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RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/15/2008 5:58:41 PM

RUMRUNNER69

Posts: 17
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline

I did it all wrong, every bit. I chatted with snark online as friends. After a few months she decided to move from San Diego to where I was (Cincinnati). I packed up and moved to Memphis, calling her on the way to let her know plans had changed. I rented a house big enough for her, I and her kids. 5 weeks later she showed up with a U-haul as my 24/7 sub. We celebrated our 1 year ann. this month. Guess I'm just lucky.

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 81

RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/16/2008 9:02:36 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I did it all wrong, every bit. I chatted with snark online as friends. After a few months she decided to move from San Diego to where I was (Cincinnati). I packed up and moved to Memphis, calling her on the way to let her know plans had changed. I rented a house big enough for her, I and her kids. 5 weeks later she showed up with a U-haul as my 24/7 sub. We celebrated our 1 year ann. this month. Guess I'm just lucky.

RR,

I think I mkissed something! if she was willing to leave a great place like San Diego to Cinn, why did you up and move to memphis? Attempting to elude and she was too persistent?

CP

(in reply to RUMRUNNER69)

Post #: 82

RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/16/2008 9:42:31 AM

accipitres

Posts: 70
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I have to remember not to expect the person I have created in my head. The image I have of the other person is based on very limited information, and information that is consciously controlled by the sender. Even with the best and most honest of intentions, the sender is only communicating a timy fraction of the information needed for impression formation, and the rest comes out of my wishful thinking,

85% of our impressions of other people (in RT) are based on non-verbal messages, which are not under control of the sender.

So that charming guy with the gift of gab who made me hot on the phone, may turn out to be a fat old man with bad breath who doesn't actually know where the clit is.

That is not their fault; it is mine for confusing my fantasy with reality.

< Message edited by accipitres -- 7/16/2008 10:40:56 AM >

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 83

RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/16/2008 5:37:45 PM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Curious
</image/2star.gif>

Posts: 39
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline </image/blank.gif> I have to remember not to expect the person I have created in my head. The image I have of the other person is based on very limited information, and information that is consciously controlled by the sender. Even with the best and most honest of intentions, the sender is only communicating a timy fraction of the information needed for impression formation, and the rest comes out of my wishful thinking,

accipitres,

Interesting handle!

Well how can he turn out to be different than the current pic that you asked for?

CP

85% of our impressions of other people (in RT) are based on non-verbal messages, which are not under control of the sender.

So that charming guy with the gift of gab who made me hot on the phone, may turn out to be a fat old man with bad breath who doesn't actually know where the clit is.

That is not their fault; it is mine for confusing my fantasy with reality.

(in reply to accipitres)

Post #: 84

RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/16/2008 7:05:16 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I am not her but..

Pics can be very different. I look exactly like the pic I present online (well the top half of my face does), but I took the picture. When people meet me after I send them the full face shot they tell me "YOU LOOK JUST LIKE YOUR PICTURE!"

LOL, as if I could be anything but.. however, when other people have taken my pic I rarely look like me. A professional shot makes me look.. I don't know.. unreal. An amatuer can take my picture and it comes out blotchy, bloated, ICKY. My simple held out at arms length picture taking looks more like me than any other pic I have had taken.

I have met men (and women) who send me pics that look nothing like them. Personally, I don't think too many people take good shots.
One guy I met did have the bluest eyes I ever saw on film. But his description was average height, and he might have been, if 5'3" is average. One guy looked nice from the pic, but in person his aroma made me want to pass on lunch.
People are more than the physical image they present. They are scent, attitude, behavior, manners, intellect, activity, humor, and ability.
I am more than the woman with the serious eyes. I am also a punster, quick witted with fast comebacks, logical and intuitive woman.

Online, people put together the image they want to believe. She is a perfect match, he is a commanding dom.. but for the most part that is what WE want to perceive of them. We project our desires and see what we need to see.
You know that saying "Take what you want and leave the rest."? Basically that is exactly what we do in getting to know someone online. In the rush to feel that romance, we see our own reflection in the mirror of their soul. That continues until you are faced with reality.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

quote:

Curious
</image/2star.gif>

Posts: 39
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline </image/blank.gif> I have to remember not to expect the person I have created in my head. The image I have of the other person is based on very limited information, and information that is consciously controlled by the sender. Even with the best and most honest of intentions, the sender is only communicating a timy fraction of the information needed for impression formation, and the rest comes out of my wishful thinking,

accipitres,

Interesting handle!

