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RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms - 8/19/2008 1:01:49 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

WTF?
 
How is this a ‘sexual relationship' – unless it’s some weird form of masturbation?
 
I mean, like, where’s her orgasm?

 
some submissives get intense pleasure and some are even brought to orgasm by pleasing/pleasuring their partner.
 
those particular submissive's pleasure/orgasm is bringing their partner pleasure, by a blowjob, handjob or whatever the sexual activity is that the partner desires.


I agree with this, and don't think it's a matter of sexual disconnect.  It's a matter of a Master getting pleasurable use out of his slave and his slave being happy to provide it. 

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(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms - 8/19/2008 1:22:55 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
quote:

WTF?
 
How is this a ‘sexual relationship' – unless it’s some weird form of masturbation?
 
I mean, like, where’s her orgasm?

 
some submissives get intense pleasure and some are even brought to orgasm by pleasing/pleasuring their partner.
 
those particular submissive's pleasure/orgasm is bringing their partner pleasure, by a blowjob, handjob or whatever the sexual activity is that the partner desires.
I agree with this, and don't think it's a matter of sexual disconnect.  It's a matter of a Master getting pleasurable use out of his slave and his slave being happy to provide it. 


Yeah, that sad thing is all those years of intense training and experience as a free lance 'Italian Gigolo' down the tubes!

Similar to 'Pavlov's dogs, beth now 'salivates' with a simple snap of my fingers and a point to a spot where she's to kneel. Oh well...why whine about my burden. We all have a personal cross to bear.

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RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms - 8/19/2008 1:44:50 PM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline 		Sexually disconnected, you say????


Maybe they forgot t pay their SEXUAL bill!!!!!! 

Actually...i think a few of us have been there.  We blew some loser who was, or at least claimed to be, Dom.  He pats your head gives you a lackluster "good girl"(sub, slut, whatever) and enjoys a peaceful nap whilst you gargle and wonder if your lot in life is more dire than you thought. 

You have to just decide if telling him "we're not amused" is too unseeming for your obsequious nature, and make a move.  Either accept it, or call him on his shit.

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RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms - 8/19/2008 1:55:18 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Personally I think this is internet related.  Have you noticed how many submissives post that their sole need is in serviing their dominant?  Have you seen how many post that giving a BJ makes them orgasm?  "His needs"  With no mention of what they need except to be of service.  So, of course there are going to be guys who find those, use them, and believe that is all it takes.
I have friends who started out ds.. but it ended up with his getting a bj 3 times a day and she gets to wash his socks.  And for a few months everyone is ok. 
That would be a bad disconnect for me.
Thats why I always talk to people for a while before it goes further.  People can talk a good game, but they rarely keep it up.
Kyst

(in reply to candystripper)
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RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms - 8/19/2008 1:59:14 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

I have friends who started out ds.. but it ended up with his getting a bj 3 times a day and she gets to wash his socks.  And for a few months everyone is ok. 


Geez, I hope she also gets the surrender that is only possible when washing a dominant's underwear too.



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RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms - 8/19/2008 2:02:18 PM   
BlindDescent


Posts: 113
Joined: 9/26/2006
Status: offline 		Men don't talk to one another about much of anything. They compare. They one up. There is really little content that passes between men that is not technical, complaintive or competative in nature. It really is a shame. When it comes to sex; remember: men are a genetic package delivery system. Their genes focus on exquisite UPS standards. On time then get the hell outta there. There is no finessing. No lingering to say how nice the office looks. It is the rare man who transcends his genetic manifesto and actually participates in the entire process of a relationship...gasp...I used the dirty word. Linnear men can't see beyond the task. Narcisstic men can't see beyond themselves...bad combo to be both.
A gardener is involved in all aspects of his labor and bears the fruit based on time and intuition. Any relationship yeilds greater fruit based on attention and effort. But then again...I enjoy repetatively succulent fruit that falls from the tree into my mouth becasue it knows that's where it is savored and appreciated. 
Just my opinion having been a man for 56 years and finding man landscape fairly dull and barren. I much prefer the vibrancy of women.

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RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms - 8/19/2008 2:07:29 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		lol... Yep, this is familiar. 

I don't really think it is so much a dom thing as it is a man thing.  Not every man, of course, but a good enough percentage in my own experience.  Sexual release has a soporific affect on men to begin with, and it does seem like a good many aren't inclined to make any further effort after they've gotten their release.

I do suspect that there are doms who use their position as a good excuse not to worry about pleasing their sub.  And I would imagine there are a few doms who became one just so they could demand bjs and not have to reciprocate.

Thing is, a man like this does himself no favor in the long run.  If he's not upfront at the beginning of a relationship about what he expects and what he will honestly provide, he will most likely end up losing any woman he connects with.  I don't know too many women who will put up with being sexually denied for very long... or even just being thrown a bone every now and again (pun intended ).  Of those that do stick it out, some eventually lose all sexual interest... their bodies stop responding to any stimuli with their partner because it learns (pavlovian style) that there's no reward... some just seek to have their needs filled elsewhere on the sly... and some just take care of themselves and let resentment build. 

Of course, there are women who honestly don't care... who get their own pleasure from providing pleasure to their mate.  If it works for them that way, then I'd guess they both would be happy.

