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RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/21/2008 8:20:35 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: masterforRT

Dude, you certainly are eititled to your opinion (and I to mine, and others to theirs), but who voted you (the) all knowing GOD here?

A Master has the final decision as to whether he wants to collar a sub/slave-PERIOD!

A sub can WALK if they don't agree with that decision-PERIOD!

Those two are the black and white of D/s relationships....

Now I suppose that it's up to all of us to determine the gray in between that applies to our unique situation(s)-but to call me wrong for defining the two absolutes shows YOUR sheer ignorance of D/s!

Well Dude.. you show Ignorance for more than you realize.

The final decision is of who is collared is going to be with who ever gives the final decision of if the collar is on or not.

Option 1
Prospective Master..."Place my collar on your neck, your mine now"

Prospective Slave... " um NO asshole...".... <<<<<<<<<<<< final decision made!!!

Option 2 (which happen to be what occurred with Kyra and myself)
Prospective Slave..."Sir, I desire to be collared an own by you"

Prospective Master..." Place my collar on your neck... your mine now" <<<<<<<<<< final decision made

oh there are so many other options to consider............... absolutes rarely exist in general... and clearly your knowledge of D/s is absolutely limited.

< Message edited by KnightofMists -- 9/21/2008 8:21:10 AM >

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to masterforRT)

Post #: 41

RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/21/2008 8:42:15 AM

restlessdreamer

Posts: 60
Joined: 3/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dementdsuby

... How can I get him to.....get of the couch without having to blow him? sorry about that my sarcasm is showing.

That's easy!! With a frying pan of course! Then he'll slump to the floor like a big ol' puddle of goo and you can roll him out the door....all the way to the curb if you wish even.

Just don't forget to lock the door afterwards.

(in reply to dementdsuby)

Post #: 42

RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/21/2008 9:44:52 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I think you gave it up too soon. You removed yourself from the field with no clear idea of what he wanted beyond sticking you in a barn and keeping you for occasional work wear.
You have tried to fix that by getting some sort of public admission that he is involved and not looking, but in 2 yrs it has not worked. It seems pretty clear to me that he may not want to take himself off the field.
Personally, I would have wandered off if he left that gate open.
How badly do you need to have him in your life? Will you be satisfied knowing that he will not acknowlege your need? If not, it is better to cut ties now before you walk deeper into the muck than you can imagine.
Kyst

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 9/21/2008 9:45:27 AM >

(in reply to dementdsuby)

Post #: 43

RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/21/2008 9:58:11 AM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: dementdsuby

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

Wow....a guy afraid of commitment....who would have thought....

I know! I was shocked as well.....thus my need for positive reinforcement. Not that I can count on all of it being positive here at CM

Look, we can speculate all day long. It could be just being a guy or a nefarious underhanded plot by one of the many many evil dominants out there.

But, honestly, if you can't say "Look, we've been together 2 years and I don't feel very secure in the fact that you want to be with me and only me from now on. What's the deal?", you might want to question the fabric and strength of the relationship itself.

*Waves*

You know the answers already, female. If your not happy,talk to him. He's obviously happy with the way things are or He would have made a change.

< Message edited by Icarys -- 9/21/2008 9:59:57 AM >

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

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(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 44

RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/21/2008 11:53:07 AM

dementdsuby

Posts: 12
Joined: 9/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

This is regardless if things work out or not between us. If I owned a submissive or slave, the damn world would know about it. I would not have a profile up that was misleading in any way shape or form

-this is basically what is bothering me.....not to lose my inate modesty here.....but I try to make my play partners proud and I want my Master to be proud/happy/boastful about owning me. It's almost like a slap in the face (and not the good kind) or that's at least how it feels to me when I happen to think about it.

(in reply to WhiplashSmile2)

Post #: 45

RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/21/2008 12:02:20 PM

Kirata

Posts: 15477
Joined: 2/11/2006
From: USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dementdsuby

I am in a quandry, so I am coming to the experts for some help/advice. So, here is my issue.....

I don't know what to make of that... which maybe tells you something.

K.

(in reply to dementdsuby)

Post #: 46

RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/21/2008 12:16:27 PM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
Status: offline

First off, it was an instruction from him that no one knew to whom I belonged. He would tell them.

