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RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 4:51:55 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		Why is it the ones who took offense to the original post are almost always the only ones who get a response? I'm starting to think my only response to every thread should be some kind of criticism, just so I get to participate. You know, some of us did try to develop an actual, helpful response. If you're the person I think you are, we've spoken together on the Max boards in the past about numerous issues concerning slavery and other such things. Or it might just be a similar name.

_____________________________

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http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
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(in reply to ScarlettStangata)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 4:54:42 PM   
CdnExplorer


Posts: 227
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline 		What does the prospective sub get out of doing chores for you, other than a service oriented thrill and the occasional beating? I know your profile doesn't describe it as a one way street, but why would I assume from a service oriented description that you're interested in a real connection? Further description of the dynamic you want would help a lot.

I'm not trying to pick at your profile or anything, just giving my perspective on it as one of those guys looking for an actual relationship.

< Message edited by CdnExplorer -- 9/7/2008 4:55:49 PM >

(in reply to ScarlettStangata)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 5:05:52 PM   
ScarlettStangata


Posts: 27
Joined: 6/5/2007
Status: offline 		Thats a really good question and I am glad you asked it.

I modified my profile because before I had a really flowery description of what I wanted in a submissive partner. After really trying to get close emotionally to submissive men and them fleeing in terror and telling me "I was too nice" I just really got sick of it (one even said he thought I was secretly submissive because I didn't want to abuse him emotionally). I have running bets with my friends that I scare subs off not with how sadistic I can be (and let me tell you...I can be pretty friggin sadistic) but by how nice I can be! I seriously have had more subs complain about the fact that I wouldn't let them lick my floors clean and instead made them lick my shoulders and nibble my ears.

So, I figure what a sub can get from coming over to clean is the gratification of his submissive desires and not be bothered with that pesky "nice" thing by me. I'll just ignore him, act a little stern, make sure he does a good job and if he doesn't discipline him. That seems to be what subs want from me I feel. Because every time I have tried reaching out to subs I found attractive and intelligent I got pushed away.

MS

(in reply to CdnExplorer)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 5:05:58 PM   
Tetron


Posts: 48
Joined: 6/16/2006
Status: offline 		Now first off i wanted to put a disclamer on the front of this post because otherwise no one will get anything useful out of it. What this post is about to say may be considered offensive or an attack on various things, simply read it for the facts contained. I will be mentioning things that if considered personal will upset you but are simply the facts as they are known to science, so try and read it with an open mind without reacting instantly to precieved slights.

Now that thats out of the way here is several of the reasons why I think you are having trouble scarlett. The very first one I will say is probably the most impotant and that is that its very hard for anyone anywhere to find someone to love them. The average person who isnt into bdsm has a great deal of difficulty finding someone to be a loving parter so you should also expect the same problem. The added difficulty is that we occupy a very small (but growing) section of the population and therefore our choices are even more limited then those out in the vanilla world making it even harder by a factor to find those who will be able to be what we want and love us (this is because there is a factor beyond love us that we require, adding another multiplier on the percentages of finding them).

My second point is that men are not naturally submissive. Once again remember the disclaimer. I am not saying that they cannot be or are not able to be, but no man is born that way, it is not in our genes. Woman are genetically programed to be gatherers and maintainers while men are genetically programed to be leaders, hunters, and dominants. Those men who choose to be submissive are fighting very strong instincts and in general go very far to the extreme as its the only way they can overide those instincts powerfully enough to enjoy the experiance they are after. The majority of female dominants are the same way, given the lack of natural dominance in their genetics they ussually must go to the extreme to overide the instinctual impulses they have to be the more submissive partner. Once again try and read this for what it is, a comment on the genetic evolution of humans, not an attack on the concept of male sub and female dom. These are both possible but they are choices not born in instincts. The reason for the greater number of happy and succeasful male dom female sub, is it is a return to the lifestyle practiced by humans from the dawn of time until the rise of civilization, so its something that goes very well with the instincts of both sexes.

Now the third reason you are having trouble finding what you are looking for is that most men, no matter what else they may be are simply looking for sex. Most male submissives have taped into the "worship me" dominants for the purpose of getting the sex they desire and want nothing more out of the relationship. Men have been programed to go to great lengths to aquire sex, in the past (evolutionary past) this ment being the best hunter, the strongest male, the best leader etc, and woman would be drawn to that and serve the greatest male and he would therefore get sex, and keep those females who showed the most usefulness in other areas (cleaning, cooking etc). In the male sub female dom dynamic men have found a situation where they mostly just have to wait and do what they are told for awhile and then they get sex, and likely lots of it (I am afraid here I am only guessing as having talked to virtually no female dominants I do not know how they treat their submissives as a rule so forgive any mistakes made out of ignorance). This gives men the sex their genetics are asking for but when those same genetics size up the female dominant for her usefulness from that point on they find none of the things their genes are looking for so they do not get attached. The more aloof the female dominant they find the more this fits into a simple sexual transaction for the men. They aquire sex from the female who they do not have to see as a person, and then they are done.

