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Eating Disorders vs Obeying. - 11/16/2005 10:04:11 AM

Dieplztks

Posts: 22
Joined: 2/23/2005
Status: offline

I dont know how many people on this site have ED's, whether that be obesity, anorexia, bulemia, a combination of them, or what. But I'm sure that some of you have suffered from them, or perhaps still do.

This is just some back info bout me.... read it if you want or just skim over it. Doesnt matter. I've suffered from anorexia since I as 15 or so. At age 17 it was to the point where I weighed around 70-75 pounds. Right now, my weight is between 103-106, depending on the time of month. I hate being over 100 pounds... I'm 4'11"... so maybe that'll tell you one reason. There are others. While I dont want to get back into anorexia, this is still an issue. Master doesnt want me to lose weight. He likes me the way I am. But this is a concern for me... maybe it shouldnt be...maybe I still suffer from anorexia somewhat and that's a scary thought, because I've been through treatment.

My concern is this:
Do I make myself happy or my Master happy(of course I want to make Him happy but....)? It is ok for me to want to be ok with myself by losing some weight, or should I remain miserable at the weight I am now? Should I be depressed and under constant stress because I'm at the weight I am, or should I subject myself to the stress of Him being disappointed with me for losing weight?

Please keep the topic on hand. I'm asking people who may suffer from ED's to give advice. If you've never been around someone with and ED or had one yourself, then you may not understand why this is such a big problem. It probably shouldnt be, but it is for me. Please dont say "Get treatment!" Or "Stop being so selfish." Or "Go to a Pro-Ana site"I've thought of that myself.

Maybe Master is afraid that I'll go back into being hardcore anorexic, but I dont think I will, however, I cant get Him to understand that.

Thanks for the read and any advice you may have.

Post #: 1

RE: Eating Disorders vs Obeying. - 11/16/2005 10:27:22 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dieplztks
My concern is this:
Do I make myself happy or my Master happy(of course I want to make Him happy but....)? It is ok for me to want to be ok with myself by losing some weight, or should I remain miserable at the weight I am now? Should I be depressed and under constant stress because I'm at the weight I am, or should I subject myself to the stress of Him being disappointed with me for losing weight?

I think you should be in therapy and consulting physicians.

I'm not anorexic, but I am moderately OCD, I understand the need for control and how it drives a person. I understand the sources of anxiety. You are not yet accepting that this behavior is detrimental to you and that it is inhibiting you being happy and fulfilled.

(in reply to Dieplztks)

Post #: 2

RE: Eating Disorders vs Obeying. - 11/16/2005 10:44:42 AM

Dieplztks

Posts: 22
Joined: 2/23/2005
Status: offline

Maybe I should, maybe I shouldnt. Last time I had counceling.. nothing happened. They put me on medication to help me get over it, but I ended up not taking them and helped myself out. This was around two years ago. Maybe I just need to find the right councelor. But right now, W/we dont have the means nor time to engage O/ourselves into a search for one.

I'm well aware that anorexia is harmful to me and to others around me and the obsession is causing me not to be happy... only in this sense though. Everything else is just peachy. I know this is the source of my frustration. But I dont suffer from anorexia like I used to... I may be borderline now, or whatever they call it. I dont starve myself, I dont exercise 6+ hours a day, I dont count calories like I used to... I dont think" Omg will this apple make me fat?" And I dont think that I'll go back to that.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 3

RE: Eating Disorders vs Obeying. - 11/16/2005 10:45:47 AM

Quivver

Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dieplztks

I dont know how many people on this site have ED's, whether that be obesity, anorexia, bulemia, a combination of them, or what. But I'm sure that some of you have suffered from them, or perhaps still do.

This is just some back info bout me.... read it if you want or just skim over it. Doesnt matter. I've suffered from anorexia since I as 15 or so. At age 17 it was to the point where I weighed around 70-75 pounds. Right now, my weight is between 103-106, depending on the time of month. I hate being over 100 pounds... I'm 4'11"... so maybe that'll tell you one reason. There are others. While I dont want to get back into anorexia, this is still an issue. Master doesnt want me to lose weight. He likes me the way I am. But this is a concern for me... maybe it shouldnt be...maybe I still suffer from anorexia somewhat and that's a scary thought, because I've been through treatment.

My concern is this:
Do I make myself happy or my Master happy(of course I want to make Him happy but....)? It is ok for me to want to be ok with myself by losing some weight, or should I remain miserable at the weight I am now? Should I be depressed and under constant stress because I'm at the weight I am, or should I subject myself to the stress of Him being disappointed with me for losing weight?

