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Married Dominates - 8/4/2008 2:55:05 AM   
WasHisPet


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/2/2008
Status: offline 		Good Morning, Thank You for taking the time to read  my question. How do i as a slave/sub trust a married Dominate? Trust is very necessary in this Lifestyle. How does one trust? When the one person that i have to trust is not being truthful with a spouse or significant other. i am not judging why they are going out of their marriage vows, more of how can i or other sub/slaves work through them being married or committed to someone else? Thank You for Your guidance.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Married Dominates - 8/4/2008 3:23:34 AM   
seababy


Posts: 845
Joined: 6/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WasHisPet

Good Morning, Thank You for taking the time to read  my question. How do i as a slave/sub trust a married Dominate? Trust is very necessary in this Lifestyle. How does one trust? When the one person that i have to trust is not being truthful with a spouse or significant other. i am not judging why they are going out of their marriage vows, more of how can i or other sub/slaves work through them being married or committed to someone else? Thank You for Your guidance.


Its really really easy.
Just ask their wife.
If she says that his trustworthy enough to have sex and a kinky relationship then go right ahead.

(in reply to WasHisPet)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Married Dominates - 8/4/2008 4:13:06 AM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		It's SO much easier with FemDoms.  We keep Cucks.  My husband generally doesn't care about how many boys I have because I don't have sex with subs.

I've found this to be an amusing difference between Male & Female dominants.  While everyone is different and there are no fast and true rules... Male doms tend to always have sex with their subs, even if it is a form of humiliation and objectification.  Females tend withhold it or use it as the ultimate reward.... that carrot on the stick as it were.


_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to seababy)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Married Dominates - 8/4/2008 5:13:14 AM   
seababy


Posts: 845
Joined: 6/20/2008
Status: offline 		MsStarlett

I love your hair. Its drop dead gorgeous.

(sorry quick thread jack)

(in reply to MsStarlett)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Married Dominates - 8/4/2008 6:00:00 AM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you.

(You may now return to the originally scheduled thread.)


_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to seababy)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Married Dominates - 8/4/2008 6:02:40 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		WasHisPet, you've hit on it beautifully.  If he won't  keep his word to his wife, he won't keep it to you.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to MsStarlett)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Married Dominates - 8/4/2008 6:37:34 AM   
BRNaughtyAngel


Posts: 1821
Status: offline 		I think you mean "dominant" not dominate.

There are a gazillion threads on here about cheating spouses and married dom/subs.  The handy search feature in the upper right hand corner will give you much reading material.

And I think you already know the answer to your question. 


(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Married Dominates - 8/4/2008 6:43:39 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Very simply ask to meet the spouse and visit with them about the whole thing. If the spouse verifies that they are okay with it.......it's up to you whether or not you want to be in that position.

Are they actually poly or sneaking around for a little strange on the side?

If they are poly, what is the structure intent?

Are you going to be waaaayyy down on the list of important people in his/her life or are they going to make you an equally important part of their life?

Can you live with that intent?

Simple really..


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to WasHisPet)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Married Dominates - 8/4/2008 7:25:28 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WasHisPet

How do i as a slave/sub trust a married Dominate?
Dominate is a verb. You can't be married to a verb.

 how can i or other sub/slaves work through them being married or committed to someone else? How? By not becoming involved.

He's lying to the most important person in his life. He's breaking a promise that he made standing in front of his friends, family and some form of authority.

You are not the most important person in his life. You will always be second to his wife/family. And guaranteed he will lie to you at some point.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to WasHisPet)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Married Dominates - 8/4/2008 7:32:27 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		*nods*...  Let's rephrase this question...

How can I trust a person that I absolutely, positively, know to be untrustworthy in the EXACT trust area that I am referring to?

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Married Dominates - 8/4/2008 7:36:36 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		The upside is that you know what you are getting in to.  If he can't be honest with his wife, someone whom he has chosen as a long-term partner, don't expect him to be honest with you.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to WasHisPet)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Married Dominates - 8/4/2008 7:46:23 AM   
christine1


Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
Status: offline 		if you're asking a bunch of strangers how you can trust him, you're already in trouble as far as that relationship goes i think.  ask him how you can trust him if he's lying to his wife and see what kind of an answer he pulls out of his ass for you.

_____________________________

i am woman! er, godzilla! hear me roar!

http://wavcentral.com/cgi-bin/log/log.cgi?id=2856&sound=/sounds/movies/godzilla/roar.mp3


He's the "boom" overwhelming...