In general you must find someone who loves you for who you are and still has this kink, because genetics are working against you, as a female dom your difficutly is that much more. I have a few suggestions that may or may not work for you. The first is consider finding yourself a codominant male, someone who is willing to be your partner but is a dominant and does not mind that you are, this way you can find someone to love you (much easier as you have a wider selection of males) and can still practice your dominant desires. Secondly you could attempt to find a regular male and move him into the lifestyle even though he does not initially come from it. I have done this on several occasions. Thirdly consider if you trully are a female dominant, one of the problems with society of today is that woman are being drilled from a very early age that any power a man has he will abuse and therefore he should not be given any at all, and woman should watch very carefully for when he does get any, and prevent it when possible. This is obviously not what is said in words but the message is conveyed never the less. This makes it much harder for woman to become submissives and I have met, and helped many dominant females who did not realize who they were. This is not a comment on you specifically it is merely something I have seen and wished to bring to your attention. I would suggest you find a male dominant and explain to him that you desire an experiance as a female submissive for a short period of time and determine if you really are a dominant, if it turns out you are not perhaps that is the root cause of your difficutly. Finally I have noticed on all profiles that a few doms and subs mess things up for everyone else. They are the ones that demand immediate understanding of every aspect of their kink from the moment you first message them and are outraged that you do not do it perfectly. This leads to profiles where men and woman on both sides express the stereotypical and cliche phrases they think will garner them the most attention. As a specific example i saw a female submissives profile once that states "why do you all you dominants send me such long letters, couldnt you just send me something short I do not have the time to read these long messages you post" the problem with this is that over half the female submissive profiles include somethign along the lines of you must write me a very long detailed note or i wont even consider responding to you, and therefore males get in the habit of doing this.

Well hopefully those of you who made it this far were able to take from my post what I intended which was to impart imformation, for those of you unable to objectively read this post I am sorry but there is not much i can do to help you with that limitation.

(in reply to ScarlettStangata)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 5:07:51 PM   
ScarlettStangata


Posts: 27
Joined: 6/5/2007
Status: offline 		Hey Sarbonne,

Yes it is indeed me...the ScarletteStangata from Max Fisch. I am trying to keep up with responding to all the posts so if I didn't respond to you I apologize. :)

MS

(in reply to littlesarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 5:23:03 PM   
CdnExplorer


Posts: 227
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline 		It's kinda sad that things have gotten to this state, and it's exactly why I've given up on meeting the Domme of my dreams online. I'm submissive and want the hard stuff, but not all the time. The need I have for the "soft stuff" literally pushes me away from those dominants who appear to want nothing to do with that. There are plenty of guys who really want to be treated that way and that's totally valid, but it's not me. I did my initial self explorations online and while figuring out what I really wanted I had a ton of fem doms tell me I wasn't submissive simply because I wasn't hardcore enough.

It's terribly ironic, because I'm quite submissive. I'm not really that much of a masochist but more than occasionally take a hell of a beating because it satisfies the needs of the Domme I'm playing with. There seems to be this need in the online world to pigeonhole male submissives into a few categories. Ie: sissies and those whose only desire and purpose is to serve. I got slammed for being honest about what I wanted and the end result is the label I wear gets used to negate my desires. It also leads to women writing their profile to meet the cliche because, after all, that's what the male subs want.

I don't know anything about the details of your past relationships involving getting emotionally close to a male sub, but my first thought is that perhaps you had difficulty transitioning from the emotional closeness to harder play. If you see a pattern like that it might be useless to take a closer look and try to figure out why. I know I've seen many dominants write about how they have a hard time doing the things their subs want because they feel bad about doing it to someone they care about.

(in reply to ScarlettStangata)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 5:25:00 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		Tetron,

I'm afraid I'm going to call BS on a lot of what you've written.

First, I've never been submissive in my life, no, not even as a child, so I didn't have to work to overcome any so-called genetic programming. 