Please keep the topic on hand. I'm asking people who may suffer from ED's to give advice. If you've never been around someone with and ED or had one yourself, then you may not understand why this is such a big problem. It probably shouldnt be, but it is for me. Please dont say "Get treatment!" Or "Stop being so selfish." Or "Go to a Pro-Ana site"I've thought of that myself.

Maybe Master is afraid that I'll go back into being hardcore anorexic, but I dont think I will, however, I cant get Him to understand that.

Thanks for the read and any advice you may have.

I'd say in this case your Master is only looking out for his best interest by
keeping his shit healthy...... (yes Ron I'm stealing your line)
I know it's hard, but honestly he's doing what is best for you.
hugs
Q

_____________________________

The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

(in reply to Dieplztks)

Post #: 4

RE: Eating Disorders vs Obeying. - 11/16/2005 10:49:14 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dieplztks
Maybe I should, maybe I shouldnt. Last time I had counceling.. nothing happened. They put me on medication to help me get over it, but I ended up not taking them and helped myself out. This was around two years ago. Maybe I just need to find the right councelor. But right now, W/we dont have the means nor time to engage O/ourselves into a search for one.

So instead you will go back to the habits that you know, revert to the unhealthy behaviors to get your immediate fix.

I'm sorry your first experience was not good. No one can deny there are a lot of sucky therapists out there. That doesn't mean it's not worthwhile. Don't you think the fact that you are working so hard to NOT obey and do what you know is healthiest for you is a sign that you aren't really stable yet?

quote:

And I dont think that I'll go back to that.

That's truly excellent. And I don't think there will ever come a time where you don't think "If only..." or that the numbers on the scale will bring you a sense of either dread or thrill.

But you use food and weight as a way to try and be in control of your life, as a tangible method of proving security to yourself. You need to learn to break this and you won't do it by continuing to hold onto the notion that you need to lose weight.

(in reply to Dieplztks)

Post #: 5

RE: Eating Disorders vs Obeying. - 11/16/2005 10:49:45 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

I dont know how many people on this site have ED's, whether that be obesity, anorexia, bulemia, a combination of them, or what. But I'm sure that some of you have suffered from them, or perhaps still do.

does Body Dysmorphic Disorder come in on your list of ED's? y'know the one where you look in the mirror and it is like being at the carnival--you see yourself as plenty heavier and incredibly imperfect, regardless of your weight. the fact that you recognize that you suffer from anorexia should be your first clue that you don't always have the best ideas when it comes to regulating your body weight all on your own. this slave is sure you are familiar with Karen Carpenter's story and there are plenty of others, of girls who starve themselves to death from anorexia.

quote:

At age 17 it was to the point where I weighed around 70-75 pounds. Right now, my weight is between 103-106, depending on the time of month. I hate being over 100 pounds... I'm 4'11"...

have you ever been to any sort of nutritionist or health care professional to tell you what they consider a healthy weight for you, since you acknowledge you are plagued with an inability to make that decision on your own? this slave would like to think that more than your Master is concerned about your WEIGHT, He would be concerned about your HEALTH. perhaps that is why He wants you to learn to accept your "misery" of weighing more than you think you should.

good luck!

(in reply to Dieplztks)

Post #: 6

RE: Eating Disorders vs Obeying. - 11/16/2005 10:59:57 AM

Tempestspet

Posts: 360
Joined: 1/13/2005
Status: offline

I think you should hang in there, with your master. It's hard to see, but he's looking out for you. It's in his nature, his job to take care of you. That's why you are his submissive, or slave.

It will be hard, but if you can just work on trusting him to know what he's doing for you, you will be fine. He sounds like he cares for you, and doesn't want you sliding agin.

Take care,
Temepst's pet
jennifer

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 7

RE: Eating Disorders vs Obeying. - 11/16/2005 11:11:07 AM

ginawithaB

Posts: 141
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

ok--first-off sorry, but I am going to suggest some kind of therapeutic situation, if you're not currently engaged in any for the simple reason that this issue is still nagging at you and I think it will be helpful and useful for you to explore why being at a seemingly "normal" weight is not good enough for you. This issue is bothering you enough that you've posted here and it's an issue between you and your Master...so there's something there worth exploring. I'm also making this suggestion b/c issues that lead to eating disorders don't come and then go away never to resurface again. I'm 41, been struggling with overeating all my life and expect this will always be an issue for me even if/when I do finally reach my goal weight...But this is not about me...

