How do I deal with something that was said to me but was innapropriate?

How do I deal with something that was said to me but was innapropriate? (Full Version)

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HotFaerieMama -> How do I deal with something that was said to me but was innapropriate? (9/21/2008 12:17:00 PM)
a good friend of mine. said to me the other day ( on yim) " what would happen if i took ownership of you by force of will alone?" and this scared me and i cried. i immediately told my Master who has since then spoken with my friend. i am very upset because i trusted my friend. and thought that he would respect the fact that i am collared. i'm not sure why he said this or what his original intentions were. i am not questioning the friendship and i am very hurt. my question is. why would someone say something like that to someone who they know is collared ? my friend tried to claim it was a joke... but i know better. and so does he. if anyone can help me sort this out i'd appreciate it

CalifChick -> RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me but was innapropriate? (9/21/2008 12:20:15 PM)
I'm not sure I understand why you got so upset and cried. Do you usually deal with broken boundaries that way? Was there a kernel of truth to what he said? A friend and I were joking around, and he got a little too forceful in what he said, and I told him he crossed a line and he said he realized it as soon as he said it. Apologies happened, we moved on. No reason for drama. Cali

HotFaerieMama -> RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me but was innapropriate? (9/21/2008 12:24:15 PM)
back when i had first started talking to my friend i would react to him quite strongly.. but its been almost a year.. since i've heard his voice.. so i have no clue if i'd react that way or not.. there's a small small chance that he could do it.. but he said he wouldn't and i hope he dosen't... i usually don't get this upset over things like this.. .. but it touched on something.. and it really scared me...

christine1 -> RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me but was innapropriate? (9/21/2008 12:30:37 PM)
just because he talks about trying to own you by force doesnt' mean he will even if he did try it. i think there is that whole consensuality thing and all...you could just say no and walk away.

Lockit -> RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me but was innapropriate? (9/21/2008 12:30:58 PM)
I'm confused. You said a friend said this the other day... and in your next post you mention that it has been a year since you heard his voice. My answer depends on what really happened here. If he said this the other day... time will heal the betrayal wound you might be feeling. If it happened a year ago and you haven't been taken by force and are still thinking about it... get good counsel quickly and not from a message board.

GreedyTop -> RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me but was innapropriate? (9/21/2008 12:34:19 PM)
Lockit.. he said it to her on Yahoo msgr

Kalista07 -> RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me but was innapropriate? (9/21/2008 12:34:47 PM)
HFM, Nice to see you posting again....i can sort of understand where You are coming from...In the past, i had a 'relationship' with someone who was supposed to be my 'guardian' (do NOT get me started on the whole bullshit aspect of that) anyway, that was well over a year and a half ago. And only recently have i been able to block him on YIM. He continued to treat me in negative, degrading ways.....and finally i thought to myself, "FUCK THIS SHIT!!" i deserve better than this...i deserve friends who are going to support me, encourage me, and respect my boundaries. Not sure where things are at with You these days...If You want to talk, my cm box is open to Ya. Kali

CalifChick -> RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me but was innapropriate? (9/21/2008 12:38:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HotFaerieMama back when i had first started talking to my friend i would react to him quite strongly.. but its been almost a year.. since i've heard his voice.. so i have no clue if i'd react that way or not.. there's a small small chance that he could do it.. but he said he wouldn't and i hope he dosen't... i usually don't get this upset over things like this.. .. but it touched on something.. and it really scared me... Seriously? It sounds like you need to re-assess your current relationship if you can be "stolen away" by the sheer will of another. Either that or re-assess your own self-control. Cali

impishlilhellcat -> RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me but was innapropriate? (9/21/2008 12:43:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HotFaerieMama back when i had first started talking to my friend i would react to him quite strongly.. but its been almost a year.. since i've heard his voice.. so i have no clue if i'd react that way or not.. there's a small small chance that he could do it.. but he said he wouldn't and i hope he dosen't... i usually don't get this upset over things like this.. .. but it touched on something.. and it really scared me... Why wouldn't you fight him if he did it or let him know it was completely inappropriate? He asked a question why didn't you just say that's unacceptable and inappropriate I'm collared you need to respect that or we will no longer continue to be friends? Just out of curiosity

Lockit -> RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me but was innapropriate? (9/21/2008 12:45:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick quote: ORIGINAL: HotFaerieMama back when i had first started talking to my friend i would react to him quite strongly.. but its been almost a year.. since i've heard his voice.. so i have no clue if i'd react that way or not.. there's a small small chance that he could do it.. but he said he wouldn't and i hope he dosen't... i usually don't get this upset over things like this.. .. but it touched on something.. and it really scared me... Seriously? It sounds like you need to re-assess your current relationship if you can be "stolen away" by the sheer will of another. Either that or re-assess your own self-control. Cali This was the other red flag for me. The strong reactions from the begining... and then this. I think there is a whole lot more here and stick with the idea of counseling. One cannot go around in a sense accusing another and yet resistantly open to their force. This guy may have picked up on that and said something and then is accused and defamed and gets a talking to by her master... which is all good, unless he has been set up.

masterforRT -> RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me but was innapropriate? (9/21/2008 12:57:12 PM)
I dunno.... You say "get lost" (or another phrase beginning with F and ending with U), push the off button on your computer and go out into the sunshine? Being a submissive doesn't make you a doormat you know...

