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Controlling my Slave - 9/28/2008 3:11:42 PM

MrDW

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I am new to being a master and my slave is slightly more experianced than I. In regular life she is a strong woman and this shines through when I am trying to assert myself. I am have a dominant character but I am not really sure what I can say or do to keep more control.

I would like to know if anyone has some good advice on making some progress in asserting dominance and punishing my slave. I am not at all into hurting my slave so I need more mental punishments. The only real one I have so far is making her sit on a mat by the bed for a predetermined period of time (usually until I have explained why she is there). Other than more extreme measures - to me extreme - does anyone have any advice?

Thanks ...

Post #: 1

RE: Controlling my Slave - 9/28/2008 3:16:41 PM

DiurnalVampire

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Do you really want to keep punishing her, or do you want to control her and get rid of the need for punishment. If it is a recurrent thing, it sounds more like you need to sit her down and explain to her what is expected and what will not be tolerated any longer. If she wants to be your slave, then she has to check the "powerful personality" at the door and agree who is in control. My slave has a very powerful personality, but it doesnt get in the way of his submission to me because he WANTS to be submissive.

As for suggesting better punishments, we do not know enough about your dynamic to even begin to make suggestions. What works for Fox might not work at all for your girl. I would start by making sure you outline her boundaries and make her see where her place is within them. Maybe she needs you to be more explicit about what you expect rather than getting punished when she oversteps. Since you are new, she might need to know more of whats expected and she will behave accordingly, and her missteps have truly been accidental rather than challenging.

DV

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RE: Controlling my Slave - 9/28/2008 3:22:44 PM

NumberSix

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Well depends, you are asserting yourself in what way, and she is asserting herself in what way?......I mean if she is really good and smart, I am gonna grab her up and kiss the shit outta her, and say, honey you are absolutely brilliant, and then kick the dog fuck outta her for smarting off.

I mean look, do you know how long I can lecture and explain, and say the same thing over and over and over and over, and over, and over, and over, and over
(DO THIS FOR SEVERAL PAGES) in the same monotonous dispassionate tone while she says nothing and must look at me in rapt adoration?

At some point, someone is just gonna say....it is soooooooooooooooooooooo, not worth it, it ain't ever been me.

The idea is like 'slave, if you are so good and there is gonna be two captains on this ship, you wont mind delivering me a 546 page brief on the ramifications of this proposal by friday after dinner, and I will peruse it while you sit there at the ready to answer any question I may ask.

5 ...........oh, god, is it ever gonna be 6?

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RE: Controlling my Slave - 9/28/2008 3:28:39 PM

Rule

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If she is your slave, then why the need to punish her? The master-slave dynamic is relatively simple: the master commands and the slave obeys, provided the task is within her capabilities. If she does not obey, then usually the master is at fault for giving her a task that she is not capable to perform.

So what did you command her to do that she could not? Driving on the wrong side of the road?

(in reply to MrDW)

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RE: Controlling my Slave - 9/28/2008 3:57:54 PM

chamberqueen

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From: Kalamazoo, MI
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Standing with a nose in the corner can be effective, or "closet time" - being completely ignored for an unprescribed amount of time. The time often seems much longer than it really is.

You will have to decide whether their is true disobedience or just an air about her of continuing to be strong. Your description didn't give us much to work with. I am a very intelligent slave, and my Master typically takes delight in that and allows my creativity to shine by not micromanaging things but allowing me to make certain choices in how I do things. As an example, there are times He will simply say "please me" and then I am to come up with something that I believe will make Him very happy. Other times He gives very direct orders and I follow them to the best of my ability.

You don't want to squelch who she is, but find a way to best blend it into your dynamic. It is one thing if her tone of voice implies that she feels smarter and better qualified than you; quite another if she simply isn't going glassy eyed and still seems to be thinking on her own.

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RE: Controlling my Slave - 9/28/2008 4:09:00 PM

MadRabbit

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I would probably go with something along the lines of "Do you understand that you belong to me?" and then assuming that has been clearly established and understood, I would probably follow up with "Ok, so what is the problem?"