Your questions re: should you make yourself miserable in order to make your Master happy...my immediate response is no, but I don't say that to suggest I think you should necessarily lose weight. Basically, if there is no medical reason for you to "need" to lose weight, you probably should not. Going for a basic physical will clear up this question, if it is unclear. But again, what seems to be in order is talking to a therapeutic professional who can help you explore and sort out your feelings around wanting to lose weight, even if it is just a little weight - since you suggest that not losing weight will render you miserable and depressed - which is an extreme reaction. And your Master may well be afraid that you may spiral down the abyss into outright anorexia again. That's ok for Him to be concerned about you, but I think the two of you need to be realistic about what this disorder is about, the difficulties in managing any eating disorder are real and almost always ongoing. This may be difficult to hear and may not even be entirely true to your situation, but I offer this anyway as something to consider. The road to recovery is often long and hard, and is often more about going through the process rather than getting to some place of finally being cured.

And I also say this as one who has and continues to go through the therapeutic process and as a clinical social worker - so I'm not just talking out of my butt.

Also, there's a website listing Kink Aware Professionals. Don't know where you live (didn't check your profile) or if this list is up to date, but again a suggestion for consideration: www.bannon.com/kap
This list also contains internet-based services. Always check out any "professional's" credentials before taking their advice (mine included-I'd be happy to share my licensing info with you if you want to check) and always trust your gut when going to any professional. And you might want to talk to your Master about going together...sometimes our partners need education and need someone to talk to so that they can learn how to help us better.

Most important, please don't suffer in silence. There are many ways these days to get help in managing eating disorders and other psychological challenges. Try to find a helping venue that works for you and stick with it for as long as it's useful. Take care of you.

-gina

(in reply to Dieplztks)

Post #: 8

RE: Eating Disorders vs Obeying. - 11/16/2005 11:16:23 AM

obis

Posts: 412
Joined: 9/9/2005
From: Austin, TX, USA
Status: offline

I was in a relationship for much of my 20s with a woman who was bulimic, and her younger sister was anorexic (of course both do some of the other at times). She is still one of my best friends in the whole world, but her eating, weight and health are issues that concern me to this day and put a lot of strain on our relationship (and the ones she's had since).

I can tell you right off the bat that you're asking the wrong question -- should you be miserable at your current weight or happy at a lighter weight? Obviously you should be happy at a healthy weight, not because your Master likes it, but because your current weight is completely healthy and if you lost much weight it would be unhealthy. My BMI chart says a 4'11" woman should be 95-119lbs, you are absolutely perfect.

I know that's easy for me to say, I said it every day for years and still she would complain about being fat. Now let me say, she is 5'3" and weighs about 130lbs, but is solid muscle because she works out like crazy (to lose weight

). I am not kidding when i say this girl has the most beautifully toned body of any woman I have ever seen, and she constantly attracts attention because of how gorgeous she is. I would tell her this at every opportunity, and so would plenty of unsolicited men at bars, work, etc

When I think of what a woman's ass should look like -- what the universe itself had set as a goal millions of years ago when it created the first spark of life -- it is HER ass I think of. There should be sonnets sung and battles fought for it.

You need to realize that, for whatever reason, you are NOT able to judge your own body. If that means you need to get more treatment, then do it. If that means you need to blindly trust your Master to tell you when you are a good weight, do it. This isn't just about weight, as I'm sure you know -- it can lead to all sorts of other wonderful self-destructive behaviors if you let it. It can destroy your relationships along with your body and self-confidence.

(in reply to Dieplztks)

Post #: 9

RE: Eating Disorders vs Obeying. - 11/16/2005 11:26:12 AM

starshineowned

Posts: 1551
Joined: 4/19/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline

Greetings..~smiles~

No you shouldn't be depressed and under contstant feelings of stress, however, listening to your Masters advice/instructions on maintaining the weight you are now based on your height sounds very logical and within the proportional range. If depression/stress is there then you need to address those issue's seperately with a physician.

It is my understanding that these disorders are just like alcoholism in that you can control them, have relapses, etc. but there is no actual cure. Saying oh, just one beer or just one pound won't hurt things is a good sign that your going to slip back into old familiar habits.

starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

(in reply to Dieplztks)

Post #: 10

RE: Eating Disorders vs Obeying. - 11/16/2005 11:39:12 AM

plantlady64

Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

Hello There,
I would recommend you following your Masters desire for you.
If you truly submit yourself to him your eating and weight should be his will to decide.
I'd also say if you don't like your tummy at the weight you are at maybe doing exercises will give you more self confidence in your shape.
Good Luck,
sub suzanne

(in reply to Dieplztks)

Post #: 11

RE: Eating Disorders vs Obeying. - 11/16/2005 11:42:27 AM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

Hi Dieplztks... First You are extremely brave and I think Your Master would be proud to know You are taking such time to consider these important subjects.

quote:

Maybe Master is afraid that I'll go back into being hardcore anorexic, but I dont think I will, however, I cant get Him to understand that.

