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i need advice about a Master - 11/26/2005 10:43:09 PM   
arithea


Posts: 28
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline 		i am under a protection of a Master and i think i am really liking this Master but he lives in another state as do i live in another state and i don't know if i could really move from my home state to be with him, but i so badly starting to really like this Master and i don't know how to tell him that i am really starting to like this Master.

should i not let my feelings fall for this Master?
should i really tell this Master that i am starting to like him and really wishing i was his kajira in RL? we haven't been able to meet face to face to find out if we even click but we have so much i feel in common.

he is an older Master though and i have always had this issue with age because i wanted to find a Master who is more closer to my age, but this Master is starting to really sink into my heart and really grab hold of it and i am afraid. i have known this Master for a long time for i think a year or more. but it was just recently he took me under his protection.

this Master knows me from the inside out and he knows my fears and he has been trying to help me over come my fears and i don't know what to do because i really need advice because i don't want to be hurt and i don't want to stir what me and this Master have so far.

_____________________________

arithea
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: i need advice about a Master - 11/26/2005 11:36:23 PM   
Slaveless1


Posts: 105
Joined: 11/22/2005
Status: offline 		arithea,

My two cents worth....

I would say that first and foremost you must decide on either staying in your state or relocating to his. It sounds as though you are really not willing to do so. All in all it is your decision to make.

Now, if your decision is to stay, have this master guide and keep a watch over you untill you can find one closer. You stated that you are under his protection, be honest with him. Let him know this feeling of sitance and age. If he is any real master he will understand and help you till you do find the "one".

Honesty is the key here for both parties involved, comunication is second. Do both and everything will take care of itself.

(in reply to arithea)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: i need advice about a Master - 11/26/2005 11:37:10 PM   
Webmaster60


Posts: 396
Joined: 9/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

i am under a protection of a Master and i think i am really liking this Master but he lives in another state as do i live in another state and i don't know if i could really move from my home state to be with him, but i so badly starting to really like this Master and i don't know how to tell him that i am really starting to like this Master.


girl

Life is short. Period. I'm not much of "on line" relationships, but if you think you've found THAT Master. The one that fires your belly.. Damn his age, and damn the distance.. You need to crawl to him and beg it. IF.. I say "if" he's the ONE.. do to him.. Meet him.. when you're at his feet, looking up at him.. you'll know. and hey, it may not "be". and if not, you've lost nothing in the trying. But if it IS..
well.... there you go.



