sleuthingsub
Posts: 68
Joined: 1/30/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Tetron
quote:
ORIGINAL: Venatrix
Tetron,
I'm afraid I'm going to call BS on a lot of what you've written.
First, I've never been submissive in my life, no, not even as a child, so I didn't have to work to overcome any so-called genetic programming.
Second, you have no idea the number of submissive men who *don't* want sex or don't want it that frequently. I love sex. I'd happily have it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. A lot of subs can't stay in a submissive mindset if they have sex, so they don't want it as much as other men might.
Third, certainly some dominant women want men who identify as dominants or as switches, but a lot of us want subs and subs only, because that's the way we're wired. Any relationship I had with a dominant man would be a disaster, because I would be constantly trying to get him to submit. And the idea that a woman who identifies as dominant should really examine herself to see if she's submissive sounds like so much Gorean claptrap.
I'm sure your comments were well-intentioned, but to me they represent ideas that are based on fallacies. Perhaps I'm wrong, but I'm going to assume that your direct experience of femdom/malesub relationships is limited. It isn't that I'm not reading your post objectively, it's that I'm saying it's mostly useless.
To clear up something potentionally not clear in my previous post as far as being submissive I did not say that you were born with the desire to be a submissive in the sense that it is used on this site but that all woman are genetically programed to take a secondary role to the alpha male, what I am quoting is (with the acception that I menteiond or not knowing how dommes and male subs interact) genetics. Being a geneticist myself I know a good deal about what I am talking about, and having also studied a great deal about psychology I have that to bring to this as well. The things I stated are true, they are what the forces of evolution made us, its what we required at that time in history to sruvive, and not enough time has passed to change out genetics in any way, that takes hundreds of thousands of years. Those motivations I mentioned are what the instincts of both sides are telling them to do, what they choose to do with those impulses is of course there choice, but that does not negate their presence. Born a female you will have been born with certain instincts to find someone physically and mentally superior to you in order to breed the best offspring, your upbrining or life experiances seem to have supressed that instinct but you were born with it none the less, this in no way calls into question your ability to be a dominant it is simply a fact of your genetics. As far as the questioning of the desire for dominance of scarlet, she seems to be having a crisis in her lifestyle experiance, one of the possible explanations is that she chose the wrong position upon her exposure to it, the capacity for mistakes is prevalent in us all but it is very difficult for those of us who have chosen the dominant path to admit that to ourselves a great deal of the time so it was something I mentioned to allow her to see the possiblity.
I'm going to have to disagree with your take on our genetic programming, Tetron. A lot of my arguments come from Richard Dawkins' The Selfish Gene, which you should read if you haven't already.
If anything, women are in a superior position when it comes to choosing mates. They obviously have to offer up a lot of resources and time in order to have a child, and therefore must be careful when choosing mates (i.e. women have more to lose when it comes to reproducing). It would be utterly foolish to think that evolution would select for women that chose a mate that was superior to them (and thus, better at manipulating them). If you haven't noticed, it is the men (i'm sticking to humans here) that compete for the female's attention. They must make an investment of time and resources to prove that they will not immediately abandon the woman as soon as she is pregnant. A woman who is able to successfully manipulate a man into caring equally (or more) for the child is likely to pass her genes on, as the child has a better chance of survival with two parents and more resources at his/her disposle.
As for the part of your post about producing the "best offspring", I'm gonna go into a tangent. What is the best offspring? Well, it depends on the conditions of the environment, which change. While it is common to describe evolution as occuring gradually over a long time, the rate is not constant. Extreme conditions will illicit extreme responses and adaptations.
And finally, memes and culture! You addressed this slightly, but I want to add onto it. Without bringing up an argument on free will, I'm going to go ahead and say that while we are certaintly a product of our genes, the peculiar thing about humans is our cultural ideas and practices. These can mutate much more rapidly than genes, and can be passed between unrelated (the unscientific use of the word) folks. The ideas we are exposed to, particularly as we are still developing, have a huge impact on how each of us forms our world view. The thousands of different religions and their influence on the way people act are a good example.
Anyway, as for the OP, I think you should relax and try to be happy. Maybe just try dating local "vanillas" who have the qualities you seek, and slowly introduce them into your kinks? One of them is bound to jump on board.
< Message edited by sleuthingsub -- 9/8/2008 2:25:00 PM >
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RE: FemDome Relationships Vs. Male Dom relationships - 
Profile
, and I'd prefer to spend my time connecting with a real person, as opposed to oogling a cliche. I know there are others here who basically would agree. 
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