Second, you have no idea the number of submissive men who *don't* want sex or don't want it that frequently.  I love sex.  I'd happily have it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  A lot of subs can't stay in a submissive mindset if they have sex, so they don't want it as much as other men might.

Third, certainly some dominant women want men who identify as dominants or as switches, but a lot of us want subs and subs only, because that's the way we're wired.  Any relationship I had with a dominant man would be a disaster, because I would be constantly trying to get him to submit.  And the idea that a woman who identifies as dominant should really examine herself to see if she's submissive sounds like so much Gorean claptrap. 

I'm sure your comments were well-intentioned, but to me they represent ideas that are based on fallacies.  Perhaps I'm wrong, but I'm going to assume that your direct experience of femdom/malesub relationships is limited.  It isn't that I'm not reading your post objectively, it's that I'm saying it's mostly useless.  

< Message edited by Venatrix -- 9/7/2008 5:35:52 PM >

(in reply to Tetron)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 5:29:15 PM   
OneMoreWaste


Posts: 910
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ScarlettStangata
I simply state I would like a slave to alleviate me from mundane chores and to make new friends. How does that scream Goddess?


Yes, it is service-oriented. No argument there. But it's that special combination of entitlement and negativity that is the mirror of the "I am seeking a Dominate to keep me as her slave toilet 24/7" guys.

quote:

I am only seeking submissives who can actually do something for me I need. I have absolutely NO desire for any kind of sexual service nor do I care whether or not you get off by serving me.


I read this as "Here's what I want. I don't care who gives it to me, or why, and I certainly don't want to know anything about them, because I know you're all a bunch of wankers. And someone will do it, because I'm damn well entitled to it by sole virtue of calling myself Dominant and not having a penis." That's I AM GODDESS attitude.

BTW: If a guy is going to enjoy service purely for the sake of making someone's life easier, is there any reason for him to do chores for a young independent woman when he could volunteer at a homeless shelter, or a nursing home, or a hospital. Then he might at least get, say, gratitude, and know that he's helping someone who can't do these things for him/herself, as opposed to someone who just thinks she's too good to do it. 

(in reply to ScarlettStangata)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 5:30:20 PM   
ScarlettStangata


Posts: 27
Joined: 6/5/2007
Status: offline
quote:

but my first thought is that perhaps you had difficulty transitioning from the emotional closeness to harder play.


I can totally see how one might think that. It was actually me who tried to introduce BDSM into my vanilla marriage, and I loved my husband very much. He wouldn't let me whip or cane him...and I wanted to. And I definitely did whip, cane and do many other hardcore things to subs that I cared about. There has even been one sub that I can say I loved and I saw the marks I laid on him a product of that love. I loved the fact he would go away from me and have a piece of me for that day on his physical body. That every time he moved it would hurt a little and he would be reminded of me. I saw this as romantic. So, I don't think I had a hard time incorporating the harder stuff in with the softer. But thank you very much for your feedback. It was a good idea!

MS

(in reply to CdnExplorer)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 5:31:11 PM   
Domin8tingUrDrmz


Posts: 1269
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Portland Metro, Oregon
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ScarlettStangata


So, I figure what a sub can get from coming over to clean is the gratification of his submissive desires and not be bothered with that pesky "nice" thing by me. I'll just ignore him, act a little stern, make sure he does a good job and if he doesn't discipline him. That seems to be what subs want from me I feel. Because every time I have tried reaching out to subs I found attractive and intelligent I got pushed away.




In my opinion, this IS submissive behavior.  You are giving them what they want instead of standing your ground and making yourself happy.  Now, I find nothing wrong with giving someone something they want - but only IF I too am getting what I want.

In other words, if you want more than just service oriented boys, than stop accepting service -only- oriented boys.  Make certain that before you allow them to place you on any type of pedestal (if you ever permit them to do that at all) they fully understand and accept that you are human and prone to emotions and generosity and loving relationships.  If they do not accept that of you, do not permit them to fold your underwear...that simple.  Really.  It may take longer than you are willing to wait, but if you are insistant, it will happen.

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(in reply to ScarlettStangata)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 5:40:59 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Usako



I have been reading and laughing at this thread for a while and just have to pipe up.

What is with this "woe me emo emo emo emo" smell in the air, geez. Your profile is NOTHING but "serve me, do this for me, do that for me" but yet you come here and complain how no subs contact you that are looking for more than that. Yes, you said how it "used to be normal" but you gave up. So if you gave up and made a profile that attracts wankers why the hell are you posting now complaining about said men? If you REALLY want something you keep looking for it. It may take days, months or even years to find the right person but giving up and giving into the wankers doesn't help.