Asserting your dominance and punishing her with cute little mind fucks in order to show her your the boss tends to translate into showing YOU that your the boss. Put your ego aside and try dealing with her one-on-one to try and iron out whatever is ruining the fabric of your dynamic.

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 9/28/2008 4:11:14 PM >

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RE: Controlling my Slave - 9/28/2008 4:11:33 PM

Rule

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If she is not a slave, but a submissive, your attempts at control may destroy her and you will end up with an irreversibly damaged and therefore worthless sub, having destroyed the limitless treasure that a sub is.

How can you start to be a dominant? You apparently do not know what you are doing. Do you know her?

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RE: Controlling my Slave - 9/28/2008 10:33:32 PM

bubblesoffun

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My owner puts me in the coner, somtimes with a index card to hold or just my nose having to be on the wall the whole time. This makes me remeber to always be reaspect to him and reminds me who is in boss. Hope everything works out for you :)

(in reply to MrDW)

Post #: 8

RE: Controlling my Slave - 9/28/2008 11:09:50 PM

NihilusZero

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From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule
The master-slave dynamic is relatively simple: the master commands and the slave obeys, provided the task is within her capabilities.

Bingo.

(To the OP:)
She is either not actually a slave at all (and hasn't reflected enough on what it means to her and to whom she'd share it with enough to verbalize things to you) or she's enjoying the game of testing your "dominance"...essentially topping from the bottom.

What do you want from the interaction? Will you enjoy playing the game and counter by testing her limits, or do you actually want to go through the process because you have actual obedience as the goal?

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(in reply to Rule)

Post #: 9

RE: Controlling my Slave - 9/28/2008 11:47:10 PM

aravain

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Sorry I'm not a master but I have an idea or two...

First: Are you actually in a Master and Slave dynamic, or a Dominant/Submissive one? It sounds a lot more like the latter from what little you've posted. If you're not sure (or if she's never actually ASKED/OFFERED/WHATEVER to be your slave (using that word)) then you need to talk to her. It could be that she enjoys having that 'disobedience' taken from her, and THAT'S where she gets off in the dynamic (I'm the same way).

I'm going to assume that you're in a Dominant/Submissive relationship for my next ideas

Second, in order to add an extra dynamic to your current punishment:

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDW
The only real one I have so far is making her sit on a mat by the bed for a predetermined period of time (usually until I have explained why she is there).

Why not make HER explain why she is there and not tell her when you send her there? THAT would get me, it would also make me think a lot, and, even better, make my dominant appear even more 'omniscient' or observant for it.

Plus it puts it on the submissive to change the behavior, and makes sure that they understand, not just know, why they're there.

Third: You can always ignore bad behavior and reward good behavior. The basics of this would have her needing to request to use her privileges normally... when she asks, just say no if she hasn't done up to standard. When she's been exemplary, give her extra, or maybe a treat (for instance, she only gets 30 minutes of TV time usually, give her 30 more(increasing the privilege), or watch a movie with her (a treat))

The most important aspect is that she doesn't ALWAYS get privileges even if she's done well... and she knows it, so you still get the feeling that you've 'punished' her, and she will regularly try harder to please you in order to definitely get the privilege she wants/needs for the day.

*shrug* just throwing them out there.

< Message edited by aravain -- 9/28/2008 11:49:18 PM >

(in reply to MrDW)

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RE: Controlling my Slave - 9/29/2008 2:48:50 AM

MrDW

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Thanks for your replies. It is good to see what a diverse range of replies you get from such little information. Allot of it is good food for thought and yes, I am a novice at this (but we all have to start somewhere). My girl is, I feel, somewhat confused about what she actually wants and I will talk to her about that; she is more submissive than slave. I personally do not want to control (or even punish) her, but when I do ask her to "please me", she only asks what is it that I want and almost refuses to budge. I like the independant thought because she is very intelligent (somewhat more than myself but I am far from stupid) and I feel that she should use that to shine through.

quote:

If she wants to be your slave, then she has to check the "powerful personality" at the door and agree who is in control

I think this is very profound. I want her to excel at her job and be the dynamic character she is, but I want to be master of my house. Not in some sort of authoritarian way, but in a more D/s way.

