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RE: Play first? Or relationship first? - 7/31/2008 9:10:34 AM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

Taggard.. you slut ;)


Flattery will get you everywhere!!!


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(in reply to GreedyTop)
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RE: Play first? Or relationship first? - 7/31/2008 9:11:21 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

If you were looking for a committed M/s relationship would you insist on play first? 
Why?  
Or would you wait until you were further into the M/s dynamic/relationship before engaging in play/scenes?  
Why?

Neither as a pre-ordained plan. The why is easy. Its more a case of what you want to avoid versus what you want - pressure.

Whether play or relationship attracts you or is your ultimate goal; whatever comes should come as an outcome of the interaction between the individuals. A natural progression makes for greater intimacy as well as a better result. Coming in with that attitude, you leave it feeling positive.

Taking the minimalist approach to any meeting insures a positive outcome. For instance, if you go to a bar with the goal of meeting a new person and taking them home to get laid puts a lot of pressure on the night. If you come back from that experience meeting the person of your dreams but only coming home with their phone number and you'll feel like the night was a failure. Have the same experience and result, but going in only expecting to having a drink and listening to the band and you'll come home having a positive experience.

Avoid the pressure of expectation, realistic or unrealistic, and both the play and relationship come together.

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)
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RE: Play first? Or relationship first? - 7/31/2008 9:13:55 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

How can you know you have a relationship that includes the physical unless you get physical and see what happens?


Good point, Red.

For us, it isn't about 'relationship' -- relationships take time to build, and a good "play partner" relationship is just as important to us as a good "servant" relationship -- they're different levels of interaction, but both are valuable. However, you can't know that there will -be- a relationship the first time you get together, in many cases. (I'm sure there are some "relationship at first sight" folks out there who will disagree... but I can admit to lust or interest at 1st sight -- but I don't see "relationship" at first sight regardless, for myself). I wouldn't commit a lifetime to someone I just met if my life depended on it (truthfully). I'd rather kick off than worry about whether someone I just met was going to be and do all that xhe said xhe'd be and do. I don't think I'm capable of "immediate relationship... just add coffee, tea, or lunch"

I don't play right away because I want someone who is going to be able to cope with some specific things -- and I want them to know what they're getting into before we play. If I'm going to pierce someone or cut someone, or play with fire on someone, I want them to have a little picture of what it will be like, and decide that this is really what they want, before we head off to play. It's probably an idiosyncrasy from doing informed consents for a living. I guess I don't so much look for an immediate "relationship" as I do a 'connection' that will enable us to both enjoy trying for a relationship.

Calla Firestorm


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(in reply to RedMagic1)
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RE: Play first? Or relationship first? - 7/31/2008 9:14:21 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

Taggard.. you slut ;)


Flattery will get you everywhere!!!



*snorts*

I read that, then noticed your sigline...


:D


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RE: Play first? Or relationship first? - 7/31/2008 9:14:59 AM   
housesub4you


Posts: 1879
Joined: 4/2/2008
Status: offline 		It is always relationship first, not that I have to have them a huge part of my life, but I think the better you know someone the more buttoms and switches you can turn on.

But that's me and if you read my profile you will see I'm really more of a service sub (yea we exist) I have a high pain level, but I'm more of a D/s kinda sub. 
Though I do cook on the second meeting

(in reply to BlackKnight)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Play first? Or relationship first? - 7/31/2008 9:18:34 AM   
OTKkindaGirl


Posts: 447
Joined: 12/26/2005
From: NW Arkansas
Status: offline 		it use to be easier for me to trust someone with my body before i would trust them with the care of my heart.  it use to be ok to use me and abuse me, as long as i wasn't lied to about being loved.  my body can usually heal faster than my heart. 

nowadays however i don't want one without the other so it has been a bit tricky, and i have become even more picky.  whether or not i play depends on how i feel when i meet them.  if i am afraid to trust them with my body, they aren't touching it.  if i am afraid i will fall for them to quickly because of play then i let them know that up front and it is discussed before play does or does not occur, and what to expect afterwards.  because hell, who doesn't like to play?

communication is the key, expectations of which direction you are headed for paramount.
circumstances and experiences dictate outcomes.  jmho

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RE: Play first? Or relationship first? - 7/31/2008 9:19:27 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		but do you do windows ;)

something I'm seeing in several posts appears to be that some people are assuming that Twice was talking about first meets.. I didn't get that from the op at all...