And as for this glorification of male dom/female sub relationships, it's bullshit. There are plenty of women out there who just want to be used and abused and put their owner on some higher ground. Seen plenty of posts how they "worship his penis" and how it's "the very being of his maniless" and blah blah. And then there are the many other relationships that the owner is just a jerk (imo) and treats the chick just like a slave, no love no nothing. And she likes it and yearns for it, same like male subs do. I may not be "well versed" in the "BDSM community" but I know enough about humanity that generalizations are usually bullshit. Like "all men are dogs" or "all lesbians hate men" etc etc.

To sum it up: Everyone is different. Things take time. If you actually want something, put the effort into it (ie, make a profile that makes it seem like you want commitment and not a mantool to do shit you're too lazy to do. And actually respond to men's profiles instead of waiting for Prince Charming to land on your lap.)

I'm putting in the second vote to this response.  I apologize for the offense, but the 'why can't I find what I'm looking for' whine isn't attractive, from either side of the kneel.

My first question about all of this is, are you meeting the subs that you are meeting as clients or through other scenarios?  If it's the client side, I can't say I find it unusual.  I'm sure many of your clients seek your services so that they don't have to have a relationship.  Not everybody who's participating in pay for play wants anything more than that.  It's the nature of the beast. 

My second questions is, if you became discouraged and changed your profile away from what it is you are really seeking, who is to blame for that but you?  If you are drawing the service, rather than relationship inquiries, you might want to think about a little truth in advertising.  Just because your current profile is attracting exactly what you say you don't want, how can you hold them at fault for that?  Let's face it.  You wrote it. 

The third thing is more a comment, rather than a question.  I believe I read somewhere that you've been divorced now for a couple of years.  That really isn't that long to be searching for a relationship partner, especially one who's interested in BDSM.  I know some folks who have been looking a lot longer than that.  Patience is a valuable quality in these matters.  No, a lack of it doesn't entitle you to complain about it for a while. 

As others have suggested, lose the negativity.  I don't see it as furthering your cause.  Not unless someone spots the ad (this thread) and choses to contact you.  Just don't be surprised if they spot your weakness in the matter.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Usako)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 5:47:59 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ScarlettStangata


Am I the only person this has happened to ? Am I crazy?

MS



Yep, its just you. My Fox and I are getting married next year. I have never had the problem of actually ebing with those who wanted to put me on an untouchable pedestal. The ones I have actually partnered with were always very down to earth, lovable and wonderful.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to ScarlettStangata)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 5:48:47 PM   
Tetron


Posts: 48
Joined: 6/16/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

Tetron,

I'm afraid I'm going to call BS on a lot of what you've written.

First, I've never been submissive in my life, no, not even as a child, so I didn't have to work to overcome any so-called genetic programming. 

Second, you have no idea the number of submissive men who *don't* want sex or don't want it that frequently.  I love sex.  I'd happily have it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  A lot of subs can't stay in a submissive mindset if they have sex, so they don't want it as much as other men might.

Third, certainly some dominant women want men who identify as dominants or as switches, but a lot of us want subs and subs only, because that's the way we're wired.  Any relationship I had with a dominant man would be a disaster, because I would be constantly trying to get him to submit.  And the idea that a woman who identifies as dominant should really examine herself to see if she's submissive sounds like so much Gorean claptrap. 

I'm sure your comments were well-intentioned, but to me they represent ideas that are based on fallacies.  Perhaps I'm wrong, but I'm going to assume that your direct experience of femdom/malesub relationships is limited.  It isn't that I'm not reading your post objectively, it's that I'm saying it's mostly useless.  


To clear up something potentionally not clear in my previous post as far as being submissive I did not say that you were born with the desire to be a submissive in the sense that it is used on this site but that all woman are genetically programed to take a secondary role to the alpha male, what I am quoting is (with the acception that I menteiond or not knowing how dommes and male subs interact) genetics. Being a geneticist myself I know a good deal about what I am talking about, and having also studied a great deal about psychology I have that to bring to this as well. The things I stated are true, they are what the forces of evolution made us, its what we required at that time in history to sruvive, and not enough time has passed to change out genetics in any way, that takes hundreds of thousands of years. Those motivations I mentioned are what the instincts of both sides are telling them to do, what they choose to do with those impulses is of course there choice, but that does not negate their presence. Born a female you will have been born with certain instincts to find someone physically and mentally superior to you in order to breed the best offspring, your upbrining or life experiances seem to have supressed that instinct but you were born with it none the less, this in no way calls into question your ability to be a dominant it is simply a fact of your genetics. As far as the questioning of the desire for dominance of scarlet, she seems to be having a crisis in her lifestyle experiance, one of the possible explanations is that she chose the wrong position upon her exposure to it, the capacity for mistakes is prevalent in us all but it is very difficult for those of us who have chosen the dominant path to admit that to ourselves a great deal of the time so it was something I mentioned to allow her to see the possiblity.

