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Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/20/2008 8:14:08 PM   
MaleSlaveAnon


Posts: 3
Joined: 9/14/2008
Status: offline 		i'm sorry for this being so long, maybe i'll figure out what i should have left out from responses.

i began an online relationship with a Pro-Domme, P.S., followed up by a weekend trip to see P.S., and She seems to expect that i have no second thoughts about being owned by Her.  

i'm 65 and a strategy for finding a dominant woman is approaching professionals.  Though my ideal is being a slave husband to a wife, on collarme i find a ratio of only 3 dominant women to 255 slave and sub men ages 60 to70.  i feel time is running out for fulfilling my submissive desires before sexuality is gone after years of looking, writing ad responses, going to munches, parties.

i still have mental reservations however:

1.  i don't know how far She will take me into slavery, too much or not enough.
2.  would i keep good spiritual and work energy renting and living in an apartment for Her to use to see clients.
3.  i'm giving up the possibility of love (except developing slave love for Her over time) and being in a primary relationship with a woman since P.S.'s primary relationship is Her slave-bf who She'll have children with.
4.  Will i not be able to afford enough tribute to fulfill my needs?
5.  i could live in Bali and Thailand half the year every year for what i'll be paying in tribute.
6.  won't i end up devoting myself to Her, and lose my own life, goals, and dreams, especially if She decides to be demanding
7.  i've never done 24/7, will i lose erotic interest if there's lots of service and little play
8. She likes financial domination which i am resisting, will She give me an obsession for this like i think has happened to men so She can take or i even want to give Her all my retirement money risking Her putting me out on the street.  She's gone beyond the 1,000 a month limit i asked for.  (i've experienced wanting to give everything i had to a Mistress girlfriend in the past.) 
9. If we including the children She wants with Her slave bf to be husband develop into a poly family,  will i develop the liking, loving, knowing, common interests, values, and conversations that people have said needs to be there for LT relationships.  i don't feel able to do this with Her so far, but She didn't talk much to Her slave-bf either.
10.  For the $1200 tribute to see Her overnight as She wants me to do monthly i felt i got little of Her attention, Her being either in Her room or with Her friends, so i start thinking i'd much rather try developing a relationship with someone local with 6 $200 sessions and have 6 hours of play time with full attention instead of 30 minutes of full attention play time and a couple of hours of foot worship while She was on the internet or talking with Her friends.  Plus after Her first online "session" She never did another.
11.  How do i know She really has interest in me other being a Professional who says what She has to to make me think so to exploit me to be sure She keeps my $1,000 to $1,500 a month coming in, business being slow for Her and money short?

When i just mentioned a few of my underlying feelings (with NONE of the specificity of the above) She said She doesn't like this and if i'm having second thoughts why should She waste Her time with me?  Well that doesn't have me feel i can actually discuss much with Her, except very carefully.

She also said She owns me now and there is nothing i can do about it.  That part may be true cause i already have cravings so i'll keep seeing Her and getting in deeper.  She has hit upon my fantasy of wanting to be taken over, and in person i automatically obey Her.  When i'm not quite so submissive i start being realistic and practical and i have my reservations, but i find most Pro-Dommes only will do sessions and not take on a slave.  Were i to look elsewhere i'm afraid it'd be hard to find someone and what issues would there be with them?  So i think i'd just end up begging Her to let me back (reference AAkasha's "Understanding why subs do flake" thread).

BUT, wouldn't She understand and expect me to, and WANT me to be rational enough to be having second thoughts when we've had very little interaction and dialogue, the plan would include me moving 400 miles to live near Her, when i don't know what my life would be like as Her slave (and She doesn't either--i asked), when i haven't been broken yet, when i'm paying tribute that is substantial to me?  While i can see Her knowing She wants to own me for the money and might stay uninvolved, i expect real involvement to develop only over time, including Her confidence that She does indeed own and have control of me.  i think a female slave would be advised to be careful about entering into something and take her time. 

YES, when i'm in Her presence and feel Her dominance and put in my place, i'm glad just for the opportunity to be Her slave, and my reservations are forgotten and secondary and i know i'm glad to be in Her power and would beg Her to forget these silly concerns of mine or for me to think i might have any rights anyway and i'm grateful for what freedoms She's been allowing me.     

YET, maybe this is an attitude for Dommes, the submissive should beg to be their slave, should be happy and grateful for the opportunity to serve them anyway the Domme wants and get their pleasure from that, right from the getgo, or don't even respond, there's so many submissive men why bother with one that has reservations.  (As a sub, i wonder will it be just painting or cleaning Her house without me even feeling any domination?)

Maybe this is the problem (again reference Aakasha's thread about subs flaking) that there are times i and other subs WILL do this, so Dommes get plenty of men who WILL go for this and therefore rightly expect it, though sometimes the sub can't keep it up, if the Domme isn't putting anything into it. 

i guess i don't feel i have the luxury of having reservations and just have to play it out until it works out or something drives me away or i've become so addicted already that even though i should be driven away i have to live with whatever it is.         


