RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not interested"?

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RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/26/2008 6:10:53 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

it's a common complaint around here but i think you're wrong to expect a response back. there's no rule stated that if message sent, respondess must reply back to sender. even i don't respond back to desperation and lonely hearts to those who resort to begging and one-liners that flood my in/spambox. most don't know how to handle rejection while others never bothered to read my profile.

it's pointless for me to spend time saying "thanks but no thanks - no interested" when deleting the message after reading (or sometimes if read) is all the response you need. it might be considered rude to you but it saves me from having to read "why not? am i not the submissive/slave you're looking for ...i'm no limits ...will do anything you tell me ...add me to your yahoo/msn - let's chat ...please" i like begging but only from my pet.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to youngstownsubm)

Post #: 21

RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/26/2008 6:17:19 AM

mztresn0w

Posts: 174
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline

I have noticed there seems to be a common answer here. If they read my profile before they sent the e-mail. There are alot of people that mass e-mail to Dominants and then there is all the copy and pasting going on. Sometimes I send a reply and sometimes I just block the sender. Some e-mails have been so offensive that there was no need to do anything but block the sender.

_____________________________

Becareful what you ask for you may get it and then realize it wasn't what you wanted.
Wicked Evil Grin

(in reply to LadyLou)

Post #: 22

RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/26/2008 6:20:01 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

http://www.collarchat.com/m_2074368/tm.htm

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to youngstownsubm)

Post #: 23

RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/26/2008 6:30:50 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

Plus when you reply back you tend to get the whiney begging, then well do you have any friends, then the rude nasty replies come out as the responder becomes childish over being rejected.

This is true. I had an cmail from a guy and I responded that I wasn't interested. Then he starts with whining, why not? But you haven't given me a chance? and on and on. Finally I blocked him, it was the only way to stop him from writing and begging.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

Post #: 24

RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/26/2008 6:37:32 AM

bottomboy81

Posts: 74
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

What’s the explanation for ignoring the subs who have compatible kinks and who looked at the domme’s profile and asked questions about it? Why do they still get ignored? The majority of dommes on here would get approached all the time. To say that the majority of male subs don’t read profiles or they email dommes with incompatible kinks is a silly excuse. The dommes on this site remain here for months or years while getting all these offers and not one of them offers are good enough?

Why is it socially acceptable to blame the majority of male subs for why things go wrong in this scene? As for, we are just vanilla trolls looking for sex, we don’t read profiles etc etc etc. But if a man blames the majority of dommes FOR ANYTHING why things go wrong, he is wrong regardless what explanation he has?

The way I see it, the dommes on this site are unappreciative, they have opportunities coming out of their ass and yet NOT ONE out of the 100s or 1000s of opportunities they get is still not good enough.

Time for a reality check, is it because their expectations are dysfunctional for the majority? No matter who you are man/woman, if your expectations are dysfunctional for the majority, ITS YOU WITH THE PROBLEM, not a lot of the offers you get.

(in reply to thishereboi)

Post #: 25

RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/26/2008 6:39:00 AM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bottomboy81

What’s the explanation for ignoring the subs who have compatible kinks and who looked at the domme’s profile and asked questions about it? Why do they still get ignored? The majority of dommes on here would get approached all the time. To say that the majority of male subs don’t read profiles or they email dommes with incompatible kinks is a silly excuse. The dommes on this site remain here for months or years while getting all these offers and not one of them offers are good enough?

Why is it socially acceptable to blame the majority of male subs for why things go wrong in this scene? As for, we are just vanilla trolls looking for sex, we don’t read profiles etc etc etc. But if a man blames the majority of dommes FOR ANYTHING why things go wrong, he is wrong regardless what explanation he has?

The way I see it, the dommes on this site are unappreciative, they have opportunities coming out of their ass and yet NOT ONE out of the 100s or 1000s of opportunities they get is still not good enough.

Time for a reality check, is it because their expectations are dysfunctional for the majority? No matter who you are man/woman, if your expectations are dysfunctional for the majority, ITS YOU WITH THE PROBLEM, not a lot of the offers you get.

Life is not fair.

The sooner you realize this, the sooner you will be ready for this whole real world thing.

