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RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas - 9/7/2008 9:47:36 AM   
TwilightShadows


Posts: 68
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: twilight
Status: offline 		I've had to come clean about liking to be "spanked" to my close friends.  I spend every weekend at the beach in a bikini many months about of the year, and one can only cover so many marks in that attire. 

I've never said "spankings" include quirts, riding crops, floggers, cat-o-nines, knives, straps....you know.  :)

(in reply to bipolarber)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas - 9/7/2008 10:13:27 AM   
MasterKalif


Posts: 648
Joined: 5/24/2004
Status: offline 		Interesting topic...I do not feel an "urge" to tell my vanilla friends what I do with my sex life as they themselves do not go in great detail, usually...however one of my friends recently has come out saying he is into bdsm and is submissive...we knew he was submissive but for a while some of us thought he was more of a cross dresser...in any case I think it would be safe to discuss this lifestyle with him, etc...which would be quite interesting. As for my slut, not sure she discusses these things with her friends but I am sure they know something ;)

(in reply to TwilightShadows)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas - 9/7/2008 3:29:57 PM   
LifeLikeKink


Posts: 1
Joined: 11/17/2006
Status: offline 		I told one guy I was having a sexual but non-BDSM fling with about my kinks and about the man I top frequently and he wasn't freaking out by any means but didn't really understand why people do it.

(in reply to bipolarber)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas - 9/7/2008 4:29:17 PM   
Barbie23


Posts: 6
Joined: 7/31/2008
Status: offline 		A friend who 'came out' to me.. told me about the wonderful world of BDSM is what made me into it myself! If they are interested and understanding, they probably will take a liking to the lifestyle :P Now that IM into it, i have told a few of my very nilla friends, and they are all WOWed by it :) Dont be afraid. if they ask, its coz they want to know more..

(in reply to bipolarber)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas - 9/7/2008 5:20:40 PM   
Riggor


Posts: 43
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline 		When brought up in casual conversation, I have no problem talking about my relationship with BDSM. Everyone that knows me, knows that I have a dominant personality. And I love to see the little gears clicking in thier minds when I start explaining about bondage, flogging, whipping, spanking and having ultimate control over the situation. Some folks it intrigues, some wish I had never opened my mouth...LOL!

_____________________________

"The darkness that surrounds us cannot hurt us. It is the darkness in your own heart you should fear."

(in reply to Barbie23)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas - 9/7/2008 7:41:15 PM   
djaleksandr


Posts: 203
Joined: 3/10/2008
Status: offline 		Eh, everyone I know knows I've got kinks. No one I know has ever had a problem with it. Most of my friends are mildly kinky, I can only name one or two really "vanilla" friends of mine, but few of them are anywhere near as kinky as I am. They might look at me a bit funny sometimes, or not want to play with me, but no one I know has ever had a problem with it.

_____________________________

'is simplicity best, or simply the easiest?
the narrowest path is always the holiest.
so walk on barefoot for me,
suffer some misery,
if you want my love.'
[ depechemode judas ]

(in reply to Riggor)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas - 9/7/2008 7:43:49 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Most of the vanilla friends I have talked to about my kinks have been fascinated.  I get a lot of "He actually likes that?" or "How does it feel when you do that?" type stuff. very few have said much else.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to djaleksandr)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas - 9/7/2008 8:02:49 PM   
MistressHolly71


Posts: 354
Joined: 7/4/2007
From: Southern Maryland
Status: offline 		I have several friends that I'm out to. Some of them want more info then others. 3 of them are interested in learning first hand. One of them has even joined CM & Fetlife.

_____________________________

Sex is fun & pleasure is good for you. -- The Ethical Slut

Self-confessed Yarnaphile

Member: Lance's Fag Hags

My Ravelry

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas - 9/7/2008 8:15:59 PM   
Termyn8or


Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline 		Told #1 about the CB, even let him see it.

A couple weeks later #2 grabs waistband of my pants, and when I asked why, he said "Wanted to know if you are wearing the CB.

A couple of more weeks go by and #3 tells me of some kinks even more radical than mine, which turned out OK.

So #1 is now known as looselips. You let the info out to who you want, if they can't keep their mouth shut don't even tell them. Luckily for me there was no embarrassment because first of all it is hard to do to me, and second of all I know these people for a long time.

But that doesn't change the fact that I have been outed.

So it is not so much what you tell person #1, it is if they can keep their mouth shut. Incidentally #2 checked for the presence of the CB with #4 there, who knew absolutely nothing.

I am am damn lucky that these people have enough respect for me to not make it all into a nightmare. Not that they really could, but it never even started.

I will never forgive #1. I'll hang out, talk all that, but my respect for him went down to nil. And in this situation, I consider myself lucky.

Here's an idea, go up to your Great Aunt and ask her if your Great Uncle was good in bed, is he knew how to eat pussy. They would, and should throw you the fuck out. We deserve the same privacy and those of us who "just have to tell someone", beware of doing that. Best thing is to get it out of your mind.