Well how can he turn out to be different than the current pic that you asked for?

CP

85% of our impressions of other people (in RT) are based on non-verbal messages, which are not under control of the sender.

So that charming guy with the gift of gab who made me hot on the phone, may turn out to be a fat old man with bad breath who doesn't actually know where the clit is.

That is not their fault; it is mine for confusing my fantasy with reality.

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 85

RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/16/2008 8:23:24 PM

accipitres

Posts: 70
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

A picture doesn't tell you if he picks his nose when he talks, or farts in restaurants and brags about it, or walks like a girl.

A picture doesn't tell you he smells funny, or his house is a disaster, or ...

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 86

RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/17/2008 6:02:19 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

A picture doesn't tell you if he picks his nose when he talks, or farts in restaurants and brags about it, or walks like a girl.

A picture doesn't tell you he smells funny, or his house is a disaster, or ...

accipites,

Well those are good points i agree, but sort of extreme as an example. Pics are just one part of the puzzle and in most cases a confirming part.

CP

(in reply to accipitres)

Post #: 87

RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/17/2008 8:37:09 AM

Nymphetish

Posts: 25
Joined: 5/7/2008
From: California
Status: offline

I can understand why it would be wise to wait for a while before meeting somebody, although it's always a good idea to meet in public. I met the person I'm with now after conversing for two weeks on CollarMe, so you don't have to wait for months to have a successful relationship.

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 88

RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/17/2008 8:45:12 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: accipitres

I have to remember not to expect the person I have created in my head. The image I have of the other person is based on very limited information, and information that is consciously controlled by the sender. Even with the best and most honest of intentions, the sender is only communicating a timy fraction of the information needed for impression formation, and the rest comes out of my wishful thinking,

85% of our impressions of other people (in RT) are based on non-verbal messages, which are not under control of the sender.

So that charming guy with the gift of gab who made me hot on the phone, may turn out to be a fat old man with bad breath who doesn't actually know where the clit is.

That is not their fault; it is mine for confusing my fantasy with reality.

BINGO!

(in reply to accipitres)

Post #: 89

RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/17/2008 11:53:00 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I can understand why it would be wise to wait for a while before meeting somebody, although it's always a good idea to meet in public. I met the person I'm with now after conversing for two weeks on CollarMe, so you don't have to wait for months to have a successful relationship.

Nymph,,

Well I have to think that there was some luck in that event. It can and does happen with many folks that just click. I guess I am just more cautious with my time .

CP

(in reply to Nymphetish)

Post #: 90

RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/17/2008 5:59:04 PM

RUMRUNNER69

Posts: 17
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline

Long story but I went back to Cincinnati years ago because my Grandparents were getting older. Once they were dead and everything taken care of there was nothing holding me in Cincy. I love Blues, love southern cooking, soft southern accents on women and the SCA fighting in Memphis is the best I have ever seen.

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 91

RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/17/2008 6:07:22 PM

lally3

Posts: 595
Joined: 3/4/2008
Status: offline

my safeguard is myself. if i dont feel comfortable with someone i just dont put myself in a position of vulnerability and i never see them again.

phoning and texting is nice, fun but never provides the information you'd be processing if it was a chance meeting in a bar one night. stuff youd notice about a person in the first few minutes of chatting would decide it for you right there. phoning and texting and exchanging photos just doesnt do anything more than give you some feel for whether or not youve got stuff in common and you click.

but ive clicked with people on the phone and when ive met them the click gets fuddled up by something off putting and actually a couple of times, something furtive and even a bit creepy. so i always meet in a public place.

when the click is still there, i sense it straight away and then its like meeting a close friend - and i have to stop doing that, because as someone said on here, what youre actually doing is meeting a complete stranger and then maybe you need to apply the rule you'd apply if youd just met them in a bar and get to know them all over again but with alot of the private intimate stuff already shared and understood.

< Message edited by lally3 -- 7/17/2008 6:08:51 PM >

_____________________________

even doves have pride (Prince)

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 92

RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/18/2008 5:33:46 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Long story but I went back to Cincinnati years ago because my Grandparents were getting older. Once they were dead and everything taken care of there was nothing holding me in Cincy. I love Blues, love southern cooking, soft southern accents on women and the SCA fighting in Memphis is the best I have ever seen.

