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TysGalilah -> RE: So what's wrong with playing to one's strengths (or weaknesses)? (9/22/2008 5:50:19 AM)
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ORIGINAL: daddysprop247
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ORIGINAL: sujuguete
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ORIGINAL: Icarys
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OK - so you are happy and healthy, and loving life - as long as he supports you . What happens if he gets sick of you and kicks you out. You can't drive, apparently you have no education or training to speak of that could earn you a living, you need someone to tell you not to f**k the office boy just because he wants to.
What if he gets a disabling illness - you can't help him - you couldn't even get him to his doctors appointments - or for that matter, go see him in the hospital.
Why are you jumping to the conclusion that if someone is dependent on another like this that they are completely helpless?
Probably because of this:
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Original: daddysprop247
He hasn't taught me the skills or qualities needed for independence...money management, self-defense, bolstered self confidence, driving, a college degree, etc. if he ever had the notion to, he could kick me out onto the streets and he knows that i would have absolutely no means of making a way in the world. and to him, that's a good thing, because it is what makes me such a good slave for him.
While I applaud that you don't have the conflicts that could distract you from serving your Master fully, I also worry what would happen to you if your Master were to become incapacitated or, heaven forbid, die suddenly. I hope he has made provisions for you in case the worst were to happen.
if my Master were to suddenly become ill, he wouldn't wish for me to be able to drive him to the hospital or to medical appointments. He would expect for me to use my good sense and pick up the telephone and dial 911, and call his brother (who is a paramedic and lives close by), and physically care for him in whatever way necessary. you do not need the ability to drive in order to help someone.
in the case of his passing before, he has made arrangements for that as well. physically, i'd be under the care of another Master, a good friend of his. financially, i have no earthly idea, and frankly could not care less, as life would be utterly meaningless to me without my Master/Father/Soulmate. but i wonder why these discussions always go there...what if the Master is maimed and crippled? what if he dies? what will you do then? surely you MUST worry about what will happen then.
is that really how the submissive of today goes into a D/s, particularly a M/s relationship...not surrendering until you know for certain that if things go bad, "number one" will be taken care of? refusing to be needy, to be dependent, because of the "what if"s? prioritizing self over the will of the Owner? is that really the way to build and maintain a successful relationship?
"but i wonder why these discussions always go there...what if the Master is maimed and crippled? what if he dies? "
Because it is a natural human instinct to want to be able to survive and protect ourselves. When someone says they do not want to live or do not know how to take care of themselves> it sends up red flags.
Do you have kids?
I ask, Prop, because its how I sometimes put reality in perspective for myself.
"what would I say to my daughter?" "what would I want for my daughter?"
a scenario
A mother with a child. That daughter loves her mother deeply and the mother loves that child to a fault. She shields and protects her from harm so much so that the child does not know how to keep herself from harm. Doesnt know that its not ok to walk into the street because of the cars. The child is never around other children, never is exposed to the pitfalls of learning but never learns consequently either. Everything is done for that little girl, she is never taught how to cook, shop for food, buy her own clothes, clean them or herself. She is never taken for walks so she does not know what the world and its people are like. She is restricted from tv or outside sources of information. She knows the inside of her home and her mothers love. No friends. No other teachers.
She grows up. She grows up not even knowing she can do anything for herself. She has never tried anything and so has no sense of accomplishment. Knows nothing of victory, failure, joy, sorrow, safety or danger.
She exists. She just exists in a bubble of that mothers love.
Needs that mother because she literally cannot exist if she didn't have her help.
If that were your daughter, would you want that for her?
I am not describing your life in the above I am just attempting to make a point about how we all are taught a certain amt of self-preservation thank goodness. It is healthy, it is natural and the animal mothers instinctually have been doing it for ages. It is the toughest part of love but the best indicator of true motherly love. Teaching our young how to survive on their own. So that is why the redflags go up, to address your question >
"but i wonder why these discussions always go there...what if the Master is maimed and crippled? what if he dies? "
"is that really how the submissive of today goes into a D/s, particularly a M/s relationship...not surrendering until you know for certain that if things go bad, "number one" will be taken care of? refusing to be needy, to be dependent, because of the "what if"s? prioritizing self over the will of the Owner? is that really the way to build and maintain a successful relationship?"
I cannot speak "for the submissives of today"( I dont really know what that expression means)..only for myself and my own experience.
Just because I know how to take care of myself, doesnt mean I cannot let someone else take care of me,.....just because I have will , strength, intuition, decision making ability and control of myself DOESNT mean I cannot surrender mine to another. ANOTHER who has proven to have my best interest as his/her priority so that I do not have to worry that my basic needs are being met WHILE I am serving his/her desires, wants, whims, every freeking moment of the day IF I am so honored as to be given that opportunity and priviledge.
I see being needy and being able to need as two completely different things. One of them is from a place of fear and inability and one of them is from a place of trust and inner-strength. I choose the later.
I say I choose because I USE to fall into the "needy" category, so I know what the difference feels like.
(I also can now understand that there is a difference between being with someone who is "in control" vs being controlled.)
Tyson was the one who helped me understand the difference. I was given the honor of serving him and submitting to his control, wearing his collar ONLY when he was certain that I knew the difference between being needy and needing him, being in control of myself and surrendering
that strength
and will to him
not needing his because I didnt have my own. That I cannot
give or surrender/submit to him what I do not already possess myself.
A valuable lesson I learned as a woman and a person.
Viva'la'differance... We all have different scenarios in our ds or ms relationships...
BUT
It is incorrect to assume just because I am not serving from a place of complete dependancy> that my submission is somehow not as strong or giving. That I put myself first because
I have
a sense of whether I am in danger of losing myself in the process of serving another. That there are limits to my desire to give him everything he wants and in my desire to have anything taken from me that he chooses or desires.
That assumption would be wrong.
Infact, it is that he wants me coming from a place of strength and self-awareness that makes my trust in him so strong and speaks so highly of his ability to be the kind of man and dominant that can inspire submission and not just demand its existance or else...................................................
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