Padriag
Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
Padriag,
From one tea drinker to another (oolong and chai are my favorites), I have always enjoyed your posts. They are very articulate and thought provoking.
Well thank you, that was really sweet of you to say. I've had a really long day (worked 11 hours) so I'm kinda worn out and a little annoyed over something else (not important), but I'll try to answer your post an then get back to the rest of the thread tomorrow if I have time.
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I am curious on what your definition of “useful” is. Is useful the actions that I can perform as a slave or do you have a different definition of useful?
I see useful as the things that I can do, like making the bed, cooking meals, serving him, being a play partner. Why I do not like linking my value or worth in relationships to my use is that one day I may no longer be able to do these things either due to age, sickness or disability.
My father has a disabling condition that prevents him from working and severely limits his ability to do things. Along with dealing with the illness, he is also struggling with not feeling valuable because his self-worth was tied up into what he could accomplish or how useful he was to the family.
I have struggled over the last few years not to say, “I am valuable because I can do XYZ.” I prefer to say that I am valuable because of who I am.
It could be that our opinions appear different because of the definitions we are placing on the word useful.
That's an excellent question for a variety of reasons. Lots of people struggle with that, trying to feel useful, especially these days when the world is changing so rapidly and often folks get displaced by those changes. It can be rough trying to adapt. Before I give you my definition, let me suggest some reading that you might find useful and so might your father. Two books, both by Nathaniel Brandon, "The Six Pillars of Self Esteem" and "Honoring the Self".
Usefulness can be a lot of things. But a very basic one is having purpose, function, utility in relation to someone else. That leaves a lot of possibilties open.
The most common way people think of being useful to someone else is by doing something that directly helps or pleases that person. BTW, something to keep in mind about usefulness... its always in relationship to someone else. That is, nothing is useful until its useful to someone. Common ways a slave might be thought of as useful are fixing meals, taking care of their Master when he isn't feeling well, giving a back rub, doing tasks for him, pleasing him sexually when he desires it and so forth... all very direct forms of service with immediate results.
Now lets step outside the box a bit.
First lets think about indirect results and indirect forms of service. Suppose a slave does something nice for someone else and this person in turn remarks to her Master what a great gal he has... that's still being useful to her Master isn't it, only its indirect. She did something for a third person, and because that person was pleased or impressed or what ever, it in turn caused that person to compliment her Master which made him feel good... and that's useful to him (someone who cause you to feel good is definitely useful, even if they way they cause it is indirectly, we tend like people who make us feel good). Even more indirect, suppose a slave isn't public about her relationship. However, lets say she does really great at her job, earns a degree at school, etc. People think well of her for it, that makes her Master proud of her... that's still being useful (because of course we want to be proud of you, who wants a slave you have to feel ashamed of?). So being useful doesn't even have to be related to the lifestyle, it can be vanilla things, things that don't directly affect or serve but are still indirectly useful.
Now lets go a little further outside a box and think about intangibles. What about qualities you possess, aren't they useful? For example, in my tool box I have two hammers. One is a 24oz waffled head framing hammer, the other is a 16oz smooth head finishing hammer. Each has different qualities that make them innately useful in different ways. The framing hammer is great for when I'm pounding large nails and don't want to work myself to death (just don't hit your thumb with it, trust me, its nine kinds of pain you don't want to know about  ), but the finishing hammer is best when I'm doing trim work or things where I don't want to damage the walls or woodwork. People can be innately useful too. Having integrity makes you innately useful... integrity means you can be trusted, and I'd say that's a pretty darn useful quality in just about anybody! Being dependable and being able to get things done without supervision make you innately useful... its nice when someone can give you a task to do and know you'll get it taken care of... that's one thing less for them to worry about and that definitely useful.
So there are lots of ways we can all be useful... some of it is through direct forms of service... doing something for someone. But sometimes its indirect things, we do something and it creates a chain of events that benefits someone else (for example if you donated to a charity to help people affected by Katrina or Rita, you were indirectly useful to all those people, pretty cool). And sometimes it just a skill or a quality we possess that gives us a specific kind of innate usefulness.
Thinking of it that way, I bet you can make a pretty good list of ways you can be useful. Bet you could help your dad do that too.
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*goes to make a cup of chai*
Knight’s kyra
Bit of trivia for you.. Chai is an urdu-hindi word... it means tea. Thus chai tea literally translates as... tea tea, kinda silly isn't it. 
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Padriag
A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer
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This is what I concluded after two cups of tea. (You know you're a serious tea drinker when you start measuring time in the number of cups of tea you drank 
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