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RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/26/2008 7:12:03 AM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
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quote:

Masters are real people too!

SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Slaves' aren't supposed to know that!  How else can we appear all macho and uber domly?


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RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/26/2008 7:15:15 AM   
tammystarm


Posts: 3045
Joined: 7/26/2006
Status: offline 		its ok big Man, ~scratching You behind Your cute lil ears~  i wont tell anyone else..... well maybe EVERYONE but not anyone..... 

MASTERS ARE REAL PEOPLE TOO, and i love them for it Alot!
There is nothing nicer than a sadistic Dom/Master who can cry at old yellers dyin' and still bring tears to His lil girls eyes...........

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RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/26/2008 7:16:06 AM   
MissSCD


Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline 		Of course it is proper for a Dom/me to mourn with their slave. 
My slave is a former funeral director.
We have had to work together in the past to help friends with times of grief.  We have laughed and cried together.
I am very sorry about the loss of your father.   I lost my father in 2000.  I miss him every day.  Our 95 year old grandmother is going to be next.
No matter what type of relationship one has with their families, they miss them terribly when they pass.  Remember the good times.
 
Regards, MissSCD

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RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/26/2008 7:16:48 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
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Status: offline 		grieving is a part of living. we grieve because we love.

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RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/26/2008 7:17:52 AM   
badlilthang


Posts: 357
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline 		first...my most heartfelt sympathy for Your loss - i lost my only brother only 2 years ago - and i know how it feels to be alone.

But to Your question about mourning - of course You can...and should. This is the time for Your slave to be there for You - 110% - be Your strength, Your safe place and a place to let go. Mourning and tears and pain does not make You less of a man - in my eyes - more of a man - in touch with His emotions and not afraid to show them in such trying times. Holding back - or closing them in - will only hit You harder later on - or someone You love might have to take the heat...

We are humans first - then Dominant and submissive.

Listen to Your heart - and do what is right for You!


sends a hug Your way....


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RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/26/2008 7:20:51 AM   
corsetgirl


Posts: 824
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline 		I am really sorry about your loss.  I have been there three years ago when my father died.  I had to tell my ex-dom because they both met each other.  Even though this is my ex-dom, he and his wife supported me throughout the time I was grieving.  I cannot really tell you how long you should grieve but I will say that to have someone be with you during those times shows that you will never feel isolated or alone in your grief.  This is no refection on you for being weak for sharing your loss with those you are very close to you right now.  Doms are human, too.

I am still friends with my ex-dom and I will always have a place for him because he was there for me during that difficult time. 

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Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/26/2008 7:33:45 AM   
cjan


Posts: 3513
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline 		Loss is part of life. However, the amount of grief over loss one suffers is in direct proportion to the extent one clings to what is lost. It is the nature of ALL things to be impermanent. To "master" letting go is, imo, true mastery. Certainly not an easy thing to do, but it is the path to peace.

Good luck and best wishes to you, OP.


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RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/26/2008 7:52:40 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		My condolences on your loss.  I lost my own father when I was 30 and even now, at 53, there are times when the loss is so acute that I ache for his presence...but it is a good ache because with it comes the memories of the good times...though they were few...that we did share as a family and comes the knowledge that a great deal of what I miss is what I never had.  They are wrong about that...you CAN miss what you never had.

That said, my thoughts coincide with Greedy's.  You may be dominant but you are human first.  Use the dominance to help you process and make it through your grief but please do not allow yourself NOT to feel it because you feel that, in some way, it is wrong to go through "weaker" emotions in front of your slave/submissive.  She would not be very human if she did not understand your vulnerability at this point in time, would she?

One of the sad things that happens when we grow up is that we get to face the loss of loved ones more and more often.  I can think of several loved ones who will not be with me much longer in terms of the overall time given to us.  One in particular pains me to my very core and yet, I don't want to walk away from that pain...that pain lets me know that I am a thinking, caring, loving human being...it shows the better part of me because it is easy to be a thinking, caring, loving human being when things are good and each day holds promise but when the promise is done and that part is gone, the fact that you face up to that loss in the same way you face up to the joy gives you another insight into your own soul...and your own mortality.