RR, Your indeed a fortunate "D", get out of Cinn and into Southern mind sets with a dedicated sub.

CP

(in reply to RUMRUNNER69)

Post #: 93

RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/18/2008 11:58:33 AM

accipitres

Posts: 70
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I try to meet as soon as possible; in fact, I have a two week limit; if we have not made plans to meet within two weeks ... forget it!

Two reasons for that:
1) I am very busy. I really cannot waste a whole lot of time "chatting" on the internet, only to find out there is no chemistry in person. That happens. You can meet someone who looks perfect on paper, but when you meet, the vibe is off.
2) If a dominant cannot make plans to see me within two weeks (note: plans to see me, not actually see me) they are either indecisive or married or lying. None of those are attractive qualities to me.

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 94

RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/20/2008 12:52:33 PM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

2) If a dominant cannot make plans to see me within two weeks (note: plans to see me, not actually see me) they are either indecisive or married or lying. None of those are attractive qualities to me.

accepitres,

Well I am not but it would be alot longer then two weks for me to determine that there is a potential fir.

CP

(in reply to accipitres)

Post #: 95

RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/20/2008 4:24:44 PM

accipitres

Posts: 70
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I determine the fit after I determine the chemistry; you can have a great fit, and not strike any sparks sexually.

But then again, the sex is really important to me.

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 96

RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/21/2008 4:57:11 PM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

determine the fit after I determine the chemistry; you can have a great fit, and not strike any sparks sexually.

But then again, the sex is really important to me.

accipipitres,

errrrr do you make them aware of all these hoops prior to the meet?

CP

(in reply to accipitres)

Post #: 97

RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/21/2008 8:26:15 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Hmm... maybe it is me, but I can't see the hoops. If you happen to meet someone at work, or in a bar, or in a library, you can get an idea if there is a spark, or some chemistry and you might take it up from there.
That is assuming a real life senario. Building up hopes and dreams online, is online. It can seem like you have a great fit, but that does not mean that in person there will be that chemistry.
Where are the hoops in meeting in real life? I see more hoop jumping online when people are acting out a role, creating an illusion, which may or may not hold up when you meet in person.
At least that quick meet takes out the months of building up for something that might never spark.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

quote:

determine the fit after I determine the chemistry; you can have a great fit, and not strike any sparks sexually.

But then again, the sex is really important to me.

accipipitres,

errrrr do you make them aware of all these hoops prior to the meet?

CP

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 7/21/2008 8:27:07 PM >

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 98

RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/22/2008 10:46:33 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Hmm... maybe it is me, but I can't see the hoops. If you happen to meet someone at work, or in a bar, or in a library, you can get an idea if there is a spark, or some chemistry and you might take it up from there.
That is assuming a real life senario. Building up hopes and dreams online, is online. It can seem like you have a great fit, but that does not mean that in person there will be that chemistry.
Where are the hoops in meeting in real life? I see more hoop jumping online when people are acting out a role, creating an illusion, which may or may not hold up when you meet in person.
At least that quick meet takes out the months of building up for something that might never spark.
Kyst

Miss,

the hoops would be chemistry and fit as a test. For myself, i attempt to make those determinations prior to a r/t meet.

CP

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 99

RE: First R/T meeting after "net" time - 7/22/2008 1:22:34 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

You can determine online chemistry, online. Face to face might be a whole other ballgame, as accipp mentioned.
You cannot predict what a real life meeting might bring based solely on how well you connect online.
I mentioned a gentleman I was friendly with for a year, got very fond of for the next year.. and then on the 3rd year I discovered he was one of those guys who was a lesbian female online in addition to his persona of male dominant.
A lot of us meet in person first, before developing feelings for someone. We do it because we know that you can spent a long time online talking to a dream.
It is a much quicker route to meet as friends and then decide if there is enough there which might make you want more.
In your online senario.. I could have wasted years of my life, if I didn't also have a real life in my own neighborhood. Nice as it was to get to know that guy.. he was just fluff, a product of my OWN desire to find what I thought was real chemistry.
That real stuff..? Can be discovered quickly face to face.
Without the shattered dreams.
But I guess that is something you have to find out for yourself.
*giving up now*
<shakes head>
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

the hoops would be chemistry and fit as a test. For myself, i attempt to make those determinations prior to a r/t meet.

CP

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 100

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