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Infighting and nastiness - 7/12/2008 12:30:25 PM   
masterforRT


Posts: 176
Joined: 5/16/2008
Status: offline 		Question:

How can we expect vanillas to respect us and our lifestyle when we don't respect EACH OTHER?

There is a post here that I replied to-and got several rude and nasty replies. Some though the nastiness was funny. The person who started the thread (not me) was quite upset at the rudeness.

Again I ask-If we treat each other like crap, how can we expect the non BDSMers to treat us any differently?

Have you ever heard of the saying: "You reap what you sow?"  Next time-THINK about the seeds you are sowing.

Rudeness has no place here! ESPECIALLY here!
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RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/12/2008 12:31:39 PM   
MastersBitch96


Posts: 73
Joined: 5/15/2008
From: Endicott, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: masterforRT

Question:

How can we expect vanillas to respect us and our lifestyle when we don't respect EACH OTHER?

There is a post here that I replied to-and got several rude and nasty replies. Some though the nastiness was funny. The person who started the thread (not me) was quite upset at the rudeness.

Again I ask-If we treat each other like crap, how can we expect the non BDSMers to treat us any differently?

Have you ever heard of the saying: "You reap what you sow?"  Next time-THINK about the seeds you are sowing.

Rudeness has no place here! ESPECIALLY here!


I agree 110%!!!!!-- Bitch

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(in reply to masterforRT)
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RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/12/2008 12:33:19 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		This "lifestyle" and the people who participate in whatever floats their boat isn't any better, special or different than any other person walking on the street. 

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RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/12/2008 12:35:36 PM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline 		i agree with Aileen. Rudeness is in all areas...we are not immune. Just ignore it to the best of your ability.

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RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/12/2008 12:39:12 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Ditto that.

I don't respect "us" and I don't respect "the lifestyle."  I respect human beings.  I try to spend my time around people who demonstrate self-control and compassion for others.  Sometimes those people are kinky.

I also have higher regard for people whose observation of data is close to my own.  Suppose someone says that 2/3 of the female profiles on this site are lesbians.  Well, I know that to be a false statement.  So if a hetero man were to make that claim, I would conclude either that he (1) did not have strong powers of observation, or (2) was irritated due to lack of results, and blamed others instead of considering how he might improve himself.

You know, in case a situation like that were ever to come up.


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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/12/2008 12:40:06 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		Yep.  Being "kinky" does not remove one's nature to be nasty, if it's in one's nature.  There are rude people in the world - be they kinky, vanilla, or strawberry shortcake.  I don't like it either, but look at it this way - it makes the nice folks shine all the brighter. 

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Good is the enemy of great.

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RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/12/2008 12:43:59 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline 		Simple answer: 
 
Respect is earned, not given.  You want respect, earn it.
 
Longer answer:
 
I don't give a rat's ass about "respect" from "vanillas" when it comes to my life.  I also don't give a rat's ass about "respect" from most of the people on these boards.  They have no bearing whatsoever on my life.  I care about the opinions of the handful of people here who have earned my respect, but that's it.  This isn't a "community" and we aren't all shiny, happy, snugglybuggly friends in Mr. Roger's beautiful kinky neighborhood.  It's completely unrealistic to expect a group of hundreds of people who all share ONE thing in common -- the fact that we enjoy BDSM -- to all respect each other, like each other, or get along with each other.
 
Your post isn't new or original.  In the short time I've been here, I've seen several just like it.  You'll probably get a lot of people agreeing with you.  You'll get just as many or more saying more or less what I've said.  I'd hazard a guess that your sentiment will not be particularly welcome either, any more than another whiny "why do all FemDoms want tribute" or "why are all subs posers/fakes/wankers" thread.  But that's just a guess based on observation.
 
Rudeness happens.  That's life.  Cope.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl
"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

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RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/12/2008 12:55:50 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan
we aren't all shiny, happy, snugglybuggly friends in Mr. Roger's beautiful kinky neighborhood.  I

Dear Mistress Sylvere,

Request permission to laugh my ass off.

Sincerely,

FuglyuglyDom


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)
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RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/12/2008 1:00:03 PM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		The problem is that sometimes rudeness is subjective.  There are a plethora of people who come to the boards asking for opinions and then get upset is an opinion expressed is not supportive of their view or validates their decisions.  Is this rude or just discussion?

i've had my opinions challenged and in very strong language, but the person was merely expressing something they felt passionate about, although it disagreed with something i felt passionate about.  i don't consider that rude, i consider it lively discussion, which i actually enjoy.  i don't learn much if everyone agrees or if people are afraid to express themselves for fear of appearing rude.

That being said, you have a right to define rudeness in your own way and deal with it as you see fit.  You can have an expectation that everyone you meet will have the same good manners that you have.  You can have that expectation but that will not make it a reality. 

With all respect, this is a message board on a free and public website.  Even the Domliest Dominant in the world has no control over what others will post.  If it starts to feel all too real, there's always that handy-dandy X on the upper right corner of your screen.

_____________________________

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No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to masterforRT)
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RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/12/2008 1:04:05 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		MasterRT,

I've come across your posts and am not surprised you had rude replies, as unpleasant as I know they must be.   I sincerely hope my reply isn't viewed as rude or disrespectful.  It is not intended to be. 

Truthfully, your seemingly flippant remarks can be off-putting.  When I see your avatar picture come up, all I really recall is my distaste for your statements about most women being bitchers, 2/3 of the women online being lesbians, and other less than savory posts that I've come across of yours that I found unappealing.  Any singular unappealing post is no big deal but when a pattern seems to begin to form, one tends to take notice.