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RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/26/2008 8:35:09 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		A good Master is a healthy Master, both in mind and body.  Grieving the loss of a loved one, especially one as close as one's own father is healthy.  You're a human first, then a man, then a Master.  If you can't take care of the first, you can't be the last.  Do whatever you need to do to get through this horribly difficult time.

I truly sympathize with you from the bottom of my heart.  My father died way too young about 7 years ago, and I miss him more every year....you have a lot to go through, so it's nice that you have a devoted slave to share some of it with. 

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RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/26/2008 9:07:43 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

I just want to jump in for one second...I haven't read through to the end of the thread yet so apologies if this has been said.  It is true that people generally go through various stages of grief however it tends to not be a linear process eg. a person will not always go from denial to anger to bargaining to depression to acceptance (using the stages quoted below).  A person will often cycle through the stages, they may feel that they are feeling less anger and moving towards acceptance and then may wake up and find that they are experiencing denial again and then anger and so on.  There is no right way to grieve Rev, but there are healthier ways.... not isolating yourself, seeking support, remembering to eat, avoiding too much alcohol/other substances for a while, getting some sleep etc.

If you would like to share your feelings with your slave .... do so.  You are a person as well as her master. My thoughts are with you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Constrictor1
There is an acronym to determine where you are through the grieving process:
DABDA
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

Each person goes through these steps at different paces.


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RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/26/2008 9:19:10 AM   
Annabelle83


Posts: 55
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Tulsa, Oklahoma
Status: offline 		Masters are human too and as much as us slavelike ones like to keep them on a pedestal we know that. I, personally, see a strength in a Master who is secure enough to express his emotions... even those he may view as weakness. Sadness and pain are not what makes us weak... they are part of what makes us human and humane.. that and opposable thumbs.
Maggi

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RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/26/2008 10:17:07 AM   
Jaquelynadelion


Posts: 458
Joined: 8/12/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ReverendGypsy

I've been trying to just work through it and be myself lately, just, live life without brooding on, but there are moments were one recent event in my life just dominates all of my thoughts.  My father passed away thursday before last, I've had to go through the rather chilling experience of seeing my mother and my sister scream in anquish over his passing and the whole situation did leave me in something of a less upbeat mood for obvious reasons. 

However, thats merely the introduction, the opinions I am seeking is simply - is it proper for a master to mourn with his slave?  I've found myself a rather weaker individual since his passing (though it is still very fresh) and a little unsure of what steps to take, what moves to make, its a disorienting place I am in.  I wouldn't feel right placing the burden of such sorrows upon those who I spend time with, but, in such intimate situations, I find it coming out even stronger. 

Would it be the best course of action for me to just step away from the scene until I'm fully back together in my mind, should I feel free to let my guard down and show my suffering around those whom I'm intimate with, or should I listen to the little voice in the back of my mind telling me that this whole lifestyle will help me keep up my strength and get through this?



in my opinion yes you should morn because as GT said you are human before you are a Master and well even if you have a slave right now as my masters slave i always encourage him to let his emotions out some how so they dont end up getting let out during a scene because well sorrow yea its easier to stop a scene with that one but anger and fustrations and such not so much with out taking it out on the slave with some object and me honestly i would hate it but then again im not in to extreme pain. if i were you id descuss with your slave how you feel and see what she/he says about assisting in this situation.

sorry for your loss

jaq

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RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/26/2008 10:37:02 AM   
kay1966


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/21/2008
Status: offline 		My sincere condolences for your loss.  Having lost my brother, I understand entirely. 

If I may be an echo of an echo here - I agree with what's been said, and wish to add that grief is not a weakness, it is a strength.  It shows to all the strength of your love and attachment to those you care about.  When all is said and done, there is little else more important.  If its loss provoked no emotion, it is then that people should worry.

Also, speaking for myself and from the standpoint of a sub, I wish to be there to serve my Master's needs, physical and emotional.  If He was to cut me off from that - from Him - I would grieve that loss.

