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RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/25/2008 9:08:27 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

I really do not see the point of asking other people's opinions on what's ok and or proper to do with in the context of your own relationship. If you want to mourn with your sub who cares go for it, if you don't also who cares, then don't.

What does it matter what other people think. it's your relationship, and you should do what feels right to you, and not care if others think it's proper.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ReverendGypsy

I've been trying to just work through it and be myself lately, just, live life without brooding on, but there are moments were one recent event in my life just dominates all of my thoughts. My father passed away thursday before last, I've had to go through the rather chilling experience of seeing my mother and my sister scream in anquish over his passing and the whole situation did leave me in something of a less upbeat mood for obvious reasons.

However, thats merely the introduction, the opinions I am seeking is simply - is it proper for a master to mourn with his slave? I've found myself a rather weaker individual since his passing (though it is still very fresh) and a little unsure of what steps to take, what moves to make, its a disorienting place I am in. I wouldn't feel right placing the burden of such sorrows upon those who I spend time with, but, in such intimate situations, I find it coming out even stronger.

Would it be the best course of action for me to just step away from the scene until I'm fully back together in my mind, should I feel free to let my guard down and show my suffering around those whom I'm intimate with, or should I listen to the little voice in the back of my mind telling me that this whole lifestyle will help me keep up my strength and get through this?

(in reply to ReverendGypsy)

Post #: 21

RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/25/2008 9:19:15 PM

E2Sweet

Posts: 649
Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
Status: offline

I went though a very similar situation a couple years ago and I found that I naturally pulled in those who I felt comfortable with mourning along-side, and I also felt a natural push toward those that I did not. The feeling itself was clearly not under my control and the message it was conveying to me was surprisingly clear.

Having now experienced mourning the loss of someone very close to me, I can say for certain that I in no way equate the mourning process, and the shedding of tears, with weakness. Mourning is simply human.

I am truly sorry for your loss.

_____________________________

E2Sweet™
"If it doesn't make you smile then chances are you're not doing it right."

(in reply to Donaldnola)

Post #: 22

RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/25/2008 10:14:54 PM

Mavis

Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline

This really isn't a D/s question, in all of humanity, women have been there for our men through loss. Just as men are there for their women thru loss. And gay couples, and close friends..

I have never heard of anyone reporting they felt a loved one was diminished by showing or sharing their grief. :D

(in reply to E2Sweet)

Post #: 23

RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/25/2008 10:26:54 PM

Owner4SexSlave

Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

You are a human being first, not a Master first.

There is nothing wrong with mourning with a slave. In fact, it can actually help deepen your relationship.

You don't have to run away from your relationship because you are feeling weak inside. Now is a time when you need your slave the most. Her instinct to be of service and use to you is perhaps now at the greatest.   Where she will want to offer you her heart, mind, spirit and soul.   Trust me, there's far more to your slave then being a body of fuck meat.   Slaves will want to be of any service and help they can be.   Even if it means them being the ones holding you in their arms, while you cry.

This is not a moment to bask in D/s stereotypes. Too many people make the mistake of trying to Mold their D/s or M/s relationship according to some mysterious code of conduct that simply does not exist.

Time to shit the stereotypes, and be the full human being that you are. It's no threat to the M/s relationship you have going on. However, if you turn your back on your slave and your relationship just because you are feeling weak or are having a moment of weakness.  This could damage your relationship.   There is more strength in showing weakness.   There is weakness when you refuse to show weakness.

Your slave is there for you, made a commitment to serve you with her Mind, Body, Heart and Soul.   This includes serving and being of use to you in times of darkness such as these.

(in reply to ReverendGypsy)

Post #: 24

RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/25/2008 10:33:30 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Mavis, a while back ago there was a thread about crying doms, and some people did say they'd feel like their dom was less in control if they cried I believe. I didn't follow the thread for very long.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mavis

I have never heard of anyone reporting they felt a loved one was diminished by showing or sharing their grief. :D

(in reply to Mavis)

Post #: 25

RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/25/2008 11:18:06 PM

MAMandSlave

Posts: 110
Joined: 8/15/2008
Status: offline

Hi, Sorry for your loss. I went through a similar situation two years ago when my wife/submissive passed away. I did not move on from the scene, and had a somewhat negative experience with a submissive. It did not work for her as I could not provide what she was looking for, and I for me, as I chose poorly. Emotionally, it took a year of grief therapy, and working hard to deal with grief every day to get to the point I could have a successful relationship. I am fortunate to have a girl who supports me in my continued grief process. I urge you to use friends and family, and if need be a mental health professional. There are many kink friendly professionals available. I wish you the best of luck.

