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RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/1/2008 2:26:55 PM   
samaraqzetax


Posts: 58
Joined: 7/17/2008
Status: offline 		I work in a porn store, and next door to it in a lingerie store. 

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RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/1/2008 2:27:10 PM   
neph


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quote:

ORIGINAL: samaraqzetax
Most trans individuals, for the most part have dislike towards cross-dressers, sissy boys, ect of that type, as we are bunched into the same box as they are, which is incorrect.



You're asking how supporting the community is of one set of people while at the same time expressing a blanket prejudice towards another.  Awesome.




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RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/1/2008 2:29:28 PM   
faerytattoodgirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: samaraqzetax

I work in a porn store, and next door to it in a lingerie store. 


does the lingerie store sell silk items?  the store called silk n satin here in canada became la senza and the store owner said they dont carry silk items anymore...its so sad...im guessing silk doesnt sell as much??


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RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/1/2008 2:29:31 PM   
stella41b


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quote:

ORIGINAL: sillyslaveboy

That's pure true: the term transsexual refers to all individuals who want to live a life of gender opposite to their biological.



I'm curious as to how you define biological here. Possession of a dick or a pussy?

Not everybody undergoing gender reassignment is a transsexual. I'm not a transsexual, I'm a genetic hermaphrodite, I'm transgendered due to mosaicism, and I have secondary female physical characteristics which developed in late puberty when my DNA pattern 'shifted' or changed. Similar to a transsexual, but not the same.

Gender is encoded in your genes, and this is your biological gender. It's got nothing to do with what's in your underwear.

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RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/1/2008 2:30:20 PM   
samaraqzetax


Posts: 58
Joined: 7/17/2008
Status: offline 		No not blanket prejudice....Just narrowing the TRUE perceptions. But on a personal level, I started a Transgender group at our GLBTQ non-profit here in town as a moderator, but since the majority of the individuals who attend are CD/TV ect I refuse to moderate it any further, as I have my own personal disbeliefs regarding such group. 

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RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/1/2008 2:32:07 PM   
samaraqzetax


Posts: 58
Joined: 7/17/2008
Status: offline 		No we don't sell silk either :( My boss is too cheap to order it! My store is called Naughty But Nice

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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/1/2008 2:42:35 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		I accept people for who they are, who they are discovering they are, and who they are transitioning into becoming.  Admittedly, some of the terms/labels still confuse me as to which is which, but that's just my own ignorance from lack of exposure.

Having said that, there was a girl local to me who my Master was working with.  She and I met for a beer and I felt she was very masculine in her demeanor which was unappealing to me as a play partner, but that's just my preference of what is appealing to me in a woman. 

However, she later forwarded an email to me that she had written to my Master, because she wanted my input on something.  In it, she had made a comment about not having a penis.  I asked her about this and she said "Oh, I forgot that was in there."  I asked her if she had been born with a male body.  She said it was not any of my business and it shouldn't matter to me if my Master was going to have me play with her, then it shouldn't matter what her background was.

What bothered me most about this was her unwillingness to just be open and honest about who she was, and her defensiveness about it.  Perhaps she was just not comfortable with herself yet, but I was hoping to develop and actual relationship, not just a body to fuck around with for my Master's pleasure.  Perhaps she didn't feel obligated to share this part of herself with people, but to me it seemed a rather big thing to leave out.

When I spoke to my Master about it, he asked, "How would you feel if she was born with a male body?"  My first answer was what I have shared here.  I said I would be angry at feeling deceived.  It was interesting to go through.  We never did play.  Other circumstances removed her from our relationship.

But I do wonder, and hopefully this isn't a thread hijack, how people feel about whether this information should be revealed or not.

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RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/1/2008 2:47:16 PM   
MizSexyVixen


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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

But I do wonder, and hopefully this isn't a thread hijack, how people feel about whether this information should be revealed or not.


Yes, it should be revealed. But given the prejudice from so many people, one can see why it is not. That doesn't -justify- this type of dishonesty, but it does explain it.



