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Real/True Statements - 11/18/2005 9:46:44 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
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How often have you read in the various profiles "I am Real" "I am True..." "looking for a Real..." "want a Real Relationship" and the list goes on.

Now I don't reflect negatively on all these profiles that state such things.... for each needs to be judged by each of us individually by it's own merits and our own perspectives. However, it does appear to me a reflection of how often we are regularly faced with many people that are decietful or misleading in how they present themselves in the online environment. This of course is not just exclusive to online... since much occurs in the so-called Real Time environment... thou the ability to deceit or mislead is somewhat more difficult.

My question is

... How do you progress to present yourself as "Real" or "True" and how do you progress to assess if those you talk/chat to are "Real" or "True" in this online environment. I have seen many state various "Red Flags" they watch for, but what about the "Green Flags" that allows you to take a step towards acknowledging a person as "Real". This not to say they are someone you are interested in for a intimate relationship only.... but one that you view as properly representing themselves and can consider as an on-line acquaintance or even friend.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

Post #: 1

RE: Real/True Statements - 11/18/2005 9:48:32 PM

siamsa24

Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
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I count people as "real" when I can see, touch, taste, hear, and smell them (1,2,3,4,5, yep, that's all 5 senses

). Otherwise they are just another possibly crazy nut on the other end of the computer..........

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 2

RE: Real/True Statements - 11/18/2005 10:31:26 PM

MrThorns

Posts: 919
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

Interesting post, although I still cringe at the terms "real sub" "True dominant" "Natural slave" etc.

The red flags are easy....well...they're easier for those that have been burned once or twice. Manipulative behaviors, lies, half-truths always seem to work their way to the surface if given enough time.

The green flags are definately more difficult to identify. For me, it just takes time and consistency in behaviors with allowances for the occasional "off day".

~Thorns

_____________________________

~"Do you know what the chain of command is? Its the chain I beat ya with when ya don't follow my command."

"My inner child is a mean little fucker"

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 3

RE: Real/True Statements - 11/18/2005 10:42:15 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrThorns

Interesting post, although I still cringe at the terms "real sub" "True dominant" "Natural slave" etc.

The red flags are easy....well...they're easier for those that have been burned once or twice. Manipulative behaviors, lies, half-truths always seem to work their way to the surface if given enough time.

The green flags are definately more difficult to identify. For me, it just takes time and consistency in behaviors with allowances for the occasional "off day".

~Thorns

Nods... I agree with you... I cringe somewhat when those terms are used as well... But, I am trying to balance these terms into postive perspective, instead of allowing them to put me into a wrong mindset, which doesn't work sometimes depending on how the terms are used.

I like what you state about "Green Flags", I agree they are not easy hence the post... "time and consistency"... that is something that was an important Flag for my girl kyra and realized that is indeed one that I look for as well.

thank you for your thoughts

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to MrThorns)

Post #: 4

RE: Real/True Statements - 11/18/2005 11:03:00 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

Green flags for friendships for me...hey this is hard one....thinking...well, before i make my list i just want to say....all of the points im gonna mention are very flexible....and arent in any order...

1. Friendliness but then again they dont have to be too friendly, cuz some people arent like that.
2. If i recognise they have had similar experiences to me...but then again...it could be that they have had experiences that i havent had...so..ummm
3. If they are subbie, that i can see that they respect the lifestyle..and i dont really have any definition for that as people express respect various ways.
4. If they are Dom, that they have their stuff together....what i mean by that is up in the air too..cuz again people express differently...and i dont have one defined way of telling whether they have their stuff together.
5. If they respect Master and my relationship. (thats a biggie for me)
6. If other people know them....
7. if they will share a photograph....
8. If they are interesting to me.
9. If Master feels ok for me to form a friendship with them.

Saying that.... a lot of the time i just work from intuition...im pretty friendly to most everyone really...so i guess another thing would be if they made the effort to be friendly back...

well thats all i can think of for now...

(in reply to MrThorns)

Post #: 5

RE: Real/True Statements - 11/18/2005 11:13:43 PM

jenna2005

Posts: 2
Joined: 2/14/2005
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what gives anyone the right to decide who is and isn't real or true?

