stella41b
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quote:
ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn
quote:
ORIGINAL: Owner4SexSlave
First and foremost, I'd want to know if they were Transgendered upfront.
I have no desire to be with a Transgendered person or a person that is of the same sex as me.
I don't look down upon Transgendered people, I just think they need to be upfront about it.
If I had been interacting and getting close to somebody and I was thinking they were a women (none transgendered type) and this popped out of nowhere, it would not sit well with me. Would be a major violation of trust. Think I'd be pissed.
I think there are a lot of people who actually feel this same way, but will not post because there's somewhat of a bandwagon effect happening in this thread. To say ANYTHING that goes against the common perspective of nothing being wrong with transgendered identity, makes one believe that it would receive immediate condemnation. In essence, one's personal aversion to this part of the lifestyle is going to be taken as "hostility" when it's just simply aversion and uncomfortability.
What bandwagon effect? That you cannot say anything against the transgendered community for fear of offending them or hurting their feelings? Oh come on.. I actually agree with what Owner4sexslave said, and I also agree with what Ravenmuse said too, for you see for anyone - irrespective of whether they are transgendered or not - physical intimacy is a BIG part of any sort of relationship, but physical intimacy isn't lying naked next to someone in bed, it's also being able to relate to someone and like it or not, a transgendered woman, no matter how good she looks and how well she is able to mask her past isn't going to ever give off exactly the same emotional signals, cues and pheremones as a naturally born woman.
But you see, that 'we mustn't say anything for fear of hurting their feelings' is meaningless, because the transgendered - both male and female because for some reason everybody seems to focus on transgendered women and in many cases transgendered men are either overlooked or ignored - they do get hurt, they do get rejected, slandered, misunderstood, offended, and in fact it goes with the territory, so to speak. It's very very apparent to they themselves what the non-transgendered often tend to think of them.
And yes, the question comes up of choice. Well I'll tell you my choice, because it also works in reverse when it comes to disclosure. I had everything, I had an apartment, a successful career, no in fact it was better than that, I had a 'position', a position in the elite of society, I had money, I had power, friends, I was accepted in the BDSM community, I played, attended parties, the whole shooting match.., But you know, I was killing myself, and not only was I killing myself I was hurting all those people in my life, not to mention hurting myself. I was also deceiving everyone, including myself. It had to stop, I had to transition.
I could have jumped off that 8th floor balcony of my apartment in Warsaw and become yet another Sarah Kane, or whoever else. But nobody would have known me or who I was. I would have been remembered for someone I wasn't.
This is why also, even if I could I wouldn't use stealth. I had spent much of my life hiding, lying, deceiving others, pretending, why should I have to do this all over again? It's not my fault I'm a transgendered female, this is how I was born. But those who do use stealth I actually understand them and I understand why they do it. It's fear of rejection, fear of hostility, and a desire for them to live exactly as they want to be. But I did say here understand, not agree with.
You see to a lot of people you become a 'right of passage' for a lot of guys, and quite a few women too. You become a second option, a dirty secret, a mercy fuck, people come into your life not always for the right reason, they promise you everything, and you fall for it, and then all of a sudden they disappear and you are left to pick up the pieces. That is indeed when people actually do want to interact with you. The majority don't. They're uncomfortable, it doesn't sit well, and sometimes it also throws up issues within them that they'd often rather not think about.
quote:
ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn
I, personally, had a HORRIFIC experience with a transgendered "woman" that came from lack of disclosure. Therefore, I'm jaded forever. What happened to me is pretty much what I think every submissive male would fear in this particular area of the scene, and because it DOES happen, it causes many to be apprehensive about being involved with transgendered folk.
I'm sorry to hear about your HORRIFIC experience with a transgendered woman Littlesarboon, and I mean that most sincerely. But you know I've had a number of HORRIFIC experiences with men, and a few HORRIFIC experiences with women. So what do I do now? Do I move to Wales and start working my way through the sheep?
In fact each time a man hits on me and starts showing an interest in my genitalia it sends out alarm signals and brings back some really incredibly painful memories. This together with the horrific experiences means not only will I not share any sort of intimacy with men, I won't even play with them or in any scene where they are involved, unless they are sub and I am domme, but they make wonderful friends.
quote:
ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn
As for transgendered folk being involved in the scene, I don't have a single problem with it. There are MANY people who are quite receptive to it. That doesn't mean that everyone has to be receptive to it, and to me, that's always been the problem. Everyone is expected to be "enlightened" but when something happens that goes really wrong, everyone STILL expects you to be enlightened and accepting.
I don't see this as an issue of whether transgendered folk should be involved in the scene or not. We are part of society and humanity just the same as everyone else so why shouldn't we be? Not everybody has to like us, in fact I'd say in some ways not everybody does and for me personally that's okay. Not everybody has to like me, nor even accept me.
The vast majority of problems and issues concerning the transgendered appear to take place when either they themselves or others try to force them into that rigid bi-gender framework based on genitalia. These include those transfolk who try to pass themselves off as naturally born men and women, those who enter into relationships with them expecting them to be exactly like naturally born men and women, or the naysayers and Bible-thumpers who in defiance of medical science refuse to accept them on the basis that God intended them to be the gender they were seen as at birth. This to me is about as realistic as expecting a paraplegic to be an excellent gymnast.
Transgendered women are indeed women as transgendered men are indeed men, they're just different. There are those, both men and women who are prepared to have relationships with the transgendered and who accept them for who they really are, and these are people who not only have chosen to come to terms with the social stigma, but who indeed have happy, successful, long term relationships with their trans-partners.
It's like I've had some bad experiences with male doms, insofar as to say I cannot bring myself to submit to a male (even though a few times I'm tempted) not even in a platonic sense. It's an issue, it is MY issue and my aversion, which in no way invalidates any male dom. This is how I see it with men and women who have tried with transfolk and failed. It's their issue, their preference, and their aversion, but I don't see how or why I am responsible for that aversion simply because I'm transgendered. I'm me, they are them, the world turns, the birds sing, and life goes on.
< Message edited by stella41b -- 8/18/2008 2:22:57 PM >
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RE: Transgendered....Whats your opinion... - 
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