffed up for any meeting.

As for actually meeting, I've always counseled the 'meet for lunch/dinner' strategy...you are in a nice public place, and can take the measure of the person.

In 99% of the meets, I had a very nice chat. Some people did not 'click' in person, but overall, it was fun finally meeting in person. As long as you use common sense (which--alas--is anything but common) you should be fine.

_____________________________

CHARTER MEMBER OF THE CM MLM

(in reply to Venatrix)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/15/2008 6:39:59 AM   
jade01


Posts: 35
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix


Look at the bright side of things: at least the house looks nice now.


Thank You Venatrix,
 
lol...I really did need the laugh and a good smile this morning to pick me up.
And yes, It does.
 
Sincerely,
jade

(in reply to Venatrix)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/15/2008 6:46:14 AM   
jade01


Posts: 35
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JoePNY707


As for actually meeting, I've always counseled the 'meet for lunch/dinner' strategy...you are in a nice public place, and can take the measure of the person.

In 99% of the meets, I had a very nice chat. Some people did not 'click' in person, but overall, it was fun finally meeting in person. As long as you use common sense (which--alas--is anything but common) you should be fine.


Morning Joe,

Your point is well taken, that is 'if' the Dom/Master in question were local.
But when you have someone coming for over a 1,000 miles to see you, and you know they will be here a few days...
one does not only spare a person (in my opinion only now) a meal, a chat, and this is all.
To me, personally, seems rude...but that is simply me.

Sure I take the crap end for it, as pointed out, made my mistake and learned...but still feel I would 'not' be rude, as I see it.

Sincerely,
jade

(in reply to JoePNY707)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/15/2008 7:39:54 AM   
califsue


Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

quote:

And...my sister had phone numbers, names, etc and I would always follow up with her after meeting anyone so she knew I was safe.


sue,

a safe call in reverse? Thanks for sharing with us.

CP


CP,

yes i suppose a safe call in reverse. I usually followed my instinct and did not ever have any trouble. One time I was going to meet someone, it was late at night, at a restaurant, I felt he was safe and I got to the restaurant early. I saw someone go in that I felt matched his description. As I was sitting in my car deciding whether to go ahead and meet, here comes six cop cars and they go into the restaurant. At that point, I decided to leave because even if he was safe, if there was something going on in the restaurant I did not want to be involved. He figured that is what happened. We did not ever meet as my job changed and required me to relocate.
 
I appreciate you posting the topic. It has been nice to read the responses.
 
sue

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/15/2008 7:54:55 AM   
TwoDommeDivas


Posts: 36
Joined: 7/7/2008
Status: offline 		Our first meeting is always in public for drinks or dinner (for which the sub pays,whether male or female).  We basically conduct an interview, then have some chitchat to see if there is any chemistry.  If there is, we set up a play date.  Normally, we tell them up front that if we like them we'll play with them on a specific date that is cleared before we ever meet, so that if things go well, we are ready to go.  Often, we'll meet on a Friday night, and plan for a play date the next day.  We don't like too much time between meeting and playing, but we insist on at least 24 hours.

Occasionally, new subs seem to think this first meeting is a "date," and they try to romance us.  We let them spoil us -- we do love being spoiled! -- but if we play with them they soon learn that we are anything but their girlfriends.    Since we are a committed couple, we don't date others, but I sometimes think that some subs -- men, almost always -- don't know any other way to charm women than romantically.  First meets are when they try this.  Second meets are when they get disabused of that notion.

(in reply to califsue)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/15/2008 9:28:23 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Some would see it as rude.  I see it as not being obligated.  Generally if someone comes that far to see me they already know I will go for a meal or two, maybe spend a day or two shopping, or enjoying his company, but I am not obligated for more.  I have let them know where the local hotels are, and the rates.  I have pointed out things to do while in town, and around the area.  I will get up, drive them where they wish, make sure they have a good time while in town.  But it is always their choice to come. 
One guy came from Montana knowing my stance on LDR's.  He was a bit shocked that I didn't stay in his room with him.  We ended up going to a Ren Faire that weekend and had a good time even without the play.  Once they figure out you mean what you say most people are reasonable.
But, my stance of non obligation stems from the hard limit of any LDR.  I don't want one.  I am not interested in finding that spark.  And the only thing they can do is visit california for a short vacation.
I am not here to impress them.  My state does a fine job of entertaining the masses.
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: jade01


Your point is well taken, that is 'if' the Dom/Master in question were local.
But when you have someone coming for over a 1,000 miles to see you, and you know they will be here a few days...
one does not only spare a person (in my opinion only now) a meal, a chat, and this is all.
To me, personally, seems rude...but that is simply me.

