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RE: Sex with slaves? - 9/9/2008 10:05:01 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		I know of a Master who does not French kiss his slave because he feels that it shows too much affection.  (I have since come to wonder if it is because he FEELS too much affection when it is done.) 

In ways I see a really good deep kiss as more intimate than sex.  I know that some poly couples and swingers even have that as the one single act that they do not want their partner to do with anyone but them.  It could be that your Master is just very set in the sensuality of a deep kiss between partners of the opposite gender.

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RE: Sex with slaves? - 9/9/2008 10:13:51 AM   
MissIsis


Posts: 473
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline 		He's insecure.  He wants to allow you to have someone, but within limits that he sets.  He may not word it that way, but that is what he is showing you. 

I agree with the other posters.  He wanted you to feel this was something you were doing, that was for you, & was hoping you would choose a woman.  Men usually rarely have problems with their women wanting to be with a woman.  They forget though, that the odds of finding a woman for that kind of dynamic with your husband involved are not in his favor.  Whereas more male submissives are generally more than happy to find a women to serve no matter what other dynamics might be involved.  The fact you have a dominant male in your life is a small price to pay for many of them. 

(in reply to chamberqueen)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Sex with slaves? - 9/9/2008 10:32:22 AM   
darchChylde


Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub


quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressStiletto

Thank you all for the feedback so far. He never said I couldn't engage in any sort of sexual or intimate activities with anyone in the Family, He just said that He thought it would put a crack in the M/s structure. He likened it to the Army, where if an Officer allowed a subordinate to call them by their first name the dynamic was changed.

It's a new idea, so I am glad to get outside opinions before forming my own.



Does he allow himself to have "any sort of sexual or intimate activities" with you? Would that put a crack in the M/s structure?


*darchChylde puts on his Sarcastic Hat*

Of course it wouldn't, don't you know that only men see/use sex as power?  Those evil, evil men.


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if only to keep me to herself.

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RE: Sex with slaves? - 9/9/2008 11:19:44 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Well he is entitled to his opinion. BUT I've been a Mistress for many years and I've always had sex with my male slaves. I cannot see the difference in using a slave (regardless of gender) for sex or service. Either way the dominant is the one in control. Now it could be that your Alpha views sex with a female as a placing her in the "submissive" role and if that is so then that could explain his view.
But however I think most have a differing viewpoint, I know that I do.

~Lashra


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RE: Sex with slaves? - 9/9/2008 11:50:26 AM   
aidan


Posts: 904
Joined: 5/28/2005
Status: offline 		Speaking as a guy in the "slave" position of a Mistress/slave relationship, yeah, I don't feel like I'm getting the upper hand when Mistress and I kiss or have sex. I feel like she is using her property as she sees fit for her enjoyment and I am being privileged enough to be physically intimate with her.

The rest of the choir has spoken up about how this seems like him trying to push an agenda, so I won't harp on that any more.


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RE: Sex with slaves? - 9/9/2008 1:13:34 PM   
MsDandsissykelly


Posts: 16
Joined: 7/16/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chamberqueen

I know of a Master who does not French kiss his slave because he feels that it shows too much affection. 

Affection, in my book, is a huge part of BDSM. 
-Miss Demonica

(in reply to chamberqueen)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Sex with slaves? - 9/9/2008 1:41:29 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressStiletto

He mentioned last night that if there was a male slave in the house, not only would it compromise my position as a Mistress to fuck him, but also to french kiss him. He says that would put a crack in the structure.

For those beautiful Ladies who have male slaves, what do you think of this idea? Do you think your slave sees you as less than Dominant if you kiss them, or share other acts of intimacy with them?


My opinion on this depends on where he was coming from in his opinion:  Was he speaking in a "from what I know about you and how it may effect your relationship(s)" way or in a "this is how it always is, therefor you need to avoid this" way?

If it's the former, I'd suggest talking more with him and see if he has a valid point or at least something for you to keep an eye out for... he may just be making note of how he sees your interactions with others and the possibilities of trouble that a romantic/sexual interaction of any type may lead to for you.

If it's the latter, I'd give a good mental eye-roll and reconsider this whole situation -both future slave and current dom.  He either isn't really comfortable with certain types of D/s relationship for you to have and can't/won't address it honestly and directly or is just sexist in his view of females dominating.  In either case, it's a red flag that problems may will occur one way or the other in the future if you take a sub.

Personally, the great majority of the time I have no romantic or sexual interaction with my subs/slaves/bottoms.  I am one who likes to keep that a firm line, a definer of dynamic status, and do feel that *for me* with most it would be a wrong direction to take in those relationships where I choose not to go there.

However, plenty of other female dominants often or usually have a romantic and/or sexual component to their D/s relationships and it's natural, fitting and works for them and their sub-partner(s).

Neither manner is a universal good or bad way of handling things.