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RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/1/2008 2:49:29 PM   
stella41b


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From: SW London (UK)
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quote:

ORIGINAL: samaraqzetax

I can agree with that regarding "passable", however there are trans individuals who, no matter how hard they try, will never "pass". I simply mean to narrow down to a specific portion of the trans population in this post.


What's the big issue with being passable?

Contrary to popular belief I'm not under any more obligation than anyone else to be eye candy for other people just because I'm a transgendered female.

I'm happy being me, a transgendered female, and I don't see any reason why I should have to pass myself off as a biological naturally born female just so other people can stay within their own comfort zones.

You see I could turn round and say define feminine. What is feminine? Is this not something which is subjective? Do you not see that there are some pretty feminine guys out there as well as some women who are quite manly and butch? Do these people have to be passable too?

Therefore passable to me is a purely subjective term. Passable isn't just about how you look and present yourself, but it's also in the way you come across to people and project yourself, it's in your body language, the way you speak, and all those subconscious signals you give off to other people. The truth is if you're transgendered you will never ever really be passable 100% of the time to everyone you come across.

This is just my opinion, but I'd rather be rejected and despised for who I really am as opposed to be accepted and admired for who I may or may not become in the future or even who I'm never going to be. I was born a transgendered female, and irrespective of how much surgery and hormones and therapy I undergo I will always be a transgendered female and I will go to my grave as a transgendered female. This is something I accepted a long time ago.

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RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/1/2008 2:52:11 PM   
faerytattoodgirl


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quote:


What bothered me most about this was her unwillingness to just be open and honest about who she was, and her defensiveness about it.


i used to be this way but it just caused many violent physical reactions from the party who was interested in me....so now i hide nothing....also back then i was not as educated as i am now on this type of issue.  in fact before my endocrinologist suggested i was intersexed (in 2003) i had not heard of the term.


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RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/1/2008 2:53:08 PM   
samaraqzetax


Posts: 58
Joined: 7/17/2008
Status: offline 		One being passable, I agree is in the eyes of the beholder. One's own choice as a necessity or a want or a just don't give a fuck. Me on a personal level, necessity, esp in my line of work, I very well could be in harms way if I didn't "pass" so very well.

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RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/1/2008 2:53:49 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

quote:


What bothered me most about this was her unwillingness to just be open and honest about who she was, and her defensiveness about it.


i used to be this way but it just caused many violent physical reactions from the party who was interested in me....so now i hide nothing....also back then i was not as educated as i am now on this type of issue.  in fact before my endocrinologist suggested i was intersexed (in 2003) i had not heard of the term.



I can understand this, and it is unfortunate that people react as they do.  But on the receiving end, I hate being lied to.  Obviously she didn't know at the time that I'm pretty much open and willing to work through anything...except deceipt agaisnt me.

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RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/1/2008 2:54:19 PM   
MmeGigs


Posts: 706
Joined: 1/26/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: samaraqzetax
Most trans individuals, for the most part have dislike towards cross-dressers, sissy boys, ect of that type, as we are bunched into the same box as they are, which is incorrect.


I have to admit that I'm a bit perplexed.  You're asking about support from the BDSM community for "passable transgendered" people like yourself and at the same time putting down others who are as much a part of that community as you are.  Seems a bit hypocritical.

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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/1/2008 2:56:00 PM   
samaraqzetax


Posts: 58
Joined: 7/17/2008
Status: offline 		May be, but Im not asking this question for them, I'm tring to target a very specific portion of the community.

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Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/1/2008 2:58:48 PM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline
quote:


I can understand this, and it is unfortunate that people react as they do. But on the receiving end, I hate being lied to. Obviously she didn't know at the time that I'm pretty much open and willing to work through anything...except deceipt agaisnt me.


i should mention this was way back when i was dating men.  and is one of the reasons i do not date them anymore.   also in the vanilla world not bdsm...and with them hitting on me...of which 3 or 4 dates later..or even months later..i would reveal things...i couldnt understand tho..why the reaction..due to my voice not being feminine! so thats a give a way right off the bat!