(in reply to Venatrix)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 5:50:17 PM   
ScarlettStangata


Posts: 27
Joined: 6/5/2007
Status: offline 		You are entitled to your opinions. I SOOO am not going to get into the whole "that's not dominant" argument here. I know who I am and I don't need to justify that to anyone.

I may not be making myself completely happy, but hey, at least my house is clean and my dishes are washed and my clothes are folded. My life is better for this service. I just feel lonely and unloved. Thats all.

I am not willing to just wait around for love and not live the lifestyle. I like service. I like having my feet worshipped. And no I don't need an emotional connection for it to happen. It's fun and it takes my mind off the loneliness for a while. A part of me also I think kind of hopes that maybe one of these service subs just may turn into something more. Who knows.

MS



(in reply to Domin8tingUrDrmz)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 5:52:08 PM   
ScarlettStangata


Posts: 27
Joined: 6/5/2007
Status: offline 		Great. Thanks for certifying that I am indeed crazy. Have a lovely wedding.

MS

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 5:58:13 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
I think we can all appreciate that when we get "femdom burn out" from not finding what we want, despite the apparent "boat loads" of guys lining up, we tend to be bitchy and whiny about it.  Been there, done that. 

My suggetions to the OP are to stay away from fetish events and clients or potential clients, and tone down the aspects of your personality or style that have a dominatrix-esque feel to them.  That style attracts men who want a fantasy.  You probably have been submerged in it awhile and it's intertwined into your personality, your style of flirtation, your manner of dress. You are a walking fantasy to many men.  The men who are probably more appropriate partners may be intimidated, or see that you are too sophisticated (as a femdom) to be a lifestyler (not just a pro), or feel they are way out of your league (the intimidation factor).  The nice guys are probably way too shy to approach you.

Date a few nerds. Date a few shy guys, and dial your dominance back and enjoy the process of "corrupting" a few boys (men).  Go on vanilla dates. Hold hands at the movies.  Let your dominance come through via first kisses and little flirty comments, and reel them in slowly to test the waters. Avoid getting emotionally too caught up in them, for both of your sakes, until you establish a certain level of open mindedness.

Find men who have good relationships with their mothers and sisters and treat women with respect.  There are some vanilla men, or "kink-curious" men, with a very deep capacity for devotion who will surprise you.  They may not be able to take all the whips and chains all the time, but perhaps a better balance will be that you have clients for some of the extremes, but a man who will cherish you - all of you - at home. 

Also, let your vulnerability cat out of the bag early on - whether you are dating a kinky guy or a vanilla guy. Don't hide it.  Go to a movie that makes you cry, visit an animal shelter or children's hospital together and get emotional about it while volunteering, share a secret that makes you feel uneasy and ask to be held.  There are a LOT of submissive men that want to be a protector as well as a servant, and they rise up to these occassions in an impressive way. 

It just seems like the men you have been having failed relationships with are those that are overly "processed" by stereotypes and porn - your dating pool is sour. You need to expand your horizons and look beyond the immediate pool of available subs because they are the most likely to be in need of some fantasy re-training. 

I started posting femdom erotica on the web in 1995 when the Internet was still mostly text.  I still remember the angry, cranky emails I got from submissive men when my female femdom characters showed vulnerability, cried, needed to be held. Hell, I was just writing what I knew - all my best femdom experiences often ended with both me AND my sub crying. It was mind blowing and a huge catharsis - and I felt a ton of vulnerability as I came to grips with my sadism.  I was baffled that so many men found this to be "lame" or "weak" when I wrote about it.   I realized that some men do have a fantasy image of a femdom they cannot reconcile with a caring partner, but they need to keep it separate, which is fine.  But I needed a submissive I could be all of me around.

Akasha


_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 6:01:45 PM   
ScarlettStangata


Posts: 27
Joined: 6/5/2007
Status: offline 		I have actually had more success with finding submissives the way it is worded now then before when it was worded with terms like LTR and "love". In fact, I estimate I have probably around 10x more submissives contacting me for service than before. And yes, there are subs out there that do purely want service and no emotional connection hence my post. I really find that people find this hard to believe quite funny.