(in reply to Donaldnola)

Post #: 26

RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/25/2008 11:38:11 PM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

[/quote]
Time to shit the stereotypes, and be the full human being that you are. It's no threat to the M/s relationship you have going on. However, if you turn your back on your slave and your relationship just because you are feeling weak or are having a moment of weakness. This could damage your relationship. There is more strength in showing weakness. There is weakness when you refuse to show weakness.

[/quote]

I liked the whole answer, but this part was definitely worth repeating! I AGREE wholeheartedly!

Sorry for Your loss OP, hope You can see Your father's lesson in the light of the above paragraph.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)

Post #: 27

RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/26/2008 12:17:11 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ReverendGypsy

I've been trying to just work through it and be myself lately, just, live life without brooding on, but there are moments were one recent event in my life just dominates all of my thoughts. My father passed away thursday before last, I've had to go through the rather chilling experience of seeing my mother and my sister scream in anquish over his passing and the whole situation did leave me in something of a less upbeat mood for obvious reasons.

However, thats merely the introduction, the opinions I am seeking is simply - is it proper for a master to mourn with his slave? I've found myself a rather weaker individual since his passing (though it is still very fresh) and a little unsure of what steps to take, what moves to make, its a disorienting place I am in. I wouldn't feel right placing the burden of such sorrows upon those who I spend time with, but, in such intimate situations, I find it coming out even stronger.

Would it be the best course of action for me to just step away from the scene until I'm fully back together in my mind, should I feel free to let my guard down and show my suffering around those whom I'm intimate with, or should I listen to the little voice in the back of my mind telling me that this whole lifestyle will help me keep up my strength and get through this?

A Master can do what a Master wants.

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
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To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to ReverendGypsy)

Post #: 28

RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/26/2008 2:19:21 AM

masterforRT

Posts: 176
Joined: 5/16/2008
Status: offline

Grief is meant to be shared-especially with those closest to us. It's a completely natural thing-even lesser animals seek relief with others. Being able to show your emotions is a sign of strength, not weakness. I cried when both my parents died and no one thought me any weaker for it.

I'm sorry for the loss of your father. It sucks. But you will survive, and your life will go on. Death is a sad part of life but a part nonetheless.

< Message edited by masterforRT -- 8/26/2008 2:20:17 AM >

(in reply to Donaldnola)

Post #: 29

RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/26/2008 4:36:48 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

Of course its proper if the Master and slave are closely bonded. A slave is there to serve, I would think offering comfort would be a part of that service.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to ReverendGypsy)

Post #: 30

RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/26/2008 4:40:36 AM

simpleplan2

Posts: 461
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline

To mourn someone's passing is NOT weak. And to want or even to need to share that sorrow ISN'T weak....it's human. We're all human. Forget about what looks domly and grieve the way you need to. Because if you don't, it will come out...trust me on this one.

In my view, I think sometimes we (in general) let ourselves get too caught up in what is domly or subly (couldn't resist) amd forget that, at the core, we're all simply human with basic human emotions, needs and wants. Seeking solace in times of sorrow is a basic human desire, although I do acknowledge that we all grieve differently.

< Message edited by simpleplan2 -- 8/26/2008 4:51:26 AM >

(in reply to ReverendGypsy)

Post #: 31

RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/26/2008 4:52:21 AM

SoulPiercer

Posts: 374
Joined: 5/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

Sorry for your loss.

That being said.. none of us can tell you how to grieve.

Before you are MASTER, you are human. Only you can determine what is the best way to process your grief.

I'm sorry for your loss. I echo Greedy's words.

My grandmother died when I was 15. Because it was going to be a long trip to the funeral, my father decided we needed new tires for the car. I went for the ride with him. On our way to there, I happened to look over and saw tears running down my dad's cheek.

My father is a career Marine. I can honestly say that on that day, the respect and love that I feel for him grew a thousand times.

Peace be with you and your's.

_____________________________

Do you have any idea how many bones you have left for me to break? - Batman

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 32

RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/26/2008 5:46:28 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

The thing you have to remember about all others is that each of us is really just a human being.

Attempts to create prefect masters and tops, devoid of their humanness is one of the things I dislike most in BDSM and have for decades.