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RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/20/2008 8:18:03 PM   
LadyLupineNYC


Posts: 618
Joined: 12/14/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		Short answer- your needs and her needs do not seem to match.  I get that you feel 'time is running out' but that is no reason to be miserable.  Your 'addiction' also seems to be based more on your need to feel you are 'serving', NOT on her as a person.

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RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/20/2008 8:25:37 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Okay... you were born yesterday.  You are being sold a bill of goods and you see it... but you don't want to give it up... You know your answers... don't be silly... run the fuck away!

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RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/20/2008 8:27:24 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		I think that the first thing you need to face up to is that she's only interested in you for your money.  Once you accept that, the other questions and concerns should be easier for you to tackle.

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RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/20/2008 8:32:19 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
You are being used.

Akasha


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RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/20/2008 8:43:04 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Look... many for a whole lot of reasons, feel the pressure of time running out and fear not finding the one that they can be with.  You are not alone.  But to even consider giving up all you want and need, rightly or wrongly, to get so little and give so much, doesn't make sense even to you.  You don't need us to tell you this, deep down you know it.  Are you crying out for help... someone to take you under their wing and save you?  I don't like being harsh... but you need to wake up and stop that negative thinking of time and figures suggesting you cannot find what you want.  You cannot be so afraid of being alone that you would not live true to yourself.  If you do this... you only have one person to blame when the money runs out and she kicks you to the curb.  To think that she might one day care for you is the draw... darlin, if you run to this and not away... there is no excuse and you will be kicking your own ass.

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RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/20/2008 9:56:51 PM   
Usako


Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		I guess age really doesn't always equal experience huh? 65 and you're gonna let this woman steal your money so you can live your fantasy while she uses you?

Tell her to shove off. Maybe you'd have better luck if you didn't only use collarme to find a mate. I don't know all the things you need but maybe even a vanilla wife could meet some of them. Not all kinky people troll BDSM sites, some just don't know how kinky they are.

But then again, maybe you are looking or have looked in other places. I'd rather be alone than be with someone who was using me honestly.

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RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/20/2008 10:08:00 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		ok well i am not with the folks that seem to be saying that if money is involved no real feeling from her can exist, i am a pro and that is not my experiance.

however i will say that it seems that you are not matching up well, and if pros are your answer, then i am sure you can find a better match.

no one can own you till you let them.

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This is him

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RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/20/2008 10:11:25 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		A pro can feel something for a client slave, but in this case, she is taking him for his money and not respecting his limitations and is trying to pull one off by claiming him and all that nonsense.  The only thing pro about this one seems to be scammer.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
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RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/20/2008 10:20:33 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		well not sure if she is a scammer ie i dont know if she ever promised more then she is delivering....

but it does seem as though his needs are not being met....and that he should look at all his other options...

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




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RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/21/2008 2:26:39 AM   
MsSaskia


Posts: 415
Joined: 9/9/2004
From: Denver
Status: offline 		It sounds like your expectations of the relationship are vastly different from hers.  If you don't clear things up now, in the beginning, they will not become less complex or pleasant as time passes.  People are on their best behavior at the beginning of a relationship.  If this is her best behavior, what do you think her worst will be like?  More compassionate?  More understanding?  Less exploitational?

If you have the disposable income, travel around to see other professionals.  It doesn't sound like you're particularly enamored of her but are willing to settle.  It also sounds like the lines between professional vs personal relationship are very blurred.  Again, clarify things with her now before you make such a significant emotional and financial investment.

I would not ask a client to devote that large a chunk of their finances to me unless I knew they could afford it and I felt that boundaries were clear and that they'd be getting their needs met.  When I've had clients that've fallen in love with me and I've known I can't/won't return that emotion, continuing to see them as clients is unfair to them and I encourage them to seek out other dominants, professional or otherwise.  If I felt that I could return the emotion, I would most likely have phased that person out as a client and in as a personal partner/submissive.

Edit to add:  I'd be leery of anyone presuming a long-term arrangement or permanent relationship after one meeting, whether it was professional or not.  Compatability is something you both have to feel. 

< Message edited by MsSaskia -- 9/21/2008 2:28:44 AM >

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RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/21/2008 3:21:23 AM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		I messaged you privately, MSA.

You know you are settling. Don't.

You know you deserve more than the crumbs from her table. So then, seek and ye shall find. Have a liitle faith in yourself and your abilities. Take time.

If it were me I'd cut off ALL contact ( ignore, delete, block, change your number, whatever it takes for you to move on) right now.

Whatever you do, DO NOT move to be closer to her. That would be a big mistake.

You would never bite into dogshit and expect it to taste like chocolate, right?  What you have with her is not a personal relationship, its a business association. Stop trying to make it more when clearly that's all the other party is interested in. She just wants your money. Find someone who cares about you.

