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candystripper -> Sexually Disconnected Doms (8/19/2008 11:20:42 AM)
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Note:
This Op deals with a topic many may find highly sensitive. It may be that some members find it very easy to feel offended or hurt by what’s written.
Some may even be hurt or offended merely because I dared raise the topic at all.
I was aware of that when I wrote this Op. I considered not writing it at all, but am pretty motivated to get some input, so I decided to go ahead.
In writing this Op, I tried hard to strike a balance between sensitivity to how it might possibly cause offense, and choosing language sufficient to communicate. While *I* feel *I* succeeded at finding a balance, it was a difficult task for me.
In short, by no means is this an 'instanty-Op'.
Please try to bear the aforementioned in mind while reading the remainder of the Op. My goal was that *no one* would be hurt or offended..if I fell short of that goal...try to remember it was not intentionally.
Also, the Op is not directed at anyone in particular, okay? It is not some sneaky, underhanded way to insult a particular member, or any other variation of passive-aggressive bullsh*t.
Please take a deep breath and relax a moment before reading on.
I’ve been aware of the phenom of the ‘sexually disconnected Dom’ for quite some time now.
It has taken me awhile to figure out:
This *at least to me* is a new phenom. It’s more than just a few bad dates in a row.
And
It’s taken me awhile to wrap my head around the *concept* to find enough language to write this Op.
A sexually disconnected Dom thinks ‘having a sexual relationship with you’ means ‘you give me a blow job, I get off, and then we’re done having sex’.
WTF?
How is this a ‘sexual relationship' – unless it’s some weird form of masturbation?
I mean, like, where’s her orgasm?
Hell, for that matter, where’s the mind-blowing French kiss hard on the mouth with his hand fisted in her hair yanking her head where he wants it?
A sexually disconnected Dom evidentially sees himself as a sexual being, and may even feel he has a very high libido.
I am well-aware some Doms could be viewed as 'asexual' - that some Doms want only play, not play and sex. But I have always limited Doms such as these to friendship -- nothing more.
The sexually disconnected Dom is not truely 'asexual'. I mean, for one thing, he wants to get off about as badly and about as quickly as any sexual Dom, as far as *I* can tell.
It would be hard to imagine there's a rash of 'asexual' Doms pretending to be 'sexual' and then surprising the fem submissive on the 1st or 2nd date with the 'bad news'. What would be the pay off? Wouldn't they have to strange rangers indeed?
Nothing in any interaction with a sexually disconnected Dom that is not *face/face/intimate* gives any *me, at least* indication that in fact, he is sexually disconnected.
Nor do I get the *sense* that this is some variation on the ‘he’s just a vanilla guy getting his rocks off’ phenom. Like most fem submissives, I was long ago *been there, done that, got the tee shirt* about the vanilla wanker guys, trolls, HNGs, etc.
This is sort of how I *conceptualize* the phenom:
All Men > All Men with kink> All self-identifying Doms> All real Doms> All sexually disconnected Doms.
Any *clue phones ringing* out there as you read this Op?
Anyone?
To male Doms (and their friends):
Do male Doms talk to each other about such matters? I think most fem submissives discuss matters of sexual health (if you can call this phenom that), but my sense always was pretty much the chances were about *zero* that vanilla guys discussed anything remotely related *poor male performance as a lover*. Is there anything different in this regard about male Doms?
Male Doms seem to me most likely to *know* anything about the sexually disconnected Dom and least likely to *speak* about it -- at the same time.
To male and lesbian submissives (and their friends):
Is there also a phenom of sexually disconnected Dommes?
To fem submissives (and their friends):
Anyone else aware of the phenom of the sexually disconnected Dom?
I mean, surely this is more than some cosmic joke being played just on me?
Hell, I have trouble just trying to imagine what a woman could possibly do to *deserve* this, LOL.
This does seem like a new phenom to me. Even going back so far in my life to the time when I never let a guy get past 2nd base, I don’t remember anything quite like. Yes, like most people, I have had selfish lovers before -- but even they took some of their pleasure from touching me in ways that at least aroused me.
An stray thoughts on any possible *clues* to help identify a sexually disconnected Dom before he gets his bj?
Personally, I put a lot into a bj. It's certainly a lot, in the physical sense...but it's also a lot in an emotional and spirtual sense. I might kiss some guy because of lust, but I wouldn't give him a bj if that's all I felt.
When *suddenly, as soon as he cums, that’s is, time to see how the <insert name of sports team here.> did thing* happens....
I feel very frustrated, but also weirded out and even as if I’ve just been ‘sexually robbed’, if you know what I mean?
Thanks in advance to anyone who posts in a responsive manner.
I could care less whether anyone hijacks the thread since I haven’t a clue where information might come from.
I may be annoyed with anyone who makes snarky generalizations about men, though *I* think you pretty have to have a 1 digit I.Q. to *believe* snarky generalizations about <insert noun here> with respect to humans anyway.
Peace out, everyone.
candystripper
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qe0IbLBwLs8
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