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RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/13/2008 9:21:44 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Hello Op,
Hello everyone,

I have struggled with the harshness... no the POWER of the responses here (and have even started a thread about trying to understand it myself).  But as was pointed out to me, by taking my truth and making it "diplomatic" I am greying my vibrance.  It's hard to look at the bright sunlight of truth when we are wanting to wear the sunglasses of nice. 

Now, I have travelled a bit, and what one considers rude another considers polite.  For example, it might be considered rude for you, a fellow that we don't really know that well to be giving orders to a group of people you don't really know that well.  In fact bossiness is often seen as rude.  You see, the most inspiring leaders do just that... they inspire... with actions.  They don't bellow.  Bellowing is for bullies and fools (in my world).  So which should I consider you to be?  a bully or a fool?  

peace and passion,
sunshine

Don't tell me what to do

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/13/2008 9:48:55 AM   
OldBastardly1


Posts: 651
Joined: 7/22/2006
From: Atlanta, GA
Status: offline 		LP, we truly enjoyed your visit. I was impressed with your skills. I look forward to being able to give closer attention next time, lol. My girl will soon be posting on AIRS about our search for featured players. Of course, let us know when you want to do it.

Now back on topic...... I don't want or expect the vanilla world to respect what I do. I am not interested in recruiting those that have no interest in this lifestyle, yet I welcome those that do.

_____________________________

Old Bastard

"You cannot make footprints in the sands of time if you're sitting on your butt. And who wants to make buttprints in the sands of time?" -- Bob Moawad



(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/13/2008 10:08:57 AM   
PonyGroom


Posts: 150
Joined: 2/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RuheMaus

I am reminded of http://www.collarchat.com/m_622413/mpage_1/key_Civility%252CIncivility%252CScene/tm.htm#622413 & the 'OMG, how DARE you suggest this!' mentality.  Sadly, I say expect similar results with this thread.  But then, that's just MY jaded side's opinion. ;)



Chris M wrote with the assumption that "the scene" is a community.  It is not. That makes his essay, and the comments of the original poster on this thread, largely irrelevant.

Anyone can sign up for Collarme.  CM is overrun with sociopaths, fools, criminals, idiots, "horny net geeks", and profiteers.  Among those weeds are some flowers. CM does not represent any community of interest.  I know face to face more than a dozen people who consider the site a waste of time.  I remain curious about what goes on here; I wonder what will become of the place as it goes through change after change.

At the time Chris M wrote, "the scene" was in a time of transition.  In the past, most BDSM activity went on in private parties and social networking consisted of contacts made face to face while visiting the few clubs that existed and answering personal ads in the back of certain magazines.  Black Rose, TES, and Janus had led the way to a new kind of social networking.  Chris M's leadership was essential to this transition.  However, he was frustrated that all was not working in harmony, and wrote that piece at a time when all around Black Rose (his home base) there were political wars going on inside groups, between groups, and between the groups and the vanilla world. 

To address the problems Chris M cites, you think outside the box.  Some of these problems stop if you have a different box.

There will always be rude, stupid, inappropriate comments on this CM board, as long as CM policy admits anyone to the forum.  If you want a different result, use a different admission process.

If I own a board, and membership continues only if you comply with my rules, you will play nice or be gone. You don't see rudeness on a board I own. It's called "accountability".  A simple concept, but lost on the CM site owners.

(in reply to RuheMaus)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/13/2008 10:28:32 AM   
NeedingMore220


Posts: 615
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PonyGroom
If I own a board, and membership continues only if you comply with my rules, you will play nice or be gone. You don't see rudeness on a board I own. It's called "accountability".  A simple concept, but lost on the CM site owners.


Oh, pshaw.  lol 

The mods do a great job of not allowing personal attacks.  Beyond that, any perceived 'rudeness' may simply be directness or an opinion the OP just doesn't want to hear.  Otherwise, if you can't handle the occasional (sometimes more than occasional) sparring ... stay off the boards.  I find it lively, informative and fun.  I always find it amusing to criticize owners who don't charge the subscribers a dime. 