_____________________________

Master Michael
~~~~~~~~~~
"To sin in silence when he should
speak makes cowards of men"

(in reply to arithea)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: i need advice about a Master - 11/27/2005 2:18:46 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		Hi and welcome to the Forums....

You're only 18 and have much to learn about life, sexuality and relationships. BDSM has a powerful primal attraction for most of us here and it's not easy for newbies to control their urges once that door of opportunity is opened - as you're discovering....

I'm gonna go off at a tangent here and say that "being under the protection" of a dom, especially an older and more experienced dom you've never met, is not necessarily healthy for one so young and looking to learn/explore.

If I were looking out for you, I'd be encouraging you to have more Dom input than just my own. That's limited when your profile dictates any Dom writing to you must first go through your "protector". I usually 'X' out right there as I'd like to think a compatible sub is at least mature enough to deal with her mail. If you're getting bombarded with geek mail, and being fem/sub means you are, your Master can easily handle that for you but a protector should be teaching and encouraging you in how to deal with it yourself. It's comforting to know you have a dom looking out for you while you gain experience, especially with the inevitable freaks and geeks who are gonna contact you, but it's *healthy* to have diverse input, too!

What I'm leading to is that by virtue of his having almost exclusive access to you, there's only one direction any attachment you feel as a sub for a Dom can be channelled. And never mind your youth, I've been with 40yo newbie subs who have gotten very attached, very quickly - such is the power of primal D/s needs. It's that power that's now got you considering life decisions such as moving interstate. Too fast, wayyyy too soon!

I'm not saying his intentions aren't pure but, for your own benefit, you need to find out more about life in general and BDSM in particular before you get emotionally locked into something you're really not equipped to deal with yet. If he's really helping you rather than himself, you might wanna reconsider the barrier at your email for starters....

Focus.

(in reply to arithea)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: i need advice about a Master - 11/27/2005 2:44:25 AM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		im wondering how much older this Master is than you. i have been in long term relationships with men 20+ my senior and there were so many aspects i loved, the feeling of protection, the wisdom of the years, etc etc etc..well plus i do love silver in a mans hair *grin*...anyways...im getting off the point i was trying to make..

There are really some things to consider when getting involved with an older man, there is definately a generation gap that is going to effect your life, this could play out in the simplest of ways like your idea of going out and his may be two entirely different things, your style of music and his may be two entirely different things, he has been around much longer than you and done so many things you havent and may be ready to just settle down..which prevents you from exploring and doing things he has already done and gotten over. i know they sound like simple things, but its the simple things that will effect your day to day life and how you live it.

My Master now is only 6 years older than me, and even though i loved and adored my previous partners, having that lesser age gap now is like a breath of fresh air to me in many ways.

As far as your question goes "should you not let your feelings fall for this Master?"

Let your head rule over your heart in the beginning, be logical, sensible and know that any partner you introduce into your life is going to effect it so many ways. Do the maths before your emotions start to get entangled.

If you decide that this isnt the right one for you, if He is any kinda Master, He will understand completely.

I also agree with Focus, i think the email filtering is a bit much at this point.

Anyways thats my 2c worth *grin*

(in reply to arithea)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: i need advice about a Master - 11/27/2005 5:29:14 AM   
FTopinMichigan


Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: arithea

i am under a protection of a Master and i think i am really liking this Master but he lives in another state as do i live in another state


I guess that I'm at a loss to understand how someone is under the "protection" of someone that is in another state. I realize that he may be able to share some his ideas, and perhaps even some wisdom via the Internet, but how can he actually "protect" you?

And without copying Focus50's entire post, I am in complete agreement with everything he offered in response here.

K


(in reply to arithea)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: i need advice about a Master - 11/27/2005 6:27:05 AM   
jamesthehumanrug


Posts: 668
Joined: 10/21/2005
Status: offline 		dear arithea,
greetings
i hate,to tell you SCIENCE....,but, one of the strongest variables, to plug ,in, to a formula ,to get the result, of "closeness" is:= actual physical distance.
rule is: the closer you live, by actual physical ;measurable distance;the more likely you are ,to fall, for, that person,so if the," other woman " moves, in next door ,or is more convenient ,or even lives closer ,than you do....you're, not ,as close -no matter how you look ,at it...,
