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Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/19/2008 9:22:42 AM   
DelightnDevotion


Posts: 45
Joined: 7/14/2008
Status: offline 		In your relationship with your Dom/Master/Domme/Mistress do you want to receive positive reinforcement? 

Do you need to receive positive reinforcement for the relastionship to be fulfilling for you?

If you do not get any positive reinforcement how to you find fulfillment in your relationship?

By positive reinforcement I mean either an intangible or tangible reward; something as simple as being told you are appreciated, you are a good slave/sub/pet, praise for a task well completed or something more elaborate such as dinner out at a nice restaurant. 


_____________________________

"Surrender yourself humbly;
then you can be trusted to care for all things."
Tao Te Ching, Chapter 13
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RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/19/2008 9:28:02 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline 		i am hard pressed to think of any type of relationship that does not require positive reinforcement at one point or another. 

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PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
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GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


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RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/19/2008 9:40:49 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		I don't care if it's work or a relationship.. if there isn't some kind of positive reinforcement, I'm outta there.


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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/19/2008 9:45:24 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		As a dominant, I want to give a lot of positive praise, thanks and communications both verbal and physical to let them know I am glad they are in my life and want them to feel good about themself and 'us'.

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RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/19/2008 9:51:25 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		I'd want to know if I was having a positive effect on his world.  It helps if he tells me that, which is positive reinforcement.  If I am not benefiting him and pleasing him, then what would be the point of my being there?  If I am left to guess what my place is in his world and how I am doing at fulfilling it, I'm not sure where my fulfillment would come from.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



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RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/19/2008 10:07:37 AM   
MistressML


Posts: 3
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		My submissive is very service oriented.  How is he to possible know what pleases me, and what displeases me, without good, solid feedback from me?  When he serves me well and pleases me, you can bet I let him know.  "Ah, good boy."  And when he really pleases me, that is how he earns his release.  When he displeases me, then you can bet he knows that too <veg>.

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RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/19/2008 10:15:38 AM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~

I really do crave it. I thrive on his praise and it gives me a warm gushy feeling that I can't match any other way.

I dunno if I could do this without it but I'm not very interested in finding out!

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/19/2008 10:27:45 AM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		~FR

"Good girl" = melt.

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Don't believe everything you think...

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RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/19/2008 10:27:51 AM   
KneelforAnne


Posts: 1011
Joined: 6/14/2006
Status: offline 		i agree with all of the replies...if one is not praised or given words of encouragement, then a) how does one know his/her job was done to satisfaction (unless it WASN'T of course, then i am sure they would hear about it)  and b) how does the submissive know that they are wanted?

just my point of view.

~anne

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RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/19/2008 10:32:15 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		When the only recognition for a job is when you make a mistake, no one is going to enjoy that for a long term. I gie the boys praise when they deserve it. Fox gave me a fantastic foot rub and so he got one himself. Angel does well for a week, and I wear an outfit I know he would enjoy, or I play the games with him he loves. I dont need to pat them on the head and all the time. However, even the little praise, like Thank you sweetie, goes a long way.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

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RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/19/2008 10:55:05 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DelightnDevotion

In your relationship with your Dom/Master/Domme/Mistress do you want to receive positive reinforcement? 

Do you need to receive positive reinforcement for the relastionship to be fulfilling for you?

If you do not get any positive reinforcement how to you find fulfillment in your relationship?

By positive reinforcement I mean either an intangible or tangible reward; something as simple as being told you are appreciated, you are a good slave/sub/pet, praise for a task well completed or something more elaborate such as dinner out at a nice restaurant. 



My owner jokes that I will 'work for praise'. Yes it is important to me, probably more than it should be. Outside validation is something I crave, the more I receive the more I work.

I am lucky, he understands why I need it and never is stingy with praise or encouragement. If I didn't get positive reinforcement from him, I wouldn't want to be owned by him. It is like food for me, a basic need.


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~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




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RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/19/2008 11:12:46 AM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

~FR

"Good girl" = melt.
Exactly.  i recently had an experience where i actually failed at a task.  It was an essay...i didn't answer the question set forth.  But i still got a "Good girl" for the content and style etc.  It was amazing how the positive response softened the blow of the actual grade. 
~tulip...who knew? 

