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Masters Receiving Oral - question - 9/3/2008 5:47:51 AM   
silkenfire


Posts: 130
Joined: 9/27/2007
Status: offline 		One of the major dilemmas that I see is:
Would you rather your sub asked you if they may go down on you, because it shows their desire in pleasing you

or

Would you rather being able to order your sub around to do it whenever you wished to receive?

Do you think there is a downside to either (and I do say "sub" not "slave" as I realize that a slave may hve different connotations)  

-silk
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Masters Receiving Oral - question - 9/3/2008 5:57:41 AM   
CruelDesires


Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		Both work fine. Begging to give oral pleasures also works.

C-D

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Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
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(in reply to silkenfire)
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RE: Masters Receiving Oral - question - 9/3/2008 6:05:45 AM   
SirZarath


Posts: 31
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline 		Hello silkenfire,


Why do you see a dilemma here? Do you feel you have to choose either one of the possibilities? Why not both?

I have described this in the lessons I teach as 'reactive' vs. 'proactive' serving. If I want my sub or slave to please me in any way, I just tell her to do what I want. But I also appreciate if she takes initiative to please me. I see no real problem here. Maybe you can explain why you see this as a dilemma?

Regards,
Zarath

(in reply to silkenfire)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Masters Receiving Oral - question - 9/3/2008 6:23:24 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I'm the Dom, and it's my choice.  It varies day to day.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to SirZarath)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Masters Receiving Oral - question - 9/3/2008 8:48:46 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Op either way use knee pads.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Masters Receiving Oral - question - 9/3/2008 9:36:20 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Personally, I prefer to tell him what to do when I know I want it. If he wants it, he can ask, though permission to do so is not guaranteed.  Feeling through a new relationship is rough, keep in mind HE might not know yet which he prefers either. If you are particularly inspired, you ask if you may. If he wants it, he wont hesitate to tell you to.
I dont see a reason BOTH cant be part of the relationship, since it is for us.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Masters Receiving Oral - question - 9/3/2008 9:38:39 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Well, as a sub I don't always know when he's in the mood. I prefer waiting until he tells me to. Being refused too often makes me stop asking. Waiting for him to initiate means I don't get turned down and as I don't handle rejection well this works best for us.

So if the dom wanted the sub to ask, but the sub quits asking if refused, you'll get a situation with nothing going on and a lot of unhappiness on both sides. You could however give her a signal of when to beg for it, but it might not be sincere. I don't know if that matters to you as your op doesn't say.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Masters Receiving Oral - question - 9/3/2008 2:06:44 PM   
boundupone


Posts: 53
Joined: 11/24/2006
Status: offline 		i think both have their place.  having an open dialogue with the sub would allow this to happen more naturally too.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Masters Receiving Oral - question - 9/3/2008 4:11:14 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: silkenfire
One of the major dilemmas that I see is:
Would you rather your sub asked you if they may go down on you, because it shows their desire in pleasing you

or

Would you rather being able to order your sub around to do it whenever you wished to receive?

Do you think there is a downside to either (and I do say "sub" not "slave" as I realize that a slave may hve different connotations)  

-silk

That's a major dilemma?  Why can't you have the pleasure of both?

And no, sub or slave doesn't have different connotations because those are concepts which are meaningless outside of those involved.

I'd rather they be sincere and honest.  The only downside I can see is if they really are craving a good oral session and I'm craving something else.  It's horribly wrong for a dom to actually consider the subs desires, eh? :)


_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to silkenfire)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Masters Receiving Oral - question - 9/3/2008 4:16:48 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Hold on, let me check my list of "Reasons to be offended at a sincere and heartfelt offering of service"

*flips through dozens of blank pages*

Nothing.  I'm good with both.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Masters Receiving Oral - question - 9/3/2008 4:46:51 PM   
DomDolf


Posts: 363
Joined: 7/11/2008
Status: offline 		I don't know any dominants that don't have moods. Unless you are requesting to service a dominant so often that you are annoying him, he will tell you at some point that he wants oral sex. If he says that he doesn't want you to ask then don't. If he is not ill in some way, he will ask soon enough. Personally, if I am ill I want the poison sucked out! ;)

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Masters Receiving Oral - question - 9/3/2008 4:55:14 PM   
BKSir


Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline 		Uh...  I'll take "Yes" for $400 Alex.
What is... "Yes!"?  ;)

Seriously, if your Dom is not wanting it, either way, asking or being asked, I'd be a bit concerned about his/her health.  I mean, yeah, there will be times where you'll get a 'no, not right now', answer, I'm sure, if you ask.  But, somehow, I'm figuring that they'll be few and far between.


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We'll begin with a spin, traveling in a world of my creation. What we'll see will defy explanation.

I am the voices in your head.

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(in reply to DomDolf)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Masters Receiving Oral - question - 9/3/2008 5:37:30 PM   
SirJohnMandevill


Posts: 546
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: silkenfire

One of the major dilemmas that I see is:
Would you rather your sub asked you if they may go down on you, because it shows their desire in pleasing you

or

Would you rather being able to order your sub around to do it whenever you wished to receive?

Do you think there is a downside to either (and I do say "sub" not "slave" as I realize that a slave may hve different connotations)  

-silk



I honestly can't recall if my submissive lady has ever begged to go down on me...but I do believe I'll have her do that next time we're together!
 