< Message edited by jenna2005 -- 11/18/2005 11:18:02 PM >

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 6

RE: Real/True Statements - 11/18/2005 11:34:05 PM

Delvin

Posts: 151
Joined: 8/23/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline

When investing in a relationship such as this, the time spent, it’s a requirement to weed out real vs. play. Players, gamers or like siamsa mentioned nutty people all drain on the time spent searching for Masters and slaves. I have never believed in any type of "list" as that is far too subjective and always fails in placing the right people there that belong. A lot of munch/parties have their own black list as people come and go, but online its near impossible to keep one as names/handles can change in an instant.

If your willing to talk about the life and enjoy the debates and views then that is my first step towards investing the time. As time goes on again as mentioned lies will always surface, which is why I always have a three month period of "learning" before any decisions are made for the future.

New to this life or experienced, doesn't matter to me, as long as deep inside you, you believe this is the life for you. Again, this "void" most of us know shows itself through conversation and once in person, it is obvious until the void is gone and the people involved are happy. Life is far too short.

D

(in reply to jenna2005)

Post #: 7

RE: Real/True Statements - 11/18/2005 11:41:25 PM

Marquisd

Posts: 61
Joined: 11/1/2005
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Well, yes indeed....................I take the right to decide who I want to hang out with and who is my friend and who is not. That doesn't make them bad people or fakes or anything.....it just means by my subjective standards they do not do anything real to me.......invoke feelings......challenge my intellect etc.

Just as I do not expect anything from anyone I write a letter or an e-mail too........if they find my english rough (after all it is my 5th language, lol)....then so be it...............again does not make them unreal or real but just I am not for them or vica versa.

Without being judgemental and being able to seperate what interest us and what doesn't, how can we weed through 6 billion possible mates on this planet ?

I can't..................by the time I am done at 1 minute intervalls I will be 599 years old.....(someone check the math on that, please)

It is subjective.......................what is true or real to me......just as some folks believe in UFO's and some do not.

I don't chase dreams......I create them .

cheers

Marquisd

_____________________________

Relationships develop at the speed of trust

"Official Sadist and Dom of the 2010 Winter Games"

(in reply to jenna2005)

Post #: 8

RE: Real/True Statements - 11/18/2005 11:55:46 PM

Kasia

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jenna2005

what gives anyone the right to decide who is and isn't real or true?

I certainly give myself right to decide for myself who is real and/or true by my standards. I dont expect anyone else to use them though - but they are mine and I have all the rights to decide based on them.

And to answer OP question in general - I dont consider anyone completely "real" in virtual environment, I have to meet someone in RL and if possible couple of times to form "true" and "real" relationship of any sort.
I have online friendships of course, but I take them much more lightly than offline ones. I.e. I wouldnt be offended or hurt if my virtual friends neglected me or something like that, yet with my "real" friends such behaviour may be reason to terminate friendship.

_____________________________

I DO have profile - just lost an S somewhere along the way

Kassia

(in reply to jenna2005)

Post #: 9

RE: Real/True Statements - 11/19/2005 12:29:24 AM

brightspot

Posts: 3052
Status: offline

The truth as I see it...
"True or Real" is a state of one's own's mind or imagination.
Whether that fit's someone elses "Truth or Realness" is another thought once again.

Imagination can take you to places unreal and truth can stop you in your path.
Then again imagination can take you to your truth and truth can give you the courage to go forward.
The irony of life can really blow your mind sometimes!

*Brightspot

_____________________________

"Comedy is NOT Pretty!" ~Peter Nelson

But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

http://360.yahoo.com/my_profile-TD4TwEw8crWS3GHFDcs_DK1rHmW6Dq_E;_ylt=Av2PfG9gH0wkQrMPivuMCivGAOJ3

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 10

RE: Real/True Statements - 11/19/2005 2:37:08 AM

TheHungryTiger

Posts: 454
Joined: 3/9/2004
Status: offline

Get "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin De Becker. Best book out there on how to separate the sane people from the dangerous ones. And how to protect yourself if you do run into one of the dangerous ones. This is the guy who works for Hollywood celebrities protecting them from stalkers, so he knows what hes saying.