_____________________________

Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

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RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/19/2008 11:53:41 AM   
DelightnDevotion


Posts: 45
Joined: 7/14/2008
Status: offline 		So a simple "Unless I tell you I'm not happy then you should know I'm always happy with you" blanket statement wouldn't work for any of you either?

I realize that no one wants a "praise junky" or someone utterly dependent on receiving positive reinforcement every hour.  But I simply don't know what to make of someone who very rarely (maybe once a week) gives positive reinforcement--and furthermore, claims they need none from you. 

Can positive reinforcement actually seem emotionally scary/threatening to someone?

_____________________________

"Surrender yourself humbly;
then you can be trusted to care for all things."
Tao Te Ching, Chapter 13

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RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/19/2008 11:57:20 AM   
NeedingMore220


Posts: 615
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline 		No, a blanket statement wouldn't be enough for me at all.  It isn't enough in any relationship I have - from my mom to my friends to my Dom.  I need to feel appreciated and wanted and acknowledged - positive reinforcement does that. 


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RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/19/2008 12:24:34 PM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		I absolutely thrive on it - whether a simple thank you or good gurl or something very deep and heartfelt.  It is definitely a NEED for me.

_____________________________



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RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/19/2008 12:35:22 PM   
lizcgirl


Posts: 287
Joined: 4/13/2008
Status: offline 		I need it. Nothing big, just a 'good girl', 'wow', or that huge smile when He's left breathless, that's a bigger motivator than any punishment.

_____________________________

Never make some one a priority when all you are to them is an option.


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RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/19/2008 12:41:03 PM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DelightnDevotion


Can positive reinforcement actually seem emotionally scary/threatening to someone?


Ask anyone who attended a Catholic school and was taught by nuns. If they gave you praise (and this horseshit is a quote from one of them) then you would feel you were "living up tp your potential" and would no longer strive to better yourself.

I know this did not answer your question of "scary/threatening" but it is one example of why some do not give praise.

holly de ExCatholic


_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


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RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/19/2008 12:48:17 PM   
softpjOS


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DelightnDevotion

So a simple "Unless I tell you I'm not happy then you should know I'm always happy with you" blanket statement wouldn't work for any of you either?



lol i've heard close to that.  "if you see a smile on My face, know I am happy with your service"
 
Generally heard when i'm having one of those self doubt moments.

Most of the time She is quite free in expressing Her pleasure with my service to Her.  I hear "good girl" (agress with that causing an immediate melting feeling) "good/nice job", "thank you"... quite often.  Probably more often then i *need* to hear it, but i'm certainly not going to complain about that! 

Personally, i would question if what i was doing was being done right, appreciated, wanted, needed, noticed at all if i didn't have some sort of feed back.  lol ask my husband... he can tell you the effects of not giving any feedback.  pj went on strike for two weeks after geting sick of feeling like what i did around the house wasn't appreciated and simply being taken for granted.   

quote:

Can positive reinforcement actually seem emotionally scary/threatening to someone?


I can absolutely see where that could become the case if someone was constantly needing to be acknowledged, and praised.  I've known people like that and yes, it becomes very draining. 

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RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/19/2008 12:53:46 PM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

~FR

"Good girl" = melt.
Exactly.  i recently had an experience where i actually failed at a task.  It was an essay...i didn't answer the question set forth.  But i still got a "Good girl" for the content and style etc.  It was amazing how the positive response softened the blow of the actual grade. 
~tulip...who knew? 

Clarification: my "Good girl" was actually based on something else.  It was for my willingness to put in the work required, and my commitment to moving the relationship forward.  Typical of me to think it was my style .

Now back to your regularly scheduled thread...

_____________________________

Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

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RE: Positive reinforcement--do you need and/or want it? - 8/19/2008 12:57:07 PM   
MRandme


Posts: 661
Joined: 9/24/2007
Status: offline 		There is nothing my Master would ask me to do that i wouldn't, even if only to hear Him say 'good girl!' when i finished!  i know He doesn't have  to say it, that i would do it anyway... but hearing it makes me try all the harder the next time.  Knowing that He will express His pleasure with me makes me want to find other ways to please, to anticipate His needs.

Have you expressed this need to Him? It is important that the needs of both people are met, regardless of the dynamic, in order for it to be strong.


_____________________________

And thus i conclude with a wish you go well,
Sweet be your dreams, may your happiness swell,
I'll leave you here, for my journey begins
i've gone to be with Him again...

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