Second, I applaud your desire for anonymity; because asking advice for something in regards to your personal relationship is something that might breech honesty, openness, respect and trust within your relationship.

The following replies would come from my Sir.
To preface replies, we have been together 18 months...he found me on alt.

quote:

ORIGINAL: dementdsuby

I am in a quandry, so I am coming to the experts for some help/advice. So, here is my issue.....I have been in a LTR .... for the last 2 years. .... So, in these 2 years I have asked, respectfully, for an actual sign of his ownership (a collar) perhaps 6 times. If the ownership does not occur in the mind and soul, an external show will not make ownership so in heart and mind.
My comment as I understand Sir~ collaring me is as paramount to a marriage contract. It is a commitment that he chooses to make once we have reached that level. We are on a journey there. It's important to me. Might I ask why it is so important? Then we discussed getting me pierced, a year later we finally did after I bought everything on my own. Sir does not believe in me getting anymore piercings or tattoos (which I received from the ex). My body belongs to him and he likes it as it is. I am concerned you paid for the piercing. Does this concern you too? 2 months ago I told him I would really appreciate it if he could adjust his profile to mention that he owned a sub, I made that same request. What is good for the goose is good for the gander. I am not allowed to say who owns me. He told me he "would think about it." He rarely goes to that p[profile and if he does, I know for a fact it is to help another. He knows many in the scene in Milwaukee. Many of them know he owns a sub.
We have a profile together and he made for me another profile. He also has a profile which he uses on FF. The profile he uses for a group he started in the area has remained dormant for many months. since we have been together for so long. It still remains unchanged.

I do not question his judgment or the reasons he does things. If there is something I wish to know, he always provides an answer that is honest and asks why I asked it.

Ownership is something of the mind and heart. Just because others use collars doesn't make that something for us to use or for me to challenge. I know we belong to each other. End of story.

(in reply to dementdsuby)

Post #: 47

RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/21/2008 12:18:54 PM

dementdsuby

Posts: 12
Joined: 9/20/2008
Status: offline

Knight
You are correct, the D/s portion seems to have dissappeared at some point in our relationship. Looking back on the last few months, it seems to have become one long stream of simply not having any say in bed. Which can be lovely, but not every night, and no matter how much I practice 45 minutes of serious oral is excessive. And for those that are wondering-I wasn't looking for the diamond studded collar, (or the really cool one I found on JT's) I would be fine with a trip to a pet store. The catalyst of this weekend came when during a very serious discussion about the future, he told me he wanted to buy me a collar "worthy of me" which is a wonderful thing to say, until I remembered the new laptop and HD tv that had been purchased recently.

Thanks to everyone for their input - I felt strange doing this but - its not a subject I can talk about freely. My vanilla friends would require CPR if I complained about not getting that dog collar I have been lusting for.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 48

RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/21/2008 12:25:59 PM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dementdsuby
.....but I try to make my play partners proud and I want my Master to be proud/happy/boastful about owning me.

There lies the major distinction between us and Y/you.
I can count on 3 fingers the play partners over the last 18 months and I do not want to make our play partners proud.
My Sir does not want or need to boast to anyone that he owns me.
The three play partners were there to serve HIM and me.
Personally, I want play partners to walk away and if they talk, tell others he is a genuine Dom and by the way, she is a lucky bitch because he has trained her well.

It is all about him and not me.

(in reply to dementdsuby)

Post #: 49

RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/21/2008 12:46:40 PM

masterforRT

Posts: 176
Joined: 5/16/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: masterforRT

Dude, you certainly are eititled to your opinion (and I to mine, and others to theirs), but who voted you (the) all knowing GOD here?

A Master has the final decision as to whether he wants to collar a sub/slave-PERIOD!

A sub can WALK if they don't agree with that decision-PERIOD!

Those two are the black and white of D/s relationships....

Now I suppose that it's up to all of us to determine the gray in between that applies to our unique situation(s)-but to call me wrong for defining the two absolutes shows YOUR sheer ignorance of D/s!

Well Dude.. you show Ignorance for more than you realize.

The final decision is of who is collared is going to be with who ever gives the final decision of if the collar is on or not.