(in reply to PonyGroom)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/13/2008 10:33:36 AM   
ThundersCry


Posts: 892
Status: offline 		<grins>
 
You have a group?
 
Gimme the addy...=L=
 
This board ain`t about you....nor anyone else for that matter...
 
 

(in reply to PonyGroom)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/13/2008 10:37:58 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

If I own a board, and membership continues only if you comply with my rules, you will play nice or be gone. You don't see rudeness on a board I own. It's called "accountability".  A simple concept, but lost on the CM site owners.

 
I own a few boards myself, and have always been up front in the terms of service that my forums are not a democracy but rather at best a benevolent dictatoship.  You might see the occaisional rudeness on my board, but you never see it for long as I have no qualms about deleting them.  However, comparing my boards to CM isn't even comparing apples to oranges.  It is a completely different situation. 

Personally, I find more exotic blooms than weeds on CM forums (the personal side is a different matter).  I happen to find it of value.  I wouldn't be here, if I didn't.  Considering the diversity of its members, and the fact that it is a free site has me immensely impressed with how well moderated it is!  Based off my own experiences running boards, I'd expect it to be less so, honestly.  I certainly wouldnt say it is over run with sociopaths. Simply because I think the actual sociopath is somewhat rare, and the law of averages would dictate that it is unlikely they'd flock en masse to a single BDSM site and make up a large portion of its membership.  The same can be said for criminals.  Fools, idiots and horny net geeks, however -  now that I can agree with.  Then again, I have a certain fondness for the horny net geek.  Being one myself.

(in reply to PonyGroom)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/13/2008 12:03:48 PM   
PonyGroom


Posts: 150
Joined: 2/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NeedingMore220

The mods do a great job of not allowing personal attacks.   



There are more than a few personal attacks visible in profiles and journals.

Yes, I am aware there is a reporting system.  The system does not work so as to prevent attacks, nor are you likely to get an attack removed by reporting it.

You probably mean "mods of the boards", and were commenting on just the behavior we see on the boards.  I don't know of any content removed by mods.  That may be because I don't come to the boards often enough to see it, or read enough threads to find one with exceptional rudeness. I have a fairly thick skin, personally, and expect to see on a board like the CM board a common incivility and nothing like the personal decency I would expect at a party.

Also, I have to agree with another poster on this thread who wrote that vanilla boards are far nastier.  If you want to see nasty, go onto a politics board and start a conversation about abortion. No matter which position you take or what you say, you will see bitter words on your screen in a short time.

(in reply to NeedingMore220)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/13/2008 12:07:44 PM   
PonyGroom


Posts: 150
Joined: 2/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

I always find it amusing to criticize owners who don't charge the subscribers a dime.


The site is supported by ads. It isn't a gift.  On your logic we should be grateful for TV and never criticize what we see on it.

We could go to the advertisers and complain.  That would make a difference if the advertisers agreed with the complaints.

Frankly, those advertisers have a lot of options, today, and if the top three advertisers on CM took their business elsewhere, CM would likely fold.

(in reply to NeedingMore220)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/13/2008 12:09:35 PM   
NumberSix


Posts: 1378
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline 		Perhaps you could think of it as a massive gift of submission.

6

Frankly I cannot find it in my best interest to complain to an advertiser who has 14 million fucktoys right here in my local area, just awaiting me.

That's just stooooooooooooopid. 

< Message edited by NumberSix -- 7/13/2008 12:11:36 PM >

_____________________________

"Who are you?"
"The new Number Two."
"Who is Number One?"
"You are Number Six.".
"I am not a number — I am a free man!"

Be seeing you...

(in reply to PonyGroom)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/13/2008 12:20:59 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Or we could quit whining about not having all our little needs met and stop posting or reading to boards where people are not going to validate our thoughts.
Ads pay for a lot.  It isn't free to run a site.  It is our choice to take advantage of the use, or not. 
quote:

ORIGINAL: PonyGroom

We could go to the advertisers and complain.  That would make a difference if the advertisers agreed with the complaints.



(in reply to PonyGroom)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/13/2008 12:22:34 PM   
PonyGroom


Posts: 150
Joined: 2/26/2006
Status: offline 		 
quote:

ORIGINAL: NumberSix

Perhaps you could think of it as a massive gift of submission.