Usually, either I tell her to do so as part of a scene, or she just does it as part of our lovemaking. Either way, my sweet submissive lover is superb at pleasuring me....
 
Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Kink)

_____________________________

Iam an eroticist
I am a fully eroticized being
No more neuroses
I found my strip naked soul soup
With the deviant ingredient
---The B-52s

(in reply to silkenfire)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Masters Receiving Oral - question - 9/3/2008 6:35:45 PM   
silkenfire


Posts: 130
Joined: 9/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Well, as a sub I don't always know when he's in the mood. I prefer waiting until he tells me to. Being refused too often makes me stop asking. Waiting for him to initiate means I don't get turned down and as I don't handle rejection well this works best for us.

So if the dom wanted the sub to ask, but the sub quits asking if refused, you'll get a situation with nothing going on and a lot of unhappiness on both sides. You could however give her a signal of when to beg for it, but it might not be sincere. I don't know if that matters to you as your op doesn't say.


This is sort of where I was trying to go with the post. I'm coming out of relationships where my skills were not appreciated, orally. And yet oral fills a very specific niche to me, and is something that I have worked very hard to perfect (always is however an ongoing learning experience).

To be honest, I'm so scared of rejection that for the most part I have dated only those that pursued or showed interest in me. Too scared of rejection to even show interest. So, too scared of rejection to ask for things in the relationship most of the time and that's also a large part of my psyche and something that no one else can really advise on... so that might be part of what started this.

However, I'm just trying to figure out what really is sensible. What most people think so I can approach it better in my relationship. Sorry for it being an odd question and not being specific enough...  



(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Masters Receiving Oral - question - 9/3/2008 6:43:34 PM   
Huntertn


Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		 
she can ask I can say no..I can tell her and it better happen pronto!! But then again I have tol dher no..then had her stand by me while I use the vib on her..LOL..I wonder if she feels rejected then????hhmm

(in reply to silkenfire)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Masters Receiving Oral - question - 9/3/2008 8:31:37 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		I have never found verbal discourse necessary on either part when it comes to oral, I can usually take the hint when I am grabbed by the hair and my face is placed in the area that wants my attention..~wink~/Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to silkenfire)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Masters Receiving Oral - question - 9/3/2008 8:34:29 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		The way around the dilemna, silkenfire is to tell him this about your fear of rejection upfront. Not face to face, because that's too hard for you right now. But through email. You send an email off one night, and you don't get a response till the next day. The time lag allows you to calm down.

If he says that he doesn't like oral because someone bit him the first time, and this is very important to you, then you may not be compatible. But basically, you need him to know that you're scared of anticipatory service, because of past responses of being called a stupid bitch when you brought him a glass of water on a hot day instead of iced tea, or whatever was the response you got. And therefore you need him to tell you what to do and when to begin with.

If it becomes a good and lasting relationship, you will slowly become less afraid and more willing to offer. If he's a good guy, he will be gentle in saying "not now pet, after I see if A-Rod gets a homer" or some such response. And he'll try to take you up on it as often as possible to encourage you to offer more.

The most worrisome part of your post is that you seem to present this as your best, if not only, skill. And that's sad because you're worth a great deal more.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to Huntertn)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Masters Receiving Oral - question - 9/3/2008 9:22:46 PM   
aravain


Posts: 1211
Joined: 8/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
The most worrisome part of your post is that you seem to present this as your best, if not only, skill. And that's sad because you're worth a great deal more.


Quoted for the absolute truth ;) You are simply amazing, and don't forget that :D I won't say any more as I'm more interested in reading responses.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Masters Receiving Oral - question - 9/3/2008 10:36:25 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: silkenfire

One of the major dilemmas that I see is:
Would you rather your sub asked you if they may go down on you, because it shows their desire in pleasing you

or

Would you rather being able to order your sub around to do it whenever you wished to receive?

Do you think there is a downside to either (and I do say "sub" not "slave" as I realize that a slave may hve different connotations)  

Looks like I'm a little different to most here....
 
The way I rationalise things, keeping my dick "happy" is one of my girl's main responsibilities so I first teach her the five instances or circumstances when she's NOT permitted to touch with her hands.  Once she knows them, she alone may go where I won't allow *anyone* else....
 
But oral is practically the opposite - only I decide when my dick will be in or near her mouth and she may NOT ask permission herself.
 
There's practically infinite ways my girl can demonstrate her desire to please me but that ole cliche'd attitude that you only hafta suck a man's dick doesn't wash with me - I'll be the one controlling when that happens!
 
Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to silkenfire)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Masters Receiving Oral - question - 9/3/2008 10:47:11 PM   
VampiresLair


Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline 		Since I know this relationship better than average, I think the problem is not the act itself, but figuring out whether waiting for a command or asking for an activity is what is being questioned. Keep in mind, both parties here are BRAND new to one another. They are still in the process of feeling one another out, and there are still a lot of things they need to learn.
There is far more to them than the sex, but this is one aspect she felt able to ask about here. I know the knee jerk responses are "No one knows but him, ask him" but thats where a big part of the troube is. He might not know yet either.

My original answer stands... try both. The offering will come easier after he has commanded and enjoyed the act a time or two. The act can be a foot masage, cooking dinner, cleaning up or oral sex. Offering or asking doesnt have to be limited, nor should his demanding things.
AS time goes on, you'll both get more comfortable on both sides of the commands, though, adn this will liely work itself out.

/exit momma bear mode

DV

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 20
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