I wish for your father a swift and gentle trip, and for you joy in the remembrance of the best parts of his life.

Sometimes those little voices know what they're talking about.

kay


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RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/26/2008 3:32:06 PM   
blacksword404


Posts: 2068
Joined: 1/4/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ReverendGypsy

I've been trying to just work through it and be myself lately, just, live life without brooding on, but there are moments were one recent event in my life just dominates all of my thoughts.  My father passed away thursday before last, I've had to go through the rather chilling experience of seeing my mother and my sister scream in anquish over his passing and the whole situation did leave me in something of a less upbeat mood for obvious reasons. 

However, thats merely the introduction, the opinions I am seeking is simply - is it proper for a master to mourn with his slave?  I've found myself a rather weaker individual since his passing (though it is still very fresh) and a little unsure of what steps to take, what moves to make, its a disorienting place I am in.  I wouldn't feel right placing the burden of such sorrows upon those who I spend time with, but, in such intimate situations, I find it coming out even stronger. 

Would it be the best course of action for me to just step away from the scene until I'm fully back together in my mind, should I feel free to let my guard down and show my suffering around those whom I'm intimate with, or should I listen to the little voice in the back of my mind telling me that this whole lifestyle will help me keep up my strength and get through this?



Greetings ReverendGypsy

Sorry to hear that.  Is it proper? Yes. Are you two not one? Mourning your father is natural. There is no weakness in it. You will have to get on with your life which will be an everyday process. Whether you wall yourself off from the scene is something only you can decide. If you have friends on here i would suggest you not completely go away. They may be able to help you.


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RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/26/2008 6:47:26 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		Pain is inevitable. Regardless of the relationship. Some one leaves, moves on.. dies.

Pain  ( I am speaking of emotional pain) validates the relationship. If the end, no matter how it came, didn't hurt there would have been no genuine feelings. Only a sociopath has no feelings.

Live as best you can for as long as you can

Jeff

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RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/26/2008 6:49:06 PM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff
Only a sociopath has no feelings.
Jeff


You know my ex-husband, "the creature?"


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RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/26/2008 6:57:06 PM   
Huntertn


Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		My father was admitted to the hospital on june 5th. we had to put my mom in a Home 4 days later and Dad died june 24.  I have to take over their home..and move out of mine. My sub was supportive and all that as much as anyone could be.  From our move to handling  my family.  Hell, they know we are human.  And yes, she doesn't think any less of me for it..and I am willing to bet yours will not either.  AS for doing anything else,for me the aswer was no..I would have not been fully into it anyway..nor would they have been.  Give yourself and your subs a chance.  Huntetn
 

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RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/28/2008 2:40:02 PM   
Deliena


Posts: 623
Joined: 6/16/2007
From: Darlington, United Kingdom
Status: offline 		To ReverandGypsy and all those others who have posted during this thread about their losses my heart goes out to you.  I am fortunate enough not to have lost a significant family member as yet, although I have lost close friends.  I totally agree with the advice that has been sent out so far, grieve in whatever way you feel is appropriate, if you are very fortunate your slave will be one of those people who can support you and guide you through the process to ensure you deal with your grief in a positive, healthy way.

Best of luck to everyone. xxx

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RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/28/2008 3:07:08 PM   
califsue


Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline 		I am sorry for your loss and agree that we all are human first and grieving is a natural process. My Master and I both have old parents and I hope that when the time happens that either of Us loses one that Master and I will be able to support, console, comfort one another through it all. As a slave to Master, I would want to do what I could to comfort him, hold him, whatever it would take to help him through the grieving process.

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And so you should, but - 8/29/2008 2:06:54 PM   
tkd93


Posts: 1
Joined: 10/26/2007
Status: offline 		in your own due time. A Master often can forget he is living a life of expectations for others too.
Carrying grief alone, without an outlet, over time can consume your emotions. Sharing that with another can ease so much pressure and anxiety over future concerns that we forget why we wait so long to do just that.
You are now at a loss, like many of us, to lean on our father for guidance, but your fathers knowledge is now in you to carry on.

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