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RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/1/2008 3:10:49 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I don't think My opinion is going to matter much to the question.  I'm not trans anything, so My perception isn't going to be the same as someone who is.

From the outside looking in, I've found that there is acceptance.  Nobody seems to be unaccepted because of who they are as far as a group.  I can be friends with just about anybody.

As for the something more part, I would have to say no.  I keep My intimate relationships to very few. 

Play, I've played with more person who wasn't what they appeared to be when they took off their clothes for a beating, but that's because they were already friends.  It wouldn't be someone I would pursue and I do say so in My profile.


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RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/1/2008 3:15:32 PM   
E2Sweet


Posts: 649
Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: samaraqzetax

...How supporting is the BDSM community towards, PASSABLE transgendered individuals?...


I can't speak for those who are transitioning or already have transitioned from one sex to the other, as I identify as TV, but from my experiences (and personal observations) here in the midwest, I'd say the majority of community BDSM folks are "somewhat supportive" of those who are trans, and are for the most part, quite tolerant. I'm sure as its been said here, that it varies from place to place and group to group...

As for the online community, I'd say (again from my experiences) some online meeting places are a bit more accepting than others, but I've not experienced any outright hostility by any stretch. Of all the BDSM-related personals websites I've visited, I'd have to say Collarme has the most accepting crowd of all. I get many times more email and email replies from serious-minded folks here than any of the others I've frequented... and, no I'm not endorsed by the staff here...

But regardless of where one stumbles upon trans folk, there often is a feeling of stand-offish-ness that some project towards the transgender crowd, and that's really quite understandable in my opinion. I don't give people grief over that. Folks sometimes just need a chance to adjust their perceptions and attain a certain level of...comfort. Others just prefer to steer clear... Any of the above trumps being hated on.




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RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/1/2008 3:21:35 PM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline 		One of my TG friends got mad at me because I stopped hanging out with her, she had the nerve to say it was because she was in transition, even tho I had been her only support person at the time for about 4 years. It wasnt anything to do with her transition, her sexuality, that she had better legs than me or anything, to do with her emotional state.
It was simply that she was obnoxious when she was drunk, and unfortunately when we hung out together, she was drunk and obnoxious to the point of violence....... most of the time,  so I had to cut ties with her, and I dont give up on friends easily.
Im sad I dont see her anymore, but the last I heard she had alienated everyone who cared about her.
Lucy


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RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/1/2008 3:22:04 PM   
Madame4a


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From: Washington, DC area
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Coupleofwhats

quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a
lives his life as male, he's legally male actually.
(clip)
He's kinda a gay man, but he likes women, but not straight women. He's a leather guy so that matters to him, he's mostly a bottom. He's got very little place in the straight community (he's not straight and he doesn't relate at all); gay men generally (although there are a very very few exceptions) don't want him and many in the lesbian community treat transmen as pariahs -- although we are getting better.


I'm confused....
If he's a FTM, then why would he want a lesbian (or expect that a lesbian would want someone who identifies as male?)



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RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 8/1/2008 3:23:05 PM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Coupleofwhats

quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a
lives his life as male, he's legally male actually.
(clip)
He's kinda a gay man, but he likes women, but not straight women. He's a leather guy so that matters to him, he's mostly a bottom. He's got very little place in the straight community (he's not straight and he doesn't relate at all); gay men generally (although there are a very very few exceptions) don't want him and many in the lesbian community treat transmen as pariahs -- although we are getting better.


I'm confused....
If he's a FTM, then why would he want a lesbian (or expect that a lesbian would want someone who identifies as male?)



acceptance.. its the only place there is some for him... he's living with a lesbian.. me.. he is best in that community but not completely.. its very very very very complicated... and hard to explain


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Profile   Post #: 60
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