Has your Master spoken to someone who has knowledge of eating disorders or a specialist? He may find it really helpful to speak to someone and gain knowledge on the subject - it should assist with any fear or worries He may have - pressuring can be harder to deal with than suffering.
Have you asked Him about this? Ask for a discussion to find out if He feels He could do with extra knowledge or support.

You do have to be happy to serve with a open heart. I am sure that Your Master doesnt desire a sub who could be considered 'going through the motions'

Having a councillor or being in therapy would be the best thing - if - you can find someone you are compatable with. Finding a kink aware speciallist will be even better. You may believe its something You dont need or dont have time for, but it is important. Find the time - because doing this is a service not just for yourself but for Your Master.

The question is -

quote:

Do I make myself happy or my Master happy(of course I want to make Him happy but....)? It is ok for me to want to be ok with myself by losing some weight, or should I remain miserable at the weight I am now? Should I be depressed and under constant stress because I'm at the weight I am, or should I subject myself to the stress of Him being disappointed with me for losing weight?

Its easy for me to say 'Do as Master says' because that is my belief on what and who a submissive is. Find out what Your belief is. Your thoughts on what a submissive is may be different to mine or anyone elses. It is my belief that a submissive should be able to submit to themself first and they do that by being in control. Once You have that mastered - then the answer is if You feel that your Master is setting you targets that are good for you, in your best interest, then You should obey Him. Do not follow Him if you feel it is against better judgement. If You are unhappy, then You need to find the root cause. And as much as You hate being told, therapy is important. It might take a long time to find someone whom you click with, but once you do, it will be alot easier.

Peace and Rapture.

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to Dieplztks)

Post #: 12

RE: Eating Disorders vs Obeying. - 11/16/2005 11:45:26 AM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

i would not take the risk, you are thin, and even if you prefer to get thinner, you realy are werry thin, it is not worth the risk of getting sick. If you want to do somthing whit your body, start doing some exersise but do not stop eating.

(in reply to plantlady64)

Post #: 13

RE: Eating Disorders vs Obeying. - 11/16/2005 1:15:16 PM

LadySonelle

Posts: 280
Joined: 8/24/2004
From: Santa Fe NM
Status: offline

Speaking as a Mistress who had an anorexic slave, I will offer My two cents. What helped My slave was to de-toxify body-image issues through a compination of confession and roleplay.

We used a combination of both in order to make her memories surface, then dealt with them during BDSM sessions. I used imagery, verbal support, re-enactment of trauma, and confession/expiation-through-punishment and this multi-pronged approach worked! I will, however, add two caveats: 1. The Top must be well versed in spychodrama techniques and have some psychology background and 2. it's not an instant fix. Our work took three to five years and even today I have to sometimes re-work old issues as they surface due to new situations.

It is also painful work, psychologically speaking. Anorexia is (in my understanding of it) a reaction to self-image trauma, whether externally or internally suffered, in early childhood. It may become necessary for a Top to break down the scar tissue, reopen wounds, and rebuild from the beginning. Re-enactment can be devastating and aftercare is vital! The Top needs to be stronger than both himself AND the submissive *combined* to keep both people safe.

Each approach is individual as no two anorexic persons are alike and no two Tops are either, but in the end it is SO worth it!! 21 years ago My submissive/slave would cry and apologise for everything, had NO self confidence, hated her body and was certain she was hideous and ugly, horribly fat etc... and today she stands her ground and *knows* she is worthy, beautiful and strong. She did it and you can also!

I will keep you and your Master in My thoughts and prayers.

Lady Sonelle

_____________________________

Come to My domain and read My Lessons online! http://www.LadySonelle.com then place yourself beneath My loving Hand!

(in reply to Dieplztks)

Post #: 14

RE: Eating Disorders vs Obeying. - 11/16/2005 1:15:42 PM

darkinshadows

Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: nephandi

i would not take the risk, you are thin, and even if you prefer to get thinner, you realy are werry thin, it is not worth the risk of getting sick. If you want to do somthing whit your body, start doing some exersise but do not stop eating.

she really doesn't need judging nephandi, as much as you say what you say with care and love.
Technically, she is in the threashold for her height. She is slim frame as well. And just to note, for a person with a eating disorder, exercise could be dangerous.