IF
there is anyone ;actually, in closer distance, than you :MOVE!, if absolutely predictable "results" matter ,to you ,in the long run...
,and,there are no findings ,or results,if science can't repeat it ,again ,and ,again,as true:,
and,everyone ,in science knows it's impossible ,and, a waste ,of time ,to take a prooven hypothosis like this one ,and, try ,to disproove it ,or even proove ,otherwise....
ultimately:
you don't have, to differ,with ,or even argue ,with me ;because , you are actually arguing ,with the past 75 years ,of science! be my guest ,and, everyone who knows science ,or even a little about the presence ,of solid variables(the long-distance factor) will be able ,to smirk ,at the whole situation,just being able ,to see what will ,or is likely ,to happen; sooner ,or later.
even an experienced person can laff ,at you ,not being able ,to see what is already happening ,or will likely happen,if ,not already.
no need ,to run,to get closer,either....you have actual pysical -distance ,on your side :right ,now,
esp., if you need more time ,to think,about it....
you move close, and, you're stuck ,into the equation(being close) ,with ,that person.
get it ?
almost no-choice,because:
it, becomes a predictable, outcome.

oh ,by the way....nice picture there ,areatha.

< Message edited by jamesthehumanrug -- 11/27/2005 6:30:22 AM >

_____________________________

I REMAIN RESPECTFULLY SUBMITTED
,LOVEles,
jamesthehumanrug

(in reply to arithea)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: i need advice about a Master - 11/27/2005 6:56:43 AM   
OscarHargraves


Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline 		Okay. It sounds like you really want to try this so why don't you TRY it. Make an arrangement with him and move in with him for a set specified amount of time; say 60 days. (DON'T vacate your present home. This is temporary.) If that works then try a longer period up to one year. By that time you should be able to make a good judgement decision based on facts and real-time knowledge. If it doesn't work out you have just taken a long vacation. If it does then you've had the time to be sure. Simple.

< Message edited by OscarHargraves -- 11/27/2005 6:58:04 AM >

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to arithea)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: i need advice about a Master - 11/27/2005 7:48:49 AM   
Delvin


Posts: 151
Joined: 8/23/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline 		nods to Oscar, was thinking the same, perhaps less say a weekend. Go home, keep talking and in about a week to two, try for a week and go from there.

also as Master Michael mentioned, what is it you will loose if you don't go to him and beg to be his? be smart, but stay focused on what you are, what you need.

Best of luck girl

D

(in reply to OscarHargraves)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: i need advice about a Master - 11/27/2005 10:20:52 AM   
Wolf1020


Posts: 447
Joined: 11/7/2005
From: Anderson, SC
Status: offline 		Big +1 to focus50.

While it is good to have someone looking out for you to chase off the weirdos who wont give up, you should be handeling your own mail and know how to tell the idiots no thanks. Also you know what and who you like. If all mail to you must go through him how do you know people you would potentialy like arn't being pushed aside or not forewarded to you, least I am asuming the situation is he forewards mail to you given it goes through him.

I'd open myself up a bit, start handeling my own mail, and give it time. See what happen's after you have opened yourself up a bit to more people. Also I'd suggest making more of a profile then simply saying you are under the protection of someone.

(in reply to Delvin)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: i need advice about a Master - 11/27/2005 10:23:36 AM   
ginawithaB


Posts: 141
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		arithea,

Just gonna add my piece briefly. I agree mostly with what Focus50 has to say. Take it from this 40 y/o newbie (ok, 41). When he talks abt the "powerful primal attraction" of D/s/BDSM, he is absolutely right-on. But if you think you really want to and are really ready to "try it out." Well then, as Ocar and Delvin have said, give it a go...but don't give up your curent residence and don't lose yourself in this dom either. Try it for a weekend maybe. Heck, if he's close enough, why not just start by inviting him to spend a day with you...at least get to know if you can even stand being in his presence for a day. And I do really suggest asking him to come to you, b/c you need some sense of control in this. If things do not go well, not a big loss or financial strain on you (I'm assuming b/c he's much older than you he can probably afford to move around more than you). And btw, "under his protection" in cyberspace doesn't really mean a whole lot. It's a psychological move to increase your desire for him and dependence on him. Before you give that away to any dom, you need to discover whether he is worthy of that kind of power over you. Seems to me like the two of you have not done the necessary work yet to find out if that's a good arrangement for you. And btw, is he interested in a real life, 24/7 situation? Have you two even discussed this? It's very possible he may only be interested in cyber control.

Anyway, I said this was gonna be brief, so that's it for now. Take care of you.