I was presuming that what was meant was that the foundation for a relationship was already in place.. and do you play before you commit to the relationship ..or play before you commit?

(edited for redundancy)

I could be wrong.. not like I haven't been before..*grin*

< Message edited by GreedyTop -- 7/31/2008 9:24:56 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Play first? Or relationship first? - 7/31/2008 9:20:59 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Thinking more on this....

Yes, while I said that I prefer there be a good start on a relationship before I play, I also need to say that I would not cement that relationship by making a long term commitment to someone until after there had been a substantial amount of play also. While play is certainly not the most important aspect of a relationship to me...it still IS an important aspect and I would have to be sure that we were at least on the same page.

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RE: Play first? Or relationship first? - 7/31/2008 9:21:53 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		Oh, I never "play" on a first meet.

It takes a few months of more casual dating and communication to get that much trust from me.

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Play first? Or relationship first? - 7/31/2008 9:24:15 AM   
Twicehappy2x


Posts: 1096
Joined: 3/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

How can you know you have a relationship that includes the physical unless you get physical and see what happens?


To me, if you are looking for/planning to enter a M/s dynamic, the relationship comes first.
 
If your personalities do not match there is not a lot you can do about that. Oh you can tweak small things but not the big ones.
 
While play is generally adjustable, at least for most folks, i do understand that for some, they simply cannot live without "x".
 

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RE: Play first? Or relationship first? - 7/31/2008 9:27:46 AM   
ChicagoAmy


Posts: 55
Joined: 6/28/2008
Status: offline 		Play first for me, if we aren't compatible in that way, I want to know as soon as possible. 

(in reply to BlackKnight)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Play first? Or relationship first? - 7/31/2008 9:29:13 AM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		I'd be building play trust and the relationship at the same time.

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Play first? Or relationship first? - 7/31/2008 9:33:24 AM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

Oh, I never "play" on a first meet.

It takes a few months of more casual dating and communication to get that much trust from me.


Really?  I have played with people and then done the whole "How do you do, my name is Taggard." thing...so I guess I have played with people even before the first meet.

But as GreedyTop so accurately pointed out, I am a bit of a slut...

Taggard


_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Play first? Or relationship first? - 7/31/2008 9:35:10 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		btw, slut... (*snort*) have I mentioned that she's GORGEOUS!!?




_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Play first? Or relationship first? - 7/31/2008 9:46:55 AM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop
she's GORGEOUS!!?


I know!  She is quite something...  BTW, that is not the one who showed up on Sunday...


_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Play first? Or relationship first? - 7/31/2008 10:09:21 AM   
ThundersCry


Posts: 892
Status: offline 		I usually end up...playing first...
 
darn...

(in reply to Twicehappy2x)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Play first? Or relationship first? - 7/31/2008 10:35:38 AM   
Daes


Posts: 246
Joined: 4/20/2007
From: Diamond Bar, SoCal
Status: offline 		I've also done both. I've had partners that I've played with right away and others that I made wait.

It depends on all sorts of things.


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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Play first? Or relationship first? - 7/31/2008 10:50:16 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		I'm paranoid after twelve years at doing this. Have had too many headcases who seemed ok at first try to latch on to me.

I guess the whole "fatal attraction" dynamic has lost it's intrinsic charm-but what do I know?


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My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Play first? Or relationship first? - 7/31/2008 11:01:12 AM   
CruelDesires


Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		I would want to know the person first even if it was only as a friend. The more I know about someone, the more I can get into their head and have that personal connection. Slap and tickle aside.. I do not play with people casually.

C-D

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(in reply to Twicehappy2x)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Play first? Or relationship first? - 7/31/2008 11:03:03 AM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:

lay first.

I'd want to see if she could deal with things I do first.. Does very little good to say "I'll make a promise"-only to have someone run away screaming fifteen minutes later. <http://www.collarchat.com/image/s2.gif>


DITTO!

CP

(in reply to Leatherist)
Profile   Post #: 40
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