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RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/20/2008 5:27:07 PM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: masterforRT

As a Dom, it's his decision as to what he posts on his profile and what he doesn't. You have an option as well-you can accept his decision(s) or walk.

As they say: "It's my way or the highway!"

Sorry to be so blunt, but it is what it is....

This is, in fact, some of the worst advice I have seen written on Collarme.com in the last 48 hours (and that's a long time when it comes to bad advice).

For those of us dominants out there who want to make a relationship work long term, we kind of have to listen when our partners communicate issues, concerns, and insecurities and then make some effort to work on those issues and insecurities for the sake of the relationship.

Or we could just not listen and say "It's my Way or the Highway" and then be left alone with our big egos after the insecurities eat away at the bond.

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 9/20/2008 5:28:32 PM >

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to masterforRT)

Post #: 21

RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/20/2008 5:32:58 PM

dementdsuby

Posts: 12
Joined: 9/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: masterforRT

As a Dom, it's his decision as to what he posts on his profile and what he doesn't. You have an option as well-you can accept his decision(s) or walk.

As they say: "It's my way or the highway!"

Sorry to be so blunt, but it is what it is....

This is, in fact, some of the worst advice I have seen written on Collarme.com in the last 48 hours (and that's a long time when it comes to bad advice).

For those of us dominants out there who want to make a relationship work long term, we kind of have to listen when our partners communicate issues, concerns, and insecurities and then make some effort to work on those issues and insecurities for the sake of the relationship.

Or we could just not listen and say "It's my Way or the Highway" and then be left alone with our big egos after the insecurities eat away at the bond.

Gotta tell you - I freaking love you - in a strictly platonic sort of way of course.

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 22

RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/20/2008 5:47:56 PM

sujuguete

Posts: 263
Joined: 7/3/2008
From: DC metro area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit
For those of us dominants out there who want to make a relationship work long term, we kind of have to listen when our partners communicate issues, concerns, and insecurities and then make some effort to work on those issues and insecurities for the sake of the relationship.

Or we could just not listen and say "It's my Way or the Highway" and then be left alone with our big egos after the insecurities eat away at the bond.

_____________________________

"The true man wants two things: danger and play. For this reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything." ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 23

RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/20/2008 5:48:38 PM

talibahh

Posts: 389
Joined: 4/9/2006
From: NSW Australia
Status: offline

all hail the MadRabbit

i hardly ever comment these days - more just watch from the sidelines ... listening, learning, observing - and i gotta say MR You are more and more becoming quite a Dominant - Your girl will be lucky when You collar one

tali

_____________________________

"It is a mistake to try to look too far ahead. The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at a time" ~ Sir Winston Churchill

in giving You my freedom, i gain the freedom to be me ...
~ tali ~

(in reply to dementdsuby)

Post #: 24

RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/20/2008 5:58:26 PM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

*blushes*

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to talibahh)

Post #: 25

RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/20/2008 6:31:15 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dementdsuby

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes
I hope this isn't a "How can I get him to.......?" thread in disguise.

It is! How can I get him to.....get of the couch without having to blow him? sorry about that my sarcasm is showing.

That's just it....you shouldn't have to! He just doesn't WANT to, and you can't make somebody want to do something that they just don't want to do. And to be honest, do you really want somebody like that?

It sounds like the two of you are just incompatible and as long as you keep beating the dead horse that he has become, you're not going to find someone who will make you happy because you are making him happy.

And don't worry about the sarcasm....it's a gift

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to dementdsuby)

Post #: 26

RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/20/2008 6:37:39 PM

E2Sweet

Posts: 649
Joined: 7/8/2008
From: TopLeftCornerOf, OH, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirMIkeSD

The collar is his choice not yours, it is his collar even when it's on your (his) neck. It's his choice if he want's to attend any munches etc, not yours you can suggest it if that is part of what you agreed on with him but once again it's his choice. If you are not happy more on, he is the Dom and doing things his way not yours...

That's all fine, but I think its jumping the gun a bit in terms of the OP's immediate problem. What I'm gathering is her biggest concern is that she's not getting feedback from her D-type about these issues she's having, but instead just getting ignored. I suppose one could argue then that she doesn't need answers, she just needs to obey. Well, that's also fine, but on the other hand, how many relationships last over the long haul when there's little or no dialog between the individuals in the relationship?

_____________________________

E2Sweet™
"If it doesn't make you smile then chances are you're not doing it right."

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)

Post #: 27

RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/20/2008 6:39:06 PM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

FR

I wish I could learn how to draw these specific conclusions off one paragraph of writing about a complex human relationship with such an amazing degree of infallible accuracy.

I also wish I had the omniscience some of our regular posters have that allows them to divine things about another's relationship that have absolutely no grounding in that paragraph outside what would be for normal humans, wild assumption.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 28

RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/20/2008 6:40:29 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

It is obvious that there is some serious issues with your situation. However, I am not so sure that there is any concrete advice to be given without alot more input.

My first thoughts is... what do you both consider is Ownership?