gina

(in reply to arithea)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: i need advice about a Master - 11/27/2005 11:04:47 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Sorry to be the one who pees on the parade, but.....

This has all the potential of becoming the next "Why would a so-called-Master just disappear...." thread!

Before you give ANY of your life/heart/trust to him, you better make sure of HIS feelings and intentions for YOU! Because, hello, this IS the internet and he lives safely (for him) in another state. There are SO MANY guys on here who talk a good talk and really get off on playing the rescuer, the healer, the white knight, The Master, online. And as soon as he's "pushed" (in his mind) into something more real, there's a real good chance that he's going to freak and just disappear like so many others do.

I would play it very cool.....you say you have been talking with him online for over a year. If he hasn't made any attempts to meet you in real life by now....if there are a lot of excuses why he's "not able" to come to meet you, for a whole YEAR, then my red flags would be waving big time. He may be quite content with just having an online relationship with you.

You say he's an "older Master". There's a big chance that he's already married with a family and this is just what he does for fun and he'll break your heart before he'll break up his family, trust me on that.

Do you know his real full name, address, home phone number? Have you talked on the phone, freely, at whatever time is convenient for you, or are you limited to certain times, or his work number only. Big red flag that he's got a "real" life at home.

Sorry to be blunt and realistic but it's the internet and people get their hearts broken ALL the time. There's a really good chance that you are not the only sub he "helps overcome their fears". And it's really easy to fall in love with someone who makes you feel so protected. But please keep your guard up until you are certain of HIS feelings, not just your own.

One more time....keep your guard up until you are certain of HIS feelings! And his identity and lifestyle.

I do wish you the best, though.

chymes


(in reply to ginawithaB)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: i need advice about a Master - 11/27/2005 11:09:50 AM   
Mylee


Posts: 217
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		i wont offer advise since i normally offer the wrong advice * smiles awkwardly* but i will tell you that the one i am with always wants me to be open and honest with how i am feeling at any given time, He always wants to know whats going on with me, it let's Him get into my head better without a lot of guessing going on for Him, i find that when i hold nothing back and am always upfront with Him, He knows better how to give me what i'm needing, in and outside of the bedplay..There are times when what i'm feeling confusses me or scares me and i wish He was a mind reader so i wouldnt have to tell Him outloud what's going on, but Masters are only human and need help from us to know how we're doing or what we're feeling......


best wishes,
~my'lee

(in reply to ginawithaB)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: i need advice about a Master - 11/27/2005 12:52:36 PM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

i am under a protection of a Master and i think i am really liking this Master but he lives in another state as do i live in another state and i don't know if i could really move from my home state to be with him, but i so badly starting to really like this Master and i don't know how to tell him that i am really starting to like this Master.

should i not let my feelings fall for this Master?
should i really tell this Master that i am starting to like him and really wishing i was his kajira in RL? we haven't been able to meet face to face to find out if we even click but we have so much i feel in common.

he is an older Master though and i have always had this issue with age because i wanted to find a Master who is more closer to my age, but this Master is starting to really sink into my heart and really grab hold of it and i am afraid. i have known this Master for a long time for i think a year or more. but it was just recently he took me under his protection.

this Master knows me from the inside out and he knows my fears and he has been trying to help me over come my fears and i don't know what to do because i really need advice because i don't want to be hurt and i don't want to stir what me and this Master have so far.

arithea


Having a Man friend who is a Dom or Master suddenly make Himself available to you is very heady stuff. It has happen to me twice...both times leading to sorrow. So here are my thoughts:

1. What happened to change Him from a friend to a suitor? If it's a "separation" from His wife or even a newly-minted divorce decree, i am sorry to tell you you have a snowball's chance in hell of making it work.

2. What are your current circumstances? Financially secure? Own a home? Good paying job? Do you have kids to consider? No Man is worth risking all this for.....examine the possibility of His moving to you.

3. If you do go, set yourself up with a job and a place to live that you can afford before you go. You can use the newspaper classifieds on Yahoo's homepage as well as civil service positions available on various sites to find work. DO NOT go until you are moving laterally into a stable position.