He is my Master, my lover, my best friend my everything.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Married Dominates - 8/4/2008 8:08:01 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

ask him how you can trust him if he's lying to his wife and see what kind of an answer he pulls out of his ass for you.


I'm guessing it will be along the lines of..."this won't hurt my wife", "I need this in order to be complete."  It will be a lot of "me" and "I" stuff because it's all about him.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to christine1)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Married Dominates - 8/4/2008 11:46:25 AM   
corsetgirl


Posts: 824
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline 		I have to agree with the others regarding being with a married dom as I would want to have a face to face meeting with just the wife and ask her some questions.  By having this contact, you can see whether the wife is doing this because she wants to please the married dominant but would not be happy with this arrangement or that she supports and approves of her husband seeking other subs.  I also look for doms who advertise about having discreet play, which could mean they are possibly not satisfied with their marriages and are seeking someone on the side. 

The question is are you willing to play with a married dominant who is a casual partner and will have to schedule these sessions at his convenience or do you want more out of the relationship?    

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Married Dominates - 8/4/2008 4:19:25 PM   
patina


Posts: 493
Joined: 9/14/2006
From: no
Status: offline 		 Realize you will not share any holidays with him, no vacation times those are for his (FAMILY) you are a side issue.  Even if the wife knows and agrees to his having a slave on the side.    If he has kids it will be worse.  Married dom's are not a good idea. 

patina


_____________________________

a diamond in the rough

(in reply to corsetgirl)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Married Dominates - 8/4/2008 4:27:33 PM   
WasHisPet


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/2/2008
Status: offline 		i would like to say Thank You to all of You who have responded. Everything ( or almost) each of You have said i have said to myself at one time or another. i do not know maybe i was hoping for the one comment taht would make it all right, but it is not out there. Again Thank You!
washispet

(in reply to patina)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Married Dominates - 8/4/2008 4:29:22 PM   
Maxwell67


Posts: 435
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WasHisPet
How do i as a slave/sub trust a married Dominate? Trust is very necessary in this Lifestyle. How does one trust? When the one person that i have to trust is not being truthful with a spouse or significant other. i am not judging why they are going out of their marriage vows, more of how can i or other sub/slaves work through them being married or committed to someone else? Thank You for Your guidance.

Well, you don't trust him or you would not be asking the question, I reckon.  You are not alone though in bringing the problem to CM to get your feelings validated.  It seems to be a common practice.  That being said, I am a married Dominant and have had a number relationships with subs (other than my wife) and there has never been a trust issue, but then we are also polyamorous.  I am not sneaking around, but rather I am completely honest and open about the matter.  As for being true to my vows, well it depends on which ceremony and set of vows we are talking about.  The church ceremony may have had something in the vows about fidelity, but I would have to find the tape and double check.  In any case that was more fomality than anything, and neither of us would have held ourselves to be true to that if it was there.  I know the handfasting did not.

However if said dominant is being sneaky about it, then it follows that he cannot be trusted.

(in reply to WasHisPet)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Married Dominates - 8/4/2008 4:39:43 PM   
E2Sweet


Posts: 649
Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
Status: offline 		If the married dominant is indeed not being truthful to his or her spouse, then no, I'm sorry, you would be wise not to trust the dominant at all... Not "maybe", not "hopefully", no "what if's", just no.

_____________________________

E2Sweet™
"If it doesn't make you smile then chances are you're not doing it right."

(in reply to WasHisPet)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Married Dominates - 8/4/2008 4:52:05 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: patina

 Realize you will not share any holidays with him, no vacation times those are for his (FAMILY) you are a side issue.  Even if the wife knows and agrees to his having a slave on the side.    If he has kids it will be worse.  Married dom's are not a good idea. 

patina


Says who?  My sub was right here with us last Thanksgiving.  All of us spent time together at Christmaas.  When there was a trip planned for My birthday, we went as a family of three.  I worked on Easter, but My sub was at our home for the weekend.  My kids know he is part of the family and so do his.

Don't paint all married people in this lifestyle with the same brush.  Not all of us are lying, cheating, or sneaking in some way.  Some of us know the difference between 'a thing on the side' and bringing a submissive into the family.  


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to patina)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Married Dominates - 8/4/2008 6:15:57 PM   
Huntertn


Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		I guess it depends on what he wants to have out of the relationship..are you a keeper..or just one on the side..as a Dom that can screwup{lol} Ive tried it both ways..and frankly, something on the side proved to just not be worth it...live  and learn...

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 20
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