_____________________________

HBIC

(in reply to bottomboy81)

Post #: 26

RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/26/2008 6:42:00 AM

shivermetimbers

Posts: 2060
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline

Just my two cents here but:

Rude: Someone pushing me down a flight of stairs, pushing me out of line, yelling at me for no reason, waking me up in the middle of the night because they are drunk and forgot where they lived, cutting me off, throwing trash in my yard (just some examples)

Not Rude: Someone who is for all intents and purposes a screen name, not a person I've ever seen, heard, or spoken to who has no interest in ever seeing, hearing, or speaking to me. A gathering of words in a profile, maybe a pic that you have no certainty is even them.

In other words, so what? So they don't reply back. Does it really make any difference if they tell you they aren't interested with a short note, or tell you the same thing by not even replying? Either way, you've gotten your answer, regardless how heartfelt the original message.

_____________________________

I love you Deanna, you make every day a better day.

If we descended from monkeys and apes, why are there still monkeys and apes?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZ3CJi0Ih9s&feature=player_embedded

http://www.thebuccozone.com/piratesong.htm

(in reply to youngstownsubm)

Post #: 27

RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/26/2008 6:47:46 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bottomboy81

What’s the explanation for ignoring the subs who have compatible kinks and who looked at the domme’s profile and asked questions about it?
I don't so you will have to find someone who does and ask her?

Why do they still get ignored?
see above answer
The majority of dommes on here would get approached all the time. To say that the majority of male subs don’t read profiles or they email dommes with incompatible kinks is a silly excuse. The dommes on this site remain here for months or years while getting all these offers and not one of them offers are good enough?
Are you tracking all of them or only a select group?

Why is it socially acceptable to blame the majority of male subs for why things go wrong in this scene?
I don't know, why do you blame them?

As for, we are just vanilla trolls looking for sex, we don’t read profiles etc etc etc. But if a man blames the majority of dommes FOR ANYTHING why things go wrong, he is wrong regardless what explanation he has?

The way I see it, the dommes on this site are unappreciative, they have opportunities coming out of their ass and yet NOT ONE out of the 100s or 1000s of opportunities they get is still not good enough.

Time for a reality check, is it because their expectations are dysfunctional for the majority? No matter who you are man/woman, if your expectations are dysfunctional for the majority, ITS YOU WITH THE PROBLEM, not a lot of the offers you get.

The way I see it, you have a real bad attitude towards women. You post replys on here that are rude and then wonder why you don't get a better response. My guess is any women who have read your replies, will ignore your email based on that, rather than on the actions of other male subs.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to bottomboy81)

Post #: 28

RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/26/2008 7:02:44 AM

shivermetimbers

Posts: 2060
Joined: 6/7/2008
Status: offline

By the way, after my first post, lo and behold I had a CMail expressing interest in me based on how they liked my profile, and to respond to them on the other side. I'm not responding back at all, is that rude? Not at all, because they enjoyed my profile so much, apparently they missed the journal entries stating I'm taken. Not one. Not two. Multiple journal entries. No guilt trip here.

I guess I should start a thread chastising myself for being a rude submissive male for not responding.

_____________________________

I love you Deanna, you make every day a better day.

If we descended from monkeys and apes, why are there still monkeys and apes?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZ3CJi0Ih9s&feature=player_embedded

http://www.thebuccozone.com/piratesong.htm

(in reply to youngstownsubm)

Post #: 29

RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/26/2008 7:04:09 AM

Lynnxz

Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: shivermetimbers

By the way, after my first post, lo and behold I had a CMail expressing interest in me based on how they liked my profile, and to respond to them on the other side. I'm not responding back at all, is that rude? Not at all, because they enjoyed my profile so much, apparently they missed the journal entries stating I'm taken. Not one. Not two. Multiple journal entries. No guilt trip here.

I guess I should start a thread chastising myself for being a rude submissive male for not responding.

What a horrible person! *Pushes you down the stairs*

_____________________________

HBIC

(in reply to shivermetimbers)

Post #: 30

RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/26/2008 7:24:10 AM

bottomboy81

Posts: 74
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

I don't so you will have to find someone who does and ask her?

That’s because you’re a woman, everything comes easy to you.

quote:

Are you tracking all of them or only a select group?

Pretty much all, as I have tested my self making a domme profile with no picture and still have emails by the hour or day.

quote:

I don't know, why do you blame them?

Because they sit here for all this time getting countless offers and not being satisfied at the end result. While many to most average males are lucky to get an email once in a blue moon.

quote:

The way I see it, you have a real bad attitude towards women. You post replys on here that are rude and then wonder why you don't get a better response. My guess is any women who have read your replies, will ignore your email based on that, rather than on the actions of other male subs.