< Message edited by dreamerdreaming -- 9/21/2008 3:38:06 AM >

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RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/21/2008 3:29:47 AM   
LadyLupineNYC


Posts: 618
Joined: 12/14/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline 		To be fair, we have no idea what kind of client he is either.  I have been there, it;s not that they are bg people, per say, but it can make all the differance.  I still stand by my feeling that he and her have very diffrent needs. 

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RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/21/2008 4:10:43 AM   
MsCfromMelbourne


Posts: 777
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		You could live in Thailand half the year?

The pro-dommes there are dirt cheap (by Aussie/US/UK standards).  And gorgeous!!

And you never know.....plenty of older guys fall madly in love with Thai ladies and never come home....

Get a new dream, OP.  This lady seems - based on your one weekend with her - a very unromantic option.


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RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/21/2008 4:25:52 AM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

well not sure if she is a scammer ie i dont know if she ever promised more then she is delivering....


quote:

ORIGINAL: MaleSlaveAnon
2.  would i keep good spiritual and work energy renting and living in an apartment for Her to use to see clients.
8. She's gone beyond the 1,000 a month limit i asked for. 
10.  For the $1200 tribute to see Her overnight as She wants me to do monthly i felt i got little of Her attention, Her being either in Her room or with Her friends, so i start thinking i'd much rather try developing a relationship with someone local with 6 $200 sessions and have 6 hours of play time with full attention instead of 30 minutes of full attention play time and a couple of hours of foot worship while She was on the internet or talking with Her friends.  Plus after Her first online "session" She never did another.
11.  How do i know She really has interest in me other being a Professional who says what She has to to make me think so to exploit me to be sure She keeps my $1,000 to $1,500 a month coming in, business being slow for Her and money short?

When i just mentioned a few of my underlying feelings (with NONE of the specificity of the above) She said She doesn't like this and if i'm having second thoughts why should She waste Her time with me?  Well that doesn't have me feel i can actually discuss much with Her, except very carefully.

She also said She owns me now and there is nothing i can do about it.


I think she is a scammer.

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 9/21/2008 4:30:21 AM >

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RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/21/2008 4:55:33 AM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyLupineNYC
To be fair, we have no idea what kind of client he is either. 


He is a client who is being asked to move 400 miles and rent an apartment so she can use this apartment to see other clients. He is a client who has been told that to have a relationship with her, he will need to tribute her $1200 once a month to spend one night with her, during which she spends little time giving him attention.

I'd say he is a pretty convenient client for her.

He is a client who is being given a pitch that is supposed to resemble a personal relationship however he feels that the types of conversation that need to occur for a personal relationship have not occurred. He is a client who has been discouraged from discussing concerns he has about how the relationship is developing.

To be fair, do we have an idea of what kind of domme she is?

Cheers,

Sea

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RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/21/2008 5:24:15 AM   
Sylverdawn


Posts: 1123
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I would say He is the blank check for her.. and his retirement is at risk... and he is a fucking fool not to find someone LOCAL and affordable.. if he is going to pay for the screwing at least he should be able to eat more than one meal.

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RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/21/2008 6:11:05 AM   
LadyLupineNYC


Posts: 618
Joined: 12/14/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: undergroundsea



To be fair, do we have an idea of what kind of domme she is?

Cheers,

Sea


You're right, maybe they deserve each other.  While that does seem an unreasonable list, we have no idea what she has been offer by him either.  I am just pointing out that, while I am dubious of her, I am ALSO dubious of him.


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RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/21/2008 7:15:33 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		For what it's worth, it sounds to me like the OP is trying to get something out of this that it was never intended to be. He's said that this is a pro Domme, and yet, to listen to his post, it seems that he has hopes of developing a -relationship- with this woman. She's been clear that she -has- a boyfriend who will occupy her attention and be her primary companion, and it seems to me that the relationship she has with the poster is really strictly a monetary, rather one-sided situation.

Clearly, what he thought he was paying or and what the domina thought he was paying for were completely different arrangements.

IF he were to continue to see this particular domina, I think it would be worth his while to get the terms of their arrangement in writing, including what he will be getting for his $1000-1500 a month -- how much exclusive time, what activities would be included in the fee, what limits both sides have, etc. This is a -business deal-. It is possible to develop a relationship with a pro-domme that can be satisfying, but it requires both an ethical domme and a submissive who knows exactly what he's getting and feels he's getting his money's worth.

I would not relocate to follow a pro domme, were it me. I might relocate, given the opportunity, to a place where I'd have a busy, active BDSM community, but just like I wouldn't move to Chicago to follow my hairdresser, I wouldn't leave my established community to follow a pro domme.

JMO,

Calla Firestorm

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RE: Confused, in too fast with ProDomme? - 9/21/2008 7:17:08 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		sea you make a good point, i missed the part where she demanded more then what he was able to spend.....the truth is none of us know....my point is that there are folks out there that want that sort of reltionship...its not good or bad...it just would not work for me....and i dont think it will work for him based on what he says....

OP; please dont spend good money after bad, if you walk away from this thing with a lesson about what you are willing to accept or not accept for your self and your life....1200.00 is a bargain.

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to LadyLupineNYC)
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