DesFIP -> RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me but was innapropriate? (9/21/2008 12:58:59 PM)
You look him in the eye and say "fine, if you don't mind going to jail for kidnapping". The truth is, that unless you want to be with him he cannot force you to despite him willing it with all his might. His will has nothing to do with your will. He is responsible for his actions, and if they are illegal, he is responsible for the consequences. Now if you actually have a hankering to be with this dude and don't think you can stop yourself from ripping off your clothes and making mad, passionate love to him, then you lose your present relationship should you do it. Beyond that; if you feel uncomfortable with him now, you tell him. "Dude, your comment was uncalled for and has made me think you're an untrustworthy creep. Don't call me anymore because I don't need friends like you, nobody does". Draw your lines and don't let people overstep your boundaries.

sblady -> RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me but was innapropriate? (9/21/2008 1:07:20 PM)
I have a few Dominant friends and although I'm not currently in a relationship, they cannot make me do anything against my will. I had one that didn't care for something I did, which I shared with him. He said "I think I should punish you". Um, well...I don't think so. My response: Hmmm.....how can you do that when I don't belong to you? He backpedaled, cleaned up his statement and has not tried to "dominate" me again. No one can force you to do something you don't want to do, unless you're physically overpowered by them (then you contact the appropriate authorities). If this "friend" was serious with his statement and you feel that he can make you do something, you need delete him from your list of "friends".

CruelDesires -> RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me but was innapropriate? (9/21/2008 1:08:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HotFaerieMama a person to whom I thought was my friend . said to me the other day ( on yim) " what would happen if i took ownership of you by force of will alone?" and this scared me and i cried. i immediately told my Master who has since then spoken with this former friend. i am very upset because i trusted my former friend. and thought that he would respect the fact that i am collared. i'm not sure why he said this or what his original intentions were. i am not questioning the friendship and i am very hurt. my question is. why would someone say something like that to someone who they know is collared ? my former friend tried to claim it was a joke... but i know better. and so does he. if anyone can help me sort this out i'd appreciate it Fixed it for you. Sounds like you dont need to communicate with this former friend any more. C-D

BOUNTYHUNTER -> RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me but was innapropriate? (9/21/2008 1:12:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HotFaerieMama a good friend of mine. said to me the other day ( on yim) " what would happen if i took ownership of you by force of will alone?" and this scared me and i cried. i immediately told my Master who has since then spoken with my friend. i am very upset because i trusted my friend. and thought that he would respect the fact that i am collared. i'm not sure why he said this or what his original intentions were. i am not questioning the friendship and i am very hurt. my question is. why would someone say something like that to someone who they know is collared ? my friend tried to claim it was a joke... but i know better. and so does he. if anyone can help me sort this out i'd appreciate it Hello girl, maybe it was a joke that backfired...ITS good to see you OL again...Bounty

phoenixrising43 -> RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me but was innapropriate? (9/21/2008 1:17:09 PM)
I guess I would just block him and turn off the computer. If someone told me they would take me by force of will alone, and then actually tried it real life...I would have to file a restraining order.

Jeffff -> RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me but was innapropriate? (9/21/2008 1:20:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: phoenixrising43 I guess I would just block him and turn off the computer. If someone told me they would take me by force of will alone, and then actually tried it real life...I would have to file a restraining order. Which is why the old saying is wrong............ you can really only rape the willing..... Jeff

AMaster -> RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me but was innapropriate? (9/21/2008 1:22:51 PM)
Tell him how you feel about it. If he understands you did not like the comment, then let it go and move on.

SlaveIndigochild -> RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me but was innapropriate? (9/21/2008 1:35:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HotFaerieMama a good friend of mine. said to me the other day ( on yim) " what would happen if i took ownership of you by force of will alone?" and this scared me and i cried. i immediately told my Master who has since then spoken with my friend. i am very upset because i trusted my friend. and thought that he would respect the fact that i am collared. i'm not sure why he said this or what his original intentions were. i am not questioning the friendship and i am very hurt. my question is. why would someone say something like that to someone who they know is collared ? my friend tried to claim it was a joke... but i know better. and so does he. if anyone can help me sort this out i'd appreciate it In my humble opinion? If there is still residual emotion then there is still a residual relationship. Particularly if you have reacted so strongly to something on Yahoo. I think there is unfinished business.....definitely.

Lockit -> RE: How do I deal with something that was said to me but was innapropriate? (9/21/2008 1:42:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SlaveIndigochild quote: ORIGINAL: HotFaerieMama a good friend of mine. said to me the other day ( on yim) " what would happen if i took ownership of you by force of will alone?" and this scared me and i cried. i immediately told my Master who has since then spoken with my friend. i am very upset because i trusted my friend. and thought that he would respect the fact that i am collared. i'm not sure why he said this or what his original intentions were. i am not questioning the friendship and i am very hurt. my question is. why would someone say something like that to someone who they know is collared ? my friend tried to claim it was a joke... but i know better. and so does he. if anyone can help me sort this out i'd appreciate it In my humble opinion? If there is still residual emotion then there is still a residual relationship. Particularly if you have reacted so strongly to something on Yahoo. I think there is unfinished business.....definitely. I agree... the solution... both dominant's reading this thread. One most likely wouldn't like that the other could maybe have a chance to... steal her away by his will and the other... might not like being fingered as... the evil dom saying and implying things he shouldn't, then seeing the mixed signals and push me pull me thing.

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