Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Can a master mourn?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Can a master mourn? Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Can a master mourn? - 8/25/2008 8:08:29 PM   
ReverendGypsy


Posts: 16
Joined: 7/30/2008
Status: offline 		I've been trying to just work through it and be myself lately, just, live life without brooding on, but there are moments were one recent event in my life just dominates all of my thoughts.  My father passed away thursday before last, I've had to go through the rather chilling experience of seeing my mother and my sister scream in anquish over his passing and the whole situation did leave me in something of a less upbeat mood for obvious reasons. 

However, thats merely the introduction, the opinions I am seeking is simply - is it proper for a master to mourn with his slave?  I've found myself a rather weaker individual since his passing (though it is still very fresh) and a little unsure of what steps to take, what moves to make, its a disorienting place I am in.  I wouldn't feel right placing the burden of such sorrows upon those who I spend time with, but, in such intimate situations, I find it coming out even stronger. 

Would it be the best course of action for me to just step away from the scene until I'm fully back together in my mind, should I feel free to let my guard down and show my suffering around those whom I'm intimate with, or should I listen to the little voice in the back of my mind telling me that this whole lifestyle will help me keep up my strength and get through this?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/25/2008 8:10:03 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		Sorry for your loss.

That being said.. none of us can tell you how to grieve.

Before you are MASTER, you are human.  Only you can determine what is the best way to process your grief.


_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to ReverendGypsy)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/25/2008 8:16:56 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		Grief is a natural process and will occur in one form or another regardless of how one dresses it up to disguise it.  Accepting your personal pain and bearing it with the help of the select few around you to feel you can trust seems most healthy.  Where this aspect fits in is a personal choice.  You have suffered a great loss.  Honor the pain, work through it, and come out on the other side better and stronger for having been through it.

My deepest sympathies!  Losing a parent is very difficult.

lovingpet

(in reply to ReverendGypsy)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/25/2008 8:18:02 PM   
NeedingMore220


Posts: 615
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline 		I'm sorry for your loss.  At times like these, sometimes I find it even more painful to watch those I love experience their grief.  And then, seemingly out of the blue, my own pain will hit at the oddest times. 

Like Greedy pointed out, no one can tell you the 'right' way to mourn.  I would think it only fair for the ones you are close with know what's going on so they can understand what you're going through, but the degree to which you share it with them needs to feel right to you. 

(in reply to ReverendGypsy)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/25/2008 8:19:14 PM   
christine1


Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
Status: offline 		makes me a little sad that you even asked the question.

_____________________________

i am woman! er, godzilla! hear me roar!

http://wavcentral.com/cgi-bin/log/log.cgi?id=2856&sound=/sounds/movies/godzilla/roar.mp3


He's the "boom" overwhelming...

He is my Master, my lover, my best friend my everything.

(in reply to NeedingMore220)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/25/2008 8:23:34 PM   
rookey


Posts: 100
Status: offline 		First of all I'm very sorry for you loss.

It's no place of mine to tell what to do next, but perhaps now is the time to pause and reflect.  Like you say you've just had one hell of a hammer blow. 



_____________________________



(in reply to ReverendGypsy)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/25/2008 8:30:40 PM   
Racquelle


Posts: 600
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline 		It is proper for you to have an actual, well-rounded, fully-expressed emotional relationship with your sub.  There is no one in this world who doesn't have emotional needs.  Admitting to our needs is a strength, not a weakness.  It is not "un-domly".  There is not a rule book or a code of conduct for this.  This is not a Japanese Tea Ceremony or a Session in Parliament.  This is life - dirty and real, painful and beautiful.

(in reply to rookey)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/25/2008 8:30:57 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Instead of being concerned about what would be deemed proper, do what feels right to you.  You self-describe as weaker... perhaps it would be better to say you are human.  Allowing yourself to be human is probably the best thing you can do for yourself.  You need to grieve in your own way, and in any case, you will find that or it will find you.


Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to rookey)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/25/2008 8:31:28 PM   
MBETWO


Posts: 21
Joined: 1/13/2007
Status: offline 		Certain you may mourn with your slave, how better may a slave serve than to share your grief.
I can't see how the pain of loss, makes you any less a master. 


(in reply to rookey)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/25/2008 8:32:54 PM   
NeedingMore220


Posts: 615
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: christine1

makes me a little sad that you even asked the question.


Hi, Christine.  I do know what you mean, but I did peek at his profile - he's 25.  I think at that age I might have been a bit insecure about leaning on others too.  The older I got and the more unfortunate things I experienced in life, the more I learned to lean when I needed to.  I'm certainly not saying that those who are on the younger side haven't experienced suffering, far from it, but I would give him the benefit of the doubt that his father's death may be the first time he's had to cope with something of this magnitude. 