And what made my attitude be this way to begin with? Oh that’s right, the negative attitude the dommes display towards males to begin with which is, we are disposable and valueless. Which means we are only good enough if we stand out from most male subs. But wait a minute, how many dommes stand out from most dommes? I have every right to be the way I am considering the extreme unfairness towards my gender. Tell me one good reason why I should have a positive attitude towards dommes on here when the majority see male subs as disposable and valueless to begin with?

(in reply to Lynnxz)

Post #: 31

RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/26/2008 7:24:12 AM

kdsub

Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline

Maybe I'm lucky but I receive a response almost all the time. I do read profiles and make sure I have something in common before I message.

I have also put some thought into what I will say the first message. I don't want to make it too short nor too long. Long involved first messages tend to scare people. Short "Hi there" messages are not worth a response.

I try to keep it just a few paragraphs long with a respectful greeting...some information on myself that reflects my personality... and a few lines on what we may have in common.

Seems to work.

Butch

(in reply to LadyLou)

Post #: 32

RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/26/2008 7:34:10 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bottomboy81

And what made my attitude be this way to begin with? Oh that’s right, the negative attitude the dommes display towards males to begin with which is, we are disposable and valueless. Which means we are only good enough if we stand out from most male subs. But wait a minute, how many dommes stand out from most dommes? I have every right to be the way I am considering the extreme unfairness towards my gender. Tell me one good reason why I should have a positive attitude towards dommes on here when the majority see male subs as disposable and valueless to begin with?

It doesn't really matter why you have such a bad attitude. It is your choice to change it or not. I am not going to sit and list reasons why you should change it, I really don't care if you do or not. I don't have any intention of meeting you in real life and if you want to sit around and piss and moan about those rude dominants, more power to ya.

You are the one that has to live with you....enjoy

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert

This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

(in reply to bottomboy81)

Post #: 33

RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/26/2008 7:59:10 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I have, in my profile very clearly, that I am not looking for anyone new. It is stated several times. I stil get email offers to serve. They are ignored and I dont consider it rude. Why? Becasue they ignored my profile already, so why would it be worse of me to ignore their email?
Keep in mind as well, anyone you are emailing has full acess to look up not only your profle but also your forum posts. You might have turned them off with your choices of topic and content in your comments as well.
Although bottomboy is terribly jaded, he is also partialy right. If you look and sound just like everyone else that emails a domme, why should she give you any more attention than she gives anyone else? On average I get 5-7 emails a day offering to serve. I get several others about my photos or Fox's photos and a few here and there about forum posts I have made. So, even if I were looking, wth al that going on and with the limited amount of time I have to devote to reading and responding to emails... I do not get back to anyone who deosnt stand out. Compliments wil get a thank you. Offers to serve wil be ignored completely. Anything else it depends on what the message says.
nd lastly, keep in mind you might be getting filtered right into the junkmail folder for some people. Age and location can both be filters. If you arent getting ANYTHING back you might try and look at you and not them all the time.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to LadyLou)

Post #: 34

RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/26/2008 9:00:32 AM

UncleNasty

Posts: 1108
Joined: 3/20/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SoulPiercer

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLadyConstance

quote:

ORIGINAL: SoulPiercer

A Mistress can step out of her front door, throw a stick and hit a submissive man in the face.

Why didn't I think of that? I'm going to try that this afternoon!

Evening is best, M'Lady.

And be sure to put rubber tips on the ends of the stick. You don't want to be sued for putting out someone's eye.

Rubber tips are a good idea. Little Jimmy Johnson lost an eye that way.

Uncle Nasty

(in reply to SoulPiercer)

Post #: 35

RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/26/2008 9:08:15 AM

UncleNasty

Posts: 1108
Joined: 3/20/2004
Status: offline

When respectful emails are sent to suitable parties it is certainly rude not to respond. Online realites, however, seem to be absent good manners on the part of many people and in a variety of circumstances. While it can be frustrating and disappointing I don't view as a reflection on me. It is a reflection on them.

Uncle Nasty

(in reply to UncleNasty)

Post #: 36

RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/26/2008 9:13:08 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: youngstownsubm

I don't think the bad behavior of a few subs should be an excuse for rude behavior on the part of a Mistress.

You have NO IDEA of what you speak. Zero, nada, zilch, nothing. You have no idea what the bad behavior is like, and you have no idea of what "a few" means.