My pony and I like the way your lawn tractor mows.


(in reply to NumberSix)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/13/2008 12:36:47 PM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PonyGroom

quote:

I always find it amusing to criticize owners who don't charge the subscribers a dime.


The site is supported by ads. It isn't a gift.  On your logic we should be grateful for TV and never criticize what we see on it.

We could go to the advertisers and complain.  That would make a difference if the advertisers agreed with the complaints.

Frankly, those advertisers have a lot of options, today, and if the top three advertisers on CM took their business elsewhere, CM would likely fold.



Just to insert a note, the advertisers do not pay for the total cost of the maintenance and running of this site.  Considerable amounts are spent every month over and beyond revenues to keep this site going for bandwidth, etc.  There are also select volunteers that spend hours daily and weekly to help the site keep running..... it has only been a year and a half or so that advertisers have even been on the site, and the site had well over a quarter of a million members before the site took on advertisers, so before that the costs were paid in whole by the owners.

_____________________________

Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

(in reply to PonyGroom)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/13/2008 1:15:01 PM   
Wolfsrealm


Posts: 36
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline 		I really appreciate this thread.  Many times, especially in the beginning of our relationship, Master and I started many threads asking for advice and were replied to primarily with rudeness, mockery and accusations that we were "just looking for jerkoff material."  I've been on this website for years now, and I have to say that it has definitely gone downhill.  Thank you for addressing this issue, MasterforRT.  I think that a mirror seriously needs to be held to all of us.  None of us has the right to judge others.  As they say, "your fetish isn't my fetish, but your fetish is okay."

Blessings,
Little Red

_____________________________

No matter how dark the woods may get, no matter how deep you may go, never forget, Little Red, that I am always with you. Always watching. Always close.

(in reply to masterforRT)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/13/2008 1:32:25 PM   
PonyGroom


Posts: 150
Joined: 2/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Or we could quit whining about not having all our little needs met and stop posting or reading to boards where people are not going to validate our thoughts.
Ads pay for a lot.  It isn't free to run a site.  It is our choice to take advantage of the use, or not. 
quote:

ORIGINAL: PonyGroom

We could go to the advertisers and complain.  That would make a difference if the advertisers agreed with the complaints.





My point was close to yours: that there is no point in complaining about the content of the boards, on the boards.  Those who are rude, are going to continue to be rude.  Those who are nice, will continue to be nice.  If you want results, complain to someone who cares: the advertisers. Certainly if CM management wanted different results, they would make different policy, or do something different. They must like things the way they are.

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/13/2008 1:40:32 PM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		I agree, none of us have the "right" to judge others, but that doesn't stop anyone. I'm sorry, just because someone calls it a fetish doesn't mean that I have to be okay with it. That doesn't mean that they have to stop doing it or even feel guilty about it, it just means that maybe I'm not okay with it. If I put it out here in the blinding light of the public eye then I would be an idiot NOT to expect it to be judged. I took off the rose colored glasses a long time ago and I'm far happier with out them. People make judgements, good, bad or indifferent.

quote:

If I own a board, and membership continues only if you comply with my rules, you will play nice or be gone. You don't see rudeness on a board I own. It's called "accountability".  A simple concept, but lost on the CM site owners. 


And like I said earlier, I belonged to a board once, it was started with the very best intentions, and there was a lot of patting on the backs of posters and positive feedback and it was all sunshine and apple pie. And it died a slow painful death. People need controversy. Period. We need a reason to state our opinions even if our opinions suck. And when we are done stating them, we need a reason to clarify them to death. Just take a look at some of the slow motion train wrecks here that go on for twenty pages.
 
My saplings grew up with no a/c and crappy heat most of the time. Nothing like counting on a fireplace to keep the house warm. It was tough, if it was cold outside then they got cold, if it was hot then they got hot. It was all because I knew that there was no way they were going to live their whole lives in a perfectly temperature controlled environment and I knew they were going to be able to deal with it. There are assholes out there and in here, there are rude people all around, there are arrogant bastards and total bitches and nothing any of us do is going to change that. The trick is to be able to look past the crap and see the really good people here and out there. To be able to go beyond the BS and see the incredible amount of good information and advice that is offered up on these boards on an hourly basis! To my knowledge there is no rule book that says just because we identify as kinky then everyone else has to play nice with us. Yes, I do see this as a little "community" of sorts. It's like a family to me... and I fight with my family.. don't you guys?
 
Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to Wolfsrealm)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/13/2008 1:41:17 PM   
PonyGroom


Posts: 150
Joined: 2/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kc692
Just to insert a note, the advertisers do not pay for the total cost of the maintenance and running of this site.  Considerable amounts are spent every month over and beyond revenues to keep this site going for bandwidth, etc.  There are also select volunteers that spend hours daily and weekly to help the site keep running..... it has only been a year and a half or so that advertisers have even been on the site, and the site had well over a quarter of a million members before the site took on advertisers, so before that the costs were paid in whole by the owners.

Yes, the ads have not been here forever.  I think most of us are aware there are volunteers working more or less anonymously as mods, and other volunteers behind the scenes.

Do the owners publish financial information? If so, can you tell us where to find it? If not, how is it you know what you do?

(in reply to kc692)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/13/2008 1:41:32 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I personsally think expecting respect from anyone for any reason other than being yourself is foolish. I do not respect everyone in the lifestyle simply becasue they are in the lifestyle. I do nt respect all vanillas simply becasue they are vanilla. That would be like saying I trust all doctors just becasue they are doctors. The lifestyle, sector of involvement or occupation does not garner the respect. A person has to do that for themselves.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/13/2008 1:42:55 PM   
boundinside


Posts: 56
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline 		without reading the other responses to your thread, I can respecfully tell you that rudeness is not only a part of this lifestyle, but it is also a part of our everyday lives.  Rudeness is not something that people request or that you urn for, it is just something that happens.  I sure that the reason you got such nasty responses, whatever they may have been, it is because people come to the forums for information and creative criticism.  You mentioned that your response got several rude replies, but maybe it is just that you were being to harsh.  People, like myself, write a thread to gain insight and maybe opinion (good or bad opinions, it just depends on the thread), they do not want to always hear the negative or the con to the issue.  I would strongly advise to reconsider your thinking and your mentality.  Though I have to agree that there is infact no place fr rudeness, but sometimes just because there is no pace for it, that doesn't mean that it won't find a room.  In others words, rudeness is an everyday thing...you have three choices; live with it, ignore it and look at the good (which is not always easy), or write threads about it and possibly get more rude responses. 

(in reply to masterforRT)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/13/2008 2:05:41 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolfsrealm
I've been on this website for years now, and I have to say that it has definitely gone downhill. 

I have no idea how things were years ago.  However, I'm a decent internet researcher, and I've found absolutely nothing anywhere close to the quality of the CollarChat message boards over the last 14 months.

There's a powerful, touching, helpful thread going on right now about how to come out as kinky to your vanilla spouse.  It is full of comments, none of them snarky.  Also, just within the last few minutes, someone posted a request for assistance dealing with a female friend who had been raped, and the authorities were unfriendly to her kink.  I am sure that will produce excellent responses -- and, again, little or no snark.

I have noticed -- and posted about -- a tendency of some posters to believe any young-person profile is fake, or operated by a wanker, so I'm not surprised you had that problem, Little Red/Wolfsrealm.  I do wish that would change... but wishes won't wash dishes.

The CollarMe message boards are the premier site in the world for people with real-time BDSM and relationship experience.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Wolfsrealm)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Infighting and nastiness - 7/13/2008 2:10:33 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PonyGroom

Do the owners publish financial information? If so, can you tell us where to find it? If not, how is it you know what you do?


Common sense. SOMEONE paid for the site before the ads were here. If the members never had to do so, logically that means someone was. The owners.

If you want to complain to the advertisers and see if they get behind you for a change... go for it. I am sure they keep very close tabs on all couple hundred sites they advertise with and even though the site brings them in revenue, they are ready and willing to get behind limiting the members and cutting their own incoming revenue. Let us know how that goes.




_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to PonyGroom)
Profile   Post #: 60
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