What exactly is your relationship? You make reference that when you are together it is always Kinky... and my first thought on this is you have more a Top/Bottom relationship than a D/s relationship going on. which may or not maybe true... unfortunately.. it's true alot more than not.

I guess I wonder... is there more to the relationship than just having play scenes and doing kinky stuff.. can you enlighten alittle more of the relationsip... The fact is... if you are attempting to make basically a play scening relationship into a D/s relationship it just will not work out in the end. The exceptions are different and rather incompatible. You might very much want to have that D/s dynamic going... but his lacking of dealing with this ownership issue seems to suggest that he is treating this relationship alot less casually than you are.

One thing that I see rather frequently is submissive women that are giving the milk without the person having to buy the cow. What I mean is that many are so eager to have this romantic D/s relationship that they give all the play and feed the Dominants ego etc... but the Dominant actually doesn't do anything to enhance and fullfill the submissive. In essence, the Dominant is using the submissive.. and it's because the submissive gave herself to cheaply. Then they try to get more!!! get him off the couch to use your words.

When it's given cheaply... it's valued cheaply... It rather difficult to convince anyone that pays 500 bucks for rust bucket of a car that its worth 10 thousand. Unless you reveal a value well beyond what he first imagine when he spent the 500 bucks... I don't see a person increasing their perpection of value.

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 9/20/2008 6:49:40 PM >

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to dementdsuby)

Post #: 29

RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/20/2008 6:42:00 PM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
He gets sex on demand from you when he wants it. He gets to play with others when he wants it.

Where is any of this mentioned in the OP's writings?

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
You don't get what you need because you just don't matter that much to him.

How exactly do you know what his intentions and motivations are with such certainity as to say it with the confidence of fact?

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 30

RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/20/2008 10:01:47 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

Being able to navigate for the good of the relationship, is very important to me. my former owner was not into co-navigation...and it killed it for me,

Lee and i do a lot of navigating, and i can feel the doms in the room getting all flustered at that idea....but...eh...it works for us, and each of us dont have to shift out of our roles to do it...

madrabbits words were wonderful to my tired eyes tonight...thank god some one speaks sense every once in a while.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 31

RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/20/2008 10:09:38 PM

WhiplashSmile2

Posts: 526
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline

Damn, I'm involved in getting to know somebody at the moment. Basically, my attention is devoted towards her and nobody else. Perhaps, I'm a bit of an odd ball. I had updated my profile to reflect this, took both my profiles I had on her offline as well. I'm not interested in having anybody else pop into the picture. I'm not looking for anybody else.

Anyways, I'm not even in a fully committed relationship, however I made a commitment to focus my attention upon ONE, not many or others.

This is regardless if things work out or not between us. If I owned a submissive or slave, the damn world would know about it. I would not have a profile up that was misleading in any way shape or form.

Somebody who is sincerely looking might respond to my profile and it would be a waste of their time. This is how I look at such matters, however this is my own code of personal ethical conduct.

(in reply to dementdsuby)

Post #: 32

RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/20/2008 10:29:04 PM

masterforRT

Posts: 176
Joined: 5/16/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: masterforRT

As a Dom, it's his decision as to what he posts on his profile and what he doesn't. You have an option as well-you can accept his decision(s) or walk.

As they say: "It's my way or the highway!"

Sorry to be so blunt, but it is what it is....

This is, in fact, some of the worst advice I have seen written on Collarme.com in the last 48 hours (and that's a long time when it comes to bad advice).

For those of us dominants out there who want to make a relationship work long term, we kind of have to listen when our partners communicate issues, concerns, and insecurities and then make some effort to work on those issues and insecurities for the sake of the relationship.

Or we could just not listen and say "It's my Way or the Highway" and then be left alone with our big egos after the insecurities eat away at the bond.

Dude, you certainly are eititled to your opinion (and I to mine, and others to theirs), but who voted you (the) all knowing GOD here?

A Master has the final decision as to whether he wants to collar a sub/slave-PERIOD!

A sub can WALK if they don't agree with that decision-PERIOD!

Those two are the black and white of D/s relationships....

Now I suppose that it's up to all of us to determine the gray in between that applies to our unique situation(s)-but to call me wrong for defining the two absolutes shows YOUR sheer ignorance of D/s!

< Message edited by masterforRT -- 9/20/2008 10:35:02 PM >

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 33

RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/20/2008 11:10:06 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I would be willing to go out on a limb here... hehe... and say that MadRabbit's way would attract more submissive's than that 'my way or the highway' bit. That ultimate stuff tends to turn people off... I would also venture out on that limb to say that if one stands on that 'my way or the highway' bit... they ought to be damn good at what they do and worth it.