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RE: Sex with slaves? - 9/9/2008 1:43:20 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressStiletto

According to Him, the male mindset would let them feel that they are getting the upper hand, or special priviledges that make it more of a vanilla relationship


This is pure sexism in his views both towards males and females.  His view shared here *is* true -for some males.  Not for others.  I've known a good number of each, both vanilla and D/s oriented.

Just weed out those who would go that way, problem solved.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

Minimal summary: Artist, Disabled Veteran, Vegan, Pornographer, and Agender dominant female.

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Sex with slaves? - 9/9/2008 4:24:49 PM   
ShaktiSama


Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressStiletto

I am a switch exploring my dominant tendencies. I have topped in extended scenes, but never in a 24/7 situation. The Alpha Master has agreed that I should look for a slave of my own, either male, female, or couple. That part doesn't concern Him much, as long as the individual(s) have the right mental mindset.

He mentioned last night that if there was a male slave in the house, not only would it compromise my position as a Mistress to fuck him, but also to french kiss him. He says that would put a crack in the structure.

For those beautiful Ladies who have male slaves, what do you think of this idea? Do you think your slave sees you as less than Dominant if you kiss them, or share other acts of intimacy with them?


I dunno.  It seems to me that the "structure" your male dominant is "reaffirming" is not YOUR control over YOUR slave but HIS control over HIS slaves--especially you.  It certainly has nothing to do with how I live my life as a femme domme, that's for certain.  The fact that he doesn't want you to be physically or emotionally intimate with another man has nothing to do with your dominance, imho--it has to do with his dominance.

Don't get me wrong, I am sure that there are some male submissives who cannot remain submissive to women that fuck or kiss them--they have some kind of weird Madonna/Mommy/whore complex that doesn't allow them to regard a woman as powerful if she isn't frigid.

There are also some women who don't feel "in control" or "dominant" if they are penetrated, achieve orgasm, or show any loving emotion during their play, too.  I don't happen to be one of those women, so I really have no use for a guy who forgets his place every time I kiss him on the mouth or use him as a sextoy, but...whatever.  Takes all kinds to make a world.

*shrug*  Anyway.  I'm sure that some "structures" can be "cracked" by having sex or intimacy between the D/S partners, but I'm not interested in those structures.  I take my dominance with a generous side of love and sex.  I guess it's a matter of taste.

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RE: Sex with slaves? - 9/9/2008 5:30:13 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I have to agree completely with the above (Shatki).  The thing about taking on a sub when you have a Master does seem to Me that the Master really does have the final authority.  The thing is, if you're told you're not going to do certain things in your dynamic with your new pet, you still have to obey, don't you?  To use your term, the Alpha Master has every right to expect that from you since you are his submissive.   I'm not saying that I disagree with what many have said might be his motivations for his decisions.  Regardless, they were his to make.

Back to agreeing with Shatki.  I've done D/s with sexual service and without.  I've never felt less Dominant because I've allowed someone to give Me an orgasm.  I even call it sexual service so there's no confusion.  The thing is, the boy is providing a service to please Me, and it's just like any other act that I have him do to please Me.  Does it give him power over Me?  No.  It's something he was told to do just like rubbing My feet, massaging My back, or anything else.  There's nothing undommely (I know, it's not really a word) about any of the things mentioned.  I mean, let's face it.  Big deal if he penetrates Me.  The truth of the matter is that I'm going to penetrate him, too.  That's just one of those fun little things that I enjoy.

It does take all kinds and different approaches for everyone to have what works for them.  I just know what works for Me and I'll probably be sticking with it for a while.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Sex with slaves? - 9/9/2008 5:48:16 PM   
darchChylde


Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline 		*looks at LP's post and decides not to get into his old debate about "sexual service", instead he stands agog at yet another open agreement between she and Shakt; he then goes on to reply to a recent cmail*

_____________________________

I'm the man your mother warned you about...
if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Sex with slaves? - 9/9/2008 6:04:09 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

*looks at LP's post and decides not to get into his old debate about "sexual service", instead he stands agog at yet another open agreement between she and Shakt; he then goes on to reply to a recent cmail*



The minute I even typed the words "sexual service" I knew you would be showing up.  I was even tempted to say so when I wrote the post.

Though the disagreements, or rather opposing views that Shatki and I have had from time to time are usually longer, I tend to think we agree more often than not.  I can say this.  Any time she and I are of two different views, she can always bring her own opinion in a very tactful way.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to darchChylde)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Sex with slaves? - 9/9/2008 9:07:20 PM   
Coupleofwhats


Posts: 280
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline 		He wants you to get a female submissive. So he can have kinky girl-on-girl action right in his own bedroom.


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RE: Sex with slaves? - 9/10/2008 3:31:42 AM   
MistressStiletto


Posts: 46
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline 		Alright, thank you all for the responses, I've enjoyed reading them.