Peace and Love

_____________________________

.dark.

...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 15

RE: Eating Disorders vs Obeying. - 11/16/2005 1:30:44 PM

LadySonelle

Posts: 280
Joined: 8/24/2004
From: Santa Fe NM
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: obis
she constantly attracts attention because of how gorgeous she is. I would tell her this at every opportunity, and so would plenty of unsolicited men at bars, work, etc [;)
...
You need to realize that, for whatever reason, you are NOT able to judge your own body. If that means you need to get more treatment, then do it. If that means you need to blindly trust your Master to tell you when you are a good weight, do it.

Telling an anorexic or body-dysphoric person doesn't work well, as I'm certain you know. :0 What worked for My slave and Myself was doing work during scenes. I took shameless (but therapeutic) advantage of her submissive headspace. During intense scenes she was open to Me, vulnerable and suggestible. I used that vulnerability to My (and her) advantage. It was like psychological surgery. While the body is cut open, go in and remove this, stitch that, reshape the other, and then come back out and close the wound and stay with the patient until healing starts. There were times when we did a lot of screaming, crying, re-living, sobbing, holding each other, but all the while, My beautiful slave was healing internally. I won't say that all her issues are over... they aren't, because anorexia ia lifelong, but she is SO much better, and better off, than she was!

I'm not taking credit for it, either... most of the 'heavy lifting', she had to do herself. I was guiding, but the credit goes to her.

Lady Sonelle

_____________________________

Come to My domain and read My Lessons online! http://www.LadySonelle.com then place yourself beneath My loving Hand!

(in reply to obis)

Post #: 16

RE: Eating Disorders vs Obeying. - 11/16/2005 1:42:11 PM

cravinspankin

Posts: 127
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline

Perhaps, as any good Dom or Master would be, he wants you to maintain your weight out of pure concerns for your health, not necessarily for his "happiness."
Though of course, he can not be happy when you are facing health issues.

(in reply to Dieplztks)

Post #: 17

RE: Eating Disorders vs Obeying. - 11/16/2005 1:45:34 PM

GlobalSkulls

Posts: 40
Joined: 11/6/2005
Status: offline

IT appears im the only one to read your profile but alas I found this..

Master has already graduated from college with a degree in Economics and two minor degrees in Psychology and Philosophy.

Being he has two degrees in psycology then he could be speaking from a pyscology view... Giving that he is intelligent about it, he might be able to help or have an outside friend that could help which would probabley be better having an outsider do it.

< Message edited by GlobalSkulls -- 11/16/2005 10:54:44 PM >

(in reply to Dieplztks)

Post #: 18

RE: Eating Disorders vs Obeying. - 11/16/2005 1:54:47 PM

comesoncommand

Posts: 78
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

As is often the advice for questions on what to do in a D/s relationship: COMMUNICATE. Be completely honest and open in communicating the same questions you've communicated here to your Master. Tell Him that you are unhappy at your current weight, and are feeling stress and torn between your own self-image (and the way you view yourself) and what He has stated His desires for you are.

(in reply to GlobalSkulls)

Post #: 19

RE: Eating Disorders vs Obeying. - 11/16/2005 2:45:46 PM

Kyami

Posts: 32
Joined: 11/14/2005
From: Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: darkangel

quote:

ORIGINAL: nephandi

i would not take the risk, you are thin, and even if you prefer to get thinner, you realy are werry thin, it is not worth the risk of getting sick. If you want to do somthing whit your body, start doing some exersise but do not stop eating.

she really doesn't need judging nephandi, as much as you say what you say with care and love.
Technically, she is in the threashold for her height. She is slim frame as well. And just to note, for a person with a eating disorder, exercise could be dangerous.

Peace and Love

This is very true. Any form of excercise would be dangerous, with the possibility of "sucking" her back into the disorder. You have to remember, alot of anoxerics use not only starvation, but obsessive excericise.

This may not be the best advice in the world, but I have found that it does help (yes, I have been struggling with anoxeria for many years). Meditation. Deep, relaxing meditation. Let you mind focus, not on your weight, but on your health. Once you stop thinking that the two are linked together, you will find something to "fight back" with. Once you are able to do this, research healthy eating. There are alot of foods out there that are extremely healthy for you, but very low cal, low carb, etc. And let's face it, once the mind is healed, the body usually follows.

_____________________________

"You may be suffering; but you are suffering with love"

(in reply to darkinshadows)

Post #: 20

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