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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to ReverendGypsy)

Post #: 33

RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/26/2008 5:58:31 AM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ReverendGypsy

I've been trying to just work through it and be myself lately, just, live life without brooding on, but there are moments were one recent event in my life just dominates all of my thoughts. My father passed away thursday before last, I've had to go through the rather chilling experience of seeing my mother and my sister scream in anquish over his passing and the whole situation did leave me in something of a less upbeat mood for obvious reasons.

However, thats merely the introduction, the opinions I am seeking is simply - is it proper for a master to mourn with his slave? I've found myself a rather weaker individual since his passing (though it is still very fresh) and a little unsure of what steps to take, what moves to make, its a disorienting place I am in. I wouldn't feel right placing the burden of such sorrows upon those who I spend time with, but, in such intimate situations, I find it coming out even stronger.

Would it be the best course of action for me to just step away from the scene until I'm fully back together in my mind, should I feel free to let my guard down and show my suffering around those whom I'm intimate with, or should I listen to the little voice in the back of my mind telling me that this whole lifestyle will help me keep up my strength and get through this?

RG,

Before you entered the path as a Dominant, you were/are a hman, with all the attendant emotions!!!

CP

(in reply to ReverendGypsy)

Post #: 34

RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/26/2008 6:06:37 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

As said, no one can tell you how to get through this, all that can be done is give examples of how others have dealt with such and let you find your own way.

For Me this isn't something I do, it is who I am. Do I mourn... damn straight, after all I am only Human. However I do have responcibilitys....I wouldn't be Me where I to let those responcibilitys slide. So I do both, I get on and cover My responcibilitys BUT also make sure I have time and space to deal with My Own shit. Take support where I can accept it (My girl would give more where I able to accept it), ensure I am not taking anything out on her, take some quiet time to sort Myself out.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to ReverendGypsy)

Post #: 35

RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/26/2008 6:15:12 AM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

I think that if you stepped back from the lifestyle that you would be feeling a double loss. You may want to step back from heavy scening for a while, but to try to artificially stop being in the lifestyle on top of your loss could really make you feel very alone.

As a slave, I have never felt as wanted/needed as in those times when I could help my Master through a difficult situation. It might mean a change from playing to conversation only for a while, but He knows without a doubt that when things get tough that at least one person will be willing to be there right by His side to make it better. If you have a good emotional bond with your slave and they are not just a play partner, they should be your strongest supporter. If you just need a few days alone to think then let it be known to them.

It does not make you less of a Master/man to mourn. What would make you less of both is to purposely snub those who crave to help you out and to make them feel like they have no true value to you.

_____________________________

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 36

RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/26/2008 6:20:24 AM

oceanwynds

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

I am sorry for your lost. Labels help to define us, but beyond the labels we are all aspects of a human experience. Grief is part of this experience. You cannot skip it. Find who you are comfortable with to express your sadness, and do so. Give yourself permission to be human and to share your mourning period with who ever you wish. If you wish to share with your slave, so be it.

blessings
oceanwynds

(in reply to ReverendGypsy)

Post #: 37

RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/26/2008 6:22:09 AM

natasha66

Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline

To me, allowing others to see and share your pain makes you a stronger person, not weaker. As has been said, there is no "right" way to grieve.

_____________________________

"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
~Basil Fawlty

Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.

(in reply to Donaldnola)

Post #: 38

RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/26/2008 7:04:10 AM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

quote:

is it proper for a master to mourn with his slave?

My sincere condolences on the passing of your father. Hard news for any man at any age.

That being said, not only is it proper for a master to mourn, it would be most IMPROPER for a master not to mourn. Would you teach your slave that the loss of family is of no consequence? Would you lead your slave away from the only offering the living can make to the dead, that of heartfelt tears?

Mourn....weep....bawl like a baby if that is what your grief commands of you. Let your slave know that you celebrate your father's life by feeling intensely the pain of his passing.

A Master should do no less.

_____________________________

(in reply to ReverendGypsy)

Post #: 39

RE: Can a master mourn? - 8/26/2008 7:08:19 AM

tammystarm

Posts: 3045
Joined: 7/26/2006
Status: offline

i am truly sorry for Your loss!
with that said and i meant it whole heartedly; BUT
wtf mate?

Masters are real people too!

_____________________________

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(in reply to celticlord2112)

Post #: 40

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