I am a novice, but I thank you all for sharing your thoughts, I learnt allot from this thread... (I still welcome more sharing though :) )

(in reply to aravain)

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RE: Controlling my Slave - 9/29/2008 3:01:43 AM

Rule

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDW
when I do ask her to "please me", she only asks what is it that I want

That is because you are not specific in your command. If it pleases you to have three grains of salt on your potatoes, you must tell her so. Otherwise she may give you two grains, or four, or none at all.

(in reply to MrDW)

Post #: 12

RE: Controlling my Slave - 9/29/2008 3:11:43 AM

MrDW

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true

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RE: Controlling my Slave - 9/29/2008 4:09:40 AM

Dnomyar

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I would tend to go with mad rabbit on this one.

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RE: Controlling my Slave - 9/29/2008 4:15:03 AM

simpleplan2

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A lot also depends upon how well you know each other. She may not really know what would be pleasing to you OR she may think that the stuff she already does is pleasing and is hard pressed to come up with something new. Yeah, I'm with MR on this one too.

< Message edited by simpleplan2 -- 9/29/2008 4:22:36 AM >

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Post #: 15

RE: Controlling my Slave - 9/29/2008 4:20:24 AM

slaveluci

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From: Little Rock, AR
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrDW
when I do ask her to "please me", she only asks what is it that I want

That is because you are not specific in your command. If it pleases you to have three grains of salt on your potatoes, you must tell her so. Otherwise she may give you two grains, or four, or none at all.

Very good point. With time, she MAY be able to "please" you well without specific instructions on certain things. I've said here numerous times that Master will often say pretty much the same thing to me : "Please me, girl." He does this because He knows I KNOW exactly how to do that. Did I know that on day one? He thinks I pretty much did

but I didn't. In general ways, sure, but not in very specific ways. Now, I do.

In time, you can probably just say "please me" and have it work out wonderfully. In the mean time, it's going to take a little work on your part teaching her just HOW to best do that. Good luck...............luci

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RE: Controlling my Slave - 9/29/2008 4:50:06 AM

DesFIP

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How can she know what would please you if you don't teach her?
She's asked for clarification and you refuse to give it. Why?

Is it really that hard to say that what pleases you is having the coffee ready for you when you get out of the shower, with 2 sugars and cream? Or that what you want when you come home is for her to sit at your feet, remove your boots and socks, and rub your feet.

She isn't a mindreader and you are refusing to communicate with her. If I were her I would refuse punishment simply because it hadn't been earned. You are punishing her for not reading your mind. That is totally unacceptable. You apparently don't know what would please you yet you think she ought to? WTF?

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RE: Controlling my Slave - 9/29/2008 6:00:48 AM

MrDW

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Don't get carried away on the pleasing bit, it was more an example than the rule. My girl does very well know how to please me (I don't refuse to communicate with her), it was more an example of trying to get the symbios between myself and her. More an example of the division between a submissive being creative about what she wants to do to "please me" or needing total direction.

The advice here - I think - is to be clearer about the direction that I want her to grow into, using her stronger more assertive sides to her character. She is a very intellgent and able person and I want her to be able to use that.

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RE: Controlling my Slave - 9/29/2008 7:03:04 AM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit
I would probably go with something along the lines of "Do you understand that you belong to me?" and then assuming that has been clearly established and understood, I would probably follow up with "Ok, so what is the problem?"

*spits coffee*... Damn you Mad Rabbit for getting here with the obvious comment first.. *laughs again and wipes off his monitor*

(in reply to MadRabbit)

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RE: Controlling my Slave - 9/29/2008 7:08:25 AM

sirsholly

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rule
. If she does not obey, then usually the master is at fault for giving her a task that she is not capable to perform.

So what did you command her to do that she could not? Driving on the wrong side of the road?

quite the incorrect assumption here, Rule. There are other factors that can and often do play into it. If He gives me a command there is always a chance it will not be completed due to other events occuring. Is it his fault? No...of course not.

< Message edited by sirsholly -- 9/29/2008 7:11:31 AM >

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