T

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas - 9/8/2008 10:03:53 PM   
Brownbohemian


Posts: 55
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline 		It worked out both ways with me. Some people were cool w/ it or could care less; others disowned me. In the end you gotta be you. Real friends love you regardless. Remember you can't choose your family but you can choose your friends.

< Message edited by Brownbohemian -- 9/8/2008 10:04:50 PM >

(in reply to subswalow)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas - 9/9/2008 9:45:07 AM   
ElectraGlide


Posts: 1246
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		Spider you told someone you knew you could trust, thats the only ones you should tell. Most vanilla guys act goofy and start laughing and making jokes about BDSM like a school kid. Most ladies get a sick look, and think you are a pig, lol. I know when I was single, I always asked any vanilla lady, I was going to date about her interest in the lifestyle, just so I would not get stuck in another vanilla long term. If they are open minded, just hope they are mature about it.

_____________________________

www.starhillcreations.com

(in reply to Brownbohemian)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas - 9/9/2008 10:58:06 AM   
Marion001


Posts: 54
Joined: 7/24/2008
Status: offline 		I have only come out to a handful of my vanilla friends and the reactions have been interesting. often i get oh...that explained the leather pants and the gas mask. other times i get random stories of sexual stories or fantasies that my friends have harbored. often they like the idea of Adding BDSM to a relationship not adding a relationship to BDSM which is what i am slowly attempting to do.

my favorite reaction was from a dear friend who upon hearing about my interest in kink, and finding out that i had been involved in stap on play with a particularly nice man became very proud of me and views me as one of her most interesting friends. many girls i have been friends with seem to be jealous of that particular experience...and enjoy hearing about it

(in reply to bipolarber)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas - 9/9/2008 11:01:00 AM   
Marion001


Posts: 54
Joined: 7/24/2008
Status: offline 		i pick and choose among my friends on who needs to know and who doesnt. my room mate is particularly conservative and would not understand my involvement in BDSM. she is a kind loving person and i find no reason to tell her about my personal life, i doesnt pertain to are currently relationship as roomies. i often get many friends who had guessed but werent sure while others i know would have no idea what i was talking about. discretion is best sometimes in keeping sheltered friends from becoming.....worried. 

(in reply to Marion001)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas - 9/9/2008 10:35:39 PM   
pompeii


Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline 		The sexier they are ... the more I wish they were'nt so vanilla ... and ... the worst thing about it ... I can't change 'em 'neither! Nope. Poor things. They are what they are, and they talk like they do, but, they can't be what I am and they won't do what I do!

(in reply to bipolarber)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas - 9/10/2008 6:05:33 AM   
Skier


Posts: 52
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear Dreams of Spiders,

You're fortunate that you live in the area you do.  Most  locations are far more narrowminded than the Pioneer Valley. 

Skier

(in reply to bipolarber)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas - 9/10/2008 8:28:07 AM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		Ahahaha, my boss just found out, and goes "SWEET! Do you have a gas mask?"

He is Captain Tact


_____________________________

HBIC



(in reply to Skier)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas - 1/4/2009 5:35:20 PM   
Tandor


Posts: 11
Joined: 12/1/2008
Status: offline 		It depends with my nilla friends some know some others know zip.... It's a matter of trust & who can be discrete.

Tandor

(in reply to Lynnxz)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas - 1/4/2009 5:48:49 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		My friends know I like to be thrown against walls, fucked hard and stuff like that only because we talk about sex and stuff like that from time to time when we've had a few margaritas. They find it funny but that's about it. It didn't really bother them.

Friends and family all know I like dominant personality men. They know I like a a take charge kinda man like a traditional relationship but they don't know the extent only because they would freak out over that. I've had friends talk about other women they know who are "stupid because she lets him tell her what to do" so I just don't go there on that topic. I don't see any need to either.

I would ask you why you feel a need to come out to your friend about such things. For me it just comes up in casual conversations but I've never felt a need to tell them. My life is my life and mine alone. No one else needs to know.


(in reply to bipolarber)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas - 1/4/2009 6:06:51 PM   
greeneyedreamer


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline 		My gf's just consider me to tbe the "Sex in the City" "Samantha" in the group-the one who likes sex more than the others. So they dont' know WHAT i do Just that I do something! LOL

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to bipolarber)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Talking about kink with open-minded vanillas - 1/4/2009 6:23:53 PM   
Celene


Posts: 158
Joined: 12/28/2007
Status: offline 		My experience of outting myself was mixed - came out to two friends and one was very cool about it and supportive, the other felt the need to bring it up as often as she felt the need and sometimes in front of unconsenting non-adults. I learned that lesson the hard way and don't feel any need to do more than smile and let others speak to these topics.
Let's just say that I'd like a different flavor of friend to discuss this with - someone kink friendly.
... and "the other" as mentioned above is no longer a friend. Her need for attention clearly was more important than her friendship for me. 
You can't unring some bells.


< Message edited by Celene -- 1/4/2009 6:27:06 PM >

_____________________________

That was then, this is now.

(in reply to greeneyedreamer)
Profile   Post #: 40
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