4. When you have moved, take your time; this is your first opportunity to really know Him...because until now there was very little of His behavior to observe. Watch what He does, not what He says.

5. When you move, you need protection, as does He. Exchanging background checks through an attorney (to redact the social security numbers) as well as other legal work. See the thread "Planning for BDSM couples and families" that is here. Also see my new ad under "professional services". The need for legal protections are greatly heightened if you have children.

6. While Older Doms are to be prized for Their wisdom and experience, some are burdened with aging parents or teenaged kids -- or both. Think hard before you commit to a Man in this position Who is expecting you to "chip in" on these types of obligations.

7. Older Doms are just that -- older. Meaning, for many, a deterioration in health has taken place. Ask questions and get straight answers before commiting. Recognise that He will likely eventually decline and turn you into a nurse, then die off. Be certain in your heart that He is not just Mr. Right Now but also Mr Right.

8. The compatibility of May/December matches cannot be denied; but as you age together, His libido will decline (usually) as yours is reaching highs you cannot imagine. Once again, examine your heart...what do you see happening in ten years? Twenty?

i wish you the very best.

candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 11/27/2005 12:58:40 PM >

(in reply to arithea)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: i need advice about a Master - 11/27/2005 4:03:03 PM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Focus,
Very good advice. I hope she reads it more than a few times, not just once.

[q]move in with him for a set specified amount of time; say 60 days. [/q]
she is 18 and they haven't even met - shaking head

[q]also as Master Michael mentioned, what is it you will loose if you don't go to him and beg to be his? be smart, but stay focused on what you are, what you need. [/q]

Beg to be his?! Christ -Ok the way i read that post was of a very young confused girl, who is not focused in any way or know what is she needs or wants. getting caught up in the powerful attraction exciting fantasy of D/s/BDSM and of this man. She thinks she likes him but he is older, but always had issues with age wanting a master closer to her own, starting to like him and really wishing she was his kajira. ( i don't think really has a clue that what entails)
I don't know but the whole thing sounded to me like ( i really don't know what i am doing or want but our talks are way cool and i think i want to be his cus i think i'm liking him}

as i said above, i so hope this girl reads what Focus wrote and thinks about it seriously and clearly



_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please



(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: i need advice about a Master - 11/27/2005 6:04:08 PM   
arithea


Posts: 28
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline 		Slaveless1

i am just afraid if i relocate of things being okay for a few years and then being heart broken or something. i am the kind of girl who is really shy sometimes.

thank you Slaveless, i think i will talk to him and tell him my feelings and thoughts.

thank you so much...


arithea

_____________________________

arithea

(in reply to Slaveless1)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: i need advice about a Master - 11/27/2005 6:06:50 PM   
arithea


Posts: 28
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline 		Webmaster60

thank you for your kind words. the Master is planning on coming down to where i live in march because his family lives in the same state as me and he wishes we meet and talk to get to know each other better and i can't wait.

thank you kindly for your advice


arithea

_____________________________

arithea

(in reply to Webmaster60)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: i need advice about a Master - 11/28/2005 2:48:28 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Webmaster60

girl

Life is short. Period. I'm not much of "on line" relationships, but if you think you've found THAT Master. The one that fires your belly.. Damn his age, and damn the distance.. You need to crawl to him and beg it. IF.. I say "if" he's the ONE.. do to him.. Meet him.. when you're at his feet, looking up at him.. you'll know. and hey, it may not "be". and if not, you've lost nothing in the trying. But if it IS..
well.... there you go.

Missed this reply before but I'm kinda curious here....

Considering arithea is easily young enough to be your own daughter, would you seriously give *your* teenage daughter the same advice? To move interstate and beg some stranger to give her a go?

Focus.

(in reply to Webmaster60)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: i need advice about a Master - 11/28/2005 3:15:18 AM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I notice she skipped over the rational common sence advice and thanked the -Go for it replys.
crap like this really bothers me for one so young-confused



_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please



(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: i need advice about a Master - 11/28/2005 7:06:32 AM   
MasterRobert1


Posts: 225
Joined: 7/18/2005
Status: offline 		You might be surprised: the truth works wonders.

(in reply to arithea)
Profile   Post #: 20
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