quote:

ORIGINAL: DavidS8ist


You left out DMs.  Grownups needing - indeed *wanting* to have - playground attendents watching them so they don't get hurt!  Talk about infantilizing things.

Feh to the lot of it!  Do it, own it, carry the weight.

If folks are going to interact with adults, fuck with adults, do S&M with adults, then dammit, be an adult.  Children need to be watched over, not grown ups.

D.
Age quod agis.

quote:

ORIGINAL: simpleplan2

You're right, but not having one doesn't keep them safe either.  I'm with Lynnxz...why does it matter if somone wants a safe call?  Or if someone doesn't?  As long as no one is making you do something you don't want to, what's the difference?

 
Ok... so someone wants a safecall. Great.  What does it matter?  It matters if your the one on the end of that safe call.  It matters if the person actually believes that the safe call will keep them safe.  It matters that people come on here and read how to do safecalls, know the drill and use it to their advantage.
 
You have a couple of safecalls, what then?  Your still with this other person, your safecalls are all used up - then what?
 
It 'matters' to inform people that safe calls DONT keep people safe.  It's like wearing a flak jacket and walking into open combat thinking you are 'protected'.  All the safe words in the world will NOT keep anyone safe from someone intent on doing harm.  And safe words are only as good as the people using them.
 
To nonchalantly say, so what if someone wants to use a safe word and just let them - cool for you. I would rather explain why they shouldn't be used alone and shouldn't be relied on ON THEIR OWN - coz baby - I'm like that.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to simpleplan2)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkVictory


Go ahead, make your safe calls, make your dire warnings. Live in that fear. Me, I refuse. BDSM is scary, dark, and passionate... when it's done right. How dare you try to kill that? Go on, take me out, I dare you. You can find me over here, in the dark corner... waiting.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark




Ok... so someone wants a safecall. Great.  What does it matter?  It matters if your the one on the end of that safe call.  It matters if the person actually believes that the safe call will keep them safe.  It matters that people come on here and read how to do safecalls, know the drill and use it to their advantage.
 
You have a couple of safecalls, what then?  Your still with this other person, your safecalls are all used up - then what?
 
It 'matters' to inform people that safe calls DONT keep people safe.  It's like wearing a flak jacket and walking into open combat thinking you are 'protected'.  All the safe words in the world will NOT keep anyone safe from someone intent on doing harm.  And safe words are only as good as the people using them.
 
To nonchalantly say, so what if someone wants to use a safe word and just let them - cool for you. I would rather explain why they shouldn't be used alone and shouldn't be relied on ON THEIR OWN - coz baby - I'm like that.
 
the.dark.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

OK - then what little stuff?

the.dark.

quote:

OK - then what little stuff?
 
the.dark.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Maxwell67

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

OK - then what little stuff?

the.dark.

It will help the police to detemine a centerpoint for when it is time to start searching for the body.. that sort of little stuff.  Hey, it can't hurt.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Maxwell67

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

OK - then what little stuff?

the.dark.

It will help the police to detemine a centerpoint for when it is time to start searching for the body.. that sort of little stuff.  Hey, it can't hurt.

Ok... I can accept that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: impishlilhellcat

I personally don't think safecalls are entirely helpful (just my opinion), but if someone should chose to use them I think it's their decision and it should be honored and not ridiculed.

I have a friend that went to meet and spend time with a Dominant she had met off collarme. They had been talking and communicating for a year. She was in Michigan and he was in KY. She did everything correct; background check, continual safecalls etc She had her own hotel room... They negotiated limits what was hard what was soft and set up a safeword. She called to check in with her safecalls on the second day and then they proceeded to play. He strapped her to a cross and then proceeded to beat the crap out her till she was black and blue, couldn't walk, and ignoring the safeword repeatedly. She had already checked in with her safecalls and hadn't planned to do so until sometime later. There was nothing that could be done when she was strapped upon that cross.

quote:

ORIGINAL: simpleplan2

I agree that safe calls aren't the be all and end all, but not having one wouldn't have helped her either.  Unless you think that safe calls honestly provide a false sense of security (which I don't) then there's no harm in them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Lynnxz
I can appriciate that for you they work ok, although you have to admit your experience and situation isn't the 'normal' BDSM interactions that are going to be brought up here and you have admitted that you pay for the guy to do this.  That is protection, not a safe call.  I don't believe that how you use the safe call is how the majority of people who do, is the same.
 
the.dark.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DavidS8ist

quote:

ORIGINAL: impishlilhellcat

I personally don't think safecalls are entirely helpful (just my opinion), but if someone should chose to use them I think it's their decision and it should be honored and not ridiculed.

I have a friend that went to meet and spend time with a Dominant she had met off collarme. They had been talking and communicating for a year. She was in Michigan and he was in KY. She did everything correct; background check, continual safecalls etc She had her own hotel room... They negotiated limits what was hard what was soft and set up a safeword. She called to check in with her safecalls on the second day and then they proceeded to play. He strapped her to a cross and then proceeded to beat the crap out her till she was black and blue, couldn't walk, and ignoring the safeword repeatedly. She had already checked in with her safecalls and hadn't planned to do so until sometime later. There was nothing that could be done when she was strapped upon that cross.

Not trying to be argumentative here, but did you actually read what you posted.  In the first paragraph, you argue that safe calls are fine to use if people want to, and in the second, you present a case where safe calls were used , yet harm followed.

Again, just like safe *words* they only protect folks from those from whom they don't need protection, people who are *not* going to go full tilt like the Eveready bunny, who are *not* insane egoists or predators.  Someone intent on harming, or so enthralled with his "domliness", is going to have at you despite the safe call, despite the safe word.

Arguing for people's right to use them as a real method of safety is like arguing for folks to keep chanting "SSC is good for me" as a way to keep from being beaten by to death by a predator.  Worse, they instill a mindset that there's some codification of what safe words and safe calls represent, and by implication mean that otherwise mature, intelligent adults can set aside common sense and personal responsibility because the sanctity of "SAFE" will protect them.

It's a bunch of male bovine excrement.

D.