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FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 12:46:20 PM   
ScarlettStangata


Posts: 27
Joined: 6/5/2007
Status: offline 		Hello everyone!

I am writing this as a female Dominant who has both had experience both as a professional Dominatrix and as a lifestyle Domme. Through my journey I have come to realize that what I truly want is to have a partner that can be just that - a partner and a slave. I have had several male submissives serve me. I have even had a few relationships with submissive men. But I have noticed a distinct difference in the interpersonal relationship qualities that Male Dommes share with their female submissive counterparts and Female Dominants with their male submissive counterparts.

First off - I have noticed that there are more marriages and LTR amongst Male Dominants and Female submissives. There is also more love.

As a Female Dominant however my experience has been so very different. The men I have had approach to serve me (I do not approach subs, I let them come to me) have almost all wanted a Domme who will be the untouchable Goddess, one who will be humiliating, non-loving and who will objectify them. They don't want a real relationship with woman. And they don't want to believe she is a actual human being with frailties and imperfections. They put the woman on such a high pedestal because it satisfies their male fantasy and if ever the woman does not live up to their male fantasy they no longer have the urge to serve her and leave. This has been my experience. I see this as being a form of Misogyny. I am not saying that all subs are like this, but a strong majority of the ones that I have encountered have been. I have belonged to a number of lifestyle groups and a majority of the members have all been Male Doms and Femsubs. I just feel so alone in my journey to find a man who can be my slave AND a loving partner to me. A person who can hold me at night when I sleep AND let me whip him when I want to.

Am I the only person this has happened to ? Am I crazy?

MS
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 12:47:54 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Come on over to the Ask a Mistress forum, we deal with those pesky submissives all the time.  Amazingly, many of the ladies there have wonderful relationships! 

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to ScarlettStangata)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 12:55:32 PM   
E2Sweet


Posts: 649
Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
Status: offline 		Wow, all I can really say is that I did read though your profile and journal entries, and I see nothing in there that reflects the wants and desires stated in your OP... The general vibe of your profile actually paints quite the opposite picture in terms of what it seems you're looking for.

_____________________________

E2Sweet™
"If it doesn't make you smile then chances are you're not doing it right."

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 1:02:37 PM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		ScarlettStangata, this is proof positive you never know what life is like for soemeone else till you 'walk a mile in their shoes'.
 
I have always envied fem Dommes for the fervor and depth and (apparently) numbers with which they are pursued. (Not to mention, never doing any housework again.)
 
All I can say, as a fem submissive, is that I have a few male submissives with whom I am good friends -- but they were culled from the hundreds of whiney men with their I-can-turn-a submissive-Domme bullshit.
 
Perhaps it's just not easy for anyone.  Yes, women deal with mysoginy; but surely you have enough radar to detct and eject those laboring under it at the door.
 
Best wishes,
 
candystripper 

(in reply to ScarlettStangata)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 1:27:32 PM   
ScarlettStangata


Posts: 27
Joined: 6/5/2007
Status: offline 		You are absolutely right.

Now, My profile does only read about service. But it has not always been that way. It used to read about finding a partner, and my philosophy about D/s based on love and chivalry. But after being burned and being told that subs just couldn't serve me because I was too nice to them time after time after time...well, you know what - I will now change to just suit the general needs I need done. I have lost hope for finding a partner. I doubt it will happen.

MS

(in reply to E2Sweet)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 2:10:09 PM   
Shawn1066


Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline 		My Owner and I are in a loving, romantic Female-dominated relationship.  She proposed to me back in March, and we're currently planning to be married around this time next year.  I am her slave and there isn't a time in our lives that she isn't the undisputed leader of our relationship.  She holds the power, she makes the decision, and I follow her command.  She is sadistic when me when she pleases, she uses me sexually when she pleases, and I am at her disposal every second of every day that we're together.