(in reply to masterforRT)

Post #: 34

RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/21/2008 2:48:00 AM

scottishdove

Posts: 113
Joined: 7/27/2008
Status: offline

MadRabbit, i can see why i marked you in my 'favorites' even though you are quite a young age.

wish more Dom's had your attitude and wisdom

(in reply to dementdsuby)

Post #: 35

RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/21/2008 3:42:32 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dementdsuby

I am in a quandry, so I am coming to the experts for some help/advice. So, here is my issue.....I have been in a LTR with a gentleman I met here on collarme for the last 2 years. Out agreement for these last 2 years is pretty straight-forward. I belong to him, I don't talk to other Dom's without permission, no screwing around, etc etc. So, in these 2 years I have asked, respectfully, for an actual sign of his ownership (a collar) perhaps 6 times. It's important to me. Then we discussed getting me pierced, a year later we finally did after I bought everything on my own. 2 months ago I told him I would really appreciate it if he could adjust his profile to mention that he owned a sub, since we have been together for so long. It still remains unchanged. Am I being too touchy on these issues? Or am I fooling myself by making excuses for him, and keeping the relationship going?
Any advice would be appreciated. And this is not my normal profile....so please be as honest about this as you want.
Thank you! (Hope I didn't come across as whiny.)

Okkum's Razor is a very useful tool for solving mysteries - it reminds one not to overthink situations....

It states (more or less) that, "All things being equal, the simplest, most obvious explanation will be the solution".

From your OP, you're the one wanting a committment and keeping the "relationship" moving forward to that desired end.

Him, he manipulates that situation by telling you what you wanna hear without actually acting on it - beyond putting up barriers to keep other doms away, of course. And I assume he gets all the sex and oral he desires. He's getting everything he wants, and committment ain't part of it - beyond telling you what you wanna hear....

What you have is *exactly* what your gut feeling is telling you you have - he looks like it, he walks like it and he quacks like it. All that's left is for you to call it what it really is - and move on. Sorry.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to dementdsuby)

Post #: 36

RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/21/2008 3:59:50 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
He gets sex on demand from you when he wants it. He gets to play with others when he wants it.

Where is any of this mentioned in the OP's writings?

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
You don't get what you need because you just don't matter that much to him.

How exactly do you know what his intentions and motivations are with such certainity as to say it with the confidence of fact?

Logic; common sense; life experience; gut feeling - these concepts are new to you, MadRabbit? I s'pose I'd better stay right away from the voodoo/witchcraft of "reading between the lines", then...? lol

See what happens to you when the women stroke your..... errrr.... "ego"(?) too much? *wink*

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 37

RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/21/2008 6:59:39 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: masterforRTAs they say: "It's my way or the highway!"

Now I suppose that it's up to all of us to determine the gray in between that applies to our unique situation(s)-but to call me wrong for defining the two absolutes shows YOUR sheer ignorance of D/s!

i think what folks are responding so favorably to is that madrabbiit is talking about being vulnerable, being honest, listening and learning eachother...this does not make him a god, just a worthy human.

he did not say you are wrong, you are entilttlied to your opinion, he sad its bad advice, and he is right, but maybe not bad advice as much as imature advice.

the idea is that you can be a dom and still be human, have confusion, have insecurities and co-navigate with a partner.

i have had both types of owners, the type that was myway or the highway killed the most precious and powerful love i have ever known in side my heart, with his unwillingness to meet my needs, and slowly i began to dispise him....its not that he did not show me his insecuritys, he did, but he did not them to from the place of letting me support him and support us...you cant hide insecuritys, no one can.....however they can be somthing that brings you together as a team or not, and my way or the highway stuff only says to the sub...i think i am good just as i am, i am unwilling to shift and grow....

name one thing in nature that flourishes if it is unwilling to bend, adapt and grow?

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to masterforRT)

Post #: 38

RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/21/2008 7:00:16 AM

BlackPhx

Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline

Demented...

The only one who is going to be able to answer this question is you. Only you know when you have had enough, feel that you are the only one involved in a relationship or that you are not getting what you need from it.

We can read your words, and feelings, but we are not there to observe the dynamics and see if both sides are getting the majority of their needs met, or what is happening. I can tell you point blank that for me..if I had to beg 5 or 6 times for a collar, had to arrange and pay for my own piercings/markings etc..I would seriously evaluate just how much Master was involved in the relationship and probably walk, UNLESS there was a legitimate reason for such. Piercings can be expensive..OK, difficult on a limited budget, so that might mean it has to be saved up for. As for the collar, does my behavior warrant one? Have I met his criteria and earned it?

Profiles are another thing...how much does it matter to you that he has one up that says he is looking? Yes you have changed yours to reflect you are not at his behest, but, he may not be that committed or being harassed by submissives seeking his attention. Dominants get far less Cmail than Submissives do on here. Realistically he could pull down his Profile..and open another under a different nick in the next 4 minutes and you would never know. At least you can see this one, and ask him questions.

Again, you get good advice..and while I like MadRabbits advice I want you and all the others to remember something... That Highway has TWO Lanes. If you are not getting what you need from your Dominant..then make a U-turn and take the other lane out of there, His Highway CAN be your Bye Way.

poenkitten who has walked on dominants in the past

< Message edited by BlackPhx -- 9/21/2008 7:01:18 AM >

(in reply to dementdsuby)

Post #: 39

RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/21/2008 7:09:17 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dementdsuby

Gotta tell you - I freaking love you - in a strictly platonic sort of way of course.

A public service announcement to all those sub women who love MadRabbit platonically - you may feel free to use me to satisfy your other needs.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to dementdsuby)

Post #: 40

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