My reason for putting in there what I did about seeking submissives who can do something for me is because I was experiencing subs who thought this was some kind of barter for sexual service. They wanted me to jerk them off, cum on my feet or do other sexual acts so that is why I put that in there. To make it known that I really don't care about what the man wants sexually. And that I won't deny or make any bones about. Unless I care about you, I don't care about some strangers hard on. It has nothing to do with entitlement or gender.

MS

(in reply to OneMoreWaste)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 6:10:10 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tetron


To clear up something potentionally not clear in my previous post as far as being submissive I did not say that you were born with the desire to be a submissive in the sense that it is used on this site but that all woman are genetically programed to take a secondary role to the alpha male, what I am quoting is (with the acception that I menteiond or not knowing how dommes and male subs interact) genetics. Being a geneticist myself I know a good deal about what I am talking about, and having also studied a great deal about psychology I have that to bring to this as well. The things I stated are true, they are what the forces of evolution made us, its what we required at that time in history to sruvive, and not enough time has passed to change out genetics in any way, that takes hundreds of thousands of years. Those motivations I mentioned are what the instincts of both sides are telling them to do, what they choose to do with those impulses is of course there choice, but that does not negate their presence. Born a female you will have been born with certain instincts to find someone physically and mentally superior to you in order to breed the best offspring, your upbrining or life experiances seem to have supressed that instinct but you were born with it none the less, this in no way calls into question your ability to be a dominant it is simply a fact of your genetics. As far as the questioning of the desire for dominance of scarlet, she seems to be having a crisis in her lifestyle experiance, one of the possible explanations is that she chose the wrong position upon her exposure to it, the capacity for mistakes is prevalent in us all but it is very difficult for those of us who have chosen the dominant path to admit that to ourselves a great deal of the time so it was something I mentioned to allow her to see the possiblity.



Excellent.  As you claim to be a geneticist, please provide the link to at least a half dozen scientific studies done at internationally recognised institutions proving your claim that women are genetically programmed to take a secondary role to the so-called alpha male (whatever that may be).  If you cannot provide these citations, we're back to square one:  I'm calling bullshit.  By the way, please feel free to provide us with the details of your academic experience: papers published, where you got your master's or PhD, etc.  Given that you are making scientific assertions, I'm sure you can understand that we would like to evaluate your credentials in order to ascertain the potential validity of your statements.  Thank you.  

(in reply to Tetron)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 6:13:47 PM   
CdnExplorer


Posts: 227
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline 		I'm not sure what else I could add that would be in any way helpful, but I do want to say that you're not the only one. I think most of the people in the bdsm community I'm in are in exactly the same boat. They know what they're looking for and occupy themselves with casual play until they find it. It can be a long haul and there's no sense in depriving yourself from enjoyable experiences while waiting for that moment to arrive. Clearly you're not unhappy about the "filler" play you get in the meantime, and your current profile is well suited to meeting that need.

It is possible that one of those guys will turn out to be the one you're looking for. If that happens I'd say it's most likely to be a newer submissive who is still exploring and trying things out. Any guy who seems dedicated to the "service persona" is likely very happy with less than what you're looking for. I'm not sure how I'd write a profile to meet both your play needs and your search for a romantic partner. Perhaps a second profile, tailored for what your ultimate desires are?

There's also the local community. Where I live is nothing like New York, but I imagine that networking / being involved and making it known what you're ultimately looking for would be the right way to go. I may be wrong, but my impression is that most submissive men looking for a romantic relationship tend to be fairly passive in their search. After over a year spent online I found nobody that spoke to my desires, but within 6 months of getting involved with an extremely small kink community I found more than one play partner who was compatible, ignoring some incidental factors that stand in the way.

(in reply to ScarlettStangata)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 9/7/2008 6:14:19 PM   
Tetron


Posts: 48
Joined: 6/16/2006
Status: offline 		I will make one final post on this topic and then leave you to wallow in your own ignorance vena, as you are specifically the type of person the disclaimer is written for. If I wished to take the valuable time from my studies and other persuits to find you the research articles I could provide not dozens but hundreds, perhaps thousands. As far as recognizing the genetic programing I speak of it is visable to any with a 6th grade education who is willing to think logically, pick up a text book on biology and maybe you will be able to see it, though your own desire to maintain your ignorance and the damage you recieved in your life that turned you this way, will probably not allow that. 

(in reply to Venatrix)
Profile   Post #: 60
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