I feel the need to clarify a few things. He never said I could not do these things, just that that would probably change my position in the house, from being an Alpha to being one of the slaves. I've told Him that since this is all hypothetical at this point, it would depend on a real guy, and whatever the relationship was starting to be. Hypotheticals are only good up to a point. In the first few introductory chats, which is where we're at, boys will say just about anything, there's no real relationship established.

Yes, He is looking for females, but couples and males as well. There have been several males that have contacted Him directly, and one possibly coming to meet with Him/us this weekend. The idea is to that we are building a Family, not just adding one person on the side.

As far as His opinion, it's probably a old school, which is why I was trying to get responses from Dominant Ladies.

(in reply to Coupleofwhats)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Sex with slaves? - 9/10/2008 4:43:18 AM   
Sylverdawn


Posts: 1123
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Again, I can only say.. that his statement seems to me to be passive aggressive... in imho seems jealous of the potential position of another male in YOUR life.. males couples coming to see him are different .. the would belong to him. Unless you are doing a co-ownership of them. I agree with Pact and Shatki with this thread but telling you want you dont want to hear is like talking to a wall.

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RE: Sex with slaves? - 9/10/2008 7:53:14 AM   
Pyrrsefanie


Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressStiletto

He never said I could not do these things, just that that would probably change my position in the house, from being an Alpha to being one of the slaves.



So basically it's the same thing.  Presumably you don't want to be just one of the slaves so he's got you up against a brick wall, where you either bend over to his fantasy (and in the process may be dominant to another woman, but certainly nowhere near dominant/equal to him) or you get thrown back in the pit and too bad, guess you just didn't have what it took to earn it.

He's jealous and trying to use his position of "power" to fulfill that adolescent male fantasy of LULZ LEZBIANZ OMG HAWT.  Regardless of whether or not he's inviting males over for interviews or whatever process they go through, you know the chances of him even allowing one of them into the position as your slave are nil, he's just doing it to appease you.

I've seen it all before, this guy's no different.


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Ти саркастична, це – доля,
Ти артистична в неволі,
Ти симпатична в цій ролі,
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(in reply to MistressStiletto)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Sex with slaves? - 9/10/2008 5:57:09 PM   
ShaktiSama


Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

*looks at LP's post and decides not to get into his old debate about "sexual service", instead he stands agog at yet another open agreement between she and Shakti*


?  Do LadyPact and I disagree about a lot of things?  We even drink the same cola!

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Sex with slaves? - 9/10/2008 7:51:48 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaktiSama

quote:

ORIGINAL: darchChylde

*looks at LP's post and decides not to get into his old debate about "sexual service", instead he stands agog at yet another open agreement between she and Shakti*


?  Do LadyPact and I disagree about a lot of things?  We even drink the same cola!

How nice that you remember.

I think it has more to do with the times that we have disagreed, that we tend to be lengthy at it.  I think the subject was edge play, if I'm not mistaken.

Wishing you and your boykin well.


LP



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to ShaktiSama)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Sex with slaves? - 9/10/2008 9:31:45 PM   
rob425


Posts: 154
Joined: 12/1/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Coupleofwhats

He wants you to get a female submissive. So he can have kinky girl-on-girl action right in his own bedroom.

thats exactly what he wants I may be young but I have seen that trick played on so many dominants I have had contact with....

Why he has final say at the dominant he is lying to you. Main reason is he only said just males not males and females. If anything the females I have played with get way more attached than me
quote:

ORIGINAL: Pyrrsefanie
He's jealous and trying to use his position of "power" to fulfill that adolescent male fantasy of LULZ LEZBIANZ OMG HAWT.  Regardless of whether or not he's inviting males over for interviews or whatever process they go through, you know the chances of him even allowing one of them into the position as your slave are nil, he's just doing it to appease you.

I've seen it all before, this guy's no different.


I was actually in one of these situations where i was interview by the Master in the group just for his Submissive to play with....Funny that submissive girl i still occassionaly talk to and she has broken up after seeing through his BS of using her to get the girl so he could play with his main submissive's sub. The girl has had over 10 submissives interviewed including myself and none of them fit the liking of the master. The first submissive girl interview went perfect  weird huh?

< Message edited by rob425 -- 9/10/2008 9:40:25 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Sex with slaves? - 1/7/2009 9:31:56 AM   
MistressStiletto


Posts: 46
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline 		There was a flaw in my original question, which did not reflect what was said in my discussion with the Alpha Master of our Family.

I should have used the word COULD and not the word WOULD, in the second paragraph. It makes a big difference, which regretfully mislead everyone that read it. The discussion was about the need to keep a sub/slave in their place. Not allow any intimacy to start a process of allowing a sub/slave to top from the bottom.

It is a rather common problem, that male subs/slaves start to feel that they are in charge, and the female is some sort of Madonna figure that needs to be worshiped and eventually controlled by the male,  It is frequently a masculine response.

I hope that this correction belatedly clarifies the matter.



(in reply to MistressStiletto)
Profile   Post #: 40
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