I've never replied to your posts before, because I had nothing nice to say and had no desire to be disrespectful to you.  From the posts of yours I have read, I just came away picturing you as very angry and resentful toward women, and that is a very disconcerting thing for a submissive female to pick up on.  Some individuals are more outspoken than I am, and if I was put off by your posts, it is not at all surprising to me that others might be as well.  Nor is it surprising that they responded in a less than positive manner.

These are just my perceptions, for what they are worth.  Respect isn't owed.  "This community" is no more deserving of unearned respect than any other, as it is made up of individuals who either can and do inspire respect, or don't.  However, I don't think it necesary to be rude, to get your point across, and have always regreted it when I realized I had been less than generous in my responses. 

Truth is, I just don't think rudeness is any more out of place here, than it is in the mainstream or anywhere else.

Winsome

< Message edited by WinsomeDefiance -- 7/12/2008 1:28:46 PM >

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RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/12/2008 1:12:15 PM   
RuheMaus


Posts: 142
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		I am reminded of http://www.collarchat.com/m_622413/mpage_1/key_Civility%252CIncivility%252CScene/tm.htm#622413 & the 'OMG, how DARE you suggest this!' mentality.  Sadly, I say expect similar results with this thread.  But then, that's just MY jaded side's opinion. ;)


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(in reply to eyesopened)
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RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/12/2008 1:13:24 PM   
SylvereApLeanan


Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan
we aren't all shiny, happy, snugglybuggly friends in Mr. Roger's beautiful kinky neighborhood.  I

Dear Mistress Sylvere,

Request permission to laugh my ass off.

Sincerely,

FuglyuglyDom



Dear FuglyuglyDom,
 
Permission is hereby granted. 
 
Cordially,
 
Ms. ap Leanan

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl
"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/12/2008 1:19:46 PM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		I was at a munch today .. and there was a crowd of "submissives" sitting in a corner bitching about and plotting the downfall of another girl they hated (i think she might not have polished her precious gift of submission or something)... a group of guys were complaining that there were no "real" subs on the scene ... because they had got knocked back by the single newbie

At school in the staffroom on friday ... exactly the same thing was happening ... same shit .. different day ... it will be happening when I go out tomorrow with my friends to watch the football .... it will happen everywhere all the time

people fight and are nasty ... its life ... we are no better or worse than anyother group ... only thing is people *believe* that they are due respect, deference and being treated in a special way because they see themselves in some way as special



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RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/12/2008 1:27:54 PM   
Alumbrado


Posts: 5560
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: masterforRT

Question:

How can we expect vanillas to respect us and our lifestyle when we don't respect EACH OTHER?

There is a post here that I replied to-and got several rude and nasty replies. Some though the nastiness was funny. The person who started the thread (not me) was quite upset at the rudeness.

Again I ask-If we treat each other like crap, how can we expect the non BDSMers to treat us any differently?

Have you ever heard of the saying: "You reap what you sow?"  Next time-THINK about the seeds you are sowing.

Rudeness has no place here! ESPECIALLY here!


Outside of BDSM, respect isn't gotten by claiming it, nor through manipulation... why should those things work any differently inside?

(in reply to masterforRT)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/12/2008 1:28:14 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		please forgive my ignorance, but tell me why vanillas should respect us? just because we are a kinky sect, they should see us in a different light like being another religion, race, gender, species, etc etc

depending how the thread in which you posted was received by others, you have to realize not everyone is going to respond according to your wishes ...not everyone's going to agree with you either ...not everyone's going to like you - see where this is going?  would you prefer that everyone here be, act, think, believe, preceive, etc like you? gawd i hope not! what a boring site this would be.

if you don't like the infighting, rudeness and nastiness - there's only one solution for you ...don't let hit you on the way out.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to masterforRT)
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RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/12/2008 1:36:05 PM   
VeryMercurial


Posts: 620
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline 		I think it is good to see all "sides" of our community online.
It helps dispell the myth that all those in this lifesyle are sweet, kind, sunshine and light.
Reality may not always be "sunny", but at least it might prepare many for the real world.
We may be in this "lifestyle" and that includes those that are kind and helpful, and
also those that can often be mean, nasty, and just plain rude.

If anything I wish more on the "other side" could read many of the posts on this side.
It would take many "out" of their fantasyland ideals that they often
attribute to those on both sides of the kneel.
Think of it this way, assholes can call themselves a Dominant, switch or submissive!

< Message edited by VeryMercurial -- 7/12/2008 1:53:13 PM >

(in reply to masterforRT)
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RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/12/2008 1:41:56 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Rudeness has no place here! ESPECIALLY here!


When did this become a special rude-free zone? 


_____________________________

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- Albert Einstein

(in reply to masterforRT)
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RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/12/2008 1:45:03 PM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		good luck getting your question answered.

i'll doubt if he'll tell us why vanillas should respect us.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

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RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/12/2008 1:45:44 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		You aren't much help!    

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RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/12/2008 1:48:30 PM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline
quote:

How can we expect vanillas to respect us and our lifestyle when we don't respect EACH OTHER?

I don't expect anyone to respect me. I expect to earn peoples respect.

quote:

There is a post here that I replied to-and got several rude and nasty replies. Some though the nastiness was funny. The person who started the thread (not me) was quite upset at the rudeness.

Suck it up. We all have to at one time or another.

quote:

Again I ask-If we treat each other like crap, how can we expect the non BDSMers to treat us any differently?

If i treat someone like crap i don't expect to be treated any differently.

quote:

Have you ever heard of the saying: "You reap what you sow?"  Next time-THINK about the seeds you are sowing.

Yes i have and i agree with it.

quote:

Rudeness has no place here! ESPECIALLY here!

Rudeness has no place anywhere never mind here. However it exists and i am just as guilty as the next person of being rude.

_____________________________

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If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

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