Sad part is, I know of no way to be able to identify this kind of man beforehand.  About the only thing I can think of is, if you are in a position to affect the direction of bedroom activities or make demands, insist on you getting your's first. 

If you are a sub or slave?  Forget it. 

< Message edited by TreasureKY -- 8/19/2008 2:12:40 PM >

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RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms - 8/19/2008 2:25:55 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
Similar to 'Pavlov's dogs, beth now 'salivates' with a simple snap of my fingers and a point to a spot where she's to kneel. Oh well...why whine about my burden. We all have a personal cross to bear.


Damn, I know that must be tough for ya, Merc.  I really hope you can hang in there...

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Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



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RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms - 8/19/2008 2:28:01 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

I mean, like, where’s her orgasm?

It's whereever and whenever her Dom instructs her/allows her to have an orgasm. .....
could be chastity for awhile. Might be an oragsm by telephone. Might be an orgasm whilst shopping at Tesco (every little helps!) or an orgasm when he puts his fingers romantically into her mouth across the restaurant table.
This year, next year, sometimes.....never.
Ahhhh (breathes sighs of relief) it's a tough life being an s-type.



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RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms - 8/19/2008 2:29:44 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		I was married to this man  - he would have his orgasm and that was it.

I saw it as masterbation using my body. The orgasms i had when i was married were the ones i gave myself.

Of course, he had issues.           dah!

(in reply to NuevaVida)
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RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms - 8/19/2008 2:31:15 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

I was married to this man  - he would have his orgasm and that was it.

I saw it as masterbation using my body. The orgasms i had when i was married were the ones i gave myself.

Of course, he had issues.           dah!


Yeah, that's how the ex husband was.  About 2-3 times a year he would use my body for about 30 seconds and roll over.

He felt if I masturbated I was cheating on him.  This was not a D/s relationship.  It was a screwed up one! 

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RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms - 8/19/2008 2:38:27 PM   
hejira92


Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

Thats just it, it IS about My pleasure... My pleasure comes from My control of her, playing with her, teasing her, she is the instrument and I am the musician, her reactions are My music. The 'problem' is that there are many who only think with their dick, the brain is the most seductive sexual organ of all.



Now THAT is hot!
 
(and now back to our regularly scheduled D/s complaints...)

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RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms - 8/19/2008 4:57:21 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Doesn't sound like they're disconnected from their pleasure, but have emotional intimacy issues with women. Issues strong enough that they seek to punish the past partner by mistreating the present. I'd suggest you spend more time talking about their past relationships to see if they are ready to start a new one or not.

Because a guy who is afraid of a new relationship, who is still suffering from the past will find some way to sabotage a new relationship, and mistreating others sexually is just one way to do so.

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Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms - 8/19/2008 5:07:00 PM   
Roselaure


Posts: 672
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline 		I don't want him to give me an orgasm.  I want him to derive intense pleasure from giving me an orgasm.  If he is not the type of man to get pleasure from that, then we are probably not compatible.

If this seems to be a pattern that you are seeing in your own relationships, maybe a discussion about it might be in order prior to the blowjob.

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Once conform, once do what other people do because they do it, and lethargy steals over all the finer nerves and faculties of the soul.
-Virginia Woolf

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RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms - 8/19/2008 5:10:58 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I bet when they were kids they would want all the presents under the tree to be only for them.

I want my sub to come.  I want her to have her nipples, clit, breasts, pussy, ass, and mouth all in on it.  I want her to have the hardest, loudest orgasm of her life when she's with me.  And I want her to associate that with my capabilities as a lover.

Call it Dom ego.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms - 8/19/2008 5:16:09 PM   
DomDolf


Posts: 363
Joined: 7/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I bet when they were kids they would want all the presents under the tree to be only for them.

I want my sub to come.  I want her to have her nipples, clit, breasts, pussy, ass, and mouth all in on it.  I want her to have the hardest, loudest orgasm of her life when she's with me.  And I want her to associate that with my capabilities as a lover.

Call it Dom ego.



AMEN brother... Preach it!

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms - 8/19/2008 5:31:39 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		I've never met a Dom who didnt want to please me sexually. Like it was there ego that needs to give as many orgasms as possible. But, I have met a few Doms that want to evoke emotion and wring it out of you but dont know how to feel themselves. Not all Doms and thankfully not my new Master, but I have noticed this in many.

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RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms - 8/19/2008 5:33:04 PM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I bet when they were kids they would want all the presents under the tree to be only for them.

I want my sub to come.  I want her to have her nipples, clit, breasts, pussy, ass, and mouth all in on it.  I want her to have the hardest, loudest orgasm of her life when she's with me.  And I want her to associate that with my capabilities as a lover.

Call it Dom ego.

Dude....got a tissue????

_____________________________

Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

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RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms - 8/19/2008 5:38:47 PM   
SoulPiercer


Posts: 374
Joined: 5/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
Think about it... a lot of men claim to be dom for the bootie... (No offense to good dom's!  Different kind of beast altogether!)


Nuff said.

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RE: Sexually Disconnected Doms - 8/19/2008 5:40:32 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I always say kinky people are as messed up when it comes to sex as vanillas. 

Now, I'm fine with whatever set up you want to create in your dynamic, but kinky people really have as many sexual dysfunctions and issues as anyone.

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