< Message edited by NeedingMore220 -- 8/25/2008 8:33:51 PM >

(in reply to christine1)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/25/2008 8:33:33 PM   
ReverendGypsy


Posts: 16
Joined: 7/30/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you all for your support.

it's ironic that it was my father who always drilled into me that weakness is not acceptable in me.  I suppose with him passing, I should be ready to escape that lesson of life.

(in reply to Racquelle)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/25/2008 8:34:58 PM   
christine1


Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
Status: offline 		yes, but i still think it's sad that someone doubts whether they can mourn such a loss in their lives no matter what their age.

_____________________________

i am woman! er, godzilla! hear me roar!

http://wavcentral.com/cgi-bin/log/log.cgi?id=2856&sound=/sounds/movies/godzilla/roar.mp3


He's the "boom" overwhelming...

He is my Master, my lover, my best friend my everything.

(in reply to NeedingMore220)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/25/2008 8:38:23 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ReverendGypsy
it's ironic that it was my father who always drilled into me that weakness is not acceptable in me. 


Rev, the point is that grief, mourning, crying over a parent's passing, wanting to crawl under the covers and not come out for days, even physically feeling weak has nothing to do with weakness of CHARACTER.  Perhaps the lesson was supposed to be about that.


Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to ReverendGypsy)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/25/2008 8:39:28 PM   
Sandyshores29718


Posts: 343
Joined: 4/8/2008
Status: offline 		Sorry for the passing of your Father.

Handle things how you feel best. There is nothing wrong with showing emotion. I would not look at my Sir any different for showing emotion.  That only shows me how human he is. Your slave is there for you and I think she might want to help you in your time of need, though I can not speak for her, but I know I'd feel that way for my Sir should he need me.

(in reply to ReverendGypsy)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/25/2008 8:41:05 PM   
Paulnz


Posts: 411
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Racquelle

This is life - dirty and real, painful and beautiful.


What she said.


(in reply to Racquelle)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/25/2008 8:45:34 PM   
Fizzy49


Posts: 8
Joined: 4/5/2008
Status: offline 		i believe the question was not if he could mourn, but would it be proper to mourn with/in front of/ his slave. i can understand his concern with possibly appearing "weak" in the slave's presence. If it's any help though, when i saw my Master shed tears, it gave me greater appreciation for his strength, as well as profound gratitude that he would share such an intimacy with me. (Though he was not mourning a death, i will state clearly.)

RG, please accept my sympathy on your loss.
~fizzy

(in reply to christine1)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/25/2008 8:50:37 PM   
NeedingMore220


Posts: 615
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline 		I agree, Fizzy.  Above all, my Dominant is human - it's not a role he's playing, it's part of him, just like any loss or emotion he may experiencing, and I'd wish to know all of him to offer my support when necessary.

(in reply to Fizzy49)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/25/2008 8:55:39 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Depends on what you want your slave to be.  If you simply want a servant who will make your life physically easier- then no it would probably be very uncomfortable and inappropriate to expect her to help you through it.

If you want a slave who is part of your life in general and can help you in as many ways as possible, then this would appear to be yet another expression of that.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to NeedingMore220)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/25/2008 8:55:41 PM   
Constrictor1


Posts: 143
Joined: 6/29/2006
From: Constrictor1
Status: offline 		ReverandGypsy,
I regret to hear of your loss. I too lost my father and was devastated for some of the same reasons you are experiencing. I can empathize with what you are going through.  The other posters are accurate that each person grieves in their own way and you must find your own path here. However, while you may FEEL alone or isolated by your loss I am sure there are others in your life who wish to help you shoulder the burden of your loss. I speak not only of family and friends but also particularly of your slave. If she trusts you enough to willingly submit her life to you, then I can assure you that she is willing to mourn with you and share your pain. Excluding someone this close to you could be devastating to you both. Your feelings of weakness for your loss will diminish with time and acceptance, but by trying to be "too strong" during this process could be unhealthy for you both. Trying to meet some pre-conceived notion that a master cannot feel weak or emotional loss is counter-productive to the grieving process. We are feeling creatures, and you have suffered a severe loss, take this time to value those closest to you now until you have the time to heal.

There is an acronym to determine where you are through the grieving process:
DABDA
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

Each person goes through these steps at different paces. It took me almost 5 years to reach acceptance of my fathers death.
I hope that time brings you the peace that you and your family seek

Sincerely
Constrictor1

(in reply to ReverendGypsy)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/25/2008 9:03:40 PM   
Donaldnola


Posts: 20
Joined: 4/29/2007
Status: offline 		I'm sorry to hear of your lose. I know how you feel and wish you well. Life is hard and as it is I just laid to rest a family member last week. As my sub has told others( he will not cry but I will for him.) In truth I have broken down and she helped me through it not thinking any less of me .Let her in side and help you through your time of need.if she is your slave/sub she will think no lees and surely help you in your time of greef
My sympathy to yours
Donaldnola

(in reply to Fizzy49)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Can a master mourn? Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094