We're also deeply in love.  We don't hesitate to do things for one another and we're always there for one another.  We spend a lot of time cuddling, playing all sorts of games together, and going on walks.  I love making the most random days special for her, and she's certainly not above doing it for me.

Our dynamic is a constant.  Our love is also a constant.  They don't have to be independent of one another.

DV's Fox

(in reply to ScarlettStangata)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 2:14:57 PM   
ScarlettStangata


Posts: 27
Joined: 6/5/2007
Status: offline 		I am SOOO jealous of what you guys have. How did you meet? How long have you been together?

It's great to hear succesful, FLR relationships in this scene but your story is so rare. But it is inspiring to hear.

Thank you for sharing.

MS

(in reply to Shawn1066)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 2:21:11 PM   
Shawn1066


Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ScarlettStangata

I am SOOO jealous of what you guys have. How did you meet? How long have you been together?

It's great to hear succesful, FLR relationships in this scene but your story is so rare. But it is inspiring to hear.

Thank you for sharing.

MS



We met on this site my first day on, and she invited me over to help her with pictures at the park the very next day.  Since I was done with my classes and had absolutely nothing planned, I decided to come meet her.  At the absolute worst, I knew we'd be friends.  At the absolute best, I hoped we'd be very good friends.  Neither of us were really looking for a relationship.

Well, to say we hit it off is putting it lightly--she collared me that very Saturday and we've been inseparable every since.  It'll be a year the 13th of October.

DV's Fox

(in reply to ScarlettStangata)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 2:43:22 PM   
OneMoreWaste


Posts: 910
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ScarlettStangata
As a Female Dominant however my experience has been so very different. The men I have had approach to serve me (I do not approach subs, I let them come to me) have almost all wanted a Domme who will be the untouchable Goddess, one who will be humiliating, non-loving and who will objectify them.


Where are you encountering these men? It seems obvious that this is the sort of mentality you'd encounter as a pro. Probably at clubs. Of the handful of other submissive men I've gotten to know through munches, the majority were in relationships where they were partners, friends, and lovers as well as submissive/slave.

Submissive men are no more one-dimensional than you perceive us to consider you to be (ugh, what an awkward sentence)

(in reply to ScarlettStangata)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 2:50:00 PM   
ScarlettStangata


Posts: 27
Joined: 6/5/2007
Status: offline 		Mostly through collarme. the handful that I did meet through munches seemed to be of a higher caliber but I never really got to know any of them more through service. They were all old enough to literally be my grandfathers so were not really in the running to be romantic partners to me.

I read your profile. It is exactly the kind of thing that I think that most submissive men want. To be degraded and humiliated. I am not knocking your desires, but it just makes me feel really lonely. I honestly feel like I am the one who is really perverted. I mean, I want to LOVE a guy!! GASP!!! How SICK!!!!

Yeah, if I treat these guys like shit and stay far far awake emotionally they'll stick. Once I try getting closer emotionally they freak and run away.

nice.

MS

(in reply to OneMoreWaste)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 2:52:13 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		I had a very promising potential relationship, but the person in question bailed out on me five days before he was due to arrive, even after having paid for his flight from 6,000 miles away.  He's now asked for time to think, to which I've agreed.  That happened just over two weeks ago.  In the meantime, I've been in contact with other men and am pleased to say that there are still potentially great connections out there, even considering how very narrow my requirements are.  Give up hope of a loving, D/s relationship?  It'll take a lot more than a few setbacks to get me to change my mind.  If you want something badly enough, you'll stick with it.

(in reply to ScarlettStangata)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 2:56:59 PM   
ScarlettStangata


Posts: 27
Joined: 6/5/2007
Status: offline 		Why do you think he bailed? What was he afraid of?

This is exactly the kind of thing I get really sick of. So often I hear submissive men complaining that there are no Dominant women to serve but when they get the chance they don't have the balls to carry through.