One thing he points out is that if there actually WERE some magical list that said anyone showing traits A B and C are ok but anyone showing traits X Y and Z are dangerous, then any smart stalker worth his salt would get a copy of that list and make sure he was only showing the "right" traits.

The book does give a lot of very sound advice. But a lot of it goes against "common sense".

_____________________________

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(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 11

RE: Real/True Statements - 11/19/2005 4:48:40 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

The red flags are easy....well...they're easier for those that have been burned once or twice. Manipulative behaviors, lies, half-truths always seem to work their way to the surface if given enough time.

That is so true. People can present well, especially in the short-term. But if they are deceitful, it will show itself eventually.

I think many are frustrated in their search for *real*, their search for *truth*, their search for something that can be built.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to MrThorns)

Post #: 12

RE: Real/True Statements - 11/19/2005 4:50:44 AM

kisshou

Posts: 2425
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

A green flag to me is a Master or slave who has experienced a poly relationship. I think you can tell alot from their tone and how they speak of past relationships.

The term 'curious' is to me a big red flag, as in bi-curious or poly-curious.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 13

RE: Real/True Statements - 11/19/2005 5:10:43 AM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

I also blanche at the terms "real" and "true", as if someone (anyone) stands in judgment of all those that may define themselves as lifestylers. The moment I see those terms used in that manner, I admittedly discard the author as a bungling twit (regardless of whether they are "real" or "true").

Personally, I judge people according to the standards they set for themselves. They're either genuine (ie: they live up to their stated standards) or they're not. That way the self proclaimed troll can be every bit as genuine (and honest) as some self righteous prig calling himself a Dominant (hey, wait... that sounds like me).

Well, I'm sure you get the gist of my meaning.

John

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 14

RE: Real/True Statements - 11/19/2005 5:21:43 AM

ProtagonistLily

Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

... How do you progress to present yourself as "Real" or "True" and how do you progress to assess if those you talk/chat to are "Real" or "True" in this online environment. I have seen many state various "Red Flags" they watch for, but what about the "Green Flags" that allows you to take a step towards acknowledging a person as "Real". This not to say they are someone you are interested in for a intimate relationship only.... but one that you view as properly representing themselves and can consider as an on-line acquaintance or even friend.

Maybe I'm naive, but I tend to appreciate the same qualities on-line that I do in Real Life. When I meet people, whether it was when I was looking for a partner, or now, that I'm open to friendships, the criteria are pretty much the same. Generally, I am attracted to people not only from what their profile indicates, but from what they have to say here on the boards.

I don't generally become interested in people who tell me who they are, i.e. "I'm a natural slave", "I'm a True Dom", etc. I find that I gravitate toward folks who show me who they are, through consistancy of behavior, wit, sensitivity, or any number of other qualities. I can count numerous folks who are board contributors as real friends, having spoken on the phone with many and met a good handful.

When I was seeking a partner, I never claimed to be anything that I wasn't on my profile, and certainly never claimed to be a 'natural slave, true sub,' or anything else. God knows that if you read the boards you wouldn't have believed it anyway ~grin~. What I did state was how long I've been in the scene, what my experience was, and what kind of man I was looking for. I tried to be very honest and representative of who I really am and today, as I state what my situation is (owned) and that I'm only looking for friends. I also offer resources for people in my general area to get hooked up with groups here.

So I don't know if this helps you or answers your question, but I've been fortunate to have made a lot of friends from CM who I consider real friends and have done so through some kind of connection I've made with them through their board postings. As an observer, I tend to prize consistancy of behavior above what someone has to say about themselves in 'ad' form.

Best of luck,
Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 15

RE: Real/True Statements - 11/19/2005 5:45:04 AM

MstrHellsFury

Posts: 388
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline

well KoM...is there ever going to be a sure fire way of knowing this before you invest some time and energy....unless you have the power of the Oracle...you just have to take the time...invest the energy...and communicate...the realness of what you look for will either shine through or that dark cloud of doubt will hang over your progress...either way...just being yourself...conducting yourself as you would if you were with a cyber connection face to face...usually gives a good indication as to the value you'll place on that persuit...am I REAL...yes...but only to those who know me offline...to those who read my words here...I'm just another guy sitting at his computer...being whoever and whatever I choose to be...frighting concept now isn't it...