(in reply to jade01)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/15/2008 9:36:52 AM   
jade01


Posts: 35
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you Missokyst,
 
Another very good perspective for me to think over.
I have had alot of trouble with the LDR situation, but for some reason have had trouble as well, breaking from doing it.
At first, thought this may be a fear of meeting someone real (face to face) but have done this, so not the problem.
But now I am more commited to looking within my own sphere, so then, 'may be' this 'was' the issue...yes, I can be confusing, but more so to myself then others...
 
Thank you for your thoughts, always good to learn from others
 
Sincerely
jade

< Message edited by jade01 -- 7/15/2008 9:38:00 AM >

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/15/2008 9:51:35 AM   
novice7


Posts: 10
Joined: 3/17/2006
Status: offline 		i am new to D/s  bdsm but have been collared once, i say that to let you know i'm new to this but i agree it is better to meet sooner..i've talked with guys for weeks,months then find when i meet them all they really want is a quicky or a blow job. do meet in a safe public place and make sure you let someone you trust know about your meeting....good luck in your search...phyllis

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/15/2008 10:50:42 AM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

yes i suppose a safe call in reverse. I usually followed my instinct and did not ever have any trouble. One time I was going to meet someone, it was late at night, at a restaurant, I felt he was safe and I got to the restaurant early. I saw someone go in that I felt matched his description. As I was sitting in my car deciding whether to go ahead and meet, here comes six cop cars and they go into the restaurant. At that point, I decided to leave because even if he was safe, if there was something going on in the restaurant I did not want to be involved. He figured that is what happened. We did not ever meet as my job changed and required me to relocate.


sue,

Don't leave us hanging, were the police after yout potential meet?

CP

(in reply to califsue)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/15/2008 10:53:21 AM   
califsue


Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

quote:

yes i suppose a safe call in reverse. I usually followed my instinct and did not ever have any trouble. One time I was going to meet someone, it was late at night, at a restaurant, I felt he was safe and I got to the restaurant early. I saw someone go in that I felt matched his description. As I was sitting in my car deciding whether to go ahead and meet, here comes six cop cars and they go into the restaurant. At that point, I decided to leave because even if he was safe, if there was something going on in the restaurant I did not want to be involved. He figured that is what happened. We did not ever meet as my job changed and required me to relocate.


sue,

Don't leave us hanging, were the police after yout potential meet?

CP


CP,

no...they weren't after him...

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/15/2008 11:05:46 AM   
strangefruit


Posts: 36
Joined: 12/2/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		I think I have to actually have spoken to said guy for a while. My situation is a bit different because while I do have my own place, I also have an infant at home with me and so I have to be that much more careful and picky about who I chose to meet.

I would rather talk to them for a while before rushing to meet someone. As far as my phone number...again, I'd have to be talking to them for a while before I would consider it. And for someone who doesn't know me to ask me for my number on initial conversation is usually a red flag for me.

_____________________________

"How beautiful is the fruit still in denial of it's roots?"

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/15/2008 11:40:10 AM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: califsue

. . . here comes six cop cars and they go into the restaurant. . . .



Probably just going for doughnuts.

(in reply to califsue)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/15/2008 2:44:29 PM   
JoePNY707


Posts: 293
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Morning Joe,

Your point is well taken, that is 'if' the Dom/Master in question were local.
But when you have someone coming for over a 1,000 miles to see you, and you know they will be here a few days...
one does not only spare a person (in my opinion only now) a meal, a chat, and this is all.
To me, personally, seems rude...but that is simply me.

Sure I take the crap end for it, as pointed out, made my mistake and learned...but still feel I would 'not' be rude, as I see it.

Sincerely,
jade


Hi Jade,

You are obviously a considerate person, and that speaks well of you...my concern was that you try to be as cautious as possible. As long as you take certain precautions--and feel comfortable with them, I'd say trust your instincts.

_____________________________

CHARTER MEMBER OF THE CM MLM

(in reply to jade01)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/15/2008 5:24:46 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Probably just going for doughnuts.


Venatrix,

I doubt Dunckin Donuts or krispy Kremes are open that late.

CP

(in reply to Venatrix)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/15/2008 5:49:59 PM   
ThundersCry


Posts: 892
Status: offline 		In what ways....CP?
 
Either cowboy up or...
 
stay home...
 
But....if you know something I don`t know in this area...I am willing to listen...

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 80
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