Are you aware that the etiquette gurus say that you don't have to respond to unsolicited contacts? You don't have to answer the phone when it rings? You don't have to answer the door when someone knocks? You don't have to answer correspondence from strangers?

quote:

ORIGINAL: SoulPiercer

If this were Ask a Master and the OP were a submissive woman, I would say it is rude to not respond.

Shit. Now I have to add "rude bitch" to my sig line. I'm soooo gonna run out of space soon.

You know, even the government (the post office) says if you receive something unsolicited, you can keep it, return it, or toss it, AT NO COST OR OBLIGATION TO YOU. So if I receive an email I have no interest in, I feel perfectly okay with just tossing it.

Cali
(Now if someone wants to send me some serious bling, I might keep that)

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to youngstownsubm)

Post #: 37

RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/26/2008 9:15:42 AM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

It's actually a lot easier to think, "Guess they're not interested." and try again than it is to write posts in the forum complaining about something that's not going to change.

< Message edited by windchymes -- 8/26/2008 9:16:44 AM >

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 38

RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/26/2008 9:31:42 AM

BKSir

Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline

It's no harder to say "No thanks; I'm not interested.", than it is to read my profile before sending me correspondence. When I clearly state that I'm not looking for anything other than friends, among other very obvious things, and I still get mail from some girl (or even guy, who would certainly stand a better chance), saying "I want to serve you.", as well as saying he/she wants me to do things that are listed either in my 'Dislikes', 'Hates', or better yet 'Hard Limits', I have no compunctions about deleting the email and blocking the sender.

I've better things to do with my time, than waste it, and my energy on someone that obviously does not wish to even bother reading to begin with. If I list 'watersports' as a 'Hard Limit', and someone, right off the bat, says they want to serve me and have me pee on them, why should I think for a second that my saying "No thanks; I'm not interested.", will even be understood?

Service also has to do with attention to detail and anticipating your doms needs. By a lot of this type of behavior, it's obvious that there is no way in juggling pink hell that these people could EVER do such a thing. How can they 'anticipate', when they can't even comprehend things that are flat out stated in great, big, black, green and blue letters?

In that aspect of 'do you think they're not good enough for you?', I would have to say, "Yes! That is precisely what I think!", and I refuse to give such a person the time of day. Reading their message that they sent to me, is far more than they deserved to begin with.

_____________________________

We'll begin with a spin, traveling in a world of my creation. What we'll see will defy explanation.

I am the voices in your head.

BiggKatt Studios

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 39

RE: How hard is it to say "No thanks; I'm not inte... - 8/26/2008 10:16:04 AM

igor2003

Posts: 1718
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

If someone:

Does not read your profile...
Ignores what you say you are or are not looking for...
Ignores it when you say you are "taken"....
Sends form letters...
Does not meet your LISTED criteria...
Is just rude...
Does not follow your directions as to what information you request in a CMail...
Then yes, you certainly have every right in the world to simply ignore their message.

But, if under "Actively Seeking" you have listed what the solicitor claims to be (for instance, if a Domme has "Submissive male" listed under "Actively Seeking"), and if that solicitor follows the directions given, and if the solicitor has interests that coincide fairly well with what you list in your profile, and if you can tell that they have read the profile and have followed your directions, then, if you are not interested, a simply reply of "No thank you" would be the appropriate and civilized thing to do. Chances are (though just guessing from my own experience) that a good submissive will accept that as "good enough" and move on. If someone does whine and persist after that, then the "ignore" button is just as easy and quick to hit now as it would have been the first time.

As far as "No reply is a reply", well, maybe to the person not sending the reply it is, but it really is not. If there is no reply the peson that sent the message does not know if the message was even delivered, let alone whether it was "lost in the shuffle", accidentally deleted, read, unread, set aside for further consideration when there is more time, or just what. So is "no reply" a reply? Not really. It just opens up a lot of unanswered questions. It doesn't really "tell" the other person anything.

I've seen several people mention that the submissives are sending unsolicited mail. But CM is a site that is set up to help people meet and get to know people of similar interests. If you put in your profile that you are "Actively seeking" a certain type of person, and if you have listed traits that this person should or should not have, then unless SOMEWHERE in your profile you definitely state that you are no longer looking, then you HAVE solicited responses simply by nature of the CM website. And if you have solicited responses to your profile then you should at least be civilized enough to give a "no thank you" response to those that deserve it.

(in reply to BKSir)

Post #: 40

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