Fury

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 16

RE: Real/True Statements - 11/19/2005 6:01:43 AM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline

When I read this I was immediately taken to discussions I have with my various advertising reps.

Just like in the retail business... everyone will claim they have the finest quality, the best prices & the largest selection. Even the little one or two thousand square foot shop will place this in their advertising & this add will be right next to the competitor with a ten, twenty or even fifty thousand square foot store.

What they buyers & browsers need to do find attraction to the content of the add & then compare the shops. DO YOUR INVESTIGATION!! The proof is in what you find out when you check things out first hand. Anyone can claim to be the best...

Now back to people...
Anyone can claim to be the most real, the most experienced or the truest example of submission/dominance. If you do not take time to investigate & educate yourself on what you feel is the real deal & just blindly take someone for their word... why would we blame these people for false advertisement.

Buyer beware... same goes for people seeking people. If you don't have enough experience in this thing we do to be able to sort out these types that falsely present themselves then you ought not be out fumbling your way through it all.

Get involved with a real time setting. Getting off the net & getting involved with others will greatly help you to gain experience about the reality within this. If you focus all of your experience & education to the sources found in the cyber world, how can you yourself claim any reality or truth about yourself??

_____________________________

MstrssPassion

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Post #: 17

RE: Real/True Statements - 11/19/2005 6:29:16 AM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

I figure everyone is "real." The big questions are "do they want to play with me?" and "do I want to play with them?" If they don't fit into both of those categories, I'll generally answer questions and to an extent offer support that matches my comfort level with the material presented.

As a former reporter who cleaves to the professional motto "If you mother tells you she loves you, check it out with an independent source" I am aware that people lie about their personal status and activities, but in most cases, that doesn't effect what I do. (Aside from an occasional chuckle with a particularly egregious error is made) because of the limited nature of my contact with most people in the cyber world.

If the questions in both cases seem to be "yes." Then I run what I know about the person by Libby. If she's OK with the situation, I offer alternative means of communications and we go from there. Usually, a meeting is scheduled in the relatively near future. Sometimes, people contact me wanting just to meet Libby and me. In those cases, I set up an appointment at a place where Libby and I would enjoy going anyway and tell them to meet us there. Sometimes they show up; sometimes they don't, but because of the choice of place, we're cool with either situation.

As an example, someone in Massachusetts as indicated she wants to meet us. Each summer we vacation at our summer home on Cape Code so before we go there next year, I'll let her know and we'll set up a meeting at Cobies Clam Shack and Restaurant. If she comes I'm sure we'll enjoy meeting her. If not, they have the best ice cream on the Cape.

That's how we treat the "reality question".

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 18

RE: Real/True Statements - 11/19/2005 6:29:34 AM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline

Outstanding point, Passion. Caveat emptor!!! Don't be lazy, take the time to research what people tell you. It's not that difficult, and it's quite informative. Anyone with years and years of experience (isn't that everyone online?) should be easy to check up on. If none of their local lifestyle communities know them, and can provide a reference for them, their "experience" is likely a falsehood.

Just the other day a friend stumbled across an idiot claiming to have been made a "GrandMaster" by the NLA International. So rather than accept the claim at face value, or dismiss it out of hand (the more likely choice), my friend wrote to the NLA-I (they did not know the boaster, nor have they ever bestowed the title "GrandMaster" upon anyone.... his profile is still here at Collarme and still the source of a good laugh). A good example of how legitimate lifestyle groups can either vouch for or debunk those making online assertions.

In any regard, your advice to get off the computer is well founded. The best place to meet genuine lifestylers is not a stranger from the computer, it's a known member of your local lifestyle community. The safest place to meet people is not in seclusion and isolation, it's at one of your local lifestyle community functions. The safest place to get to know them is not tied up in his (or her) basement, it's within your local lifestyle community.

John

(in reply to MstrssPassion)

Post #: 19

RE: Real/True Statements - 11/19/2005 6:37:13 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

what gives anyone the right to decide who is and isn't real or true?

I generally define "real" or "true" when it comes to the lifestyle simply as: closest to one's own personal fantasies about their perfect relationship.

Beyond that, the terms have no meaning.

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to jenna2005)

Post #: 20

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