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DeferentialBaby2 -> RE: Misogyny? (8/28/2008 5:13:41 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Pyrrsefanie
I regularly get emails consisting of the following:
"LOL you're a Republican you suck"
"HAHAHAHA U R PALE"
"You're hot, too bad your fake like the rest of them"
Not all of them necessarily rooted in misogyny but I honestly wonder if they troll their male counterparts' profiles offering up the same advice. The best misogynistic one I got was when I politely informed a gentleman that my sub was also my husband and therefore would not be interested in taking him on as my slave, and he fired off a nasty email telling me that I was a stupid little girl and I didn't need some beta-male chump and that I'd realize someday I wanted a REAL man. [8|] I think I wrote back and told him to go die of testicular cancer but I can't remember my exact wording.
I think it's the same thing they used to tell us in elementary school -- the boys only make fun of you because they like you. They're probably just pissy little internet nerds trolling from their mothers' basement who are angry because their last "girlfriend" popped when their neckbeard bristles rubbed the wrong way against the seaming. They see an attractive woman, instantly feel ANGER RAGE RAWR and have to take it out on some innocent woman who's never even spoken to them before. Some seem to have rejection issues, i.e. they're all sweet and sugar till you tell them "no" and then the beast flares up.
Some people might think from the tone of this post that I hate men. I don't. I just hate shitheads.
I do hate the shitheads, too. Whatever their outward shapes.
I get the sorts of messages you quoted quite freqently...from dominant men I've never exchanged a word with (mostly), sub men (secondly, yes they write me too, wtf?), and sub women (third, but yeah there is quite a little population that go around writing nastygrams to other sub women). The only group that consistently doesn't display that boorish behavior and, in the few cases they have written me, write consistently civil emails, are dominant women.
I think one thing that happens is this: these people, whatever their claimed sexual orientation, are emotionally immature to begin with, they get rejected a lot on here as do we all, but they respond to that rejection in a characteristically peevish and childish fashion: They see an attractive woman, assume without even finding out anything about her that she'll reject him like "all the others," and, to avoid facing that outcome, they reject her first which makes them feel like Very Big Boys Indeed. That way the little child is "safe," haha, if you can call being horribly lonely and isolated "safe." It's a very extreme and self-defeating case of "sour grapes." They can say, "See? She didn't like or respond to my hate mail so she would have rejected me anyway so I was SOOOO SMART to reject her first!" It's funny how our emotions can cause us to loose 50 IQ points in the space of a few seconds. :/
I think that there's another version of this "sour grapes" scenario that is much more common in all people: First the usual rejections, which are par for the course on a personals site (it's HARD to find someone compatible--and impossible if you are a perfectionist without a realistic understanding of people) but which many people take seriously as deep indications of failure. Then, you see an attractive profile, a person with everything you believe you're looking for, but you DO NOT write them precisely because they're attractive, precisely because you are compatible with them. I guess the thinking goes, "I couldn't bear to be rejected by someone that special and I'm sure they would so I won't even try. At least this way I am "SAFE." Sometimes such people comb the profile to find one little phrase amongst all the stuff that gives them an excuse to DQ themselves (maybe it's "prefer busty" or "like older men"). "Oh! I'm not older than her! Ms Perfect for Me won't be the least bit interested in me! No matter that she stated it was just a general preference and not a hard disqualifier. _I_ know better! I'm CERTAIN she really meant she rejects such people on sight--so I won't risk it! I'll stay SAFE."
What I believe they should be thinking is, "If this person is actually so very close to what I really need, then the chances are quite good that they're looking for someone just like me. And if they're really so wonderful as they seem to be, then they aren't going to get all anal about something like a few inches of chest size or a few years of age difference."
Third and most common case of sour-grapitus that I see on the boards goes like this, "This profile is too perfect or close to what I am looking for! This person can't be real...because... because... they have exactly what I need!!! They've GOT to be a fake! I HATE them for being such FAKES and trying to FOOL ME!! I think I'll tell them so or block them or... or... RUN AWAY!" Fear of getting what one really wants is one of the strongest emotional motivators on personal-ad sites, I think. Many people on these sites are cowards who really don't want to let anyone into their lives as that would mean (gasp!) CHANGE and prefer the familiar, even if the familiar is abject lonliness and constant rejection. But they need the illusion, the self-deception that they are willing to change, and thus they clutter up places like this making it hard for those of us who are sincerely searching.
I can't talk about the forums, as I rarely read or post here, but this week has been a strange one on the personal boards with more than the normal number of lunatics out in full force. I've been hit rather hard by the emotional basketcases and extremists in the last ten days and it looks like others in this thread have as well. Maybe the hurricanes are stirring people up? :D Maybe the major-class loonies are on vacation and don't know what to do with their time? Who knows? I do think that attractive people, like you, draw more than their fair share of lunatics and emotional shipwrecks, because you make a more visible target, something the unstable can latch their illnesses or obsessions on to, although anyone can become the focus of someone's irrational hatred, especially if they happen to look like their Great Auntie Grizelda who gave them soapy enemas every other day. (I don't know about the other orientations, but I've noticed that there are agreat many dominant men in this place who are, figuratively speaking, here only to get revenge on their Great Auntie Grizelda. :p )
Without a profile picture it's probably a lot easier to fly under the crazies' radar, but one probably get a lot fewer contacts that way as well. Maybe it would be better. Or maybe you would get different kinds of annoyances, like men with absolutely nothing to offer anyone but overweening selfishness who imagine they're god's gift to you because you must be a total loser if you don't post a picture to begin with. On this site, that scenario wouldn't surprise me in the least.
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