Option 1
Prospective Master..."Place my collar on your neck, your mine now"

Prospective Slave... " um NO asshole...".... <<<<<<<<<<<< final decision made!!!

Option 2 (which happen to be what occurred with Kyra and myself)
Prospective Slave..."Sir, I desire to be collared an own by you"

Prospective Master..." Place my collar on your neck... your mine now" <<<<<<<<<< final decision made

oh there are so many other options to consider............... absolutes rarely exist in general... and clearly your knowledge of D/s is absolutely limited.

And obviously you have no idea/clue what the word GRAY means!

< Message edited by masterforRT -- 9/21/2008 12:50:26 PM >

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 50

RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/21/2008 2:02:00 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: masterforRT

And obviously you have no idea/clue what the word GRAY means!

LMFAO........... my god you come off giving absolutes.. .I show you how silly such an absolute is and as such things are little more gray than you would like to believe.........and you come back with things being gray......

well... at least your catching up.... here's a cookie for trying hard.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to masterforRT)

Post #: 51

RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/21/2008 2:03:57 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dementdsuby

Knight
You are correct, the D/s portion seems to have dissappeared at some point in our relationship.

I don't envy you and your situation. It would seem that you have to consider a few things about the future of your relationship with him... in particular if you can't rely on his commitments to you.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to dementdsuby)

Post #: 52

RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/21/2008 2:32:44 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

You call him a Gentleman I note, I certainly wouldn't call him that but something more suculant and descriptive and then I'd be calling him directly in what ever mode you usually contact him ~ Phone, smoke signals or carrier pigeon ~ and inform him that unless he is preparted to show some commitment then he can jolly well bugger off as there are plenty of better fish swiming about the duck pond..

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to dementdsuby)

Post #: 53

RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/21/2008 2:37:06 PM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: masterforRT

Dude, you certainly are eititled to your opinion (and I to mine, and others to theirs), but who voted you (the) all knowing GOD here?

I don't know, RT. That sounds like one of those complicated nature vs nurture questions. Was I born this way or did society make me this way?

quote:

A Master has the final decision as to whether he wants to collar a sub/slave-PERIOD!

A sub can WALK if they don't agree with that decision-PERIOD!

Those two are the black and white of D/s relationships....

The price of tea in China, RT.

What decision are we talking about? The decision to avoid commitment? The decision to not do what one said he was going to do initially? Is this inconsistency and weak leadership what a slave should "do nothing and accept"?

When the nuances of a particular situation suggest that communication is in order and the need for the dominant in question to "shit or get off the pot" (Sorry OP, I am not trying to imply that you are a toilet, but if your into toilet play, feel free to take it as a compliment), then posting some textbook nomenclature you read off the back of a matchbook and instructing the submissive to "do nothing and accept" is pretty crappy advice.

quote:

Now I suppose that it's up to all of us to determine the gray in between that applies to our unique situation(s)-but to call me wrong for defining the two absolutes shows YOUR sheer ignorance of D/s!

Your entitled to your opinion, but I will have to weigh that opinion in light of the fact that it's author is someone who believes Dominants in the public scene are automatically given a special degree of respect by simply proclaiming themselves "Dominant".

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 9/21/2008 2:45:07 PM >

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to masterforRT)

Post #: 54

RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/21/2008 2:41:24 PM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

Logic; common sense; life experience; gut feeling - these concepts are new to you, MadRabbit? I s'pose I'd better stay right away from the voodoo/witchcraft of "reading between the lines", then...? lol

The cool part about your post Focus50 was the fact that you identified your assertions as assumptions. I'm not against forming opinions, but come on...what's wrong with a little respect to the fact that those opinions are based on very limited information about something we have never bared witness to?

quote:

See what happens to you when the women stroke your..... errrr.... "ego"(?) too much? *wink*

Focus.

What can I say? It's good to be me.