MS

(in reply to Venatrix)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 2:58:37 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I go through phases of wanting a romantic relationship, and being happy with my circle of admiring men who serve me on call.  I have been doing much better lately, I re-entered the hunt last October, and I have met many new men and actually made several new friends.  Some of them will be spectacular mates---for someone else!  It's a sad fact that even if someone has many fine qualities, if the spark/chemistry/whatever isn't there, a long term relationship isn't going to work out. 

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to Venatrix)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 3:01:36 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ScarlettStangata

Why do you think he bailed? What was he afraid of?

This is exactly the kind of thing I get really sick of. So often I hear submissive men complaining that there are no Dominant women to serve but when they get the chance they don't have the balls to carry through.

MS



I will write to you on the other side. 

(in reply to ScarlettStangata)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 3:03:09 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ScarlettStangata

Why do you think he bailed? What was he afraid of?

This is exactly the kind of thing I get really sick of. So often I hear submissive men complaining that there are no Dominant women to serve but when they get the chance they don't have the balls to carry through.

MS



Oh WOW, don't get me started!!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to ScarlettStangata)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 3:04:41 PM   
ScarlettStangata


Posts: 27
Joined: 6/5/2007
Status: offline 		LOL

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 3:13:39 PM   
tornaway


Posts: 174
Joined: 4/14/2007
Status: offline 		       I truly believe our lives follow the direction of our minds .  Our thoughts guide our lives - for better or worse .   So with you having "lost hope" , and "doubting it will ever happen "  , it's highly likely you'll be right .   
 
     Think about it - finding a good , enduring love relationship in difficult at best - no matter what the flavor .  That you of course seek someone with whom to share your assorted kinks ,  greatly narrows your field of those from whom to choose .    And then that field is  narrowed further , to those that happen to have a computer ,  or happen to be at an event on exactly the same day and time that you are .   The chances of just running into a totally compatible kinky male at the grocer's is pretty minute   ( though not entirely impossible ...) .
 
     That said ,  I am searching for the same level of involvement as you are , and I know it will happen if I remain patient , and hang in there long enough .  Yes , we tend to have many more people contacting us , than the average male Dom - and yes also , most of them are seeking a quick thrill and see us as a means to that end , and not much more .   But there are also some fine subs out there that do want to connect deeply with their Domme .  
 
     If you haven't already - make it clear in your profile what you truly desire .   And for goodness sake - get positive  woman !!   
 
                                                                            Best of luck ! 

(in reply to ScarlettStangata)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 3:16:39 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		My male sub and I have been involved in a loving, Female led relationship for almost 5 years now. We love and adore one another simply put. I lead the relationship and he is quite content in his submissive role. I think these types of relationships work from some people and for others they do not.

I didn't meet him by searching, I met him playing an online game that had nothing to do with BDSM. I have found that I've met most of my partners when I wasn't looking for them they just appeared.

He loves, respects and admires me because of the person that I am, not the label the lifestyle would have me wear.

Good luck,
~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to ScarlettStangata)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 3:18:17 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ScarlettStangata

... So often I hear submissive men complaining that there are no Dominant women to serve but when they get the chance they don't have the balls to carry through.



True, but that's not the only experience through here. I've met (real-time) a lot of nice guys through CM, and two wonderful submissive men with whom I've had long-term (2+ years) relationships. *I'm* not the one who is looking for "happily ever after." My current submissive is the one who wants to get married, and is frustrated that I don't. For those looking, finding "The One" is just difficult, period.

_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


(in reply to ScarlettStangata)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 3:20:40 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Instead of waiting for them to approach you, why don't you use the search feature and read the profiles of all the sub males of the appropriate location and age that interest you? And then approach them on a vanilla basis; ie I saw your photo of the full moon, I was going out photographing at the state park next week, care to bring your camera along? That kind of thing.

If you search out guys who talk about the rest of their life, not just that lowly worm stuff, then you've already eliminated the ones you know you aren't compatible with.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to tornaway)
Profile   Post #: 20
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