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CallaFirestormBW -> RE: I couldn't help Myself (7/17/2008 2:35:42 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Missokyst
Once again there is very little distinction. There is no set rules that say, if you take this many blows, you are awarded this type of leather. If you are able to hit this fly on the wall with your whip, you earn this leather, ect.
What it comes down to is someone says you earned this, and viola~ you are now dom, sub, slave, ect.
Which is why I asked what are the criteria?
We see a lot of this "earning leathers" "old gaurd" bandied about but there doesn't seem to be any defining moment that grants someone that "right" to leathers.
When I see someone mention that they have earned that right a bit of me wonders what they did to get there. For me, it just seems like a smoke screen.
Kyst
If you've never done anything where your performance was judged by someone else on a very subjective level, it's hard to understand how "earning ones leathers" or, in my case, earning my crop, happen. There are many areas where subjective judgment is the determining factor for completion. Prior to going through it for my crop, I went through it for my PhD... -twice- (ok, so there may be a hint of masochism in my blood somewhere). I went through it finding a publisher for my novels... there were no iron-clad criteria. It depended on mentors who evaluated the work, and they got to decide when the work was "good enough" for me to move into that next place. To be honest, by the time the dominant members of my household awarded me my crop, I'd considered and come to peace with the realization that I would be Chatelaine for the rest of my life, and would never earn anything beyond the belled collar I wore in that capacity. It actually came as a bit of a shock when I was called into the common room and was handed my crop -- I had come to peace with my role in the household, and had arrived at a place where I'd let go of the -need- to prove myself (to myself or anyone else) by earning my crop.
I can't explain to you how someone knows when the person they've been mentoring is ready for that next step. I can only tell you that we know. I can give you an idea of how it works for us, but the process is still very subjective.
The first "leather" awarded in our household is a leather collar (the first collar a prospective servant gets is a cloth collar, or occasionally, a metal chain collar). The criteria for this is being a good "fit" for our household -- having the right balance of skills and knowing how to use them so that the servant's presence is actually a bonus to the household... a good attitude, pleasant demeanor, good conversationalist, intelligent without being a know-it-all boor, minimal amount of whining about the tediousness of hir role... all very subjective, but we know when it's right and when the person is really dedicated. They also have to know the history of our household, know the basic rules that all household members follow, know the specific rules for their own service perfectly -and- live under those guidelines -most- of the time (everyone makes some mistakes). They can't be lazy -- if they see that something needs to be done, they have to take initiative, not wait around to see if someone else will do it. The minimum time for this is 90 days -- sometimes it takes longer, especially if there's been a consistent mix of really good characteristics with serious flaws... then it becomes a question of whether we think that being a part of the household will improve the flaws, or whether our methods and practices will aggravate things. That sometimes takes a while, as we try different things until we can make a decision.
The second 'earned item' in our household is the serving-set. This may be leather or chain, but it signifies a servant who we are happy to display -- a servant who is welcome to come and serve in the main room when we have company, or to be the one to provide public service or escort us when we're out about town. The criteria for this comes when we find a servant who is, in every way, focused on our needs when xhe's present (our servants don't live on premises). Usually, this is a servant who has either been offered or has actively pursued service-oriented training (butlering, etc.). Xhe may also have gone in the direction of a 'lady's maid'... learning to care for our clothing and belongings, cosmetic application, etc. In addition, xhe will have completed training in some of our 'heavy play' activities -- for me, this means learning first aid as well, to be able to provide first-aid support during scenes when I am otherwise occupied. As you've probably figured out by now, the criteria for this are "slippery". One thing I haven't mentioned is that at least one of us has to -like- this person enough that we want them around us -a lot-. If xhe's a perfectly good servant but not pleasant to spend time with, sorry, but it just isn't going to happen -- usually, we help these folks find a more accomodating environment when it becomes clear that they're not really compatible with us.
Only a few servants have any desire to have more than the serving set (most have tended to drive themselves at least that far), but the next level is the belled collar of the Head Butler or Chatelaine. This is someone who not only knows their own tasks, but has taken the initiative to learn the other service roles in the household. Xhe provides support -and- discipline for newcomers and common servants, acting as the voice and hand of the household dominant individuals, to make sure that everything runs smoothly. When our household is small, we may not have anything -but- a Butler/Chatelaine-in-training, a real "Jack/Jill of All Trades". No matter what we ask of hir, the response is always pleasant and, if what we want cannot be provided, suitable alternatives are offered with a real "can-do" spirit. A Butler/Chatelaine also has to be an outstanding diplomat. Xhe is often our face in public for things that the dominant members dont' participate in. Xhe's happy and comfortable helping to prepare scenes or supper for 30. Xhe's willing to be my right hand in the kitchen preparing a gourmet meal, and isn't afraid to taste and offer an honest critique of the seasonings (and xhe's developed the palate to be able to do so). Xhe is great with people in general, handles being an extension of our power with grace, mercy, and a strong will, and serves with the very core of hir being. Again -- you have to -see- it, and be able to recognize it, but it's very subjective. It isn't about "read this book and take this test, and you'll get the belled collar".
The last "rising" for us doesn't come often, and most of the time, we know that someone is walking this road before we even start. I told the man from the house when I approached him that I wanted him to teach me to use my talents at bossing people around constructively, so that I could guide servants. I already had "topping" kinks -- things that required that I act on someone else, like piercing, cutting, and flogging... but I felt like before I could claim someone's dedication to me, I wanted to shadow someone whom I admired. I had no idea what would be required -- but once I'd made the decision, I felt compelled to see it through. I can't tell you what they saw that told them I should get my crop. All I can tell you is that I have always tried to live gracefully through any challenge, and to respect the dignity of others... including those who laid their future at my feet.
Even after getting the crop, though, the learning isn't over. I still go to my mentors to ask questions, and I still talk to others who have better and stronger skills in different areas than I do, to try to learn more about what I love. Rignt now, we're a servant-free household. We took a -long- break after the deaths of two of our members, only a half-year apart from each other, so now that I've made the decision to add this part of my life back in, I'm spending some time refreshing myself on any number of skills from negotiation to arbitration to setting criteria and evaluating probabilities...and spent a lot of time in defining the things that move me before returning to open the door again.
Earning ones leathers is a combination of both objective and subjective criteria... but most often the objective criteria are the easy part... a little reading and answer a couple questions and that part is done -- it's the subjective stuff that really makes the difference between one person and another -- it's the hardest thing to evaluate, but within the subjective evaluation are the things that really make up a person... their dedication, their forthrightness, their dignity, their honor, and their commitment.
Calla Firestorm
PS: If you're wondering... it took me a little over 5 years
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