But, hey, we both know we have been on opposing sides of this same opinion in other past threads so it's safe to say other "things" besides my opinions are what's affected by the "stroking"

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 55

RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/21/2008 2:43:29 PM

MadRabbit

Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dementdsuby

Knight
You are correct, the D/s portion seems to have dissappeared at some point in our relationship. Looking back on the last few months, it seems to have become one long stream of simply not having any say in bed. Which can be lovely, but not every night, and no matter how much I practice 45 minutes of serious oral is excessive. And for those that are wondering-I wasn't looking for the diamond studded collar, (or the really cool one I found on JT's) I would be fine with a trip to a pet store. The catalyst of this weekend came when during a very serious discussion about the future, he told me he wanted to buy me a collar "worthy of me" which is a wonderful thing to say, until I remembered the new laptop and HD tv that had been purchased recently.

Thanks to everyone for their input - I felt strange doing this but - its not a subject I can talk about freely. My vanilla friends would require CPR if I complained about not getting that dog collar I have been lusting for.

In light of that information, I would say Focus50's opinion is pretty accurate and there's something more malicous involved besides a simple "fear of commitment".

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to dementdsuby)

Post #: 56

RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/21/2008 2:46:19 PM

lostkitten2

Posts: 30
Joined: 7/1/2008
Status: offline

Go with your gut feeling over logic. It's there for a reason, and that reason is, sometimes you can rationalize the most insane things.

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 57

RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/21/2008 2:56:46 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lostkitten2

Go with your gut feeling over logic. It's there for a reason, and that reason is, sometimes you can rationalize the most insane things.

I disagree.... go with both... logic tempers feelings and feelings give passion to the logic.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to lostkitten2)

Post #: 58

RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/21/2008 3:07:51 PM

dementdsuby

Posts: 12
Joined: 9/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RealSub58

quote:

ORIGINAL: dementdsuby
.....but I try to make my play partners proud and I want my Master to be proud/happy/boastful about owning me.

There lies the major distinction between us and Y/you.
I can count on 3 fingers the play partners over the last 18 months and I do not want to make our play partners proud.
My Sir does not want or need to boast to anyone that he owns me.
The three play partners were there to serve HIM and me.
Personally, I want play partners to walk away and if they talk, tell others he is a genuine Dom and by the way, she is a lucky bitch because he has trained her well.

It is all about him and not me.

I think you mis-took what I was saying, I meant that I have always tried to make whomever I was with proud of me and my performance. Not that I am all about the multiple play partners and want to be shown off. I am very much about one on one, and being there for my Dom. I am not asking him to crow about me - just acknowledge that his sub exists. But - frankly - I am just as much a person as a sub so its never going to be all about him. I'm not certain I would want it to be - beyond the bond we have in a play scene. A real relationship involves real partners. Thats just my opinion - not trying to start anything mind you.

(in reply to RealSub58)

Post #: 59

RE: In need of some input....(i.e. Help!) - 9/22/2008 3:52:43 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

Logic; common sense; life experience; gut feeling - these concepts are new to you, MadRabbit? I s'pose I'd better stay right away from the voodoo/witchcraft of "reading between the lines", then...? lol

The cool part about your post Focus50 was the fact that you identified your assertions as assumptions. I'm not against forming opinions, but come on...what's wrong with a little respect to the fact that those opinions are based on very limited information about something we have never bared witness to?

Lol, sophistry does not equate to substance but more likely points to a wasted education.... back atcha.

Moving on; practically ALL threads contain limited information and often omit relevant details. And of course, what there is is generally presented from only one perspective - for obvious reasons.... So I'm not lacking any particular "respect" beyond noting that you really are showing a measure of immaturity if you expect OP's to be on a par with sworn affidavits. "Reading between the lines" (as both Celeste and myself did) is probably why responding opinions are so diverse - everything is subject to individual interpretation.... Another concept foreign to you?

quote:

quote:

See what happens to you when the women stroke your..... errrr.... "ego"(?) too much? *wink*

Focus.

What can I say? It's good to be me.

But, hey, we both know we have been on opposing sides of this same opinion in other past threads so it's safe to say other "things" besides my opinions are what's affected by the "stroking"

Thing is, Celeste is too often the grounded voice of reason and common sense around here and your attack on her seemed born of transparent ego frenzy - ie, all the confidence and self-righteous conviction of a teenager proclaiming himself love-God for popping his cherry. That or I should start believing in coincidence? Yeah, that'll happen any day now....

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to MadRabbit)

Post #: 60

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