MaamJay
Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline
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OK to get back to the situation as given in the OP ...
In the case of a sub coming for a first visit to a household, let's say the one I am in, there would have been quite a lot of prelude before that first meet ever happened. Internet chat, emails, phone calls ... all to establish enough apparent commonality to make it worth the while for the sub to travel here. That time would be initially "vanilla" ... and then some "light D/s" as they were ready for it. Some simple household tasks, obeying some orders etc. Whether any play occurred by the end of the visit would very much depend on how both Myself and the sub felt about that. In the case of the fem sub who tried out here a year ago, she was keen to try some play so I did a light spanking etc but only after she watched Master play with me (she'd had a previous bad experience so the main aim of the observation was to reassure her that we knew what we were doing). And there was a bit of sexual play too, because we were comfortable with that. If she hadn't been wanting that or play, then it wouldn't have happened.
However, there's no way I would expect her to commit to Me OR Me to her without some play actually happening at some time. Instead, she was invited back for another longer visit ... more rules, more sex, more play. Because I am wanting a good all-rounder, someone as a servant, a plaything and a sex partner, I need to know they are "right" in all those departments. As far as play goes, I agree with Twice that there is a certain amount of compromise can occur regarding play, but for eg if a sub hated being spanked ... that's My fave activity, it's just not going to work out. As it turned out with the person last year, the gradual deepening of the relationship AND the various sub activities prompted her to question whether she really is a sub and she ultimately decided she isn't. Was painful at the time but valuable and we are still friends.
So I guess I am saying that they all go hand in hand for Me ... need some baseline of relationship before playing but then the 2 get deeper together.
Maam Jay aka violet[A]
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Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)
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RE: Play first? Or relationship first? - 
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